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An Invitation You Don’t Want to Miss

Are you skimming this between meetings, or between changing diapers and fixing dinner?  Waiting in the carpool line?

You barely have time to take a quick glance at this post, and the last thing you want is to feel guilted with one more thing you should be doing or not doing. I hear you sister. You’re desperate for a little encouragement or a hack to do EVERYTHING FASTER.  Sometimes the thing you long for the most is the hardest to make time for.

Invitation to Retreat is a new book by Ruth Hayley Barton. It’s a timely, tall drink of cold, refreshing water – permission to stop, withdraw, and gulp God’s goodness. It’s an invitation to choose the counter-cultural way of slowing and silence instead of stress and striving in our own power. It could be seen as just an advertisement for a Transforming Center retreat (which would not be a bad thing), but it is so much more. Whether you use this book as a resource for a classic retreat, or use it to inform your daily and weekly spiritual rhythms, it has tremendous value.

One of the images I love most from Ruth is that of retreat as strategic withdrawal from the battle lines. Whether we are paying attention or not, we are all in a spiritual battle. Ruth writes:

“We often see this (retreat) as a negative thing; however, military retreat can also be a wise tactic – an opportunity to rest the troops and tend to their wounds, to stop the enemy’s momentum, or to step back to get a panoramic view of what’s going on and set new strategies.”

Each chapter is relevant to retreat, but also contains valuable insights that are transferable to  everyday life. For example, who of us can’t relate to the daily need to relinquish false-self patterns –  identity dependent on what we do rather than being Jesus’ beloved?

“The cure for too-much-to-do is solitude and silence, for there you find you are safely more than what you do….That harassing, hovering feeling of ‘have to’ largely comes from the vacuum in your soul, where you ought to be at home with your Father in His kingdom.”

I also found great challenge and encouragement in chapters on Discernment, Recalibration, and Spiritual Freedom.

Ruth quotes Henri Nouwen saying,

“‘Maybe my own deep-rooted fear of being on my own and alone kept me going from person to person, book to book and school to school, anxiously avoiding the pain of accepting responsibility for my own life.’” Then she adds, “On retreat we stop avoiding the pain of the disconnect between our deepest desires and the way we are actually living.”

Today you may be overwhelmed with “to-do’s”. Instead, I pray you will hear the gentle invitation of Jesus to come away with Him, back to your true self, beloved whether the meeting tanks, or dinner is mac ‘n cheese out of a box, or you forget to pick up a kid at soccer.

“Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while.” Mark 6:31

Remember…If you want to post a comment and you receive this by email, just click on the title and it will take you to the website where you can share your thoughts!

3 Life-giving Choices to Make in a Season of Change

I glimpse a small patch of bright fire red in the middle of still-green maple leaves as I bike around the lake near my house. It’s not cold yet, but there’s a change in the air. The mornings are cooler and it takes all day for the sun to warm the earth, barely struggling up to the high for the day, like a middle school boy trying to do chin-ups, then sliding quickly back down. Yellow buses lumber through the neighborhood and we notice that dusk tiptoes in earlier. I smile at “bouquets of freshly sharpened pencils”. I want to light candles, make soup, bake muffins. Things are changing.

Whether you’re back to packing lunches and driving carpools, or adjusting to a new baby in your home, or anticipating a change in employment, moving to a new city, or trying to accept a “new normal” without a loved-one, Fall marks a season of change. And even good change can be hard.

For us, we’re in a bittersweet season of “lasts” as we anticipate transitioning out of ministry at the church where we’ve served for almost 30 years – last kick-off Sunday, last Thanksgiving, last Christmas… We look forward, “adventurously expectant” (Romans 8:15 MSG) to what God has next for us, but still… It’s got me reflecting on how to “choose life”(Deuteronomy 13:19) while also in the midst of grieving that inevitably comes with change. Here are three practices I’m engaging in:

  1. Honor traditions.

In seasons of change, traditions are comforting and reassuring.  Throughout Scripture God institutes festivals and celebrations that are woven into the rhythm of the year. One of our traditions through the years as our daughters were growing up, was a “first day of school dinner” to which we invited two single friends on staff to join our family. They are like surrogate aunties for our girls. We always have homemade chicken pot pie and share “first day” highlights. Our girls are grown and living far away now, but their “aunties” are still here and so we gathered a couple weeks ago for the traditional dinner, sharing memories and laughter with thanksgiving. What traditions can you continue to embrace (or even create) during a season of change?

2. Reflect on relationships.

Change in location or circumstances often means change in relationships. Some people you’ve seen regularly will seemingly vanish from your everyday life. Transition is a good time to do a relational Examen. Reflect on the people in your life. Are there any relationships where there might be unresolved issues?  Are there questions that you need to ask?  Romans 12:18 is a good guide: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Recently, God convicted me that there was a past relationship where I hadn’t sufficiently checked in to make sure there wasn’t unspoken pain. I felt like maybe I hadn’t adequately cared for this person in her time of transition, so I set up a coffee to ask how she felt. Is there someone you’ve been too busy to see in this new season? Might they be hurt?

3. Focus on the unchanging character of God.

Speak gratitude. Some things don’t change. God is faithful. What are the attributes of God, the glimpses of grace and goodness you can call out each day as a counter-weight to the circumstances which may feel out of control or stressful in seasons of change? If you have kids, can you share “God-sightings” around the dinner table? Or journal about them? Or have a texting agreement with a friend – each of you texting how you remember God’s attributes each day?

TheplansoftheLord stand firm forever, the purposes ofhis heart through all generations. Psalm 33:11

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

So, those are my thoughts on what helps when change seems to throw me a loop. What about YOU?? What would you share? If you receive this in email, just click on the title at the top and it will take you to the host site where you can leave a comment.

And…Just for a fun bonus, here’s the chicken pot pie recipe I use 🙂

Crust

1 box Pillsbury refrigerated pie crusts, softened as directed on box

Filling

1/3 cup butter
1/3 cup chopped onion
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 3/4 cups chicken broth (from 32-oz carton)
1/2 cup milk
2 1/2 cups shredded cooked chicken (I splurge on rotisserie chicken already deboned)
2 cups frozen mixed vegetables, thawed
** I usually cut down on either the broth or the milk, and I add about a Tablespoon of “Better than Boullion organic chicken base”
Can also add sautéed mushrooms.
Steps
  • 1 Heat oven to 425°F. Make pie crusts as directed on box for Two-Crust Pie using 9-inch glass pie pan. (I pre-cook the bottom crust for about 10 minutes so it doesn’t get soggy with the filling)
  • 2 In 2-quart saucepan, melt butter over medium heat. Add onion; cook 2 minutes, stirring frequently, until tender. Stir in flour, salt and pepper until well blended. Gradually stir in broth and milk, cooking and stirring until bubbly and thickened.
  • 3 Stir in chicken and mixed vegetables. Remove from heat. Spoon chicken mixture into crust-lined pan. Top with second crust; seal edge and flute. Cut slits in several places in top crust.
  • 4 Bake 30 to 40 minutes or until crust is golden brown. During last 15 to 20 minutes of baking, cover crust edge with strips of foil to prevent excessive browning. Let stand 5 minutes before serving.

 

Catching up on One Word

Are any of you familiar with the Enneagram? Well if you are, I’m a “7” which means I get distracted by ALL OF THE THINGS! Especially in the summer when there’s just so much awesomeness to see and do! Even if you’re not a 7 or whatever, maybe you can relate.

Summer is distracting in the best way possible. Our routines change. We’re outside 24/7 here in Minnesota because, winter. There are lakes and bide rides and cookouts and travel and tennis and bonfires… And then there’s some other writing and speaking I’ve been doing. Anyway, that’s my excuse for neglecting the blog for awhile. I’m guessing you’ve been so busy you haven’t missed it.

So let’s catch up a little. I missed the One Word Prompt for July and August. How’s that going? Here’s a challenge for September:

  • Who is someone who models your word? In whom do you see joy or patience or fruitfulness or whatever?
  • Ask them out to coffee and talk to them about how they have seen God grow them in that area.

My One Word is “fruit” and more specifically “patience”. Fortunately I’m married to the most patient person I know. I realized I can be learning from him!  I asked him how he does it (apart from the work of the Holy Spirit) and he said years ago he recognized that he didn’t like seeing impatience in others and so he decided to basically “fake it” til he made it. He decided to act like a patient person until he actually felt patient. True patience grew in him over time.

!

How are you doing? What can you celebrate today? Maybe join Paul in saying;

I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Philippians 3:14

How to Have a Hard Conversation

We all have our stuff, right? The steep learning curve stuff. The stuff we’re not good at and would like to run from. For most of us, loving confrontation is one of those things. It seems that lately I’ve been in more conversations than ever about this and how we can do it well. I went back to this post from a few years ago and thought it was worth looking at again.

Recently we met for dinner with a young couple we love whose marriage is in crisis.

Another friend’s teenage son entered rehab.

Two friends had to fire employees.

One needs to break up with her boyfriend.

AAAAARRRGGGHHH!  For the love of world peace!

In each of these situations a crucial conversation (or series of them) was called for.  Conversations where emotions ran high.  Sometimes there was a difference of opinion.   Perhaps there was hard truth that needed to be clearly, but gently communicated.

John and I often repeat something our friend Nancy Beach once said: “Leadership is a series of hard conversations.”  I think that might as well be “LIFE is a series of hard conversations.”

In August we took a large group from our church to the annual Leadership Summit at Willow Creek.  The most pertinent talk for many of us was called “Crucial Conversations” by Joseph Grenny.

He said, any time you find yourself stuck, there are crucial conversations you’re not having, or not having well. Continue reading

A One Word Challenge for June

You know something I think many of us aren’t good at as Christians? Celebrating.

I think we’re pretty good at beating ourselves up, and judging others, comparing with others, and rationalizing stuff, but enjoying small wins where we see God at work bringing about change in our lives? Not so much.

I feel guilty and self-conscious noting accomplishments. Pride goes before a fall and all that. (Proverbs 16:18)

But the Bible talks about celebrations, festivals, and feasts. They are meant to generate thanksgiving, mindfulness, and praise of the Lord. The difference between patting ourselves on the back and what God describes in His Word is the orientation. Here are just a few examples.

Celebrate God. Sing together—everyone! All you honest hearts, raise the roof! Psalm 32:11

“This will be a memorial day for you; you will celebrate it as a festival to God down through the generations.” Exodus 12:14

Dress your priests up in salvation clothes, let your holy people celebrate goodness. 2 Chronicles6:41

Hezekiah and the congregation celebrated: God had established a firm foundation for the lives of the people—and so quickly! 2 Chronicles 29:36

Is my celebration all about me, Me, ME, or am I acknowledging God’s gracious work in my life?

It’s June. We’re halfway through 2018. Most of us who chose One Word have been at least vaguely aware of it. I’ve posted a kick in the pants at the beginning of each month to try to help us cooperate with the work God may want to do in our lives around the word we chose. But this month, let’s celebrate! What is at least one small win you can thank God for? 

Post a “win” in the comments. If you receive this through email all you need to do is click on the title. It will take you to the post and you just scroll down to leave a comment. If you haven’t commented before, it won’t show up immediately, but don’t worry, it will eventually! 

I’ll go first. My word is “fruit” as in the “fruit of the spirit”. Specifically I’m challenged with the patience and perseverance required to finish scary, challenging, long-term tasks. Reminding myself that it is the all-powerful spirit of God in me that enables this, instead of my own grit alone, helps. It also helps to remember my “why”. One of my small wins was persevering through technical challenges and finishing my first freebie (You can click here to get it.) with automated follow up welcome emails. The reason this is important is because I want to get life-giving resources into your hands and to build relationships – to reassure you this is a safe, and nurturing place to connect with Jesus and others.

Ok, your turn! What win can you celebrate?

 

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How Can I Hear God’s Voice?

This spring I visited a small group of our church’s High School Junior girls. They had a bunch of questions and their leader was kind enough to think I might have some credibility with them.

They asked all the usual stuff about why bad things happen to good people, and gay marriage, and conflict, but at the very end, one of the girls said, “Why doesn’t God speak the way He used to in the Old Testament?”

I think what she really wanted to know was, “Is this bigger than big creator of the universe, also close? Does He still care about talking to little ol’ me, or does a person need to be Moses to hear from Him?”

Continue reading

Books, Recipes, and Resources To Refresh You This Summer!

Woohooo! Summer finally arrived in Minnesota! April 15th we had a blizzard, and May  25th we had 90 degree plus temperatures. Oh Minnesota, you keep us on our toes! When summer finally arrives, cabins open and church attendance drops by one million percent because no one wants go go indoors ever. And it’s all good. We play hard while we can.

Summer is my jam. I feel more fully alive than any other time of year. Summer is lakes and biking and picnics and good books and refreshment. So I thought I’d share a few of my favorite things from the past month.

First, books. But even before that, a disclaimer: I find it really hard to review books because we all read through the lenses of our age, experience, and current circumstances. Something I think is “Meh” you may think changed your life. Ok, onward…

Continue reading

2 Guiding Principles for Tough Seasons of Leadership

“Leadership is a series of hard conversations.” A friend of ours said this to us years ago, and it has proven to be uncomfortably true.

Sometimes we’re on the initiating end of the hard conversation, sometimes on the receiving end. Many times both.

Sometimes people are observing hard conversations from afar and feel the need to pass judgment.

In ministry leadership, we invest more deeply, and get hurt more profoundly…Maybe it’s because of our perceptions of what love should look like – all grace no truth. Maybe it’s because we feel a deeper connection to each other in the Body of Christ, and therefore have a deeper sense of betrayal when we’re on the receiving end of a hard conversation. Maybe it’s because we’re all so, so human and as hard as we try, We. All. Mess. Up.

Recently my husband and I have been in a windstorm – on both the initiating end, and the receiving end of hard conversations, all of us doing our best.

Can I suggest two principles as we all walk through leadership challenges and hard conversations in different contexts?

Continue reading

Mothers or Not Day

For most women the challenge of living through Mother’s Day joyfully each year is pretty much like getting out of Target without spending at least one hundred and seventy-nine dollars. It’s a unicorn. A pipe dream.

It tends to bring up ALL OF THE FEELS. Yes, joy, but also, lament, shame, longing, anger, fatigue…

There are single women who long to have a husband and kids, and married women trying desperately to get pregnant when each month, they cry in the bathroom with evidence that denies it.

There are kids of all ages who have lost their mothers, or have strained relationships with their moms.

There are moms with kids who are prodigals, far from home, and moms whose children have died, and mothers whose kids are struggling with emotional, physical, or intellectual challenges.

There are mamas who are overwhelmed with littles, who feel like every other mom is Mary Poppins, and they’re the only one without a magical carpet bag of tricks.

And others who feel guilty that they should feel more grateful, but Just. Feel. Tired.

These are legit.

Jesus says “Come to Me… with all of it. I am your safe place, your refuge, your cheerleader, your comforter. And like a loving parent holding us, He pats us gently and says “I’m here…I’m here…It’s gonna be ok. You’re doing great. Just hang on.”

Maybe we could find some way to say that to each other this Mother’s Day?

 

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A Catalytic One Word Prompt for May

Did you choose One Word for the year way back in January? Do you remember it?  I’m posting a One Word exercise at the beginning of each month that may help as we try to cooperate with God’s work in our life.  If you want to look at the first three prompts, look here , here and here

This past Sunday I preached on Jesus being tempted by Satan in the wilderness. There is so much in this passage, but the overwhelming message is that we each face our own wilderness – places of temptation. We are in a battle, but God has equipped us for it. The one offensive weapon He gives us is “the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God” (Ephesians 6:1). So… a question:

Are we effectively using God’s Word to grow in our One Word?

My idea for this month is to find a verse or passage to personalize and memorize that may help us in this journey of transformation. So my one word is “fruit”. I found these verses in Psalm 1 and have personalized them.

My delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and I meditate on his law day and night. I am
   like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season. Psalm 1:2-3

Confession: I work hard at it, but I’m a terrible memorizer. Can I share a resource that’s been hugely helpful to me? It’s called Scripture Typer   You can input the verses you want to memorize and it takes you through a process where you type the verse with it in front of you first, then with some words missing, and then from memory. It saves and tracks your progress. As a visual learner it’s been great for me. Check it out!

AND…I’d LOVE for you to share your verses in the comments below!

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