Tag: plan b

4 Things to Do When You Feel Lost

May 22, 2019 /

Recently we were traveling in England and Scotland. During a two-week timeframe we missed one train, and got off of another train at the (WAY) wrong stop. This was John’s fault, but I wasn’t paying attention and blindly followed him onto the rainy platform in “the middle of nowhere”. I also walked 2 miles in the exact wrong direction trying to find a town that was as illusive as Brigadoon.

We have a saying in our family: Often wrong, never uncertain!

Bottom line: Sometimes we don’t end up where we thought we’d be.

This past week a close friend died suddenly, leaving his family reeling with a new normal they never expected. They feel “in the middle of nowhere.”

Maybe you too are where you never thought you’d be. Maybe you’re

  • Getting intervention help for a child who is not developing at the rate doctors say he or she should.
  • Going to therapy for a marriage in crisis instead of planning an anniversary celebration.
  • Struggling with more month than money and wondering if you need to get a job outside the home.
  • Grieving a miscarriage or planning a funeral instead of a birth or birthday party.

Our travel misadventures got me thinking about what we learned there that can be applied to the many “plan b” life situations we find ourselves in.

  1. Ask for help. People are predisposed to want to help you get where you’re going, to encourage with “Yes! Just a bit further. This is the right road!” or to say, “You’re not too far off.” or “The next train will be along shortly.

A friend found out 2 weeks before her fourth child was born that he would have Downs Syndrome and would probably need heart surgery. This was an unexpected shock. Life changed drastically, but she reached out to others around the country who are parents of kids with special needs and got both advice and invaluable support. We need to remember that God has given us companions for the journey.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NLT

2. Be where your feet are. Look around you. Be honest about the frustration of where you are, but also ask “What is there to be thankful for?” Right now. Right here.

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

1st Thessalonians 5:18 NLT

3. Learn from the detour. Who are you becoming? How might this path be shaping you? Might God be teaching you dependence on Him, patience, grace?

 Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it’s your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.

1 Peter 1:7 MSG

4. Live “top down”. When we live “bottom up” we start with our circumstances and project onto God. If our circumstances are good, God must be good. If our circumstances are bad, God must be bad. When we live “top down” we start with the character of God and interpret our circumstances in light of that truth.

We trust that He sees what we don’t see. He knows what we don’t know. He is good no matter what. He is good at being God.

My help and glory are in God
    —granite-strength and safe-harbor-God—
So trust him absolutely, people;
    lay your lives on the line for him.
    God is a safe place to be.

Psalm 62:7-8 MSG

Are you feeling like you’re “in the middle of nowhere”? These 4 suggestions may not make the loss less painful, but which might help?

As always, I’d love to hear from you! If you get this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the site where you can post a comment. If it’s your first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away! And if you’re interested in some smaller doses of inspiration, join me over on Instagram. (You can turn on “notifications” in the upper right-hand corner if you want to know when there is a post.)

Also, check out this free spiritual reflection exercise to help you thrive in a Plan B life! Click here: http://eepurl.com/drwvSv

The Secret Mary Knew About Thriving in a Plan B Life

April 16, 2018 /

It’s the day before Easter as I write this, and I’ve been thinking about Mary.

Mary, the mama to Jesus. The one who, as a teenager was probably zoned out, day-dreaming about her fiancé and the cozy family life they’d have together with a passel of kids and a dog and a minivan, when a crazy heavenly disrupter showed up and announced Plan B. He tells her a lot of blow-her-mind stuff like she’s pregnant with the Messiah even though she’s not married, and she’s poor, and a “no-one”. But she knows her Lord intimately enough to trust Him. And she says,

“I am a servant of the Lord; let this happen to me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38)

Did she have any idea what she was agreeing to? Did she mourn the loss of her Plan A that day?

She knew she was giving up the dream of a traditional marriage and pregnancy, but did she still envision a normal family life with Jesus as her son?

We think of Jesus in the garden before death, praying and saying, “Not my will but Yours.” but how many times did Mary have to pray that throughout her life?

When his brothers were jealous? When people mocked Him? When He did things she didn’t understand? When He was arrested and nailed to a cross? What of these things would Mary have chosen as her Plan A?

I’m betting that not one person reading this is living the “Plan A” life they envisioned. Even if you’ve had a pretty drama-free life, something is different than you imagined.

Continue reading

Thriving in a Plan B Life

January 9, 2018 /

The other day I wanted to throw something.  Or have a pity party that would involve eating lots of Patticake (from YUM!) with Cookie Dough ice cream.

And I couldn’t figure out why.

Until the late afternoon when it hit me.  I was cranky because I felt out of control.

Can you relate?  Maybe just a little bit?

You’ve had days like this when you were planning an outside activity and it’s minus seventy billion degrees,

and a friend who’s made a commitment to be somewhere backs out,

and a kid gets sick, and that thing that was promised is late,

and people don’t realize how lucky they are to have you around.

Big stuff and little stuff can throw us.

A lost job.

A freak accident.

Public criticism

Bottom line?  You feel powerless and you feel like you’re living a Plan B life, and you don’t like it.

Not one bit.

It feels like everyone else in the universe has power and they’re using it to wreck your day.  Can I get an “Amen!”?

But what if…

Continue reading

Worst. Parents. Ever.

December 6, 2016 /

Do you ever feel this way? Like you must be the worst parents ever?

Do you feel like you’re perpetually living a Plan B Christmas? Like NOTHING is going right?

Amazon was out of the Syma S107 Remote Control Helicopter so your child will probably have to be in therapy because they will be warped – devastated by disappointment, and labeled with a huge L.

You ran out of time, so instead of homemade cookies for the Christmas pageant reception you ran through Target to scoop up some store-bought ones, which actually took you an hour and 17 minutes (almost as long as it would have taken you to bake them).

Decorating the Christmas tree was supposed to be a fun family activity, but your 4-year-old swooped around the tree in his superman costume and knocked off two of the heirloom ornaments from your mother, breaking them into tiny pieces which the dog immediately ate. You’re still cleaning up glittery dog vomit.

You’re not alone.

Have you ever thought that maybe Mary and Joseph felt like the worst parents ever?

Trying to adapt to a Plan B life, they’ve absorbed the loss of a traditional wedding and “It’s a Wonderful Life” family.

Now they’ve had 9 months to adjust to the news that Mary is growing, you know… GOD in her womb, and like any expectant parents they’re probably nervous but preparing to do their best.

Maybe Joseph has made a cradle. Maybe Mary’s mom is ready to come and help out when the baby arrives. They probably have a PLAN for Pete’s sake!

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I’m guessing that walking 90 miles from Nazareth to Bethlehem to register for the census was not part of their plan.

What do you think they felt as they traveled? Did their fear of the unknown come out sideways in anger or impatience with each other? Did their out-of-controlness in the big things cause them to be controlling with each other in the little things?

Maybe Mary figured that since she was carrying royalty, God would alert others in Bethlehem and someone would put her up in a beautiful home. Nope. Didn’t happen.

Did they hope that at least Plan B would include a modest room and a little privacy?  No luck there either.

In the stable – stinky, dirty, crowded, what were they thinking? Were they feeling like the worst parents ever?

We can’t know the anguished labor pains that may have come from Mary, or the desperate pleas that Joseph may have given for help because they aren’t recorded.

Did they felt confidently carried in the will of God, or did they felt panicky, like when company shows up early and you’re not ready?

What we do know is this. They did what they could. They accepted the unexpected with commitment and creativity. And that’s all we can do as parents.

“Help” is a prayer that is always answered. It doesn’t matter how you pray–with your head bowed in silence, or crying out in grief, or dancing. Churches are good for prayer, but so are garages and cars and mountains and showers and dance floors. Years ago I wrote an essay that began, “Some people think that God is in the details, but I have come to believe that God is in the bathroom.” – Anne Lamott

God is with you. In the dirty stable, or the bathroom or when you think you’re going to lose it with your mother-in-law.

You aren’t the worst parent ever. But you’re not the best parent ever either, because He is.

 

The Lyrics to a Plan B Christmas

December 16, 2015 /

It was a Plan B Christmas moment. And an emotional one. Our church staff and spouses gathered around the piano singing Christmas carols.

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I was transported back to my childhood when every year we had the tradition of gathering at my aunt and uncle’s house with relatives young and old. After dinner at the looooong table stretched with many leaves and augmented with card tables attached, we’d move to the piano.

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Today, at least four people are missing from this picture including my brother. Maybe your pictures are missing some people this year too. It’s a Plan B Christmas.

Now here’s the thing. I come from a musical family. We had cousins and uncles playing french horn, trumpet, trombone. My grandfather played the violin. Aunts and cousins played the piano. I think for a few years there was a flute thrown in. Maybe an oboe.

I had nothing to add but my barely adequate voice added to those who were able to actually, you know… harmonize. (That’s me in the middle back in holiday pigtails 🙂 )

But I didn’t need a song sheet. I know virtually every word of every carol in the book. (Yes, even Angels From the Realms of Glory). The Christmas lyrics are part of my faith vocabulary, because my family sang them over me, and into me, and with me.

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When we’re tempted to get caught up in our Plan B story, Christmas lyrics remind us of THE Story – the bigger one we’re a part of. Continue reading

How do we Live a Plan B Christmas?

December 14, 2015 /

Last week I had the privilege of speaking at a women’s event in the Chicago area. As I prepared, I felt prompted to speak on kind of a strange topic for Christmas: Fear.

AKA worry, anxiety, angst, hot messiness…

The shepherds, Mary, Joseph, Zechariah… To each of them an angel says, “Don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid. Don’t. be. afraid.”

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It’s the most often repeated command in the Bible so I’m thinking there must be a lot of people dealing with it, right?

Fear is a weird emotion to associate with Christmas, but as I reflect on the shepherds, Mary, Zechariah and Joseph, it isn’t “CHRISTMAS” they are experiencing; it’s just LIFE – their ordinary, everyday walking around life.

And they lose any illusion of control, any illusion of “life as we know it” the moment an angel shows up, right?!!

LIFE isn’t going according to their plans.

They are living a life interrupted.

They are forced to adapt to a Plan B life.

The Plan B life may not be as safe, or predictable, or comfortable, or boring as they’d like, because there are new circumstances. But more than that, there’s a new character in their story. The main character has arrived; the messiah cleverly disguised as a baby in the muck and mess of a manger.

How many of us are living our Plan A life? Really.

  • You thought you’d have your dream job by now and you don’t.
  • You thought you’d be pregnant and you’re not.
  • You thought you’d he’d live and but he died.
  • You thought you’d be married by now and you’re not.

Plan B. Life is not going as we thought. Or hoped. Or dreamed.

But the main character, a baby has entered our Plan B life to be with us; to redeem and restore and make the story come out right in the end. 

Aaaannnd…spoiler alert: Love wins.

But how do we get from the fear or anxiety that comes with Plan B to the joy promised to all of us? Continue reading

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