Tag: listening (Page 1 of 3)

Holding My Breath and 3 Selah Prompts

June 2, 2022 /

It’s summertime, which for me conjures up memories of being at the “Lake House” with my cousins, perpetually in a wet swim suit, rarely out of the lake.  One of the many games we would play was “who-can-hold-their-breath-longest-without-dying”.

Ok, it wasn’t a real active game, but you know…simple pleasures.  And nobody actually died so our parents considered it a win.

Sometimes, as adults, without even thinking about it, we play life like the  “who-can-hold-their-breath-longest-without-dying” game.

When I started running, I became much more aware of the importance of rhythm and rest, and basics. Like breathing.  And not holding our breath til we, you know, pass out.

This is not about Sabbath, but Selah. Selah is a term used mostly in the Psalms and a few times in Habbakuk that is a bit of a mystery.  Scholars aren’t positive what it means, but they think it means “rest” or “pause”.

Mark Batterson says, like in music, if Sabbath is a full rest, maybe Selah is a sixteenth rest.  A chance to catch your breath.

Or maybe Selah is the life jacket that helps us pop up above the water of everyday stress.

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If, as Eugene Peterson says, Sabbath is a day of “shutting down and shutting up.” maybe Selah moments are those in your day where you stop to think about breathing.  Reorient, and remember that you’re not in control, but you know the One who is.

Maybe Selah is a chance to:

  • Let go.  Unclench your hands and surrender to the one who is God since we are not.  I have to pray the Welcoming Prayer as a reminder to myself:  “Holy Spirit, I let go of my need for approval.  Welcome.  I let go of my need for power and control.  Welcome.  I let go of my need to change any person, circumstance or emotion.  Welcome.”
  • Look. “Look at the birds of the air…” Pay attention to the miracles all around.   I’m trying to be disciplined in stopping, standing still outside and looking around, praying:  “Creator God, thank you for…”

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  • Listen.  Our speaking comes out of our listening.  What we say comes out of what we hear.  We can pray: “Lord, what do you have to say to me about Yourself and myself today?”  Listen to words about God’s character in Psalm 46 where Selah is written in the margin in most translations after verse 3.

Mark Buchanan put it this way: When we don’t rest we’re in danger of letting ourselves be “consumed by the things that feed the ego but starve the soul.”

Stopping to breathe in the goodness and sufficiency of God gives oxygen to our souls.

Selah.

You don’t have to hold your breath all day.  Consider setting an alarm on your phone to remind you to stop and breathe. (Isn’t it crazy how natural that is for kids?  And puppies?  They delight in the breaths of each moment.)

What does Selah look like for you?

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This is an edited repost from the past.  Because I need to remind myself to breathe 🙂

What is the Invitation of God for You in This Season?

July 10, 2020 /

Once a year we would make the trek from the suburbs of Chicago to this hot humid wonderland where we would get sweaty playing softball in the yard, and then spend hours in the pool playing Marco Polo.

You remember that game, right? The person who’s “IT” closes their eyes and yells, “Marco!”

All the other players, scattered around the pool, have to respond, “Polo!” and the person who’s IT tries to catch one of them by swimming/lunging quickly through the water to the sound of their voice.

To this day, if Katy, Maggie or I get separated from each other in a store, we’ll call out, “Marco!” and wait for the others to respond, “Polo!” so we can find each other. (Yes, we get some weird looks).

The other day after I heard Pete Wynter from HTB say, “Covid has been an INVITATION, not just an INTERRUPTION.” After reflecting, I posted on Instagram, some of the invitations I recognize in this season and one of them is a Marco Polo type invitation.

I believe it’s an invitation to silence the divisive voices of the politicians and the haters for a time and call out “Jesus!”

Then be still and listen for His response. Maybe He’ll call back to you through His Word, or with a whisper, “Here I am. Come this way.”

How will you know it’s Him?

His voice is always alined with Scripture.

His voice is always consistent with love.

His voice may not always agree with you, but it is life-giving.

If He speaks conviction it will be to draw you back to Himself with grace and forgiveness, not shame.

As I was thinking about the invitation to listen for God’s voice, I heard this song from Amanda Lindsey Cook. I pray it’s a gift for your weekend.

Some things you can’t know till you’re still
In the silence
Where your spinning thoughts slow down
In the stillness

Two Important Questions to Ask of People Different From Us

January 6, 2020 /

Some things are just tough.

Like figuring out why people are fascinated with the Kardashians, or how to fold fitted sheets, or what makes some people able to eat a kabillion Trader Joe’s dark chocolate covered almonds with sea salt and not gain a pound.

Or, you know…how to achieve peace between all the people in all the places.

When it comes to the Middle East I keep wanting to say, “Lord I’m a bear of Very Little Brain” like Winnie the Pooh.

I have a long way to go, but God is patient and often a theme gradually emerges.

The truest thing I’m learning about peace is that keeping people at a distance makes it easy to demonize them.

But coming close topples the walls of misunderstanding.

This morning God reinforced this as I re-read the story of when God comes close to Hagar.

Sarah, wife of Abraham, mistreated Hagar, the surrogate “wife” who runs away into the desert, (Sounds like “Real Wives of the Middle East”, right?)

Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar each have a story.  Each are seen and loved by God. But they have trouble seeing and loving each other.

In the desert and in her pain, God meets Hagar and models something I’m thinking I can learn from (even with my little bear brain).

Even though Abraham and Sarah only call Hagar “servant”, God calls her by name.

He sees her!  (16:13)

And He asks her two questions:

Where have you come from?

and

Where are you going?

Traveling in the Middle East I’ve learned that everyone has a story of injustices that have happened in the past, and everyone is trying to hold on to their hopes for a future.

As we try to draw close and understand those who are different from us, whether it’s Israeli’s and Palestinians or Republicans and Democrats, gay and straight, I wonder if learning someone’s name, looking them in the eye and asking them questions like these is a place to start…

Who might you ask today:  Where have you come from?  Where do you want to go?

 

The Biggest Mystery of my Life with God

August 5, 2019 /

Prayer. I do it. I grow from it. I can’t “figure it out”.

Prayer is the biggest mystery of my life with God.

  • If God knows everything, why take the time to tell Him what’s on my mind?
  • If God knows what’s best and I desire His will above all, what does it matter what I want?
  • I have complete faith that God can do anything, but who am I to pray with the assurance that He will do what I ask?
  • Why did God choose to miraculously heal my friend, but not my brother even though the same body of believers were praying with faith for both?

Can you relate?

In the end, the reason I pray is to draw close to God and bring my will in line with His. We want to develop an

…attentiveness to God that is so intimate that over time we develop an intuitive sense of God’s heart and purpose in any given moment. We become familiar with God’s voice—the tone, quality, and content—just as we become familiar with the voice of a human being we know well. 

Ruth Hayley Barton

So anyway, my small group decided to read “Letters to Malcom, Chiefly on Prayer” this summer.

Let me just say that it is…deep. It may not be the book we should have picked to make everything simple and clear. This was our text chain last week.

Although prayer is still a mystery, experimenting and sharing our experiences has been helpful. So I thought I’d invite you to virtually join our little band of merry women.

3 Things We’ve identified that we’re not good at (there’s a lot more, but let’s start with 3):

  1. Listening is part of prayer and we’re not good at it.
  2. We’re also not good at confession.
  3. Integrating prayer into the ordinary moments of daily life is hard and we’re not good at that either.

What about you?

Here’s a practice that we did together:

Remember the acronym ACTS? Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication? Well, what if we added L – listening? (My friend said now we’ll pronounce it “axle”). Here’s an exercise we tried together:

Close your eyes and think of one specific prayer concern.

Start by offering prayers of adoration – How is God’s character sufficient for this specific concern?

Next, consider confession related to your prayer burden. Maybe you need to confess that you don’t have faith for this concern, or that you have been striving and trying to control the outcome, or that you have made an idol of the desire in your heart.

Thanksgiving. What can you thank God for in the waiting? What has He already provided?

Supplication. Just lay out what is on your heart.

Listening. Be still for several minutes. Don’t try to manufacture anything. I’ve found that often God brings to mind an image or vision in these moments, but sometimes He’ll bring Scripture to mind. Other times, crickets. Nothing. But that’s ok. You are putting yourself in God’s presence.

 Perhaps your own reiterated cries deafen you to the voice you hoped to hear. 

C.S. Lewis

I was praying for a friend’s marriage, so here’s my example:

Lord, you are our Creator. You made us for relationship with you and each other. I praise you for your good plans for us. I praise you for your wisdom that you make available to us. You are our Protector, a shield around us.

I confess that I often worry about my friends’ marriage and strive to manage or give advice instead of entrusting them to you. Forgive me for trying to do your job in this and other situations.

Thank you Father, that my friends know you as their Lord and Savior. Thank you that they have healthy role models. Thank you that they are committed to you and each other. Thank you that you have provided them with resources for counsel.

Lord, I pray that you would put a hedge of protection around this couple. Don’t let the devil get a foothold in their marriage. Guard them from temptation and self-centeredness. Draw them to yourself. Please bring greater understanding and love in their relationship. In the strong name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

As I was silent and “listened”, the Lord didn’t bring words to mind, but instead an image of Him gently tucking my friends in with love.

How do you feel about prayer?

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What to Do When a Friend is in the Depths of Despair

December 5, 2018 /

Tonight is a Christmas candlelight service at our church. Those who are grieving, gather in the darkness, remembering loved ones, present to the loss we’ve experienced, but also clinging to the hope Jesus offers. Emmanuel. God with us. Even in the dark.

It is quiet, and sacred, and to me, feels like a warm comforter on a snowy night.

But it brings to mind a conversation that I had in October with a friend who is mourning.

“I’m here! Yesterday I couldn’t get out of bed. I’ve lost my capacity to engage, concentrate or make decisions.  It’s easier to succumb to the isolation than to fight to justify my pain out in the open.  Let’s count today, sitting in a restaurant with you a win.”

I sit across the table from my friend of almost 30 years, autumnal salads with apples and craisins between us. I listen as she catches me up on the losses she’s experienced over the past year and a half since her husband died suddenly.

“I don’t know who I am anymore.  Life and everyone in it is moving on. People wave goodbye from bright shiny trains, I no longer have a ticket to ride. All I can do is watch them go; disappear into a future I cannot see.”

Three hours later I feel like we’re both exhausted from trying to process the overwhelming pain she’s enduring.

“I know people mean well, but I’m tired of ‘How are you?’” she says as she dispiritedly picks at her salad.

“When I respond authentically, and say, ‘As bad as you imagine or maybe worse’, I watch their hope get swallowed up by disappointment.”  

“Don’t ask if you don’t want to know. I’m angry that it feels like it’s not ok to not be ok. I’M NOT OK and my kids are not ok.” 

Anne of Green Gables would say she’s “In the depths of despair.” Only Anne was being overly dramatic and this is real life trauma.

Even Jesus, when in the depths of despair, turns not only to His heavenly Father, but also His community. In the Garden of Gethsemane He’s very vulnerable. He says to those closest to Him, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow.” and He names what He needs from His community.

“Stay here and keep watch with me.” 

Notice He doesn’t ask them to fix or give advice, just sit with Him in His anguish. This is soooo hard for us isn’t it? We’re DO-ERS! We want to alleviate our friend’s pain, and doing something also makes us feel better about ourselves dontcha know!

“Christ came so that we might share in his resurrection life. But first, He invites us into a co-suffering relationship. This means death, and for us in this, death means releasing our right to have an answer and giving up our desire to be the hero.” Emily P. Freeman

One of the questions we can ask ourselves is “What does love require of me?” 

  • It may often require sitting with a friend and saying nothing, just listening deeply, nodding, or holding.
  • Love may ask us to pray silently or outloud, leaning on the Holy Spirit to give words to our groans on behalf of the other.
  • It may prompt us to validate the pain of our friend by echoing back what we’re hearing and acknowledging that everyone’s grief is unique.
  • Love may lead us to affirm the courage, authenticity, perseverance or other godly qualities we see in our friend even in a season when they feel confused and out of control.

What is your experience walking with friends in pain? Are you afraid of saying the wrong thing? What have you found that’s helpful?

Remember, we’d all love to hear your thoughts! Just click on the title of this post if you receive this by email and it will take you to the place where you can just scroll down to leave a comment. (Don’t worry if your comment doesn’t show up immediately…it will!)

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How Can I Hear God’s Voice?

May 31, 2018 /

This spring I visited a small group of our church’s High School Junior girls. They had a bunch of questions and their leader was kind enough to think I might have some credibility with them.

They asked all the usual stuff about why bad things happen to good people, and gay marriage, and conflict, but at the very end, one of the girls said, “Why doesn’t God speak the way He used to in the Old Testament?”

I think what she really wanted to know was, “Is this bigger than big creator of the universe, also close? Does He still care about talking to little ol’ me, or does a person need to be Moses to hear from Him?”

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The Six Hardest Words to Say to Each Other

May 23, 2017 /

In our marriage, John and I agree the six hardest words for us to say to each other are, “You were right.” (and even worse) “I was wrong.”

Or even “We were both right and we were both wrong.”

The thing is, not only are those words hard to say, it’s brutal work facing our own misperceptions and listening and getting to the place of being able to truly own the humility behind them.

A few people I know are in a bad spot right now. They are angry and hurt and sure that they are right and everyone else is wrong. They are so sure of their rightness, that they are not willing to talk or listen to anyone with a differing viewpoint.

If you’re reading this and your heart is racing, thinking “Is she writing about me???!!” The answer is yes. I’m writing about you (whoever you are). And me. And all of us.

Because who of us haven’t been in this spot from time to time – like a toddler with eyes squeezed shut and fists clenched, desperately in need of a “Settle down and take a time out until you’re yourself again.”

A few weeks ago I read the account of Saul’s conversion in Acts 9 in my devotional time and I have not been able to get one thought out of my mind.

Saul was PASSIONATELY religious. He was POSITIVE he was right and righteous and obedient to God as he persecuted Christians – eyes squeezed shut, fists clenched. Ironically he had to literally be blinded before he could recognize how spiritually blind he was. It was only when Jesus entered the picture that eventually his eyes were opened and he saw things differently. Slowly his hands and his heart opened to something new.

Here’s what I’ve been thinking about. What things are we SO SURE OF? Are there perceptions or judgments that, if we invited Jesus in, He might change our minds, and uncover blind spots? That feels scary and vulnerable and really uncomfortable.

I LOVE being right! There are times when I gather my righteous indignation around me like a comfy blanket on a cold dark night. I don’t like the thought that I might be wrong!

So….What do you feel self-righteous about? Who is someone you disagree with? What questions could you ask to better understand their perspective?

Today I pray: Lord your Word says our hearts are deceitful above all things. Only You can uncover my blind spots, my impure motives, my misperceptions, my self-righteousness. I desire to humble myself before You today. Search me and show me where I’m wrong…where I need to ask forgiveness…where I need new eyes to see.

Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
 See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24

Do You Feel Like You’re Wearing an Invisibility Cloak?

April 5, 2017 /

Do you ever feel like you’ve accidentally put on Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak?

A few years ago a couple of people made an appointment with me.  I didn’t know what their agenda was.  When we met all they did was ask me questions about a painful experience.

And then they listened.

And asked more questions.  And listened some more.

They asked, “and then what happened?” and “how did you feel?” and “oh no!” and “what can we do?” like it really made a difference to them.

And here’s the thing.  Yes, what was asked and answered was important, but the most transformative thing for our relationship was that when I walked away I didn’t feel invisible anymore.  It felt like I mattered.   What I thought, what I felt, the pain I had experienced made a difference to them.  Have you had an experience like this?

A few years ago my husband and I had the opportunity to spend some time with former President Clinton in a couple different contexts (no he would not remember my name!).  Regardless of what you think about his politics or his morals, here’s a man who makes people feel like they matter.

We were wrapping up an interview with him when he saw an African American guy with a saxophone that was about 189 years old in a back hallway.  Clinton got so excited asking this guy about the brand of sax he played, and the type he used to play, and the music he liked.  He laughed and they swapped sax stories and he asked questions and really listened.

Clinton was so present it was hard for his handlers to tear him away.  One of the most powerful men in the world.  And he was saying to this man, “I may be the president of the United States, but you matter too.”

This is Joe.

He’s a guy with Down’s Syndrome who has a great smile and a can-do spirit.  He’s the guy who sweeps the stairs at exactly the same time every morning at my health club.  When I first asked his name he looked scared, like he had done something wrong.

When I thank him each day for his great work he always looks a little surprised.  Today I took another step and asked him, “Joe, how long have you worked here?  Do you like your job?”

I’ve noticed Joe.  I’ve tried to let him know he matters.  But how many others do I miss during the day who are longing to be noticed?  Feeling like they’re accidentally wearing and invisibility cloak?

What if Jesus hadn’t looked up to see Zaccheus?  What if He hadn’t taken time to talk to the woman who touched the hem of His robe?

When is a time when someone made you feel like you mattered?  Who are the people you tend to overlook?  Who would feel affirmed if you asked a question and listened?

The One Practice You May Need Most This Week

February 5, 2017 /

How many of you are multi-tasking right now? Admit it…

You’re waiting in line at Starbucks, listening to the guy next to you talk about his favorite Super Bowl commercial, and scrolling through this post.

Or you have CNN on the TV, while you are eating a piece of toast, feeding your toddler, and clicking back and forth between this and Twitter. Right?

Me too.

I want to do and see and hear ALL OF THE THINGS. Now.

I have a busy mind and a serious case of FOMO.

Like gawkers at an accident, I’m also perversely attracted to what outrageous thing has been said or done in our unsettled (ahem…?) political climate.

The problem with this is that it makes for a lot of noise in my little brain. A lot of different voices vying for attention.

Silence may be the most important discipline you and I need this week.

No, I don’t mean not speaking up for those without a voice. I don’t mean abdicating our responsibility to speak truth.

I mean silence as in turning off the radio. Turning off the TV news. Turning away from Twitter.

I mean making space for God. Leaning in to hear His whispers instead of the shouts of the world.

The other day I was walking around Lake of the Isles at an arctic 5 degrees. I had been listening to a podcast on my phone, but all of a sudden it stopped – frozen – and I was left with a lot of white space.

The world around me was snowy and silent. The clatter in my ears was stilled.

With this space, I found myself noticing the beauty of creation and thanking God.

Several who are experiencing injustice around the world came to mind and I prayed for them.

A new idea emerged.

The Holy Spirit prompted me to reexamine how I’m viewing a relationship.

God spoke into the silence.

Some of you reading this may be genuine candle-lighting, silence-seeking contemplatives. Bless you. That would not be me.

But my frozen phone made me think about the importance of choosing this as a discipline more often. So yesterday my Sabbath included no radio, no news, no Twitter.

Less static, more stillness.

What if, this week, we set aside time to turn off the noise, and like Samuel, said, “Speak Lord, your servant is listening.”?

One Key to Racial Reconciliation

October 17, 2016 /

This weekend a video went viral of a confrontation between a policeman in our town and a young African American. As hard as it is to watch, John and I have viewed it several times. We’ve prayed, and reflected, and read the many articles and responses.

(Warning – graphic language)

Everyone watches through a certain lens, with particular baggage, expectations, and bias.

People are quick to take sides. To want to say this person was RIGHT and this person was WRONG.

But what if issues like racial tension became less about one-upmanship and more about relationship? 

What if our posture was more one of humility, curiosity, and respect towards those different from us?

As I’ve reflected on this, I really think one of the keys to racial reconciliation is that we ask more questions, and listen longer than is comfortable.

I wonder how this cop and this young black man would answer these questions about the incident:

  • How did you feel during this experience and why?
  • What were you thinking? What motivated you to respond the way you did?
  • What, if anything might you do differently if you were to have a “do over”?

Whoever’s “side” we gravitate towards initially, what if we were to listen carefully to “the other’s” answers and ask more questions?

What if the cop were to invite the young man out for coffee and just listen?

What if the cop were to listen deeply to the young man’s answers with respect and without defensiveness?

What if the young man were to listen deeply to the cop’s perspective?

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. 1 Cor. 13

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