Tag: leadership (Page 1 of 2)

2 Guiding Principles for Tough Seasons of Leading and Being Led

February 28, 2022 /

“Leadership is a series of hard conversations.” Yikes. A friend of ours said this to us years ago, and it has proven to be uncomfortably true.

Sometimes we’re on the initiating end of the hard conversation, sometimes on the receiving end. Many times both.

In ministry leadership, we invest maybe more deeply than other arenas, and get hurt more profoundly…

Maybe it’s because of our perceptions of what love should look like – all grace no truth.

Maybe it’s because we feel a deeper connection to each other in the Body of Christ, and therefore have a deeper sense of betrayal when we’re on the receiving end of criticism or rejection.

Maybe it’s because we’re all so, so human and as hard as we try, We. All. Mess. Up.

Can I suggest two principles as we all walk through leadership challenges and hard conversations in different contexts? I share these because they are what I am preaching to myself!

1. Expect the best of others.

Love…Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

1 Cor. 13:7 MSG

We all create narratives to explain our actions and those of others, right? So, what’s the story I’m telling myself and others to interpret this event? Sadly, when I stop to ask myself this question, the truth of Steven Covey’s quote is often evident.

“We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior.”

Steven covey

Years ago we had a close friend who was the founding pastor of a church that he had poured his life into. He discerned that he had taken the church as far as it could go.

This pastor knew he needed to move on, and so did the faith community, but after he announced his leaving, he discovered an HR situation on staff that was confidential and potentially very divisive. He quietly withdrew his resignation in order to deal with the situation and not leave the mess for the pastor who would follow him.

He didn’t tell people why he changed his mind because it would be embarrassing for the others involved. People heaped on criticism. Why was he being wishy-washy? Why couldn’t he let go? He silently took the unwarranted taunts and fixed the problem before retiring, leaving a healthier culture for his successor.

When we are critical of a leader, we need to ask, “How would I want people to interpret this if I was in their shoes?”

We need to be humble enough to admit there may be circumstances we’re not aware of that can’t be made public.

We need to be teachable enough to question for better understanding.

2. Speak the truth in love directly and do not gossip…

…even though that makes us feel oh so superior. (I may say this from first-hand experience. Ahem)  Matthew 18:15 exhorts us to go directly to a person with our concerns.

God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do.

Ephesians 4:15-16 MSG

Recently, we have experienced hard truth from some folks who also communicate “I’m for you. I’m sharing this with you because I care.” We are grateful. The most helpful are those who have spoken hard truth in love and also have said, “I’ve been in a similar situation. I know firsthand how hard this is.” 

But then, unfortunately there are those people who speak the “truth” with an attitude of self-righteous anger or divisiveness.

Being a leader isn’t for the faint of heart. It takes an identity firmly rooted in the security of being God’s beloved no matter how many times you mess up.

Leadership takes courage that can only come from God.

It takes courage to do what is unpopular.

It takes courage to admit when you are wrong.

It takes courage to persevere when you’ve messed up.

Leadership is a series of hard conversations. Can we agree we’re in this together, doing our best to follow Jesus, extending both grace and truth in love?

The Lord upholds all who fall
    and lifts up all who are bowed down.

Psalm 145:14 NIV

What about you?

  • Has a leader hurt you?
  • Have you experienced truth-telling in a healthy way or have you experienced being judged harshly from a distance?
  • Have you criticized a leader and learned later there were factors you were unaware of?

Words Matter. Maybe More than Ever

January 12, 2021 /

Last week we sat, super-glued to our televisions, not wanting to watch the destructive images as the Capitol was breached and our democracy threatened, but also not able to turn away.

There are so many shocking pictures and video footage to absorb and react to. Experiences can shape and transform us, but not without thoughtful reflection and prayer.

One of the things that we were reminded of is the power of rhetoric to incite violence like we witnessed. It got me thinking more than ever about the responsibility we have as Jesus-followers to steward our words well.

One of my life verses is “Where words are many, sin is not absent.” (Proverbs 10:19).

I talk a lot. I get excited. I speak before I think. I often need to ask forgiveness. So this has been an opportunity for me to recommit to doing better.

1. I want to seek God’s Word before I speak my words.

I need to say less and pray more. For me this means setting my phone alarm for “sacred pauses” throughout the day. I stop everything, pay attention to my breathing, silently recite names for God (Wonderful Counselor, Everlasting Father, Mighty God, Prince of Peace), and ask for eyes and ears attuned to Him. What are the ways I can speak light and life into situations of darkness and death?

2. I want to speak from a posture of humility,

asking more questions, seeking to understand (not condone, but understand and pray for repentance, healing and a turning to the Lord).

I also need to search my own heart for blind spots and the evil that hides there.I’m reminded of the question asked of G.K. Chesterton by the London Times, “What’s wrong with the world today?” He said simply, “I am.” May we never lose sight of the fact that we are all broken people in need of a Savior.

“…all of us should be on our faces today begging God to help us see whatever it is in our own leadership that is dangerous or destructive. We need to beseech God to help us see what we can not see.”

RUTH HAYLEY BARTON

3. But, I also want to speak the truth even if it is costly.

I may be guilty of many “sins of commission” – saying something that isn’t kind, helpful, or necessary – but I also need to guard against “sins of omission”. Are there times I am not bold enough in calling out injustice?

Leaders have the power to speak words that inspire good or incite evil. Sadly, we have seen our president and others complicit in inciting violence this week. My heart aches for my brothers and sisters of color who rightly ask, “If it had been BLM protestors charging the Capitol, what would the consequences have been?

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

micah 6:8

4. Lastly (and this may be the hardest one) I’m called to use my words to bless and not curse.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.”

matthew 5:43

These are tense, emotional days when we tend to be easily offended. May we not make an idol of our nation, our leaders, or our own opinions.

The verses I keep returning to are these:

My soul, wait in silence for God alone, For my hope is from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation, My refuge; I will not be shaken.

psalm 62:5-6

How is your spirit in all this?

Soul Food for Advent

December 5, 2019 /

Monday morning I sat in my Starbucks in Minneapolis one last time, and today (Wednesday) this is where I’m sitting with my coffee in Luzern.

John and I are serving as short-term interim co-pastors at the international church here. A pastor had to leave suddenly (thankfully everything is ok) and we were able to put some stuff on hold and jump in quickly . We are loving this new adventure in a beautiful city with a wonderful church community! If you want to follow along, I’m posting on Instagram and Instagram stories. There is no snow yet and probably won’t be until maybe January. The climate is more like London, but we are surrounded by mountains.

We’re fighting jet-lag and trying to remember what day it is. We are so so grateful for new friends from this faith community who have greeted us with such incredible grace and hospitality!

When our luggage didn’t arrive, they delivered jammies and underwear! Candles were lit when we walked in the door, and our apartment is stocked with everything we could possibly need!

One of the passages that God has spoken to me about this season in Switzerland that also ties into my post last week on being where your feet are, is this from Jeremiah to the Israelites when they were in exile:

Build houses and make yourselves at home.

Put in gardens and eat what grows in that country.

Make yourselves at home there and work for the country’s welfare.

Jeremiah 29:5,7

In other words, invest and seek God where you are!

Advent has already started, so I’m going to post this gathering of resources early instead of waiting til Friday. Enjoy! And let me know in the comments what you’re doing to make the season meaningful!

For a delightful Advent podcast, check out Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership.

I had the privilege of participating in two years of retreats with The Transforming Community. If you have a ministry leader on your gift list I highly recommend Ruth Hayley Barton’s book, Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership: Seeking God in the Crucible of Ministry. Ruth uses the life of Moses to draw out principles that guard your soul.

For many, the holidays are very difficult. Here are a couple of really good articles and a good reminder that might make you smile:

When Grief Looms Heavy over the Holidays

Facing the Darkness

Also, check out The Best Holiday Music Playlist Ever . This is so great – has categories for every mood or occasion!

And some inspiration from Instagram…

Ann Voskamp
Bob Goff

That’s it for now! Have a great weekend and let me know what’s going on with you in the comments!

5 Responses When You’re Caught in the Middle of Conflict

August 19, 2019 /

Relationships. Ahhh they can be so complicated, right? If you’re like me, you need constant encouragement to keep working with the Lord on transformation in this area. So here’s another updated repost that I need to read to myself!

Sunday we celebrated our Easter God, but on Monday we’re still stuck between the now and not yet, between Easter and Jesus’ return, in a world filled with pain and pride and power struggles.

We all do our best to follow Jesus, but we lurch and stumble along like toddlers, fighting, and falling into the mud every few steps, lifting our arms for Jesus to pick us up and dust us off once again.

John and I have been increasingly heartsick over the past few weeks. We are trying to love and support a group of good friends who are in the muck and mire of broken trust, accusations, and differing points of view. They are all gifted, kingdom-minded people who I trust are each doing their best to understand and respond with grace.

Maybe you have been in a similar situation, caught between friends who are divorcing, or in the middle of some drama at work, or conflict at your church. Or maybe you’re the one who’s in the mud wondering “What happened?”

As we grieve each day, and exchange notes and calls of support for all involved, I ask over and over, “What do I know to do and not do? What is my role?”

Here’s what I believe God may be trying to teach me: 

  1. Pray, pray, and pray some more. I am praying fervently for each person involved. This is drawing me closer to God, the only One who knows all hearts and the only One who can bring truth, justice, and reconciliation. Only God can reveal, redeem, restore. I am praying more than ever given the fallout, longing for understanding and God’s intervention.

“Pray without ceasing.” 1 Thes. 5;17

2. Choose your words carefully. What are we not to do? Gossip, judge, take sides… Our only job is to take responsibility for our actions and love everyone always. I need to ask myself:

  • Are my words and actions life-giving in this situation?
  • Am I asking questions instead of giving answers?
  • Am I speaking the truth in love?

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6

3. Examine your heart. The verse that keeps coming to mind is “The heart is deceitful above all things.” My heart. Your heart. My friends’ hearts.

Lately my prayer has been “Lord show me MY blindspots. Show me if I have unaddressed sin. Show me if I have caused pain inadvertently and give me the courage to respond with humility and contrition.”

Who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Psalm 19:12

4. Pay attention and learn. Satan is crafty beyond belief. Never, in a million years could we have imagined the scenario our friends are in. We are not to live in fear of Satan, but as wise followers of Jesus who have an enemy determined to thwart His work in the world. We need to be aware and prepared. One of the things I’ve learned by observing my friends in such difficult circumstances is not to isolate myself from those who may ask hard questions to hold me accountable.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lionlooking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

5. Humble yourself. Each of us must come to the Lord and each other with a posture of total humility, and a desire to question for greater understanding, treating everyone with love and respect.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselveswith compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:12-13

Friends, we are all such messes. We all have so much stuff that needs forgiveness. Where would we be without an Easter God who knows us and loves us still, sending Jesus to die for our sins?

Anyone else have experiences to share in this area of friendship? Check out Psalm 25 as a good prayer for these days.

2 Guiding Principles for Tough Seasons of Leadership

May 18, 2018 /

“Leadership is a series of hard conversations.” A friend of ours said this to us years ago, and it has proven to be uncomfortably true.

Sometimes we’re on the initiating end of the hard conversation, sometimes on the receiving end. Many times both.

Sometimes people are observing hard conversations from afar and feel the need to pass judgment.

In ministry leadership, we invest more deeply, and get hurt more profoundly…Maybe it’s because of our perceptions of what love should look like – all grace no truth. Maybe it’s because we feel a deeper connection to each other in the Body of Christ, and therefore have a deeper sense of betrayal when we’re on the receiving end of a hard conversation. Maybe it’s because we’re all so, so human and as hard as we try, We. All. Mess. Up.

Recently my husband and I have been in a windstorm – on both the initiating end, and the receiving end of hard conversations, all of us doing our best.

Can I suggest two principles as we all walk through leadership challenges and hard conversations in different contexts?

Continue reading

A Post For Young Leaders

December 27, 2017 /

The other night John and I got an email. You know…one of those emails. The ones that make your heart race and your stomach do flip-flops. An email criticizing something you’ve done or said.

In this case it was me being criticized, but they wanted John, as senior pastor to know.

As a first-born rule-follower, people-pleaser with WOO as one of my strengths, this is just the worst. And being in ministry for 35 years, it’s been my biggest area of growth.

When I was younger, my immediate response would be ALL THE FEELS – embarrassment, shame, righteous indignation, anger, and (as a J on the Meyers Briggs)….. IMMEDIATE ACTION!!

Is is darn hard living with people’s displeasure, whether we’ve made a mistake, or there has been a misunderstanding, or we just disagree. There is no way to make all the people happy all the time.

This is the hardest lesson I’ve learned as a leader: It’s not my job to please everyone, but it is my job to pray and pay attention in order to learn from everyone.

This is the challenge for each of us: To allow criticism to teach us more about God, ourself, and others. 

I’ve grown a tiny bit over the years (and I’ve gotten much more used to criticism), so after my brief emotional freak out over this recent email, I settled down, prayed, and went to sleep.

The next morning I prayed again.

  • I listed all the issues I thought the critique-r raised.
  • I listed all the questions I needed to talk to God about, including “What is true? What is from You? How do I please not the critic, but YOU?”
  • Then I went through Scripture typing out any pertinent passage that might inform my thinking about the issues raised.

  • I prayed some more.
  • I wrote a response to the offended person and asked if we could talk face-to-face, but I didn’t send it immediately. I let it sit and came back to it 5 hours later.

 One of our rules is “Never argue in email.” I stand by this because body language, tone, and nuance are so important, and so easy to misinterpret in email, but I also see the value in putting something in writing that others can take the time to read over and process.

  • Before I sent it, I asked myself:
    • “Does this fail of grace?”
    • “Is there pride, resentment, self-righteousness…that I need to confess and deal with before sending this?”

In this case, I was fortunate because the critic who had been offended is someone healthy and well-meaning.

But that’s not always the case. One of the hardest parts of dealing with criticism is letting go.

We do our part. We pray and search for the kernel of truth. We apologize when appropriate, but we can’t control the response of the other. 

As Jesus-followers we’re supposed to be all about redemption, forgiveness, and do-overs. We’ve discovered that many give lip-service to those values, but not all are willing to do the hard work of living them out in real-life relationships.

It takes two to come to understanding and reconciliation. It takes two to truly listen to each other with compassionate curiosity. So it’s deeply disappointing when you feel like you’re doing your part, but not getting the response you envisioned.

This is when we need to do the further hard work of opening our hands and praying: “Lord, if I’ve missed anything that is mine to own, please show me. If I’ve done what’s mine, help me to forgive and let go.”

What about you? What has your experience been with criticism, conflict, and crucial conversations?

5 Important Questions to Ask About Boundaries

November 7, 2017 /

“I often can’t get away from work til around 8:00.”

“I make work calls on my 45 minute commute to the office.”

“I’m a stay-at-home mom because I want to invest time in my kids while they are young, but I’m in so many important volunteer positions that I’m exhausted and pre-occupied with all I have to do even when I’m with my kids.”

“I’ve been up til midnight the past few nights trying to get my work load under control.”

“If I go out of town or take a break on the weekend, I’m swamped when I get back. It’s not worth it.”

These are all statements I’ve heard recently.

So many of my millennial friends are in seasons of high stress, high demand, and long work hours. The discipline of setting boundaries while trying to establish a career is tough, and scary.

I know there is no silver bullet, but this ties into my post from Monday on your “The Hardest ‘Yes’ of Your Day”.

What do you have the courage to say “no” to?

Before anything, maybe journal about what values are most important to you.

Family? Faith Community? Spiritual Growth? Balance? Volunteerism? Peace?

Is it possible to prioritize these values within the career you have? Do you have clear expectations and boundaries built into your job description?

“You get what you tolerate.” Henry Cloud

Here are a few questions to consider asking yourself as you are making decisions:

  1. If I say “yes” to this request, what will I need to say “no” to? What will I need to sacrifice? Who will I be cheating?

2. Does saying yes to this (deadline, project, staying late..) tap into an unhealthy sense of “need to be needed” or pride? (Ouch! I know this is an important one from experience!)

3.  Who might benefit from me sharing this opportunity or delegating this task?

4. Am I letting urgent things crowd out the important things in my life?

 

5. Who am I coaching or mentoring on a daily basis so that not everything will be dependent on me? 

Whether you’re a boss or not, there are some great strategies here:

The One Thing All Great Bosses Do Well

Remember, your true self will never change. You are beloved child of God with nothing to prove. Your false self is based on titles, paychecks, and awards that will come and go.

At the end of the day may we, like Jesus, be able to say:

 I brought glory to you here on earth by doing everything you told me to. John 17:4

That’s a Great Question

November 4, 2015 /

Yesterday John and I and a few staff from our church attended the Catalyst One Day in Minneapolis.

This is a day-long conference where there’s worship and Andy Stanley and Craig Goeschel take turns sharing leadership lessons.

12112077_10153803196879260_7597564059339911126_n

They are both amazing leaders we admire, so we were ready to learn more about the secret sauce that makes them that way.

12208606_10153803192679260_5262159095206566495_n

Don’t you love days when you sit back in a workshop, and take ALL THE NOTES, and are “fed” til you feel like it’s Thanksgiving evening and you’re in a turkey coma?

You feel like you’ve done AN IMPORTANT THING when you take home your little notebook crammed with GREAT IDEAS. You’re sure it will make you a better leader just by holding it close. Am I right?

IMG_2121

So yesterday my favorite session, the one I was sure was going to transform me into “AMAZING ANDY LEADER” was his first talk, entitled “That’s a Great Question”.

The big idea was that great leaders ask great questions and one of the most powerful, clarifying and disturbing questions a leader can ask is:

What would a great leader do?

Andy fleshed it out with a lot more, but that was the basic idea. At the end, he added, “If you’re married, what if, when you go home and are going through your day and come to a decision point, you ask yourself, ‘What would a great husband do?’ or ‘What would a great wife do?'” Continue reading

How to be a Hero

October 28, 2015 /

This is one of my heroes. Roger Anderson.

IMG_7707

He turned 90 last week.

When we moved to Minnesota for John to become the lead pastor at “our” church, it had been “his” church for 34 years. Yep, he had planted the church. He was leaving “his baby” for us to steward for the kingdom.

What if we mucked it up? What if we KILLED it, for Pete’s sake?! Or worse, (gasp!) changed the music???!

And yet, Roger has been our biggest cheerleader. Our most fervent prayer warrior. Our baton-hander.

Leadership is like being in a relay race. Succession is important. We need to pass on the baton to the next generation because our part in the race is not the end, and Roger knew that. Continue reading

Is There a Safety Cone in Your Tree?

September 7, 2015 /

The other day a friend and I were walking around Lake Harriet and all of a sudden I stopped. Something weird caught my eye. Something was not quite right.

I looked up, and this is what I saw.FullSizeRender-32

So many questions!

Who? Why? How come?

And did anyone else notice, or just walk by, oblivious?

It made me think of a talk at the Global Leadership Summit and wonder how many cones are in my tree that I’m unaware of. Continue reading

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