Tag: discouragement (Page 1 of 2)

The Most Important Question to Ask When You’re Discouraged

January 21, 2023 /

Anyone else ever look at others, compare, and come up short in your estimation of yourself?

Like, daily?

Yeah, me too.

The other night just before I went to bed I read a post from one of my favorite instagram accounts. It was beautiful, insightful, and everything I wish I had said. That didn’t bother me. It inspired me.

What triggered me was an enthusiastic comment on the post by another talented person I know. I felt like I was back in Middle School and these women were at the “in” kids table, while I was at the loser table.

They’ve done nothing wrong. These are gifted women affirming one another, but some days it feels like all the cool kids are all saying to each other:

“Oh you’re the best!”

“No YOU’RE the best!”

“No, really YOU’RE the best!”

“Ok, well we’re all the best and isn’t it great to be us?“

And meanwhile, a million beautiful, beloved, unsung, made-in-the-image of God women like you are adding value, and joy, and celebration, and creativity, and love to the world.

Maybe that specific example isn’t yours, but there’s another area of life where you are tempted to compare and feel “less than”. Usually it’s in an area where you’re trying to make a difference – parenting, career, leadership, creativity…

Satan loves to whisper in your ear, “The reason no one is noticing you is because you’re not good enough. Not good enough.”

But God asks us the most important question that we need to answer when we’re feeling discouraged or afraid.

It’s the one He asked Adam in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:11).

It’s the one my small group reminds each other of when we’re down on ourselves:

“Who told you that…?”

Who told you that you’re not good enough? God, or someone else who’s not God?

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

2 Cor, 10:5

A friend of mine suggests two color journaling. You write how you’re feeling in one color down one side of the page, and write a corresponding truth in a different color down the other side of the page.

It’s a good exercise to help adjust your perspective, but it’s still hard for it to truly make a difference.

It’s hard to move the truth from our head to our heart.

Maybe a second question to ask is: “How much am I filling my mind with the words of others and how much am I filling my mind with God’s Words?”

The words of the Creator of the universe say, “You are beautifully and wonderfully made. You have unique gifts and talents. You are chosen to contribute in a way that no one else can, even if no one other than Me says, ‘You’re the best!'”

This isn’t a formula. It’s not a one and done. We feel what we feel! But maybe this is a start.

What’s the lie Satan whispers to you most often? What’s the truth God would speak over you?

You are beloved and He rejoices over you with singing!

What’s the area where you’re most prone to compare and be discouraged?

Taking the Long Way

October 6, 2019 /

It’s still zero dark thirty as I walk through my neighborhood to coffee, but I can tell it’s cloudy. No stars. No moon. It’s a blustery 48 degrees and I’m not dressed for the changing season.

I usually take the “long way”, weaving through the lovely back streets, but today my hands are becoming numb. I cut out of the neighborhood for a more direct route to the warm Starbucks with lights beckoning me through the darkness.

As I walk, I think of the Israelites in the wilderness. How much would they have loved to turn on a GPS and take a shortcut to the Promised Land?

How often did they think, “God parted the Red Sea for us! Why not provide a highway and a Maserati?” Ok, maybe not that exact sentiment, but something within the realm of their imagination, right?

How often would you like to do that too? Maybe your wilderness is singleness, or infertility, or joblessness, or health issues, or more month than money.

Yeah, we can see the benefits of the “long way” for the Israelites –

  • They learned deep, daily dependence on God.
  • They saw His faithfulness and goodness even when their circumstances didn’t change.
  • They experienced the value of community.
  • They learned the consequences of disobedience.

But maybe you’re feeling really cranky today and you’re tired of looking for the blessings. You may feel like you’re making excuses for God. That’s honest.

via GIPHY

Maybe today you need permission to lament. (Psalm 5:1-3, Psalm 6:3)

Maybe you need to hear that God is patient and sees you and hears you no matter how rebellious you feel. (Genesis 13:16, Psalm 40:1, 2 Peter 3:9)

Maybe you just need your weariness and pain to be validated. (Psalm 119:28, Psalm 34:18)

It’s ok. God is big and gracious and patient.

But he brought his people out like a flock; he led them like sheep through the wilderness.

Psalm 78:52

What has helped you in your wilderness? Share in comments! And I’d love to have you join me over on Instagram! Come say “Hey!”

Mothers or Not Day

May 12, 2018 /

For most women the challenge of living through Mother’s Day joyfully each year is pretty much like getting out of Target without spending at least one hundred and seventy-nine dollars. It’s a unicorn. A pipe dream.

It tends to bring up ALL OF THE FEELS. Yes, joy, but also, lament, shame, longing, anger, fatigue…

There are single women who long to have a husband and kids, and married women trying desperately to get pregnant when each month, they cry in the bathroom with evidence that denies it.

There are kids of all ages who have lost their mothers, or have strained relationships with their moms.

There are moms with kids who are prodigals, far from home, and moms whose children have died, and mothers whose kids are struggling with emotional, physical, or intellectual challenges.

There are mamas who are overwhelmed with littles, who feel like every other mom is Mary Poppins, and they’re the only one without a magical carpet bag of tricks.

And others who feel guilty that they should feel more grateful, but Just. Feel. Tired.

These are legit.

Jesus says “Come to Me… with all of it. I am your safe place, your refuge, your cheerleader, your comforter. And like a loving parent holding us, He pats us gently and says “I’m here…I’m here…It’s gonna be ok. You’re doing great. Just hang on.”

Maybe we could find some way to say that to each other this Mother’s Day?

 

SaveSave

One Place God Does Some of His Best Work

February 18, 2018 /

I’ve been thinking about caves. Weird, I know, right? But recently I had the privilege of climbing to (on rock steps – we’re not talking ropes and crampons here) and exploring, a series of huge caves on an island in Vietnam. It got me reflecting on caves in the Bible and why people went there. Caves were places of refuge, but usually a last resort, and often dark and lonely.

Here are a few that came to mind. Can you relate to any of these “cave moments”? 

  1. When you’re distressed and afraid.

When Saul is chasing David and he is running for his life he hides in a cave with others who are disillusioned.

1 Samuel 22: 1-3

David left Gath and escaped to the cave of Adullam. When his brothers and his father’s household heard about it, they went down to him there.  All those who were in distress or in debt or discontented gathered around him, and he became their commander.

 Maybe it feels like circumstances are just too much for you and you’re afraid, or angry or discouraged. You may need to hide in God…curl up in the safety of His presence.

2. When you’re exhausted.

After God uses Elijah to miraculously defeat the prophets of Baal, Jezebel is still after him and he runs away, exhausted.

1 Kings 19:3-9

Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.”Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.

All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.”  He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.

The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.”  So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God.  There he went into a cave and spent the night.

Note that the first thing God does is meet Elijah’s physical needs. Have you ever noticed how fatigue affects your perspective? John Ortberg writes, “Sometimes the most spiritual thing we can do is take a nap.” Maybe you need both physical rest and the spiritual rest from striving that God can provide.

3. When you need to grieve a death.

Jesus allows Lazarus to die in order that He can show His power to bring life out of death.

John 11:38-39

Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance.  “Take away the stone,” he said.

Maybe you’ve experienced the death of a dream and you need God to show you where He is going to bring new life. Maybe you’re waiting for Him to roll away a stone that has been a stumbling block for you. Maybe you need time in your cave to pour out your heart in grief.

After all, it was in a burial cave that Jesus overcame death and made a way for us to live forever with Him, right? 

In caves we may have silence and solitude pressed upon us, but it’s a time to cling to Jesus. Maybe we can draw encouragement from what David wrote when he was in a cave. Psalm 142:1-3

I cry aloud to the Lord;
    I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.
 I pour out before him my complaint;
    before him I tell my trouble.

When my spirit grows faint within me,
    it is you who watch over my way.

 

How to Respond When “Not Good Enough” is Ringing in Your Ears

September 19, 2016 /

I have to be honest with you. I was feeling quite Anne Shirley-ish the beginning of August – “in the depths of despair” as she liked to say dramatically. There was no up to my emotional roller coaster ride, only down. I experienced some cold hard failure and  the crafty Lying Liar was having a hey day with me.

rollercoaster

This isn’t his first carnival. He knows exactly which attractions will trigger all the fear and insecurity in me. He knows how to get me into the “fun house” of distortions, and turn up the volume of the hawkers on the Midway who all seem to shout “Not good enough! Not good enough!”

Midway-at-Night-at-the-Minnesota-State-Fair

And before you know it, I’m owning it. It’s MY refrain that echoes through my days. “Not good enough.”

“NOT good enough!”

“Not GOOD enough!”

“Not good ENOUGH!”

I did all the things I know to do when discouraged.

I tried to focus on serving others instead of myself.

I tried rehearsing everything I’m thankful for.

I prayed.

And then, a little nudge on my shoulder drew me away from the noise of the Midway to a tiny whisper of the Holy Spirit.

At first there was a question.

Could it be that by saying “Not good enough” about yourself, you are actually saying that about God? That God isn’t “good enough”? Did He make a mistake? Are His ways perfect except when it comes to you?

And then this came to mind:

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10

If God has prepared good works in advance for me to do, He has created me “good enough” to accomplish them.

Yes I’m a cracked pot, broken and imperfect and in need of redemption.

I may not be a 10 talent person, but the 3 talents God has given me or you are good, and the works He has for us to do are good. And He is good.

There are times we may fail and it’s God’s will for us to learn from it, pick ourselves up, and try again. But I think there are other times when, instead of beating ourselves up, we need to say, “Well, that must not be the good work God has for me. He must have something else up His sleeve.”

The Message paraphrases it this way: “He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.”

You ARE good enough because God in you is more than good enough.

So let’s find the work He’s prepared for us to do and do it!

“If you know you are the Beloved, you can live  with an enormous amount of success and an enormous amount of failure without losing your identity. Because your identity is that you are the Beloved…The question becomes ‘Can I live a life of faith in the world and trust that it will bear fruit?'” – Henri Nouwen

 

What to Do When Discouragement and Doubt are Winning

March 6, 2015 /

My “One Word” for this year is Stronger. Two years ago it was Fearless. Positive words, full of possibility and hutzpah.  I picture them hanging out on the street corner of my life like tough dudes yelling, “Bring it on suckas!”

West Side Story 1_0

But this week it was all West Side Story and Stronger and Fearless got into a rumble, roughed up by Discouragement and Doubt.

I’m guessing I’m not alone. If not this week, some week this has been your experience. And you slouch in the alley and say, “What the what?”

Maybe the the street gang of “not good enough” has been winning this week because you were sucked into the comparison game and came up short. Maybe you’ve experienced a set back in your goals, or you’ve just felt trampled by the insensitivity of others.

And maybe on top of it you beat yourself up too. If only I could…If only I did… Continue reading

What to do With the Catchy Tune, “Not Good Enough”

September 29, 2014 /

The other day ended up being one when the refrain “not good enough” drowned out any other tune.  Like a pop song on the radio you can’t get out of your head, the words persisted.

They were magnified through headphones of my experience throughout the day.  They were the  filter through which I heard the well-meaning words of my husband.

I couldn’t fix a problem.  “Not good enough.”

My idea wasn’t taken into account. “Not good enough.”

Someone was chosen over me.  “Not good enough.”

I didn’t win. “Not good enough.”

“Every single thing you’re doing in your life, someone else is doing a better version of it!”

This has never happened to you, right?

Or maybe, just maybe… Continue reading

A Little Reassurance for Everyday Intimidation

September 13, 2014 /

What’s “that thing” for you?  The thing that intimidates you?  The thing that is hard to face…that threatens to undo you?  It might be embarrassing to admit.

Maybe it’s speaking in front of crowds… Driving in city traffic?  Facing your boss on Monday morning?  Or facing your mother?

For me, it’s technology.  Cursed technology.

I’m in the process (and it’s a looooong process) of trying to make this blog and ministry platform better.  Hopefully you’ll notice some positive changes over the next few months, but the first steps I’ve had to take have involved a boatload of technological instructions that have been, shall we say…spiritually formative (read: MADDENING AND SCARES THE PANTS OFF ME).  It has felt like 2 steps backwards when I’m trying to go forward (can you relate?)

I swear I picture a huge curtain like in the Wizard of Oz and gleeful little imps behind it working a control panel with levers and switches designed to send me hurtling into the abyss.images

Anyway, all that to say that some of you were kind to share or tweet about this post from last week, but if people clicked to read there was…a big fat NOTHING.  Sorry!

Others of you missed this post because I was unable to transfer subscribers til yesterday.

BUT, here’s the great thing (and where YOU come in).

What I experienced in this intimidating process is exactly what I hope you experience when you show up at this blog site.  

I was reminded, and I want to remind you: Continue reading

Three Important Truths about Encouragement

August 4, 2014 /

Good Morning!  Hope you had a refreshing weekend soaking up God’s goodness.  This is what greeted me this morning as I started to write.

photo-154

Now don’t you wish you lived in Minnesota (or woke up earlier :))? 

Since it’s summer and we have lots of new readers to the blog, (and, let’s be honest…I’m ready for a writing break), I thought I’d share a post from a couple of years ago.  Hope it’s helpful to you. Share your thoughts in the comments!

Last weekend John and I preached together on the topic of Encouragement from the book of Acts.

AARRGGHH!  When we do this he is exceedingly kind and because I’m a planner and he’s a “fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants” guy which freaks me out, he lets me study and write the sermon and then he just naturally does his thing, which is always authentic and conversational and makes everything better.

Anyway, I’ve always thought about encouragement as a good thing, a nice thing…

But as I studied it in the book of Acts I began to see it as a crucial tool that God uses to combat Satan in a spiritual battle that is continually raging.  I fear that sounds all hokey/pokey intense and mystical, but think about it…

Satan’s goal is to get us to believe the lies that

we don’t matter,

that God is powerless,

and that we’re all alone.

When we encourage, we remind others of God’s truth – that they do matter, it’s gonna be ok, and they’re not alone.

You can listen, or get more resources here, but what I’ve been thinking about is three things we didn’t say.

1.  Discouragement is personal. Not only does Satan lie to discourage, but he is also crafty liar.  He tailors his whispers to each of us uniquely.  His attacks usually center around our identity.  So if we’re tempted to find our worth in being married, he’ll whisper “You’re not lovable.  You’re not attractive to anyone.”  If we’re tempted to find our worth in accomplishment he may whisper “You’re only a mom, or a secretary, or a barista, or a whatever…  You’re not making a difference.  You’re not good enough.”

Be aware.

2.  Encouragement is personal. The most powerful encouragement is very specific.  When someone says, “Nice sermon.” I tend to discount it as just polite small talk.  It’s like the difference between “You’re terrific!” and “You have a gift of hospitality that helps people experience the welcoming heart of God.  Thank you.”

Be specific.

3.  Timing is personal.  Never underestimate the power of encouragement used in a timely way by God.  Years ago I “randomly” felt prompted to write a guy in another part of the country who had been a mentor in leadership training for me in college.  I hadn’t had contact with him in 20 years.  I wrote of the impact his modeling had made in my life, specifically how his investment had made a kingdom difference.  Little did I know that this was a divinely timed prompting from the Holy Spirit.

I received a response from him saying “Your note came at the absolute lowest point in my life.  I had lost perspective.  I was in despair, convinced that my ministry hadn’t made any difference, that I had sacrificed for years with no fruit.  Your note was the reminder from God that I needed.”  Wow.  Blew me away!

Be responsive to promptings.

In what situations are you likely to be discouraged?  What has been most encouraging to you?

After Easter

April 23, 2014 /

Good morning!  So many of you are new to this blog that I decided to re-post an offering from last year about this time.  I pray it is encouraging to you today!

My cousin died last week.  And a friend was deeply wounded by something a loved one said to her.  And another friend continues to pray for healing from a painful illness.  And another is deeply discouraged.  I imagine each of you could add something to the list.

And last week, after Easter, I was reading in John 20 when Mary comes and finds the tomb empty.  It was my “scheduled” devotional reading, and I’m a rule-follower, so I was obedient, and read it, but inside I was thinking…”Easter is OVER!  Been there, celebrated that.  Let’s move on.” (I’m not proud, just being honest).

I felt like those people who leave their Christmas wreath up til May.  Easter didn’t feel relevant after Easter, which I know is soooo wrong, but like at the tomb, God was gracious and showed up

I was clonked on the head like one of the Three Stooges as I entered into this passage as Mary.  Yes, Mary Magdalene, the one who Jesus miraculously cast all the demons out of, but at the same time, someone like all of us, any of us, who are ever in pain, lost, confused... Continue reading

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