Tag: compassion (Page 1 of 2)

Soul Food Across Time Zones

January 30, 2020 /

I do NOT want to sound like a whiny baby. I am acutely aware of our tremendous blessings as we continue this adventure of cross-cultural ministry in Switzerland!

But I also need to be honest. It’s hard keeping up with a bunch of different communities and ministry commitments in different countries at the same time. There are a lot of balls in the air right now, and this one – the blog – is one that’s easiest to drop. Sorry I’ve been inconsistent!

I tried to bake for the first time last week and it was a total disaster! There’s no mixer in the kitchen where we’re staying, but there is an immersion blender (go figure). So I tried to use it, and butter and sugar flew everywhere!

Plus they don’t sell vanilla here and I accidentally used baking SODA instead of baking POWDER (darn German language!) #fail.

However, I did try this new SUPER easy recipe for Coconut Braised Chicken with Sweet Potatoes that was a winner, fusing Thai and Indian flavors. (note I’m keeping with the international theme). One note – I used all coconut milk with no broth after reading the comments.

We continue to be stretched and enriched in this season, learning about communication, conflict, unique relational challenges, and theological differences across cultures.

On Monday and Tuesday I had the joy of visiting a friend in the mountains and making a new friend from China. What a tremendous blessing it is to learn from people of other countries and cultures!

Our conversation ranged from the Coronavirus to how to make dumplings to why most Asians don’t like cheese and why they take pictures of pigeons.

We talked about our respective faith traditions, and the Swiss art of paper-cutting, and the three types of Gruyere cheese.

We discussed the differences between those born in China vs. Hong Kong, the danger of lumping all Asians into one group, and the hard dividing line between being a “come here” and a “born here” in Switzerland.

And speaking of the Coronavirus, this post just wrecked me (Please watch the video – click on link).


This world is a brutally hard & beautifully holy place.
View this post on Instagram

Another new thing for me…For the first time ever I’ve learned of the term “Third Culture Kids” and the research that has been done about this group.

My friend, Katie Bachelor, who has raised her kids in Israel, and now Jordan, posted this on Instagram.

Lastly, a few posts from Instagram to lift your spirits or make you smile…

Your turn! What’s going on with you? Talk to me!

If you receive this in an email, just click on the title and then scroll down on the post to leave a comment. If it’s your first time, it will not appear right away, but don’t worry! It will soon!

As always, I’d love to have you join me over on Instagram! It’s my favorite place for small doses of joy and inspiration!

Two Important Questions to Ask of People Different From Us

January 6, 2020 /

Some things are just tough.

Like figuring out why people are fascinated with the Kardashians, or how to fold fitted sheets, or what makes some people able to eat a kabillion Trader Joe’s dark chocolate covered almonds with sea salt and not gain a pound.

Or, you know…how to achieve peace between all the people in all the places.

When it comes to the Middle East I keep wanting to say, “Lord I’m a bear of Very Little Brain” like Winnie the Pooh.

I have a long way to go, but God is patient and often a theme gradually emerges.

The truest thing I’m learning about peace is that keeping people at a distance makes it easy to demonize them.

But coming close topples the walls of misunderstanding.

This morning God reinforced this as I re-read the story of when God comes close to Hagar.

Sarah, wife of Abraham, mistreated Hagar, the surrogate “wife” who runs away into the desert, (Sounds like “Real Wives of the Middle East”, right?)

Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar each have a story.  Each are seen and loved by God. But they have trouble seeing and loving each other.

In the desert and in her pain, God meets Hagar and models something I’m thinking I can learn from (even with my little bear brain).

Even though Abraham and Sarah only call Hagar “servant”, God calls her by name.

He sees her!  (16:13)

And He asks her two questions:

Where have you come from?

and

Where are you going?

Traveling in the Middle East I’ve learned that everyone has a story of injustices that have happened in the past, and everyone is trying to hold on to their hopes for a future.

As we try to draw close and understand those who are different from us, whether it’s Israeli’s and Palestinians or Republicans and Democrats, gay and straight, I wonder if learning someone’s name, looking them in the eye and asking them questions like these is a place to start…

Who might you ask today:  Where have you come from?  Where do you want to go?

 

What to Do When a Friend is in the Depths of Despair

December 5, 2018 /

Tonight is a Christmas candlelight service at our church. Those who are grieving, gather in the darkness, remembering loved ones, present to the loss we’ve experienced, but also clinging to the hope Jesus offers. Emmanuel. God with us. Even in the dark.

It is quiet, and sacred, and to me, feels like a warm comforter on a snowy night.

But it brings to mind a conversation that I had in October with a friend who is mourning.

“I’m here! Yesterday I couldn’t get out of bed. I’ve lost my capacity to engage, concentrate or make decisions.  It’s easier to succumb to the isolation than to fight to justify my pain out in the open.  Let’s count today, sitting in a restaurant with you a win.”

I sit across the table from my friend of almost 30 years, autumnal salads with apples and craisins between us. I listen as she catches me up on the losses she’s experienced over the past year and a half since her husband died suddenly.

“I don’t know who I am anymore.  Life and everyone in it is moving on. People wave goodbye from bright shiny trains, I no longer have a ticket to ride. All I can do is watch them go; disappear into a future I cannot see.”

Three hours later I feel like we’re both exhausted from trying to process the overwhelming pain she’s enduring.

“I know people mean well, but I’m tired of ‘How are you?’” she says as she dispiritedly picks at her salad.

“When I respond authentically, and say, ‘As bad as you imagine or maybe worse’, I watch their hope get swallowed up by disappointment.”  

“Don’t ask if you don’t want to know. I’m angry that it feels like it’s not ok to not be ok. I’M NOT OK and my kids are not ok.” 

Anne of Green Gables would say she’s “In the depths of despair.” Only Anne was being overly dramatic and this is real life trauma.

Even Jesus, when in the depths of despair, turns not only to His heavenly Father, but also His community. In the Garden of Gethsemane He’s very vulnerable. He says to those closest to Him, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow.” and He names what He needs from His community.

“Stay here and keep watch with me.” 

Notice He doesn’t ask them to fix or give advice, just sit with Him in His anguish. This is soooo hard for us isn’t it? We’re DO-ERS! We want to alleviate our friend’s pain, and doing something also makes us feel better about ourselves dontcha know!

“Christ came so that we might share in his resurrection life. But first, He invites us into a co-suffering relationship. This means death, and for us in this, death means releasing our right to have an answer and giving up our desire to be the hero.” Emily P. Freeman

One of the questions we can ask ourselves is “What does love require of me?” 

  • It may often require sitting with a friend and saying nothing, just listening deeply, nodding, or holding.
  • Love may ask us to pray silently or outloud, leaning on the Holy Spirit to give words to our groans on behalf of the other.
  • It may prompt us to validate the pain of our friend by echoing back what we’re hearing and acknowledging that everyone’s grief is unique.
  • Love may lead us to affirm the courage, authenticity, perseverance or other godly qualities we see in our friend even in a season when they feel confused and out of control.

What is your experience walking with friends in pain? Are you afraid of saying the wrong thing? What have you found that’s helpful?

Remember, we’d all love to hear your thoughts! Just click on the title of this post if you receive this by email and it will take you to the place where you can just scroll down to leave a comment. (Don’t worry if your comment doesn’t show up immediately…it will!)

Also, I’d love to see you over on Instagram! It’s my favorite place to hang out.

Mothers or Not Day

May 12, 2018 /

For most women the challenge of living through Mother’s Day joyfully each year is pretty much like getting out of Target without spending at least one hundred and seventy-nine dollars. It’s a unicorn. A pipe dream.

It tends to bring up ALL OF THE FEELS. Yes, joy, but also, lament, shame, longing, anger, fatigue…

There are single women who long to have a husband and kids, and married women trying desperately to get pregnant when each month, they cry in the bathroom with evidence that denies it.

There are kids of all ages who have lost their mothers, or have strained relationships with their moms.

There are moms with kids who are prodigals, far from home, and moms whose children have died, and mothers whose kids are struggling with emotional, physical, or intellectual challenges.

There are mamas who are overwhelmed with littles, who feel like every other mom is Mary Poppins, and they’re the only one without a magical carpet bag of tricks.

And others who feel guilty that they should feel more grateful, but Just. Feel. Tired.

These are legit.

Jesus says “Come to Me… with all of it. I am your safe place, your refuge, your cheerleader, your comforter. And like a loving parent holding us, He pats us gently and says “I’m here…I’m here…It’s gonna be ok. You’re doing great. Just hang on.”

Maybe we could find some way to say that to each other this Mother’s Day?

 

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One Thing Grieving People Want us to Know

May 4, 2015 /

Last week we had our carpets cleaned. As I was talking to the Larry the cleaner guy, he noticed and commented on a framed note one of our daughters wrote when she was about 5 years old.IMG_3323

“Do you have kids?” I asked.

“Yeah, I have five kids. Actually, I had five. One died.”

“Oh”, I said. “I’m so sorry. When did that happen?”

“18 years ago” he responded. “Matthew was 6 years old. He died of cancer.”

It was clear he wanted to talk and I wanted to learn from him, so I asked him to tell me about his experience and his son.

Larry is a Christian and shared what his church community had done at the time that had carried them and showed them the love of God. But the one time he teared up was when he said, “But then it stopped. And no one asked how we were doing anymore. And no one talked about Matthew – how they missed him, or what they loved about him. The kids his age went on and grew up and no one talked about Matthew anymore. And that’s the painful part.”

This is what I hear over and over again from people who have lost a loved one.

“We don’t want you to forget our person.”

“We want you to tell us what you remember and what you loved and what you miss. A month after they’re gone, or a year, or 18 years.”

Often, I think we may be afraid if we bring up the name of someone who has died, it will make our friends sad, butI’m trying to learn from those who have lost people they love, and they’re telling me something different. Don’t be afraid of the emotion. Tears may be those of joy mixed with sadness and gratitude.

I didn’t know Matthew, but the next time Larry comes to clean our carpet I’m going to make a point to ask him what he loved the most about Matthew.

I’m going to call my mom and re-tell some special stories about my grandparents.

I’m going to write my cousin and tell her what I miss about her mom.

And today when I saw a friend at church who had lost his wife of 60 years, I asked what he missed most.  “Her bossiness.” he said with a smile and teary eyes.

Is there someone you might remember today?

5 Things to Do When a Friend is Hurting

March 9, 2015 /

A few weeks ago I wrote about those times when we feel like we’re under water and we’re trying to help a drowning friend, but everything is in slow motion, silent and hollow, and we can’t communicate and it’s so frustrating.

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One of the common elements I notice with friends who are in hard seasons is loneliness. Not necessarily that they are alone, but they feel isolated. We feel bad and we want to fix it or DO something and we don’t know what to say or do.

My friend Betsy Anderson came in and shared on this subject with a community of young married couples I shepherd at church last Sunday.

She is wise and kind and has experienced a tremendous amount of pain herself.  She has written curriculum and taught workshops on caring for each other in community.  I’m not good at this, but I’m learning from her. Here are a few of her good insights: Continue reading

When You Don’t Have the Gift of Mercy

October 7, 2014 /

So, something you might need to know about me: I was born with a mercy handicap.  

Actually, we say that everyone in our family seems to be deficient in the mercy department.  When it was gift receiving time we got ones like “charging the hill” and “being really loud” and “often wrong, but never uncertain.”

Yesterday there was more evidence of the deficiency in my life.

Daughter Maggie who’s in grad school at Berkley has won all kinds of honors and scholarships.  She’s been chosen for organizations with names that sound like Most Brilliant World Dominators of Tomorrow and stuff like that.  But recently there was a big scholarship that she applied for.  Big, as in she and Austin could probably retire on the amount of money they were going to give her.  And she thought maybe she had it.  But then she didn’t.

Enter Mercy Mom! (Maggie is my ICE – “In Case of Emergency” fyi).  My response to her news is in the blue. Continue reading

Changing the Hashtag

April 10, 2014 /

Is it just me or does it seem like Christians have been acting a little meaner lately?

Maybe this shouldn’t surprise me, but it does.

My mom was one of those who said “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”  And mostly, my tribe has lived by that.  Certainly you who read this blog are in that camp.

But, it turns out that church world can be a pretty darn ugly place.  Especially in social mediaville.  Go figure.

World Vision is a vibrant, effective, non-profit organization that exists to serve the poorest of the poor in Jesus‘ name. We believe the work they do, with extraordinary commitment and love, is amazing.

Two weeks ago the leadership and board of World Vision made a series of mistakes. Mistakes they are heart-sick about.

Mistakes that have undercut the trust of supporters, and deeply wounded gay people who are beloved children of God.

But I’m thinking, maybe the biggest mistake the leadership of World Vision made was to drastically over-estimate the ability of Christian brothers and sisters to live in unity and love while not agreeing on everything.

Sadly, it seemed to me that many in the evangelical world responded with swords of self-righteousness drawn, marking battle lines.  It felt like everything was end-of-the-world-dramatic and horrible.

As I read the comments and tweets and posts I thought about our two daughters who are very different from each other.

One is an introvert – strong, with brown hair…wicked smart and a runner. The other is petite, blonde-haired, creative and committed to social justice. She does yoga.

Both are followers of Jesus.

They are beloved children of ours.                                                                                                                                     They are beloved children of God.

They are different from each other, and different from us and (surprise surprise), we don’t agree on everything. But…

We wouldn’t say to either of them, “You can’t possibly love Jesus or spend eternity with Him or do good in the world because you disagree with us on gay marriage.”

But that, essentially, is what many in the church did in response to an HR decision that was trying to love employees well and fairly, and recognize that although World Vision as an organization doesn’t endorse gay marriage, not all Christians agree with them.

It’s like the church people with the loudest voices were shouting with hashtags like #WHOSINANDWHOSOUT.

I confess that there have been times when that has been me.

The thing is, I don’t see anyplace in my Bible where, because someone didn’t agree with Jesus, He said, “Nope, that’s it!  Not gonna love you anymore.”#REJECT.

I don’t know that He’d be a hashtag kind of guy, but if He was I’m guessing it might be different than some of the ones I’m tempted to use.

In spite of the loud, pharisaical voices the world hears and has come to equate with “evangelicalism” – I am encouraged by some gentle-strong voices of friends who are saying with humility and grace, “We may disagree, on some things, but we both love Jesus and are trying to be kind and brave and love like He would.”

I believe there are many who would like to model a different kind of love to the world.  I believe there are many who, even if they disagree about some of the things, would unite around the Main Thing.  

I believe many who love Jesus would like to encourage one another under a new hashtag.

What if Christian organizations and churches and leaders united around the love that Jesus modeled?  What if we flooded social media with words of compassion and life and encouragement?  

Maybe we could talk to each other about the places we disagree face to face, where there’s room for nuance and expression and deeper understanding.

Will you join me in changing the hashtag?

#LOVEGODLOVEPEOPLE

What Really Breaks God’s Heart?

November 7, 2013 /

I hate it when people go on mission trips and come home all “Oooh, you couldn’t possibly understand it, but we went to Abracadabra and Bibbidybobbityboo and that’s in the southeastern corner of the district of Allacazam in the country of Boolaboola (don’tcha know) and it was AMAZING!  The poor people there need so much but are so full of joy!  We need to help them and you should have been there!” 

And those who haven’t been think, “Well, I wasn’t there.” And eyes glaze over and they think “No, I couldn’t possibly understand, and what could I do even if I did understand and you’re being a little obnoxious right now.” 

All that to say that as I post from Africa I’m going to try not to do that and I pray you find these thoughts relevant for you.  

There is a much repeated prayer in World Vision, “Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God.”  There’s a lot that I know breaks God’s heart around the world.  Obvious stuff like poverty, injustice, violence, corruption…

Whenever we travel in the developing world and we pray that prayer, our go-to response is to be sad and compassionate and prayerful about what we’re seeing.  We want to know how we can partner with God to bring His kingdom to every corner of the world.  And that’s a good thing mostly, I think.

But poverty isn’t just “out there” or “over there”.

It’s here too. In me.  Poverty of spirit, of humility, of understanding, of awareness. Continue reading

When You Can’t Say the Right Thing

June 13, 2012 /

It’s been a season of pain for people all around me.

Death, and cancer, and betrayal.

My reactions may be similar to yours:

  • I cannot imagine how I would deal with such tragedies if I were in their place.
  • I am heartbroken.  Overwhelmed with grief for them.
  • I don’t want to “go there”.  I hide in my busyness.  I don’t want to dive into the wreckage of my friends’ pain because I can’t fix it.
  • I feel desperately awkward because I don’t know what to say that could possibly help.
When something bad happens, people (and by people I mean me) often say the “wrong” thing.  We want to comfort, but our heads are filled with words we’ve been told we shouldn’t say, like “I know how you feel.”  
So our default mode is to say… nothing.
Last year I heard Cory Booker speak.  He’s the mayor of Newark and faces issues of overwhelming violence, poverty, and drugs daily.  He cares deeply and is striving for ways to bring health and healing to his city.

He shared that one day he walked home to his apartment in a low-income area of the city, extremely discouraged.  He was faced with complex problems and he didn’t know what to do. Continue reading

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