Laura Crosby

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God of Inconvenience

November 21, 2011 /

Don’t you just hate it when God shows up and inconveniences you?

Yesterday I gave out my last McDonald’s gift card to a homeless person begging at a traffic light.  I’ve wrestled with this before.  (That’s not the inconvenient part)

As I gave out my last card and asked the man his name I thought, “Wow, it seems like there are more homeless people than ever.  Lord, what else can be done?  Better go get some more gift cards.”

And then I opened my email (this is the inconvenient part).  In the past I’ve volunteered at an event called Project Homeless Connect. It’s a one-stop shop for delivering services to people experiencing homelessness.  They gather housing providers, employment specialists, doctors, nurses, mental health care providers, optomitrists, barbers, people providing transportation assistance, food and clothing…  All under one roof.  The Minneapolis convention center.  And then they round up all the homeless people they can find and bring them in for a day of receiving, being cared for, getting assistance…

So I get this email.  They need more volunteers for December 12th.

Here’s the deal.  I asked.  God answered.  I don’t want to do it.  Not only is it a hassle, but I have something else planned that day that I was looking forward to and can’t be moved.  But… There’s a need.  There’s an invitation.  There’s an answer from God to the question I asked.  

You ever encounter situations like this?  We say we want to change the world.  God gives an opening.  But it’s…inconvenient.  Uncomfortable.  Doesn’t fit with our plans for the day.  It made me think of this powerful video made by my friends John Hoel and Max Fitzgerald.

So we have to decide.  Are we fools to think we can change the world or is it just too inconvenient?  What do you think?

Not Kim Kardashian

November 18, 2011 /

Last week I felt pretty good.  Maybe you did too.

I was thinking, “Boy I’m glad I’m not Kim Kardashian, Rick Perry, or Joe Paterno!”  And then there’s Jerry Sandusky who, this week admitted to “Horsing around” with kids.  Each of them has had their mistakes broadcast, ridiculed, autopsied.  Their intellect, integrity, and wisdom were brought into question.

My response?  “Phew!  Glad I dodged those bullets!”

“Can’t BELIEVE they were so stupid, evil, clueless, out-of-control…”

“I would NEVER have…”

I may even have thought, “I’m thankful I’ve never pulled a “Rick Perry” on national TV, bless his heart.”

And I felt just a little better about myself, focusing on THEM.  You know THEM.  All the others who I compare myself to who are much worse than I am.

Or not.  Maybe my sins are just…different.

And more easily hidden.

What if the ugly stuff of my life (or yours) was replayed (over, and over, and over again) on the Today Show for millions to dissect and comment on what they would have done differently?

All this his has prompted me to return to an ancient prayer practice called the Jesus Prayer or the prayer of the heart.

Each time I hear something about someone else’s sin, I’m trying to use it as a prompt to pray the Jesus prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

Have you tried this prayer practice?  I resisted it initially.  How does this help our quest to have a better self-image??  And who likes using the word SINNER??!!  But I am (and I hate to draw attention to this, but there’s a chance you might be too) And in praying this it’s a reminder that I’m dependent on the reconciling work of Jesus.  Just like Kim.  Stretching muscles of humility, centering, worship…

I haven’t bailed on my marriage, but I’ve bailed on other commitments.  Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

I haven’t forgotten key components of my economic strategy on national television, but I’ve gotten tons of other stuff wrong.  Lord have mercy.

I haven’t covered up sexual sin, but I haven’t always confronted injustice.  Lord have mercy.

Thankfully, at least this week, my sins aren’t being played on national television, but I’m just as in need of God’s mercy and Psalm 103:11-12 reassures me and all of us.  “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”

What do you think of this?  Is the Jesus prayer easy or hard for you?

Bless your Heart

November 16, 2011 /

A good friend of mine from Charlotte, North Carolina once told me, “You know down here in the South you can say absolutely anything as long as you follow it with ‘Bless her heart!'”

“She’s gained as much weight as a Mack truck.  Bless her heart!”                                            “His dance moves look a lot like Kevin James’ in Hitch.  Bless his heart!”                       “Her best yoga pose is the corpse, but she tries.  Bless her heart!”

I’m saying something critical or gossipy but “Bless her heart” conveys a compassionate heart.  It’s my get out of jail free card.  He or she may be really messed up, but because I care, it’s ok to name the weakness or transgression.

Here in Minnesota we don’t really say “Bless their hearts.” often.                                         Our “Bless his heart” sounds like,  “Just sayin'” to make something harsh seem more acceptable.  Or, “We should pray for them.”

My “Bless their heart” sounds more like, “I think that worship leader is more obsessed with looking like Bono than leading worship.  But that’s really my issue.”  See what I did there?  It may be my issue – I may be hyper-sensitive to it, but I also planted a seed…a negative image in the mind of the person I was talking to.  I said it was about me, but it really was about them.  How terrible is that?  I often think my life verse should be Proverbs 10:19, “Where words are many sin is not absent.”  What about you?

Are there other ways we mask mean comments?  What’s your “Bless their hearts”?

Necessary Endings?

November 11, 2011 /

One of the most stretching things for my spirit is letting go.  I’m reflecting, in this season on change, and death, and release.  And the hope of new seasons.  Will you join me?  Praying today, with hands open, palms down, relinquishing the dead things I may be clinging to.  Shame, control, past pain, unhealthy relationships…thankful that God is a God of life and hope.  A God who changes old to new.

“Oh God of endings,                                                                                                                                                            you promised to be with me always,                                                                                    even to the end of time.                                                                                                        Move with me now in these occasions of last things, of shivering vulnerabilities and letting go…

…Be with me in my end of things,

dead ways,
 dead words,                                                                                                                                   dead self I hold so tightly,                                                                                                        defend so blindly,                                                                                                                          fear losing so frantically…”                                                                                                         Excerpt from Guerillas of Grace by Ted Loder

 

 

This day I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses.  Now choose life so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him.  For the Lord is your life.” Deut. 30:19-20.

How Happy are You?

November 9, 2011 /

Recently I heard about a fascinating study that I’ve been thinking a lot about.  Researchers asked a group of singles two questions.  The first time, this is what they asked (on a scale of 1-10):

Question #1 How happy are you?

Question # 2 How many dates have you had in the past month?

They found a weak correlation between how happy the responders felt and how many dates they had had recently.

BUT THEN they SWITCHED  the order of the questions:

1.  How many dates have you had in the past month?

2.  How happy are you?

Tricky.                                                                                                                                             And you know what they found?  All of a sudden there was a stronger correlation between dating and happiness.  Those who hadn’t had as many dates believed they were less happy.  Because they had been asked the dating question first, that’s what they were focusing on.  Researchers called this phenomenon, “focusing illusion”.

Your focus impacts your reality.

As I was thinking about this, the person who came to mind embodying this truth is my grandmother.  “Grams” was a hero of the faith.  A remarkable woman who focused on God’s faithfulness.  She became legally blind late in life, but instead of focusing on what she wouldn’t be able to do, her first response was, “Well, I have a really nice phone voice.  Maybe I can call anyone who comes to visit our church just to welcome them.”

Then she had another idea.  She and my grandfather felt prompted to give $1,000 to a mission organization caring for the blind, but they had no money.  Really, no money. But instead of focusing on what they didn’t have and couldn’t do they participated in a “run” in which they got sponsors to support them walking once around an olympic track.  Grams had my aunt write down hundreds of phone #’s in black marker, large enough for her to see and she called everyone she knew.  That’s a lot of calls to people who mostly gave $25 or $50.  None more than $100.  When they hit$1,000 they sat down and laughed and cried over what God had done.  The following year they raised more.  The year after that Gramps had died, but Grams persevered, raised $3,300, walking with her great-grandson.  At 92, the last year she walked, Grams raised $4,000.

Grams focused not on what she couldn’t do, but what she could.  Not on the “can’t’s” but on the “cans”.  Her focus determined her reality.

And now she and Gramps are in the “great cloud of witnesses” cheering us on, encouraging us to “run with perseverance” even if we can’t see clearly.

Is there someone who has inspired you by their focus?

What’s on your reading list?

November 7, 2011 /

It’s totally unfair.  My husband reads fast and retains everything.  AND actually applies what he learns.  I, on the other hand, read at the speed of an endless Minnesota winter and struggle to retain a fraction of what I read, never mind actually applying it.  I’m in the loser bluebird reading group.  However, there are some books that I’ve read recently that have been impactful and so relevant that it’s been hard NOT to apply what I’m reading.  Here are a few.

I highly recommend all of them, but today I want to write about another one that’s not in that pile.  I received an advance copy of Mark Batterson’s new book, The Circle Maker, which will be out December 12th.  I’ve found this book to be challenging, encouraging, and uncomfortable in the best way possible.

If I had to name one thing I struggle with the most in living out my faith, it would be landing on the “right” way to view prayer.  I am inspired by those who dream big dreams and pray audacious prayers, but I am repulsed by those who seem to have more confidence in their specific prayer, than in the God they are praying to.  I’m paranoid about my prayers being more about me than God.  This book is both challenging and encouraging in that regard.  Batterson, using Joshua’s march around Jericho (in addition to a legend and other biblical accounts), writes about “praying circles around your biggest dreams and greatest fears.”  Mark himself prays huge petitions of faith, but is authentic in sharing the lessons he’s learned when God hasn’t responded as he might have liked.

This book is chock full of insights and examples that are catalytic. One of the images I love in Circle Maker is that of the hyperlink.                                                                          “Our most powerful prayers are hyperlinked to the promises of God.  When you know you are praying the promises of God, you can pray with holy confidence.  It’s the difference between praying on thin ice and praying on solid ground.  It’s the difference  between praying tentatively and praying tenaciously.”

A few other quotes to whet your appetite:

“Prayer is the alpha and omega of planning.  Don’t just brainstorm; praystorm.”

“If you seek answers you won’t find them, but if you seek God, the answers will find you.  There comes a point after you have prayed through that you need to let go…by resisting the temptation to manufacture your own answer to your own prayer.”

“We allow our circumstances to get between God and us instead of putting God between us and our circumstances.”

Batterson is NOT writing about a “name it and claim it” theology, but he challenges me through these words: “Nothing honors God more than a big dream that is way beyond our ability to accomplish.  Why?  Because there is no way we can take credit for it.  And nothing is better for our spiritual development than a big dream because it keeps us on our knees in raw dependence on God.  Drawing prayer circles around our dreams isn’t just a mechanism whereby we accomplish great things for God; it’s a mechanism whereby God accomplishes great things in us.”

In reading this book I am convicted that too often I pray safe prayers that allow me to “help” God out in case He doesn’t come through.  So, I’m reflecting on the riskier prayer circles God might have me draw.

I think this book is so good that I’m going to do a drawing for a free copy of The Circle Maker.  The names of everyone who posts a comment on this post before Tuesday night at midnight will be put in a hat for a random drawing.

How does this land on you?  Is prayer a challenge for you?  What’s one word that represents what you would like to circle in prayer?

Life and Death on Spirit Stretch Friday

November 5, 2011 /

A few weeks ago I wrote about the Communion Debacle our daughters experienced at church.  It made me think about how hard it can be to truly enter into this sacrament and be present to God in the moment…reflecting on His grace and our sin.  Sometimes we can feel so conspicuous and self-conscious, but not Jesus-conscious.  It made me think about a spiritual practice tied to confession and forgiveness that I find really meaningful, but have let slide recently.  It’s an ancient practice called the Examen you may be familiar with.

It simply means you look back over your day and identify where you sensed being most alive to God’s presence and pleasure most (the “spiritual” word is “consolation”) and where He felt most absent (“desolation”)…Where you experienced death or separation from God.

Life or Death,

Beauty or Ugliness.

It’s helpful for me to practice it with a regular activity like brushing my teeth, but if you’re more spiritual you might actually light a candle, get down on your knees and do it big time.

Last week I did it while I was riding my bike to Starbucks, asking God to help me look back over my yesterday.  The times that came to mind when I felt most alive and experiencing a sense of God’s pleasure were in the midst of a couple of hard conversations I had.  There was a sense of obedience, God’s grace, keeping short accounts… I thanked God for His equipping in those moments and the encouragement I felt at the end of these.  The time when I felt “desolation” was when I neglected to follow through and serve in a way that I could have.  I just pushed it out of my mind in favor of comfort.  As I thought of that I asked forgiveness and committed to follow through at the next opportunity.

Kind of like when you’ve painted a room and the next day go back to see if there are streaks or drips you need to take care of.

Have you tried this?  Want to try this?  

Waiting at the Door

November 1, 2011 /



I think that Halloween is my husband’s favorite day of the year.  Odd, I know for a pastor.  The pc answer should be Easter,right?  But honestly, I think he likes Halloween best because there’s not much that brings him as much joy as handing out candy and oohing and ahhing over every single kid’s costume.  He looks forward all year to parking his chair by the front door and waiting for kids to come.  Even though he’s terrible at figuring out what the costumes are, he greets each kid as if they were THE most amazing, creative, delightful goblin of the night.

Last night he took it to a new level.  He carried his rocking chair outside and our firepit along with a jack-o-lantern and a big basket of candy.  As I was watching him it struck me how much his posture towards the kids is like God’s towards us, only we usually miss it.  How many times do we approach God as if the lights were out and the door locked tight?  Like we have to convince Him to care…to show up…to answer us?  Instead, the Bible says He stands at the door, He’s the father out watching for His son to show up, He’s the party-giver inviting us to a banquet, He delights in us, sings over us.

One day years ago when I was angry and defeated and God seemed like a mean God I told Him I felt like I was a cat and He kept dangling a mouse in front of me in the form of an answer or a way out of the pain, but then snatching it away repeatedly. Dangle, snatch, dangle, snatch.

At the time I was anguishing over this mean God image it was summer and we were staying with some close friends who live in a lovely home on a lake. Very early one morning I got up and was sitting on the dock praying.  The water was still, the sun and the loons barely awake.  In my journal I wrote, “I can’t stand it.” Cat and mouse.  Dangle, snatch, dangle, snatch.

As I wrote this, God brought to mind a passage of scripture…I remembered something about a father and a stone…  It was a clear impression I couldn’t ignore…a passage I hadn’t thought of for years.  I looked in my concordance to discover where it was.  Matthew 7.  It says, “Which of you, if his son asks for bread will give him a stone…If you who are evil know how to give good gifts, how much more will your Father in heaven.”

I thought, “Well, that’s nice.  Thanks for that reminder, but it sure still feels like a cruel game you’re playing.”  Then I looked up the same passage in the Message paraphrase.  Here’s what it said:  “This isn’t a cat and mouse game we’re in.” I’m not kidding.  Exactly those words.  Exactly addressing my feelings.  I was floored.  I looked around, stunned by this personal, loving response from my “mean God”.

The door isn’t locked.  The lights aren’t off. He is an incredibly personal God who delights in His kids who show up.

Fast Fail

October 31, 2011 /

My friend Sue is a master faster.  She once did a 40 day fast.  Honest.  With only fruit juice and a very understanding family.  And she’s a pray-er too.  She truly did the whole thing right!  I kind of  want to hate her but she’s just too nice.

I, on the other hand, am fasting FAILURE.  I am just hopeful that when Jesus said, “WHEN you fast…” He didn’t really mean it.  I’m hoping that Matthew 6 is the “I’m just kidding, you don’t really HAVE to pay attention to this” section of the Bible.  It doesn’t really count.  It was really just for “back then”…“yesteryear”…”days of yore”…

Last week our church challenged people to a kind-of sort-of fast.  Not the real kind where you don’t eat anything and don’t tell anyone and you go into your closet and just focus on prayer and God and pious thoughts.  Instead, this was a rice and beans fast.  For three days we were challenged to eat a cup of oatmeal for breakfast and a cup of beans and rice for the other two meals of the day with only water.  We were doing this for two reasons:  to experience what most of the world lives on, and to contribute the money we saved to World Vision’s program for alleviating hunger in Somalia.

Here’s what I learned:

  • I am a cranky pants baby when it comes to any sacrifice in this area (I’m probably a cranky pants baby when it comes to ANY sacrifice, but I’d rather not think about it).
  • I get sleepy, headaches, and lack attention without my morning coffee
  • Every commercial on T.V. is about food
The positives (and I write this grudgingly) were that I was acutely aware of praying for our sponsored children who may not know where their next meal is coming from.  And it made me so grateful for the amazing cornucopia of deliciousness that is available to us on a daily basis.  I also thought more about where our money goes on a daily basis.
But the bottom line?  I really hated doing this.  I wish Jesus was just down with feasting and not fasting.  But, He’s not, so I’m trying to get on board with this.
What about you?  Do you fast?  What do you wish wasn’t in the Bible?



Is There an App for That?

October 28, 2011 /

I’ve told you before that our family likes to make a game out of anything.  Especially if there are points involved.  Maggie is famous for making up these games and somehow she always ends up being the boss of the game in charge of giving and (more importantly) taking away points.

Anyway, when the girls were growing up we would work on memorizing scripture.  Now don’t get the idea this was any systematized, consistent, we’ve-now-memorized-the-whole-book-of-Leviticus kind of thing, but we would do a game from time to time at dinner where we would go around the table and each person would have to say one word of the verse we were memorizing in order.  Like this (Hebrews 12:11):

Laura: No

Maggie: discipline

Katy: seems

John: ?

Well the girls thought it was hysterical because the person who was the WORST at this game was John, the professional holy man.  He would have them cracking up as he tried to guess the most likely words like “LOVE!, JESUS!, GRACE!….RATS!”

Now, I’m NOT a good memorizer either, but I’ve been hugely impacted by the way God has used my meager attempts at putting His word in my heart, and it is uncanny how He’ll bring a verse to mind (or even part of a verse 🙂 at just the moment I need it encouraging (or convicting!) me.

Since Maggie’s birthday and since John finally gave up his $15 phone, we now all have Iphones.  I’ve discovered a verse memory app that I really like.  Just type in “Bible Memory Verses” in the search box of the App Store.  It’s free and it’s the first one that pops up (Woody Hays).  It has a lot of core verses already in-putted, but you can also add your own and can designate some as target verses you’re working on.  The coolest thing is that you can pull up a verse and touch “blanks” and it will create the verse with mostly blanks you need to fill in.  If you forget a word you can just tap the blank and it supplies the word your missing.

My big idea is to have our family all work on the same verse again.  The girls were all for it, (I think mostly cause they’re looking forward to us going around the table at Thanksgiving and watching John sweat.)  In order to get buy-in I told Katy she could pick the first one (although maybe I should ask John so he’d have a head start).   She chose Isaiah 58:11 for our first group effort.  You’re welcome to join us or pick your own verse and ask someone to join you.

For Spirit Stretch Friday I thought I’d pass this along in case you’d like to add the app.  Obviously you don’t need a special phone to find effective ways to memorize scripture!  Is there other technology that you’ve found helpful in following Jesus?

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