Laura Crosby

Page 12 of 99

3 Helps When You’re Grieving But No One is Dead

July 29, 2019 /

Late in the middle of a steamy July night, heat lightning pulses intermittently, illuminating the dark corners of my brother’s large, hundred-year-old home. In the family room he lies in hospice and finally takes his last breath with my sister-in-law nearby.

When someone dies, we grieve. We are sometimes confused, lonely. We have trouble figuring out a “new normal”. Tears will spring to our eyes, triggered by something random and unexpected. We lack the energy to do…anything.

Fast forward four years…

My husband John and I turn off our GPS guide and pull into a parking place at a new church in a new neighborhood – new to us at least.

We are blasted by the summer heat as we open the doors of our car. We’re early. Uncomfortably early, like the awkward teen arriving first to a pool party. We slowly look around for a main entrance to the sanctuary.

People who look very different from us are chatting with each other. We know no one. As the only caucasians, it’s a little obvious we are visitors. We are warmly greeted by friendly African Americans who try to make us feel at home.

After an hour and a half of hand-clapping, body-swaying gospel music and a message, we sneak out early in order to make it on time to a reservation we made.

We’re grateful for so many things. To be able to worship anywhere we want. To not have the responsibility of leadership. To feel welcome.

We are thankful, but we are also grieving. Grieving the loss of consistent, life-giving worship and community at the church we left after serving for 30 years.

Maybe you can relate to one of these situations. No one has died, but you’re grieving. You’ve:

  • Moved to a new house – cross country, or across town
  • Just had your first baby
  • Gotten a divorce
  • Sent your first child off to kindergarten or your last off to college
  • Started a new job or lost an old job

You miss old comforts. You are sometimes confused, lonely. You have trouble figuring out a “new normal”. Tears will spring to your eyes, triggered by something random and unexpected. You lack energy to initiate new things.

Change may be by our choice, or not, but to step into something new you need to let go of something old, and that involves loss…grief.

There are many books written about the grieving process when someone dies. But lately I’ve been thinking about how some of the same insights and encouragement apply to those of us experiencing the loss that comes with change.

Some of the same things that help when we’re grieving the death of a person, may help when we’re grieving the loss of a season. These 3 things may help:

  1. Lean into your people.

Some relationships may change, but call that friend who knows you best and listens well. Be honest and vulnerable. Risk asking for help. It’s hard to be the “needy one”, but let others serve you. Accept the meal or the babysitting.

2. Be gentle with yourself. This one is especially hard for me. I’m impatient to make something happen, to jump into a clearly defined new rhythm. I want to DO SOMETHING, but sometimes God wants me to enjoy a snack and a nap like Elijah before his next assignment (1 Kings 19:5-9)

I saved a newspaper article from years ago about a study that was done on the effects of change – even change like moving a few blocks in the same town. It showed that our stress levels go up, and our immune system is compromised, and we’re more prone to accidents. So take a nap, or get a massage and don’t feel guilty.

3. Pray. Journal your feelings and your gratitude.

Especially when we’re going through a time of transition, we can feel thrown off balance. There are new choices to make. We’re not sure where our solid ground is.

I waited and waited and waited for God.
    At last he looked; finally he listened.
He lifted me out of the ditch,
    pulled me from deep mud.
He stood me up on a solid rock
    to make sure I wouldn’t slip.
He taught me how to sing the latest God-song,
    a praise-song to our God.

Psalm 40:1-3 msg

We need to process our feelings and new experiences with the Lord. Ask Him to give you perspective and discernment. Thank Him for the places You see Him providing. Ask, not just “What have I lost?”, but “What does this make possible?” (I think I heard this question first from Emily P. Freeman)

This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?”

romans 8:15

What change or transition are you experiencing in your life?

I’d love to hear from you! If you get this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the site where you can post a comment. If it’s your first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away!

And if you’re interested in some smaller doses of inspiration, join me over on Instagram. (You can turn on “notifications” in the upper right-hand corner if you want to know when there is a post.)

Summertime Soul Food

July 25, 2019 /

On Fridays I share what I call “soul food” – stories and resources that I pray will help you connect to Jesus and others. May they be uplifting, and bring a smile to your face.

On repeat…

Is He worthy?
Is He worthy?
Of all blessing and honor and glory?
Is He worthy?
Is He worthy?
Is He worthy of this?
He is.

He is.

Feel good story

Be inspired!

Enjoy a laugh at all the cuteness!

“Real” food = soul food? You may not think so, but connection, encouragement, prayer, and inspiration often happens around our tables so I include it!

I put this on my Instagram stories, and had so many responses, I thought I’d share it here too for those of you not on Instagram! Among the many comments, were suggestions to use this on eggs or salmon too, and someone said you can get a bigger, cheaper version at Costco! Anyone else want to weigh in? Post in comments.

Avocado toast ftw!

I also posted on Instagram about this magical Polly’s mother’s crab dip that may help you solve the problems of the world.

Ingredients:

2  8 oz. packages cream cheese
1/3 cup mayo
1.5 t prepared mustard (Coleman’s)
3 t sherry
1/2 t salt
1/2 t onion juice (opt.)
4 t confectioner’s sugar
1/4 t garlic salt
2 6oz. cans of crab meat or fresh (I tried canned, but didn’t think it was as good) Crackers

Directions: Mix in double boiler, adding crab last. Thin with milk if necessary.
Serve in pie plate with crackers

I’d love to hear from you! If you get this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the site where you can post a comment. If it’s your first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away!


What Stories are you Telling Yourself That May be Derailing You?

July 23, 2019 /

“Are you playing in the Tennis Invitational this year?”

My friend had no idea that would be a painful question, but it was.

I’m a relative newbie to the game of tennis. I was only able to start playing a few years ago after back surgery. After looking down my nose at “women who tennis”, I’m embarrassed by how much I love it. I am passionate about improving and I work hard. I love the community of players I’ve gotten to know.

This experience may sound sooo ridiculous in light of, you know…real life pain around the world, but stick with me.

Every year there is a “Tennis Invitational” at our courts. It’s a day and a half event of friendly competition with dinner. Super fun.

I wasn’t even aware of it for a long time. Probably because it’s for “better players”.

Then 3 years ago the coaches were desperate at the last minute and asked me to sub in. Same thing happened 2 years ago. Last year I was invited to play for real.

This year? Crickets. Nothing. I was uninvited.

Those are the facts.

I felt confused and hurt, especially when I discovered a friend who plays at my level was invited.

The narratives I constructed to try to make sense of the facts?

  • They think I’m getting worse instead of better.
  • Someone complained about my level of play last year.
  • It was a clerical error last year and I was invited by mistake.
  • They have an age limit. They don’t want me because I’m “old”.
  • One of the coaches is mad at me.

All these “stories” motivate me to feel self-conscious, wary, and discouraged.

What if there’s another story that I’m not aware of?

There’s a difference between facts and the story we tell ourselves.

Example: A friend cancels plans with you three times in a row.

That’s a fact.

The story you may tell yourself is that she doesn’t value your friendship anymore. You are not important to her.

Example: You reach out to two different guys on a dating app and neither of them responds to you.

That’s a fact.

The story you tell yourself is that you’re “undatable”. You aren’t pretty enough.

Unless we are covered in Teflon, we tend to gravitate towards the worst interpretation of events.

But what if there’s another story? How do we know what’s true?

As I’ve been grappling with situations like this in my own life, two action steps have come to mind.

  1. Inquire for better understanding. Go to the source. Yikes! This feels hard, risky, vulnerable. It’s also not always possible or realistic to go directly to the other person (like with a dating app). But, when possible, being honest about the facts, and your feelings, and asking for additional information or the true narrative may be the best course of action. With the dating example, it might be wise to ask a close friend who may have some insight that will be helpful.

2. Ask God for His perspective. Facts are facts. Maybe you’re not as good as you thought you were. Maybe your friend has moved into a new season without you. Maybe there are issues you need to work on to become a healthier date. But what story is God writing? What qualities might He want to develop in you?

  • Perseverance? James 1:2-4
  • Humility? 1 Peter 5:5-9
  • Dependence? Psalm 62:5-8

Is it possible you’re giving the people in your life more power to say who you are than God? Remember in Genesis 3:10-11 when Adam was ashamed in the Garden of Eden and God asked him “Who told you that…?” God’s implication was “Not me…I’m not the one who told you to be ashamed.”

@charliemackesy Instagram

P.S. I screwed up my courage and questioned for better understanding. The story was nuanced and made sense. Afterwards I felt lighter, and like I could breathe easier.

Do you struggle with telling yourself all the negative stories?

I’d love to hear from you! If you get this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the site where you can post a comment. If it’s your first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away!

And if you’re interested in some smaller doses of inspiration, join me over on Instagram. (You can turn on “notifications” in the upper right-hand corner if you want to know when there is a post.)

Soul Food for Many Occasions

July 18, 2019 /

My goal is always to help women connect to Jesus and each other! We may bond over laughter or around dining room tables, or playing with our kids, or as we share new insights from God’s Word. On Fridays I try to provide a cornucopia of resources. So…here you go!

For a laugh:

For a gasp:

For a new recipe to try:

Quinoa Salad (6-8 side servings)

  • 1 cup cooked quinoa (1 box – I used garlic flavored)
  • 4 ears fresh corn cut off cob
  • 1/2 red onion finely diced
  • 1 green pepper finely diced
  • 2 tomatoes, diced
  • 1 15 oz. can black beans
  • 1/4 cup fresh cilantro and chives, chopped


Dressing (mix and pour over salad, toss):

  • 1/4 cup olive oil
  • Juice of 1 lemon
  • 1/2 ts. salt
  • 1/2 ts. pepper
  • 1/2 ts. garlic powder
  • 1/2 ts. ground coriander
  • 1/2 ts. ground cumin1 ts. honey

“Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.”

JOrdan peterson

For biblical insights on how to say “no” to emotions that compete for control of you:

If you’ve been reading this blog for very long, you know my favorite place for encouragement is Instagram.

My passion is to connect us to Jesus and each other.

My goal on Instagram is to always post what is authentic, joyful, inspiring, funny, helpful, or beautiful.

I’d love for you to join me there, BUT if there is any account (including mine) that makes you compare and feel less-than, or discouraged, or resentful, UNFOLLOW/UNSUBSCRIBE!

I’m jealous of my friends who do “Camp Cousins” or “Grammie Camp” for their grandkids! For a link to fun summer ideas for preschool kids or grandkids:

My Favorite Summer Activities For Preschoolers

Soul Food Books and a Recipe

June 28, 2019 /

Happy Friday! Hope you are savoring summer – getting outside, grilling good stuff, biking, swimming, doing chalk drawings with your kids…whatever! I am just so content and grateful to be back at home in Minnesota for this season. It’s my favorite!

Here’s the pile of books I’ve been reading (or re-reading). As you can see, there’s quite a variety. The last time I read The Hiding Place I was in college! It, and Kisses from Katie (not pictured) are wonderfully uplifting reads. We need more redemptive stories like them!

I hesitate to endorse books, because everyone’s taste is so different, but the book I read that was probably the most engaging is not on this pile because I got it on kindle. I thought Maybe You Should Talk to Someone was fascinating and well-written!*

I posted this with some thoughts about community on Instagram today, but I thought I’d share the recipe here.

Quay’s Mexican Appetizer

Layer:

  • 8 oz. cream cheese softened and spread in pie plate
  • Pineapple salsa
  • Shredded Mexican cheese mix (Cheddar/Monterey Jack)
  • Chopped green onions
  • Can add chopped black olives if you want.

Microwave for 1 minute (or so) and serve immediately with Tostitos bite-sized tortilla chips.

Happy 4th of July!

*Contains some language that may be offensive.

Ever Wonder If You’ve Heard God Wrong?

June 19, 2019 /

A week ago my small group was sitting around our harvest table finishing off yummy enchiladas when one of my young mom friends with toddlers shared about a difficult decision she and her husband made which she was still anguishing over.

This couple prayed and prayed, seeking wisdom from the Lord about whether to spend their limited budget on some extra child care that would free up a little time for them to nurture their marriage in a very stressful season of travel for her husband, or use the funds to send one of their kids to a private school that they think might provide a particularly nurturing environment.

They were faithful in prayer and sought information and guidance that might inform their decision. They are committed to God’s Word and want to honor Him. They made a decision, but keep wondering what the consequences might be.

Have you ever wondered if you might have heard God wrong?

Over thirty years ago, John and I were serving at a church in the suburbs of Chicago. We were open to moving and received a call from a church in Washington D.C. As we prayed about whether to accept this position, John reminded me this wasn’t a shell game with God. It wasn’t like there was necessarily just one right answer. Our job was to trust God and try to discern what we thought would be most pleasing to Him.

After much prayer we decided this move would be honoring to God and we ended up moving to D.C. Here’s what happened:

via GIPHY

  • I went 8 months pregnant with our second child, her sister just 19 months old
  • D.C. had the highest cost of living in the nation at the time and we had no money.
  • We moved away from all our family for the first time and knew no one.
  • Our church was a cathedral type church, drawing from a large area so we didn’t see the people we worshipped with during the week – hard to build community.
  • The area we lived in had no moms who had made the choice to stay at home with their kids so I went to the park every day and would basically say to any stranger, “Will you be my friend?”

John went to a transition seminar that was required when he started the job. He came home and said, “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we won! We had more stress points than anyone else! The bad news is, they said we should be in counseling.”

The bottom line was that our years in D.C. were maybe the hardest of our marriage. We kept saying, “Lord, did we get this wrong? How could this be Your will and feel like such a bad fit? Why is this so hard?”

We’ll never know this side of heaven whether pride or impatience or something else clouded our discernment of God’s will, or if we were exactly where He wanted us. But as we have reflected on this season, here are some things we’ve observed:

  1. Just because circumstances are hard doesn’t mean you’re outside God’s will. Although we prayed fervently, things never got easier during the time we lived in D.C., but God was still faithful. We learned to be grateful that He was our shelter, our rock, unchanging. “Great is Thy Faithfulness” became our anthem. “Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, Blessings all mine and ten thousand beside!”

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Romans 8:37-39 msg

2. Sometimes God wants to do a work in you instead of for you. As we look back, we see many ways God was preparing us for things to come. We experienced deeper intimacy with Him and greater dependence on Him. God knit our family together in love with Him and each other because that’s all we had.

So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.

2 corinthians 4:16-18 Msg

3. We may mess up. We may get it wrong, but God promises to redeem as we turn to Him. We came away from our time in D.C. with more humility and awareness of our fallibility than if we had gone from “strength to strength.”

…we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

romans 8:28 msg

What’s been your experience with discerning God’s will? As always, I’d love to hear from you! If you get this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the site where you can post a comment. If it’s your first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away! And if you’re interested in some smaller doses of inspiration, join me over on Instagram. (You can turn on “notifications” in the upper right-hand corner if you want to know when there is a post.)

Summer Soul Food and the Enneagram

June 13, 2019 /

Toddlers in tutus and sunglasses, sailboats skimming the lake, lemonade stands, little league games and bike rides to get ice-cream! It’s SUMMERTIME and I am doing a perpetual happy dance!

via GIPHY

I’ve been traveling a lot and in a season of change, so I’ve gotten out of a rhythm of posting here, but I’d love to get back in the habit of sharing “soul food” on Fridays. Maybe it will a recipe or a resource, an idea or a picture, but my prayer is that it will bring you JOY!

This year for my birthday, I asked for a gift from my family that doesn’t cost any money. My wish was that they each would do three things: Take an Enneagram assessment, listen to one podcast episode exploring the profile they think they fit, and talk to me about what they discover.

If you haven’t explored the Enneagram, you’ve probably at least heard about it. Some back away from it, but I see it as just one more tool to help us better understand ourselves – the fears that motivate us, and the ways we interact with others. It’s NOT our identity, but it may help us to transform into greater Christ-likeness as we become more self-aware.

So if you’re up for a little reflective adventure, here are some suggestions:
1. Do ANY Enneagram assessment you want – answer the questions as you would if you were at HOME, not in your work role.

Here’s one free assessment. (Always go with your gut/experience if in doubt re the number that comes out of assessment and “try it on” for awhile if you’re not sure). 


2. Annie F. Downs is doing a great series during June. Listen to at least THE ONE podcast episode corresponding to the number you think YOU are on this podcast series .

3. Talk to someone about what you learn!

Two other podcast episodes that are helpful if you’re not sure of your number:

Also…

A fun article on how to choose the best vacation for your Enneagram type: Angieaway and…

A fun Instagram feed to follow: Enneagramandcoffee

Or YourEnneagramCoach

What resources might you add? Fun insights?

As always, I’d love to hear from you! If you get this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the site where you can post a comment. If it’s your first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away! And if you’re interested in some smaller doses of inspiration, join me over on Instagram. (You can turn on “notifications” in the upper right-hand corner if you want to know when there is a post.)

Good Talk!

June 8, 2019 /

Look at you! You trivialize religion, turn spiritual conversation into empty gossip.

job 15:2 msg

The other night we went out with some close friends we hadn’t seen in awhile. It was a fun dinner of catching up, but afterwards I felt an air of regret. It seemed like our conversation had been mostly about things and people – not malicious gossip, but certainly not the kind of dialog that is inspiring or high-minded.

A mentor of ours used to quote Eleanor Roosevelt:

Great Minds Discuss Ideas; Average Minds Discuss Events; Small Minds Discuss People.

Not every conversation has to be deep and meaningful. We can just “be” together and laugh, but I also don’t want to miss out on what God might have for us to gain in community.

Reflecting on our evening with friends, I compared it in my mind to several other meals we have had over the past six months.

There are people in our life who don’t press for control, but are aware of opportunities to bring richness to our conversations that we can easily miss.

A colleague once said, “There’s a difference between being mechanical or legalistic and being intentional.”

Last month we were with some dear friends for a weekend in England. At our first meal together, the husband said, “On Sunday night I don’t want to look back and think, ‘Oh what an opportunity we missed!‘ So let’s make our conversations count.”

At each subsequent meal, he asked each of us to bring up different things on our hearts that we are wrestling with. As a result we talked about the difficulty and messiness of discipleship, change, identity, parenting, humility, leadership, accountability, culture, theology, sexuality and prayer! Our friendship was strengthened and we were enriched.

Other friends, think carefully about a question to throw out in a group. One mentor of ours at a dinner for 10 people around a table asked if any of us knew what the work “bespoke” meant. He had read it recently in a book and discovered that it means “special or unique”. He went on to ask each of us around the table what “bespoke” gift we had received in the past year. Our faith was strengthened as we listened to special gifts of God’s grace and faithfulness in the lives of our friends.

Another friend, who opens his home to young men every Tuesday night, is careful to create a safe environment and prioritize authenticity and acceptance. Recently he asked, “Are you hopeful? Why? Be honest.”

Questions and intention can keep our marriages fresh too. Recently I heard about some weekly questions that had been adapted from those in the book, A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken and posted them on Instagram.⠀

I tweaked them some more, and John and I have started talking about them every Sunday. Weird to start after 35 years of marriage? Maybe a little, but worth it! Give it a try or make up your own.

So this is what I’ve been thinking about…I don’t want to make conversation contrived or bring intensity to every interaction, but I also don’t want to default to the trivial and miss out on the richness of community discussion.

What if we took a minute before going into a social situation to prayerfully consider a question to pose if the timing is right? Here are some I’ve thought of:

  • What’s been a life-giving experience for you lately?
  • What keeps you awake at night?
  • What’s one prayer you have for your kids? For the church?

What would you add?

As always, I’d love to hear from you! If you get this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the site where you can post a comment. If it’s your first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away! And if you’re interested in some smaller doses of inspiration, join me over on Instagram. (You can turn on “notifications” in the upper right-hand corner if you want to know when there is a post.)

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

colossians 4:6

How to Make the Most of Your Summer

May 25, 2019 /

It’s Memorial Day weekend.

In Minnesota it is the season of sweatshirts and shorts. Everyone heads to “the lake” (like there’s only one instead of 10,000) to put the boat in in spite of the fact that ice-out was only a couple of weeks ago.

We are an optimistic lot and we live for our glorious summer months like an addict jonesing for a fix.

When my kids were young we made “SUMMER GOALS” on a big chart that we hung in our kitchen – recreational, reading, serving, spiritual physical… (Sanity in the Summertime was my go-to book) It was fun (color coded, of course)!

It worked for us. I’m a former teacher so I love this kind of structure, but I know some of you are rolling your eyes thinking “Oh that’s so precious!”

Still, if we aren’t intentional, September 1st will roll around and we’ll think “Whaaaat happened? Summer’s over??” So, no guilt and no big goal chart, but can I offer 5 questions that might be helpful?

  1. What’s one book you want to read? A few inspiring suggestions:

And if you want a resource to find great books for your kids, check out Books that Build Character by William Kirkpatrick

2. What’s one thing you’d like to create or try?

  • A Summer playlist
  • A new recipe or ethnic dinner
  • A garden
  • A bike trail
  • A yoga class

3. Who’s one person you want to learn from? Might this be a place to stretch? What about someone from a political party, or with values that make you uncomfortable? Maybe it’s someone with a job you’re curious about (If you have kids, let them pick and do it together).

  • Set up a coffee date
  • Brainstorm some questions you’d like to ask
  • Write a note afterwards affirming and sharing some new insight you gained.

4. What’s one way you’d like to simplify?

  • Unplug (the tv, the phone, the computer, the iron)
  • Clean out (a closet, a garage, a basement)
  • Say no
  • Protect family time – identify boundaries
  • Sabbath

5. What’s one thing you might do to nurture spiritual growth in the midst of a different pace?

  • Take a daylong silent retreat.
  • Take a walk through your neighborhood and pray for the people who live near you. Then do a Sundaes on Sunday in your front yard, inviting the neighborhood to stop by for ice cream.
  • Go to the park and watch your kids play. As you watch, thank God for all you see.
  • At the lake on a Sunday morning? Try an ABC prayer of praise as a family. Start with one person who names an attribute of God that starts with the letter A. Go around the table – second person takes B, third C, etc. You can do this with things your thankful for instead of attributes too.

Maybe jot down your thoughts in a journal, but then just choose one thing to start with. What helps you live a great story in the summertime?

I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him.

deuteronomy 30:19-20

4 Things to Do When You Feel Lost

May 22, 2019 /

Recently we were traveling in England and Scotland. During a two-week timeframe we missed one train, and got off of another train at the (WAY) wrong stop. This was John’s fault, but I wasn’t paying attention and blindly followed him onto the rainy platform in “the middle of nowhere”. I also walked 2 miles in the exact wrong direction trying to find a town that was as illusive as Brigadoon.

We have a saying in our family: Often wrong, never uncertain!

Bottom line: Sometimes we don’t end up where we thought we’d be.

This past week a close friend died suddenly, leaving his family reeling with a new normal they never expected. They feel “in the middle of nowhere.”

Maybe you too are where you never thought you’d be. Maybe you’re

  • Getting intervention help for a child who is not developing at the rate doctors say he or she should.
  • Going to therapy for a marriage in crisis instead of planning an anniversary celebration.
  • Struggling with more month than money and wondering if you need to get a job outside the home.
  • Grieving a miscarriage or planning a funeral instead of a birth or birthday party.

Our travel misadventures got me thinking about what we learned there that can be applied to the many “plan b” life situations we find ourselves in.

  1. Ask for help. People are predisposed to want to help you get where you’re going, to encourage with “Yes! Just a bit further. This is the right road!” or to say, “You’re not too far off.” or “The next train will be along shortly.

A friend found out 2 weeks before her fourth child was born that he would have Downs Syndrome and would probably need heart surgery. This was an unexpected shock. Life changed drastically, but she reached out to others around the country who are parents of kids with special needs and got both advice and invaluable support. We need to remember that God has given us companions for the journey.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NLT

2. Be where your feet are. Look around you. Be honest about the frustration of where you are, but also ask “What is there to be thankful for?” Right now. Right here.

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

1st Thessalonians 5:18 NLT

3. Learn from the detour. Who are you becoming? How might this path be shaping you? Might God be teaching you dependence on Him, patience, grace?

 Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it’s your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.

1 Peter 1:7 MSG

4. Live “top down”. When we live “bottom up” we start with our circumstances and project onto God. If our circumstances are good, God must be good. If our circumstances are bad, God must be bad. When we live “top down” we start with the character of God and interpret our circumstances in light of that truth.

We trust that He sees what we don’t see. He knows what we don’t know. He is good no matter what. He is good at being God.

My help and glory are in God
    —granite-strength and safe-harbor-God—
So trust him absolutely, people;
    lay your lives on the line for him.
    God is a safe place to be.

Psalm 62:7-8 MSG

Are you feeling like you’re “in the middle of nowhere”? These 4 suggestions may not make the loss less painful, but which might help?

As always, I’d love to hear from you! If you get this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the site where you can post a comment. If it’s your first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away! And if you’re interested in some smaller doses of inspiration, join me over on Instagram. (You can turn on “notifications” in the upper right-hand corner if you want to know when there is a post.)

Also, check out this free spiritual reflection exercise to help you thrive in a Plan B life! Click here: http://eepurl.com/drwvSv

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