Category: Soul Care (Page 7 of 10)

What Stories are you Telling Yourself That May be Derailing You?

July 23, 2019 /

“Are you playing in the Tennis Invitational this year?”

My friend had no idea that would be a painful question, but it was.

I’m a relative newbie to the game of tennis. I was only able to start playing a few years ago after back surgery. After looking down my nose at “women who tennis”, I’m embarrassed by how much I love it. I am passionate about improving and I work hard. I love the community of players I’ve gotten to know.

This experience may sound sooo ridiculous in light of, you know…real life pain around the world, but stick with me.

Every year there is a “Tennis Invitational” at our courts. It’s a day and a half event of friendly competition with dinner. Super fun.

I wasn’t even aware of it for a long time. Probably because it’s for “better players”.

Then 3 years ago the coaches were desperate at the last minute and asked me to sub in. Same thing happened 2 years ago. Last year I was invited to play for real.

This year? Crickets. Nothing. I was uninvited.

Those are the facts.

I felt confused and hurt, especially when I discovered a friend who plays at my level was invited.

The narratives I constructed to try to make sense of the facts?

  • They think I’m getting worse instead of better.
  • Someone complained about my level of play last year.
  • It was a clerical error last year and I was invited by mistake.
  • They have an age limit. They don’t want me because I’m “old”.
  • One of the coaches is mad at me.

All these “stories” motivate me to feel self-conscious, wary, and discouraged.

What if there’s another story that I’m not aware of?

There’s a difference between facts and the story we tell ourselves.

Example: A friend cancels plans with you three times in a row.

That’s a fact.

The story you may tell yourself is that she doesn’t value your friendship anymore. You are not important to her.

Example: You reach out to two different guys on a dating app and neither of them responds to you.

That’s a fact.

The story you tell yourself is that you’re “undatable”. You aren’t pretty enough.

Unless we are covered in Teflon, we tend to gravitate towards the worst interpretation of events.

But what if there’s another story? How do we know what’s true?

As I’ve been grappling with situations like this in my own life, two action steps have come to mind.

  1. Inquire for better understanding. Go to the source. Yikes! This feels hard, risky, vulnerable. It’s also not always possible or realistic to go directly to the other person (like with a dating app). But, when possible, being honest about the facts, and your feelings, and asking for additional information or the true narrative may be the best course of action. With the dating example, it might be wise to ask a close friend who may have some insight that will be helpful.

2. Ask God for His perspective. Facts are facts. Maybe you’re not as good as you thought you were. Maybe your friend has moved into a new season without you. Maybe there are issues you need to work on to become a healthier date. But what story is God writing? What qualities might He want to develop in you?

  • Perseverance? James 1:2-4
  • Humility? 1 Peter 5:5-9
  • Dependence? Psalm 62:5-8

Is it possible you’re giving the people in your life more power to say who you are than God? Remember in Genesis 3:10-11 when Adam was ashamed in the Garden of Eden and God asked him “Who told you that…?” God’s implication was “Not me…I’m not the one who told you to be ashamed.”

@charliemackesy Instagram

P.S. I screwed up my courage and questioned for better understanding. The story was nuanced and made sense. Afterwards I felt lighter, and like I could breathe easier.

Do you struggle with telling yourself all the negative stories?

I’d love to hear from you! If you get this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the site where you can post a comment. If it’s your first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away!

And if you’re interested in some smaller doses of inspiration, join me over on Instagram. (You can turn on “notifications” in the upper right-hand corner if you want to know when there is a post.)

Ever Wonder If You’ve Heard God Wrong?

June 19, 2019 /

A week ago my small group was sitting around our harvest table finishing off yummy enchiladas when one of my young mom friends with toddlers shared about a difficult decision she and her husband made which she was still anguishing over.

This couple prayed and prayed, seeking wisdom from the Lord about whether to spend their limited budget on some extra child care that would free up a little time for them to nurture their marriage in a very stressful season of travel for her husband, or use the funds to send one of their kids to a private school that they think might provide a particularly nurturing environment.

They were faithful in prayer and sought information and guidance that might inform their decision. They are committed to God’s Word and want to honor Him. They made a decision, but keep wondering what the consequences might be.

Have you ever wondered if you might have heard God wrong?

Over thirty years ago, John and I were serving at a church in the suburbs of Chicago. We were open to moving and received a call from a church in Washington D.C. As we prayed about whether to accept this position, John reminded me this wasn’t a shell game with God. It wasn’t like there was necessarily just one right answer. Our job was to trust God and try to discern what we thought would be most pleasing to Him.

After much prayer we decided this move would be honoring to God and we ended up moving to D.C. Here’s what happened:

via GIPHY

  • I went 8 months pregnant with our second child, her sister just 19 months old
  • D.C. had the highest cost of living in the nation at the time and we had no money.
  • We moved away from all our family for the first time and knew no one.
  • Our church was a cathedral type church, drawing from a large area so we didn’t see the people we worshipped with during the week – hard to build community.
  • The area we lived in had no moms who had made the choice to stay at home with their kids so I went to the park every day and would basically say to any stranger, “Will you be my friend?”

John went to a transition seminar that was required when he started the job. He came home and said, “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we won! We had more stress points than anyone else! The bad news is, they said we should be in counseling.”

The bottom line was that our years in D.C. were maybe the hardest of our marriage. We kept saying, “Lord, did we get this wrong? How could this be Your will and feel like such a bad fit? Why is this so hard?”

We’ll never know this side of heaven whether pride or impatience or something else clouded our discernment of God’s will, or if we were exactly where He wanted us. But as we have reflected on this season, here are some things we’ve observed:

  1. Just because circumstances are hard doesn’t mean you’re outside God’s will. Although we prayed fervently, things never got easier during the time we lived in D.C., but God was still faithful. We learned to be grateful that He was our shelter, our rock, unchanging. “Great is Thy Faithfulness” became our anthem. “Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, Blessings all mine and ten thousand beside!”

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Romans 8:37-39 msg

2. Sometimes God wants to do a work in you instead of for you. As we look back, we see many ways God was preparing us for things to come. We experienced deeper intimacy with Him and greater dependence on Him. God knit our family together in love with Him and each other because that’s all we had.

So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.

2 corinthians 4:16-18 Msg

3. We may mess up. We may get it wrong, but God promises to redeem as we turn to Him. We came away from our time in D.C. with more humility and awareness of our fallibility than if we had gone from “strength to strength.”

…we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

romans 8:28 msg

What’s been your experience with discerning God’s will? As always, I’d love to hear from you! If you get this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the site where you can post a comment. If it’s your first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away! And if you’re interested in some smaller doses of inspiration, join me over on Instagram. (You can turn on “notifications” in the upper right-hand corner if you want to know when there is a post.)

Good Talk!

June 8, 2019 /

Look at you! You trivialize religion, turn spiritual conversation into empty gossip.

job 15:2 msg

The other night we went out with some close friends we hadn’t seen in awhile. It was a fun dinner of catching up, but afterwards I felt an air of regret. It seemed like our conversation had been mostly about things and people – not malicious gossip, but certainly not the kind of dialog that is inspiring or high-minded.

A mentor of ours used to quote Eleanor Roosevelt:

Great Minds Discuss Ideas; Average Minds Discuss Events; Small Minds Discuss People.

Not every conversation has to be deep and meaningful. We can just “be” together and laugh, but I also don’t want to miss out on what God might have for us to gain in community.

Reflecting on our evening with friends, I compared it in my mind to several other meals we have had over the past six months.

There are people in our life who don’t press for control, but are aware of opportunities to bring richness to our conversations that we can easily miss.

A colleague once said, “There’s a difference between being mechanical or legalistic and being intentional.”

Last month we were with some dear friends for a weekend in England. At our first meal together, the husband said, “On Sunday night I don’t want to look back and think, ‘Oh what an opportunity we missed!‘ So let’s make our conversations count.”

At each subsequent meal, he asked each of us to bring up different things on our hearts that we are wrestling with. As a result we talked about the difficulty and messiness of discipleship, change, identity, parenting, humility, leadership, accountability, culture, theology, sexuality and prayer! Our friendship was strengthened and we were enriched.

Other friends, think carefully about a question to throw out in a group. One mentor of ours at a dinner for 10 people around a table asked if any of us knew what the work “bespoke” meant. He had read it recently in a book and discovered that it means “special or unique”. He went on to ask each of us around the table what “bespoke” gift we had received in the past year. Our faith was strengthened as we listened to special gifts of God’s grace and faithfulness in the lives of our friends.

Another friend, who opens his home to young men every Tuesday night, is careful to create a safe environment and prioritize authenticity and acceptance. Recently he asked, “Are you hopeful? Why? Be honest.”

Questions and intention can keep our marriages fresh too. Recently I heard about some weekly questions that had been adapted from those in the book, A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken and posted them on Instagram.⠀

I tweaked them some more, and John and I have started talking about them every Sunday. Weird to start after 35 years of marriage? Maybe a little, but worth it! Give it a try or make up your own.

So this is what I’ve been thinking about…I don’t want to make conversation contrived or bring intensity to every interaction, but I also don’t want to default to the trivial and miss out on the richness of community discussion.

What if we took a minute before going into a social situation to prayerfully consider a question to pose if the timing is right? Here are some I’ve thought of:

  • What’s been a life-giving experience for you lately?
  • What keeps you awake at night?
  • What’s one prayer you have for your kids? For the church?

What would you add?

As always, I’d love to hear from you! If you get this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the site where you can post a comment. If it’s your first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away! And if you’re interested in some smaller doses of inspiration, join me over on Instagram. (You can turn on “notifications” in the upper right-hand corner if you want to know when there is a post.)

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

colossians 4:6

4 Things to Do When You Feel Lost

May 22, 2019 /

Recently we were traveling in England and Scotland. During a two-week timeframe we missed one train, and got off of another train at the (WAY) wrong stop. This was John’s fault, but I wasn’t paying attention and blindly followed him onto the rainy platform in “the middle of nowhere”. I also walked 2 miles in the exact wrong direction trying to find a town that was as illusive as Brigadoon.

We have a saying in our family: Often wrong, never uncertain!

Bottom line: Sometimes we don’t end up where we thought we’d be.

This past week a close friend died suddenly, leaving his family reeling with a new normal they never expected. They feel “in the middle of nowhere.”

Maybe you too are where you never thought you’d be. Maybe you’re

  • Getting intervention help for a child who is not developing at the rate doctors say he or she should.
  • Going to therapy for a marriage in crisis instead of planning an anniversary celebration.
  • Struggling with more month than money and wondering if you need to get a job outside the home.
  • Grieving a miscarriage or planning a funeral instead of a birth or birthday party.

Our travel misadventures got me thinking about what we learned there that can be applied to the many “plan b” life situations we find ourselves in.

  1. Ask for help. People are predisposed to want to help you get where you’re going, to encourage with “Yes! Just a bit further. This is the right road!” or to say, “You’re not too far off.” or “The next train will be along shortly.

A friend found out 2 weeks before her fourth child was born that he would have Downs Syndrome and would probably need heart surgery. This was an unexpected shock. Life changed drastically, but she reached out to others around the country who are parents of kids with special needs and got both advice and invaluable support. We need to remember that God has given us companions for the journey.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NLT

2. Be where your feet are. Look around you. Be honest about the frustration of where you are, but also ask “What is there to be thankful for?” Right now. Right here.

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

1st Thessalonians 5:18 NLT

3. Learn from the detour. Who are you becoming? How might this path be shaping you? Might God be teaching you dependence on Him, patience, grace?

 Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it’s your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.

1 Peter 1:7 MSG

4. Live “top down”. When we live “bottom up” we start with our circumstances and project onto God. If our circumstances are good, God must be good. If our circumstances are bad, God must be bad. When we live “top down” we start with the character of God and interpret our circumstances in light of that truth.

We trust that He sees what we don’t see. He knows what we don’t know. He is good no matter what. He is good at being God.

My help and glory are in God
    —granite-strength and safe-harbor-God—
So trust him absolutely, people;
    lay your lives on the line for him.
    God is a safe place to be.

Psalm 62:7-8 MSG

Are you feeling like you’re “in the middle of nowhere”? These 4 suggestions may not make the loss less painful, but which might help?

As always, I’d love to hear from you! If you get this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the site where you can post a comment. If it’s your first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away! And if you’re interested in some smaller doses of inspiration, join me over on Instagram. (You can turn on “notifications” in the upper right-hand corner if you want to know when there is a post.)

Also, check out this free spiritual reflection exercise to help you thrive in a Plan B life! Click here: http://eepurl.com/drwvSv

How Paying Attention Can Transform You

April 15, 2019 /

Every once in awhile one of the tennis pros who is trying to teach me will stand behind me as I serve and take a video of me on his phone. Then (and this is the really hard part!) HE’LL MAKE ME WATCH IT!

He’ll slow it down and show frame by frame what I look like, pointing out when my feet and hands and arms are in the right position, and when they are off (which is a lot of the time!).

The other day our favorite golf pro, Sarah, did this with John.

Most of us would say we want to be more self-aware, but it can be painful when blind-spots are revealed, amIright?

Even David, known as “a man after God’s own heart” was blind to his sin and prayed,

Test me, Lord, and try me,
    examine my heart and my mind;
 for I have always been mindful of your unfailing love
    and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness.

Psalm 26:2-3

Ignatius of Loyola who founded the Jesuits, created a practice called the Examen. It’s a technique of prayerful reflection, looking back over your day in order to discern times of “consolation” – when we sensed God’s pleasure, and times of “desolation”, when we turned away from Him.

The Examen is like watching a video of your day, frame by frame and noticing the presence of God.

Here are the steps.

  • RECOGNIZE (God’s presence) I want to look at my day with God’s eyes, not just my own.
  • REJOICE – The day I have lived is a gift from God. Thank Him.
  • REVIEW – Carefully review the day, guided by the Holy Spirit, looking for times when I sensed the joy of the Lord, or the absence of the life He desires for me.
  • REPENT – Face the places I ignored, or turned away from God and ask forgiveness
  • RECALIBRATE – I ask God to help me cooperate with His work in and through me in the coming day.

So here’s briefly what the Examen looked like in my life the other day.

I praised God for the amazing birdsongs I heard, for bright pink flowers and sunset, and all of His creation…Text exchanges from our daughters that brought joy and life, an encouraging verse from His Word…

I recognized God’s pleasure and presence as I wrote a note of encouragement, when I served my husband by taking out the trash, when a friend and I walked together, sharing our hearts…

I was convicted that I talked way too much with a friend, was self-centered in a relationship, and was impatient with John. I was intolerant of old, slow people who bear the image of Jesus. I asked forgiveness.

I asked God to help me be more aware of the Imago Dei in everyone I encounter. I asked Him to help me think of my own desires less, and serve others.

What do you think? Maybe try it when you get into bed tonight?

How to Embrace JOMO

April 5, 2019 /

I HATE the acronym, JOMO. I’m a seize the day, try all of the things, the key to life is doing more, kind of girl.

When I first read of people advocating JOMO (joy of missing out), I cringed and deleted. Not me, sister! Never.

Here’s what changed. Awhile ago I started observing Sabbath.

I had read about it over the years. I had experienced the power of celebrating Shabbat with Jewish families in Jerusalem, but I just didn’t think it was realistic for ME, because…people need me, and I’D BE MISSING OUT ON ALL OF THE THINGS! (insert eye roll) Oh ye of monstrous pride, Laura!

In his book, The Rest of God, Mark Buchanan writes:

”…God, knowing both our need and our folly, took the lead.  He set the example.  Like a parent who coaxes a cranky toddler to lie down for an afternoon nap by lying down beside her, God woos us into rest by resting.

‘For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth and the sea, and all that is in them, but He rested on the 7th day.  Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.’

God commands that we imitate Him in order to discover again that we’re not Him and that we need Him.”

Mark Buchanan

My husband has come to view my phone as an added appendage. So seeing me with out it – relishing a day without texting, podcasts, FaceTime, Instagram, Google maps, Yelp, Email…is like spotting a unicorn.

For me Sabbath means totally unplugging. I thought it would be a pain. I thought it would feel like a legalistic discipline, but the opposite has been true. It is delightfully different! It is a day truly set apart to celebrate the goodness of God…to worship and replenish.

My Sabbath includes worship at church. It may include lunch with friends, a walk on the beach, reading something for fun, playing tennis, lighting candles, eating ice cream.

With Sabbath we open our hands, releasing our death grip on words and worries and work.

Sabbath doesn’t include any “have to’s”. Period.

  • I don’t have to exercise.
  • I don’t have to respond to calls or emails.
  • I don’t have to do laundry.
  • I don’t have to hurry
  • I don’t have to run errands.
  • I don’t have to cook (but if baking is something relaxing and creative I love to do, I can!)

For my friends with kids who observe Sabbath it can include church, a walk to the park, a family game night, reading aloud together…

A man I met in Jerusalem brought his wife a bouquet of flowers each Friday night before sundown when Shabbat started. Sabbath is special. It’sdifferent from any other day. .

One thing I have learned is observing Sabbath requires a little forethought.

You may need to get someone to cover potential work emergencies, and let people closest to you know you won’t have your phone with you. You might want to look through emails to see if there is anything time sensitive. If you want something special to eat or read for Sabbath, make sure you have it.

Maybe through observing Sabbath I’ve experienced JOMO not because I’ve really missed out on something. Instead, I’m learning to live freely and lightly and receiving something better.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Matthew 11:28-30 MSG

Do you observe Sabbath? What does it look like for you?

What Does a Jesus Schedule Look Like?

April 2, 2019 /

6:00 – 6:18 a.m. Brush teeth, put on sandals and robe, sit by lake

6:19- 6:33 a.m. Pray, using A.C.T.S.*

6:34 – 6:45 a.m. Review memorized Torah

6:55 – 7:00 Write in journal

7:00 Wake disciples for breakfast

Can you picture Jesus’ handler scurrying along behind Him with a clipboard trying to keep Him on task? I don’t think so.

Jesus had a healthy rhythm of life, but He didn’t have a strict schedule.

He engaged, and disengaged. He poured out and filled up.

He had regular practices, but He wasn’t legalistic about them.

Jesus was busy, but never hurried.

He valued children over check-lists.

This morning, as I write, I’ve spent a little time in Scripture, but I’m also multi-tasking…texting with a couple of people, stopping to pray for my daughter, and friends as they come to mind.

Does Jesus want my devotion, my undivided attention? Yes.

Does He give grace for prayer that’s a bit scattered and interruptions to my time in His Word? Yes.

Don’t get me wrong! I see the value of a morning routine!

One of the keys to the “with God” life is paying attention. If we start our day focused on Him, maybe we will be more likely to be aware of His presence while changing diapers, or at work, or fixing dinner, or at the coffee shop with a friend who is hurting.

If you have a special, comfy chair where you try to start each day with a cup of coffee and devotions of some sort, that’s fantastic! Even if you have toddlers who interrupt you, they are seeing what’s important to you.

However, different seasons of life have more or less discretionary time first thing in the morning. Your rhythm and routine may look different when you’re 24 and when you’re 42, but it takes intention. It doesn’t just happen.

Years ago, a mentor of mine told me “You may think it’s hard to carve out time with Jesus while your kids are little (and it is!), but there will always be things vying for your attention, so fight hard for the discipline of a healthy rhythm, but also give yourself grace.”

  • Maybe you’ll lay hands on your kids at the bus stop and pray a blessing over them.
  • Maybe you’ll take a walk and pray for your neighborhood.
  • Maybe you’ll meditate on a verse you’ve taped over the sink so you see it as you do the dishes.
  • Maybe you’ll read the same Psalm every day for a week, noting the characteristics of God.
  • Maybe you’ll do your Bible study as you sit in the carpool line at soccer waiting to pick up your kids.
  • Maybe you’ll be surprised by Jesus, recognizing Him in the way someone serves you.

Jesus doesn’t want part of your life. He wants the whole messy and beautiful and beloved thing.

So…a couple of questions to close:

  • What does your spiritual rhythm look like in this season?
  • What helps you to pay attention to the character and work of God in and through you?

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts (they are super valuable to all of us!). If you subscribe to this blog, just click on the title and it will take you to my website. Scroll down to leave a comment. Remember, if you’re posting a comment for the first time it won’t show up right away, but be patient…it will!

*Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication

Embracing “The F Word”

March 14, 2019 /

One morning when our oldest daughter was about 5 she came home from school and said someone on the bus had told her “the F word”.

I gulped and thought, “Ok, here we go…”

“Yep,” she continued, “It’s ‘fart'”.

There are several “f words” that are off-limits in our family, but for me the worst one I haven’t written about yet. It’s “fasting”.

I am ashamed to admit it, but I am a terrible faster! When I think of “fasting” I think of food. And when I fast from food, instead of opening a door to more lovely space with Jesus, it seems to opens a door to the dungeon of my soul where angry cranky-pants me is not positively disposed to talking to Jesus.

This unpalatable word has come to my attention recently because, well, Lent don’tcha know, and all the talk about what we’re going to give up in order to make more space for Jesus and identify with His suffering.

Plus, I received this from our adopted “son” who is just finishing medical school in Uganda and wants to go back to serve his people in a rural area that needs a clinic. Here’s what he wrote:

“For now 10 days, I have been praying and fasting. I have sought for God’s intervention in all ways I can. I have prayed from the mountain. I have prayed day and night. I have visited all His Holy sanctuaries praying and crying in quest for His faithfulness. He has been there for me since I was born. I have seen His glory manifest in my life on many instances. I trust he’s got my back on the construction of the clinic too.  Now I’ll continue to pray and wait for his faithfulness.”

When I read this I was both inspired and ashamed. I must not really love Jesus if I’m not fasting in this way, dependent on Jesus.

This led me to talk with my spiritual director who encouraged me to remember that the purpose of spiritual disciplines is to bring greater Christ-likeness and joy, not resentment.

As I’ve reflected on the type of fast that truly will make space for Jesus, I’ve landed on two:

  1. Fasting from my phone and technology as part of my Sabbath practice. Some call it a “digital Sabbath”. For awhile I tried to rationalize a partial fast (because I do EVERYTHING on my phone), but it has been delightfully freeing and has invited me into more intimacy with Jesus.
  2. Fasting from words as part of my morning time with Jesus. This means committing to silence and Centering prayer before talking at Jesus. My desire is to listen more (or at least as much) as I talk to Jesus. If this interests you, there is a Centering Prayer app that is helpful.

Fasting is certainly not a magic charm to get Jesus to do what you want Him to do, but any time we make more space for Jesus, I believe our will is brought more into line with His and we’ll pray with fresh eyes and faith.

The fast that is helpful for you, may be totally different! I’d love to hear your experience regarding Lent or fasting! To leave a comment, if you receive this by email, just click on the title and scroll down. If you’re leaving a comment for the first time it won’t show up right away, but don’t worry! It will soon!


One Crucial Question to Ask Yourself

February 20, 2019 /

“I made cookies for you guys, but I decided they weren’t good enough to bring, so I threw them out.”

I look around the circle of women gathered in the graciously appointed living room for Bible study as my new friend continues. “As I was walking out the door I told my husband, ‘I really don’t want to go. Everyone wears their designer clothes and I look like a slob.'”

I am so grateful for this out-loud honest confession, because it would have been easy for me (in jeans) to feel the same way. As it was, it prompted all the other women around the circle to share how each feels insecure or inadequate in some way (no matter how polished or glamorous they look on the outside).

We may impress people by leading with our strengths or a shiny exterior, but we connect with them through our vulnerabilities. And that’s what happened in the room. It diffused the power of “not good enough” and led to further discussion.

How often is this the voice you hear in your head? How often is this the refrain Satan taunts you with?

Do you remember what God said to Eve when she said she was afraid because she was naked? He said, “Who told you that?”

This is the crucial question my friends and I have learned to ask each other when we’re down in the mud and muck, discouraged by comparison or inadequacy.

What if we invite Jesus into the conversation? What are the true things that He would remind us of?

You are “My beloved” (Romans 9:15)

I delight in you. I rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

I chose you. (1 Peter 2:9)

I call you by name. You are mine. (Isaiah 43:1)

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)

You are My handiwork. I have good plans prepared in advance for you. (Ephesians 2:10)

Can we agree we’re all insecure and battle the “not good enough” voice in our heads sometimes? Let’s help each other with this. When you hear a friend disparaging herself, ask: “Who told you that? What is the TRUTH? What does Jesus say about you?”

One of the places that can promote joy, but can also be a comparison trap is Instagram, which is why I originally posted this there. I really, really want my Instagram feed to be a place that inspires, encourages, and delights. I want it to be lovely, fun, AND authentic!

My First Question For Jesus

February 12, 2019 /

What’s the first question you want to ask Jesus when you get to heaven?

Is it some of the heavy “why’s” of suffering or prayers not answered in the way you wanted?

This may sound frivolous, but I’ve always said my first question is going to be, “Why did I have to be sleep-deprived when my kids were little so I wasn’t awake enough to fully enjoy them?”

My dream is to be able to time-travel back to the days when my kids were 1 and 2 years old, but with the energy and perspective I have now – so I could be fully present with joy. This is what I was thinking about as I biked to coffee this morning.

When I sat down to read at my delightful Zimbabwean coffee shop, an aha jumped off the pages at me from the book of Proverbs.

The primary ingredient of wisdom is humility.

And here’s how it gave me a possible answer to my question for Jesus.

When we are sleep deprived and our kids are little with a bajillionty questions , we are desperate.

When we are sleep deprived and our teens are out with the car and curfew is creeping closer, we’re desperate.

When we are sleep-deprived because we know our college student is struggling for acceptance and there’s nothing we can do about it, we’re desperate.

Desperation fosters dependence on God. 

Dependence on God = Humility

Perhaps our Friend, Jesus, wants us to realize right from the beginning, that we’re going to need a partner much bigger and wiser than ourselves in this job of parenting. Maybe He wants us to experience the truth that “His strength is perfected in our weakness.”

Today maybe Jesus is inviting us to open our hands and pray for our kids, knowing we’ll let them down, but He won’t. Our power is limited, but His isn’t. Our love is finite, but His is beyond anything we can imagine. We may be sleep-deprived, but He’s always awake.

I’d love to hear from you! If you subscribe and receive this in an email, just click on the title at the top and then scroll down to where you can leave a comment. If it’s your first time sharing, don’t worry when your comment doesn’t show up right away! It will as soon as I see it! Also, Instagram is my favorite place to hang out. Come introduce yourself over there!

We’re better together!

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