It was years ago now, when the doorbell rang and I dragged my weary, wounded self to open it, my eyes perpetually aching from tears that I could not seem to stop.
I felt destroyed, demolished. As if a mack truck, driven by a team of people I loved and trusted, had run over me without a thought and as I lay mangled in the intersection folks walked by, happy and oblivious to the damage they had passively assented to.
I was exhausted, and lonely, and tired of battling despair.
I slowly opened the door and was greeted hesitantly by someone brave enough to walk into my pain. She was holding a clear glass bowl of rocks that looked as gray and barren and hopeless as my life that day.
Haltingly, she said, “I know everything seems worse than terrible right now, but I believe there is still life. Still hope.”
She handed me the bowl of rocks and then I noticed in the middle a tiny green shoot reaching up.
She said, “There’s a bulb in the middle of this mess of rocks. My prayer is that as it grows and flowers into loveliness, God will bring life and beauty out of what seems so ugly to you now. I believe He will.”
Sometimes we need others to hold the bulbs of hope for us. Sometimes we need others to believe when we can’t. 
Looking back on that season of disillusionment and fear, what got me through were many “hope holders” who risked showing up and not letting go.
One sent me Isaiah 58:11. I have her name and the date written in my Bible:
“The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a print whose waters never fail.”
Another showed up with a prayer shawl, praying that as I wrapped myself in it I would feel wrapped in God’s love.
And another coordinated folks to write notes to open every day for weeks as I crawled away into a hole far from home, trying to heal.
And then, the other day I found this card and thought of a friend who needs me to hold bulbs of hope for her theses days.
Some of you may need the hope that you’re not alone today.
Others may need the hope that even though you don’t understand, God really does have this and it’s gonna be ok.
You may be experiencing loss and need hope that God will still fill your hands with good gifts.
Who are you holding hope for? Do you need someone to hold it for you? I will.
So used to lovingly hold hope for others that it feels as though sometimes I should be strong enough to not need the support in return. Like I should be stronger in faith to not feel sad, hurt, loss or despair. However, it’s been a blessing and I’ve been truly humbled by others’ sacrifices through time, energy and love to hold hope for me recently… I’m learning God feels I’m worthy enough for Him to show His love through the special friends He’s put into my life. (God is so good to me when I don’t even deserve his unfailing love!) It may take a long time (as your cute card reads) until the hurt, pain, loss and despair feels better, but I rest in peace knowing that He knows the plans He has for me, to uplift me, to give me a great future..and not to harm me.. (Jeremiah 29:11).
You are such a giver Theresa! I know it’s hard to receive, but it’s all training in grace right? Praying that you will rest in Jesus’ care today. Love you!
Far too few run to the one who hurts, far to many walk away. I know this far too well and the loneliness sucks.
I’m so, so sorry, Heather. It sounds like your experience has been really hard. I am praying that you will have a sense of God’s comforting presence with you right now and will find someone who can walk with you through the pain, whether that’s a friend or a counselor or both.