When You Feel Like an Angry Toddler

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

Standing in worship, it felt like I was singing through gritted teeth.

The words were there, but not the heart.

I was having a toddler moment a few weeks ago – frustrated, confused and metaphorically crossing my arms, and stamping my foot with cries of “LORD! I. DON’T. GET. IT!!”

There was a moment in church when we were praying for someone with cancer, and my gut response was “WHY?? Why the heck should I pray? Why should think You’re going to heal anyone else if You didn’t heal my wonderful brother?”

And like I did many times with my kids as toddlers who didn’t understand why we had to say “no” or “wait” and they dissolved into tears, my loving Father just skooched into the pew and snuggled up close to me where I sat and whispered, “I know, I know.”

I thought of my Grams who used to pat-pat my hand with the gentlest touch, her wise wrinkled one covering my unlined one. Just softly present.

And Jesus pat-patted and whispered to me,

“I KNOW what it feels like because I’ve been there. I wanted the plan to be anything other than what it was and I asked my Father to change it if possible.”

“And I KNOW the whys and whats and wherevers because I know everything even though it is too much for you to take in.”

“Trust Me. I know. And that needs to be enough for now.”

Jesus knows and He KNOWS.

He knows what it feels like and He knows more than we know.

 We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. Hebrews 14:15

So maybe some words are hard to sing with conviction, but others are reminders that we have a loving parent who holds us even when we can’t understand.

There is a strength that rises up in me
To know that You’ve been here be – fore me
A strength beyond what I can see
Jesus, Your lo – o – ove
Je – sus, Your love

I’ve shared this before, but it’s worth posting again.