Tag: trust (Page 2 of 3)

Fear, Small Things, and a Big God

One of the ways God reassures me is to say “do not despise the day of small things.”*  He uses the ordinary, and the overlooked, and the seemingly inconsequential.  And even the things He does with these can go overlooked.  Unnoticed.

I used to think that if it was “of God” it had to be big and bold and dramatic and flashy.  Like a super hero.  But then I learned that if he can use flour and oil, and widows, and dropouts, there’s hope for me.  I’m thankful for that, because my life is mostly a life of “small things”.

But lately I’ve been convicted that I’ve gone too far.  I’m settling for too little. I’m settling for a small god, instead of the real thing.   It’s not me who’s flashy and dramatic, but I can trust in God to do amazing things through me, beyond my ability.

Sometimes He wants to do big things.

Continue reading

Mind the Gap

images-1

Ephesians 3:20 says, “To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory…”

This past weekend I experienced the joy of Ephesians 3:20 as our daughter, Maggie, married a young man who was more than I could ask for or imagine for her.

As a mom, I’ve prayed all her life for the man she might one day marry.  And it is a sign of my small faith that Austin surprised even me.  He is a godly partner who compliments her beautifully.

Once upon a time, I thought that was how God was  – always predictable in the way I thought He should be.  “Immeasurably more than we ask or imagine” was in my way (Read: fun, exciting, and comfortable) and in my time (Read: NOW).

Immeasurably more seems…well, fantastic!  A delightful combo of Candyland and a beach on Maui.

But what do we do when God doesn’t live up to our expectations?  What do we do when we’re disappointed in God?

Continue reading

The Opposite of Fear on Fearless Friday

My husband John is ridiculously wise and is my biggest cheerleader, praying with and for me regarding this blog.  He’s also extremely gracious, so when I asked him to write this guest post while we’re on vacation, he said “Yes.” 🙂  

It was a crash course in Fear, the single scariest moment in my adult life.  Suspended over the Zambezi River with its crocodiles and the roar of Victoria Falls, my pudgy almost-60 year-old body connected to the bridge by a rope that seemed thinner than yarn. 1-2-3 Jump!  Are you crazy?

IMG_2305

Bungee jumping was terror for a moment, but there are other fears, fears I’ve gotten so used to that they shape my life.  I believe we’re all afraid, experts in fear. While we’re afraid of different things, Fear is not only universal, it has a common impact: Fear STOPS us.

Fear Stops us from:

  • Seeking help for a relationship, instead of running away or living in denial or blame
  • Sharing our dreams, because then someone else would know of our dissatisfaction AND the insecurity that paralyzes us
  • Reaching out to forgive, or asking forgiveness instead of avoiding
  • Crying out to God for help, because our fear of change is even bigger than the status quo, and God might actually DO something

Instead of acting, we live with our fear, we live In fear.

I love Henri Nouwen’s image: “we live in  the House of Fear, and our fears have power over us, even as we long to live in the House of Love.”  I see how we are trapped in the House of Fear, and the lock is on the inside.  How to leave the house of fear?  Will we ever feel Safe?

But the opposite of Fear is not safety, it’s Trust, another word for Faith. Trusting something stronger than fear that paralyzes.  Trust frees us to be vulnerable instead of faking, encourages us to act (even if only a baby step off the ledge).  Only Trust can move us toward the House of Love, where Jesus shows that ‘love casts out fear’.

So a young couple share how they are facing their fear to trust God, and uproot their young family to follow a dream.  A young man faces his fear of disappointing me, and takes a step in trust to a new future.

And, finally, I jumped (though it may have taken a little push).

IMG_0759

If we were sitting over coffee (non-fat white mocha, lite whip) and I shared one of my fears, what would be on the tip of your tongue?  What fear do you yearn to be free of, and how long has it been since you’ve cried out, asking God to free you to the House of Love?  What might be your first little step?

OneWord2013_Fearless150

A Conversation about Flour and Oil

Monday I wrote about how God has used the story of Elijah and the widow of Zarepath to teach me.  Did it sound like a piece of cake?

Not so much.

Here’s an honest conversation I had with the Lord recently.

Me: Lord, I’m ticked…really disappointed and discouraged.  I kind of want to throw my handful of flour back in your face and call it a day.

Honestly, Lord??  What I REALLY want is for You to take my flour and oil and make a ginormous fancy-shmancy cake worthy of the Cake Boss, that people will “ooh” and “aahh” over.

But instead it seems like my flour and oil concoction usually turns out looking more like an ordinary, boring tortilla.

Continue reading

The Question that Fear Asks

Monday I wrote about fear (and btw have you seen those scary Orkin commercials about bed bugs??!!) and (more seriously) following a God who doesn’t fit our formulas.

As I’ve been facing my own fear at following Jesus I keep thinking about this story I heard a million years ago about a little boy trapped in the bedroom of his home which was on fire.

He was at the window, the home swallowed up in flames, no way out.  Smoke everywhere.

Below, a fireman called up to him, “Jump son!  I’ll catch you!  I’m here!”

The little boy screamed “No!  I can’t SEE you!!!”

“I know,” yelled the fireman, “but I can see YOU!  Jump!”

Cheesy story?  Maybe.  But it makes me think about the question fear asks of God.

The underlying question in the little boy’s heart was the question that fear asks:

What if…?

What if you don’t see me?

What if you miss?

What if you’re not strong enough?

What if I get hurt?

What if I look silly?

What if You catch me but it’s not a soft fall, or it isn’t the exact scenario I would like?

Sometimes I can’t see God.  And I’m afraid to jump.

Lord are You there?  Do You see me?  Are you big enough, strong enough…and do You love me enough to catch me?

(again, John, not me, bungee jumping at Victoria Falls, Zambia)

What does Love ask of you today that’s scary?

To go someplace uncomfortable?  Talk to someone uncomfortable?  Serve in way that’s uncomfortable?

Quit a job, or stay in a job that’s hard?  Give something away?  Build a bridge, or shake the dust off your feet?

Are you afraid to jump?  I am.  And I’m thinking about the lyrics from this Nicole Nordeman song:

But what if you’re wrong?
What if there’s more?
What if there’s hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He’s more than enough?
What if it’s love?

What are you afraid of?

The Other “F Word”, Part 2

Friday I posted about the other “F word” in our family.

On reflection I think there’s more than one “other”.  There may be a whole slew of other “f words” that lurk around like stealth ninjas ready to take us down.

So here’s number 2.  Fear.

I don’t think I’m a particularly fearful person.  But I might have slept in the car instead of with the bats in a mountain cabin once upon a time.  And Maggie and I might have told the producers of the Amazing Race that snakes were a no-go for us when we were auditioning.

I’ll admit I AM afraid of heights, failure, suffering, looking foolish in public, and dying in an airplane crash to name a few.  But so is everyone, right?

(John, not me, bungee jumping at Victoria Falls, Zambia)

If I’m honest, what I’m really afraid of is losing control.  At least the illusion of control.

Continue reading

Steps, Stops, and Finding the Perfect Gift

 

We’re in that season.  You know, the celebration season.  Weddings, Graduations, Showers, Confirmations.  And in my family, a slew of birthdays.

That means trying to come up with great gifts ideas.  And I always struggle, because I want to find things that are meaningful, but also practical and, well, fun…

So with a bunch of graduations this week, I asked the experts (Katy and Maggie) what they and their friends thought were the very best graduation gifts.  They took a poll and got back to me.

The answer: Target gift cards.

Booooo-ring.  Practical, yes, but definitely not fun or meaningful.

Continue reading

What are you Waiting For?

Last week I was down in the Chicago area because my mom was having surgery and I wanted to be there to help out and cheer her on.

Her last words as she was going in were “Isn’t he CUTE??” with a gleam in her eye as she pointed to her doctor.  Her first words out of surgery were “How does my hair look?”  Her doctor warned her not to sell her leftover Oxycodone on the street corner.

She’s scrappy and has a remarkable spirit and my dad is devoted and I wasn’t really needed, but it made me feel better to be there.

On the day of her surgery my dad and I spent pretty much all day in the waiting room.  I’m not a good wait-er.  At all.  As a wait-er

You’re not in control (When are you ever, really?  But it feels worse when you’re waiting).

It feels like you can’t DO anything constructive.

It feels like everyone else is going on with their life and you’re on hold.

Most of us are waiting for something.

I have friends who are waiting for a husband.  Or a wife.

Friends who are waiting for a prodigal to return.

For an acceptance letter.  Or a baby.

Waiting for a diagnosis.  Or a cure.

Waiting for a job.  Or someone to need them.  Or a place where they feel like they’d be missed if they were gone.

Recently, I heard Holly Furtick speak on waiting, and something she said has been rolling around in my brain ever since.

She said, “What seems like a pointless or painful waiting room can be God’s most productive workroom.”

I thought “Aha!!  I love being productive!  She’s going to talk about what we can DO to CHANGE things and get out of the waiting room!”  Not so much.

The work that we do while waiting is most often soul work.  Inside stuff that requires patience (Does anyone like that word?), obedience, discernment and cooperation with God.

In the waiting room of the hospital where Dad and I were they had this nifty flat screen and on it were listed all the patients in surgery for the day.  It tracked their progress, from pre-op, to surgery, to recovery room, to permanent room.  In addition, if the surgery was long, they’d send word out with a nurse as to how it was going.

When I’m waiting I could really use a spiritual progress monitor showing exactly how I’m doing and when it’s all gonna be over.

But instead of even enduring in the comfortable, clean lounge of a hospital, waiting often seems a lot more like we’re survivors of the Titanic, clinging to God among the wreckage in cold, dark water.  Disoriented and desperate to do something.

Every once in awhile we’ll flail our arms and try to swim to shore deluded into thinking we can swim the hundreds of miles on our own.  But we realize we can’t and we go back to clinging.

Clinging is the work of the waiting room.

We cling and we say “Lord, help me to see you. Somehow.  Today. Even for a second.  Help me to focus on Your purpose rather than my problem.”

And slowly, ever so slowly, the wait results in just a little bit more of the weight of His glory being formed in us.  Maybe the moment when we get the job or the baby or the whatever, isn’t the big deal, but rather the thousands of moments you choose courage and hope as you cling to the One who loves you.

One more thing…With my dad in the waiting room, it was easier because we had the company of each other.  So, today, if you’re waiting and you’re reading this, know that you’re not alone.

What’s your experience of waiting?

Just Going in Circles?

Last fall I shared some thoughts from a new book by our friend, Mark Batterson called The Circle Maker.  This weekend we had the privilege of having him speak at our church.

In the book, one story Mark uses is that of the Israelites who have been wandering in the desert for 40 years and come to Jericho at the edge of the Promised Land.  Imposing.  Six-foot wide lower wall.  50 foot tall upper wall.  Impenetrable.  Overwhelming.  Like many of the problems and dreams we face today.

God tells them to march around the city once a day for 6 days and then on the 7th day, to circle the city 7 times.  He promised after they circled the wall 13 times the wall would fall.  On the 7th day God delivered on a 400-year-old promise.  Mark writes,

Jericho is spelled many different ways…  If your child is far from God it’s spelled salvation.  If your marriage is falling apart, it’s spelled reconciliation.  If you have a vision beyond your resources, it’s spelled provision.  But whatever it is, you have to spell it out.”

For my friend Heather, her Jericho was spelled healing.  All her life she has struggled with a hereditary condition that affects her digestion.  It became more and more complicated, resulting in the necessity for 8 operations and an ileostomy (not something exciting for a beautiful twenty-something woman)

The bottom line was that she landed back in the hospital for both Christmas and her birthday last year with more complications after her 7th surgery.

Confused, grieving, trying to cling to God, the 7th floor of  the U of M Medical Center became the site of her Jericho.  Barely able to hobble, dragging her IV pole she made it her goal to walk around the unit one time each day, and finally, 7 times.

Heather focused on Hebrews 11:1, trusting that God was doing in her body what she didn’t see or feel, and that her faith in Him would carry her if the healing wasn’t physical.

When she walked out of the hospital on March 27th 2011 it was for the last time.  Physically healed.

This was not magic.  This was not a formula.  And I don’t know why Heather was healed and others are not.  We’re in a relationship with the God of the universe and His ways are not our ways, His timing is often not our timing.

Heather would probably tell you that what she learned over the years of waiting, walking and clinging, was as important as her healing.  She is a different woman.  A more peace-filled, confident woman because of her walk in circles.

But I am convicted by this, “When you live by faith it often feels like you are risking your reputation.  You’re not.  Your risking God’s reputation .  It’s not your faith that’s on the line.  It’s His faithfulness…The battle doesn’t belong to you, it belongs to God and because the battle doesn’t belong to you, neither does the glory.”  

We need to look to God’s promises.  Ask, and then listen for Him to whisper the dreams and goals He wants us to trust Him for.  We need to pray for discernment.  And listen.  And do our part in making wise and healthy choices.

But here’s where I also get in trouble.  Often I think I (we?) ere on the side of not naming our Jericho out of fear and uncertainty.  Maybe we can start circling our Jericho with an openness to God’s correction.  An ear to heaven and an eye on eternity…

So today, What’s your Jericho?  Maybe we can circle together.

If you want to hear Mark’s fantastic message from this weekend on Acts 10, and additional study of the topic with Message Gear go here.  (Should be available by Tuesday latest)

How to have a Hard Conversation

Tomorrow I am meeting with a friend for coffee.  I’ve been praying like crazy because I love this person and it’s because I love them that I’m anxious about our conversation.

I have some concerns.  I’ve noticed some things that I feel like God may want me to caution this person about.  But I have nothing to gain personally, and everything to lose relationally.  And…I may be wrong.

Like many of you I’m pretty much a people-pleaser.  I avoid saying hard things almost as much as I avoided hopping on the Yoga band-wagon.

So I’ve been thinking a lot about the Jesus way of hard conversations.  As I’ve prayed and looked for examples in Scripture, here are a few questions I’ve asked myself:

1.  Do I have enough of a relationship with this person to have this kind of conversation?  Have I built trust?  Do they know more than anything else that I love them and am for them?

2.  Are they open to letting me speak into their life in this way?  Am I assuming a role that I shouldn’t? Or is this a Nathan situation (2 Samuel 12:1)?

3.  Am I going into this conversation prayed up and having examined my heart for messy motives?  Is my desire to speak rooted in pride or control?

4.  If this really is a case of iron sharpening iron, am I open to the roles being reversed?  Am I receptive to hearing something from this friend that might be hard for me to hear?

5.  Am I going in with a humble spirit, asking questions more than making pronouncements, willing to listen and admit I may not be seeing things clearly?

6.  People hear criticism like you’re using a bull horn and affirmation like you’re whispering it in the middle of a violent wind storm.  Have I figured out how to integrate grace and affirmation throughout our conversation?  And if there was just one concern I’d want to make sure this person heard, what would it be?

The title of this post was misleading.  There’s no magic formula and if there is, I don’t know it.  I’m just a learner who is stuttering her way through – all Colin Firth in “The King’s Speech”.  Anyone can make a list of questions.  But a real conversation??  “Come Holy Spirit” is about all I know to say for sure.

What am I missing?  What would you add?

« Older posts Newer posts »

© 2024 Laura Crosby

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑