Tag: true self (Page 1 of 2)

The Most Important Question to Ask When You’re Discouraged

January 21, 2023 /

Anyone else ever look at others, compare, and come up short in your estimation of yourself?

Like, daily?

Yeah, me too.

The other night just before I went to bed I read a post from one of my favorite instagram accounts. It was beautiful, insightful, and everything I wish I had said. That didn’t bother me. It inspired me.

What triggered me was an enthusiastic comment on the post by another talented person I know. I felt like I was back in Middle School and these women were at the “in” kids table, while I was at the loser table.

They’ve done nothing wrong. These are gifted women affirming one another, but some days it feels like all the cool kids are all saying to each other:

“Oh you’re the best!”

“No YOU’RE the best!”

“No, really YOU’RE the best!”

“Ok, well we’re all the best and isn’t it great to be us?“

And meanwhile, a million beautiful, beloved, unsung, made-in-the-image of God women like you are adding value, and joy, and celebration, and creativity, and love to the world.

Maybe that specific example isn’t yours, but there’s another area of life where you are tempted to compare and feel “less than”. Usually it’s in an area where you’re trying to make a difference – parenting, career, leadership, creativity…

Satan loves to whisper in your ear, “The reason no one is noticing you is because you’re not good enough. Not good enough.”

But God asks us the most important question that we need to answer when we’re feeling discouraged or afraid.

It’s the one He asked Adam in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:11).

It’s the one my small group reminds each other of when we’re down on ourselves:

“Who told you that…?”

Who told you that you’re not good enough? God, or someone else who’s not God?

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

2 Cor, 10:5

A friend of mine suggests two color journaling. You write how you’re feeling in one color down one side of the page, and write a corresponding truth in a different color down the other side of the page.

It’s a good exercise to help adjust your perspective, but it’s still hard for it to truly make a difference.

It’s hard to move the truth from our head to our heart.

Maybe a second question to ask is: “How much am I filling my mind with the words of others and how much am I filling my mind with God’s Words?”

The words of the Creator of the universe say, “You are beautifully and wonderfully made. You have unique gifts and talents. You are chosen to contribute in a way that no one else can, even if no one other than Me says, ‘You’re the best!'”

This isn’t a formula. It’s not a one and done. We feel what we feel! But maybe this is a start.

What’s the lie Satan whispers to you most often? What’s the truth God would speak over you?

You are beloved and He rejoices over you with singing!

What’s the area where you’re most prone to compare and be discouraged?

3 Truths for Dealing With Covid Chaos, part 2

August 3, 2020 /

Everything is just hard these days.

If you’re like me, every new email in my in-box makes me tired before I even read it.

So I decided two things: 1) I’m going to send this series to you in short posts, one a day and 2) Then I’m going to stop posting for the rest of the month.

Before diving in, may I make a suggestion? Maybe read these in the morning, or whenever you are doing your devotions? Take a little time to soak up the faithfulness of God through His Word.

Last Monday I wrote about dealing with chaos as a spiritual practice that God may use to make us more like Jesus.

Kind of like alcoholics admit they are powerless over alcohol, I suggested that a first step is to admit we are powerless over much of the chaos swirling around us in this season.

via GIPHY

That doesn’t mean that God is powerless, or surprised, or not at work on our behalf!

I believe we have two choices:

We can choose to live BOTTOM UP – starting with our circumstances and projecting onto God (That is…If things are bad, God must be bad.)

OR we can choose to live TOP DOWN – starting with the character of God and trusting Him to bring the meaning to our circumstances.

As I live in the tangled mess of uncertainty that is my life right now, I remember three truths a friend shared with us years ago – you have nothing to prove, nothing to lose, and nothing to fear.

These truths are rooted in the character of God. But it’s only as I trust Him, living top down, that they make a difference.

I’d like to share these with you accompanied by a bunch of Scripture that I pray will bring some calm to your chaos.

Truth #1: You have nothing to prove.

We each have an ego-driven self that is bent on proving our control and worth, and if we ever had a year that showed us the futility of that it’s 2020, amiright?

Circumstances are tenuous for everyone – schooling options, job opportunities, health, family dynamics, Covid restrictions, finances… When you lean into these to define your worth you’re living out of your false self. But…

God is EL ROI – the One who sees me.

Circumstances change, but what will never change is God’s presence and the way He cherishes you. No.Matter.What.

You are a beloved child of the creator of the universe. This is your true identity and you don’t have to prove anything.

As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.

Isaiah 65:2

The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you  with singing.”

zephaniah 3:17

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
 You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

psalm 139:1-12

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.  For we are God’s handiwork…

Ephesians 2:8-9

Which of these do you need to hear most today?

What does it say about who God is and who you are?

3 Truths for Dealing With Covid Chaos, part 1

July 27, 2020 /

The other day I was at a tennis drill that was, well…maddening. It was designed to create chaos in order to help us practice responding under pressure.

The pro would feed a “poachable” ball to the net player on one side and the player’s goal was to pound it directly at the feet of her opposing net player.

If the net player was able to return the ball it wouldn’t be pretty and it was unpredictable. The point would unfold from there, everyone trying to survive and bring some kind of order to the chaos.

If you don’t play tennis and don’t understand the explanation above, it doesn’t matter. The point is that chaos was meant to help us get better.

green tennis ball on court
Photo by Bogdan Glisik on Pexels.com

Turns out I don’t do great in chaos. Few of us do. Welcome to 2020.

After the drill I was talking to the pro and he said the thing that happens with everyone in chaos is that they tense up.

You feel the pressure to prove yourself or perform in the midst of uncertainty, and your muscles tighten. You’re afraid of losing.

You play from a place of fear and confusion. My coach said the first step is just acknowledging what’s going on. Say to yourself, “I’m in a hard position here. Just breathe, relax and ask what’s the next right thing to do.”

I do not believe God “sent” or “created” this pandemic. Illness is a result of the Fall. But God did allow this, and I believe He desires to use it to form us into people more like Him if we’re willing to pay attention.

This week, situations reminded me of three truths a friend of ours used to repeat years ago, which I’ll write about in the coming days. But first I had to acknowledge the situation – the chaos and the resulting pain.

We may be inclined to think that God judges us for being brutally truthful with Him about how we’re feeling – emotions of anger, confusion or uncertainty. But we see differently in Scripture, especially in the Psalms.

Like an inconsolable toddler reaching up for his mother, crying out to God is intimate. It draws us near to His heart.

I call out at the top of my lungs, “God! Answer! I’ll do whatever you say.” …

I was up before sunrise, crying for help, hoping for a word from you. I stayed awake all night, prayerfully pondering your promise. In your love, listen to me; in your justice, God, keep me alive…

Let my cry come right into your presence, God; provide me with the insight that comes only from your Word. Give my request your personal attention, rescue me on the terms of your promise…

Put your hand out and steady me since I’ve chosen to live by your counsel…

And should I wander off like a lost sheep—seek me! I’ll recognize the sound of your voice.

psalm 119 MSG

So, today, maybe talk to God honestly about how you feel in this season of chaos. Journal a prayer or take a walk and pray. Acknowledge the situation and your needs.

One Crucial Question to Ask Yourself

February 20, 2019 /

“I made cookies for you guys, but I decided they weren’t good enough to bring, so I threw them out.”

I look around the circle of women gathered in the graciously appointed living room for Bible study as my new friend continues. “As I was walking out the door I told my husband, ‘I really don’t want to go. Everyone wears their designer clothes and I look like a slob.'”

I am so grateful for this out-loud honest confession, because it would have been easy for me (in jeans) to feel the same way. As it was, it prompted all the other women around the circle to share how each feels insecure or inadequate in some way (no matter how polished or glamorous they look on the outside).

We may impress people by leading with our strengths or a shiny exterior, but we connect with them through our vulnerabilities. And that’s what happened in the room. It diffused the power of “not good enough” and led to further discussion.

How often is this the voice you hear in your head? How often is this the refrain Satan taunts you with?

Do you remember what God said to Eve when she said she was afraid because she was naked? He said, “Who told you that?”

This is the crucial question my friends and I have learned to ask each other when we’re down in the mud and muck, discouraged by comparison or inadequacy.

What if we invite Jesus into the conversation? What are the true things that He would remind us of?

You are “My beloved” (Romans 9:15)

I delight in you. I rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

I chose you. (1 Peter 2:9)

I call you by name. You are mine. (Isaiah 43:1)

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)

You are My handiwork. I have good plans prepared in advance for you. (Ephesians 2:10)

Can we agree we’re all insecure and battle the “not good enough” voice in our heads sometimes? Let’s help each other with this. When you hear a friend disparaging herself, ask: “Who told you that? What is the TRUTH? What does Jesus say about you?”

One of the places that can promote joy, but can also be a comparison trap is Instagram, which is why I originally posted this there. I really, really want my Instagram feed to be a place that inspires, encourages, and delights. I want it to be lovely, fun, AND authentic!

What Do You Give the Power to Wreck You?

November 28, 2016 /

Question: What’s one thing that if, taken away from you, leaves you feeling hurt or even devastated, insecure, “less than”, not yourself, invalidated?

What is it that wrecks you?

  • A note from your kid’s teacher about an “issue”?
  • A breakup?
  • The loss of a title, or job?
  • The lack of invitation in a certain area?
  • Crickets rather than “likes” and affirmation in an environment where you thought you were gifted or competent?

How dependent are you on that “thing” for your sense of well-being?

I like to think of myself as “teflon” (don’t we all?), but then something big or little will surprise me the way it brings up all the yucky feels.

We want to be seen as the super-mom, the competent colleague, the successful host, the dynamic team leader.

“One of the tragedies of our life is that we keep forgetting who we are, and waste a lot of time to prove what doesn’t need to be proved.” Henri Nouwen

Confession: One of the reasons I took a sabbatical from writing this blog and one of the reasons I’m throwing out the “rules” of when and where and how to post now is that I recognized that it was sucking me into measuring my worth by the response I was getting. I needed to pursue a “holy indifference” to anything other than joyfully stewarding my gifts for the Lord alone.

 

img_1663

In 2015 the Barna Group did  a study that showed that women 18 and older in the United States, go to social media, trying to connect and feel better about themselves, but only 14% come away encouraged.

We’ve turned the Gospel into a matter of addition instead of subtraction. When we are so full of ourselves, we have no room—and no need—for God or others, or otherness in general. Richard Rohr

And this…

If we have not experienced (the) connection, (of) knowing that we are indeed a fragment of the Great Flame, we will most certainly need to accumulate more and more outer things as substitutes for self-worth. This, of course, is the great spiritual illusion. We needn’t acquire what we already have. Our value comes from our inherent participation in God. Richard Rohr

So…a few things that have been helpful to me. Maybe you too…

  • Separate from what separates you from your true identity in Jesus. If a relationship or a TV show, or seeing the posts of someone raises your anxiety or makes you feel less-than, ask yourself why. If necessary, block them from your feed, but better yet, have a conversation with them about it.
  • Major on the unchanging truth of God’s Word instead of the whims of culture and criticism. What’s one go-to verse that is helpful for you? For me it’s:

Find rest my soul in God alone. My hope comes from Him. He is my rock and my salvation. He is my fortress. I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Psalm 62:5-7

  • Evaluate what and who brings out the best in you. Lean into them, and let them lean into you.

That’s all I’ve got. What about you? What would you add?

One of the Hardest “Suggestions” in the Bible

April 26, 2016 /

Recently daughter Maggie got a raise and a promotion.

AND she won her first round in the company ping pong tournament.

Of course it was easy to be excited for her, to celebrate her success.

IMG_3103

But sometimes I think one of the hardest “suggestions” in the Bible is “Rejoice with those who rejoice. Mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15

It’s easy to rejoice with someone who’s not taking up MY space, BUT when it’s someone with similar gifts and hopes and dreams getting all the attention? All of a sudden there’s that yucky loserish feeling that rises up.

It doesn’t feel very celebratory. It’s more of an anxious left-out feeling, like when all your friends got an American Girl doll for Christmas and you didn’t.

There are times we just want to say “But what about ME??”

  • You’ve been struggling with infertility and the bazilionth friend excitedly announces her “accidental” pregnancy.
  • You’ve worked diligently to improve your skills only to hear that someone else got a promotion, or a book deal, or a consulting contract while you seem to get no validation.
  • You’re single and you’re asked to be in yet another wedding.
  • You watch as others post pictures of exciting trips to far off places while you discover cheerios stuck in your hair and change poopy diapers.
  • You listen other parents share about their kids’ accomplishments while yours have “issues” that try your patience and faith.

Recently I was re-reading the interaction between Mary and her cousin Elizabeth and it struck me how hard this might have been for her.

I can imagine her thinking, “So…Mary gets first place and all the attention being mama of Messiah and my kid is the weirdo in the desert eating bugs. I am soooo happy for her!”

Instead, when Mary shows up, Elizabeth says:

You’re so blessed among women,
    and the babe in your womb, also blessed!
And why am I so blessed that
    the mother of my Lord visits me? Luke 1:43

#Blessed.

Hmmm… Is it possible Liz struggled with a tiny bit of envy in her less-than-godly moments?

Or maybe she was a grown up in the way I’d like to be – truly able to celebrate EVERYONE else because she KNOWS there is only ONE OF HER. Only ONE Liz that God can use to accomplish His unique purposes.

Now maybe I could write some true and tweet-able stuff that sounds godly about living out of abundance instead of scarcity, but honestly, this can be a tough one sometimes.

Spiritual formation isn’t a pithy saying or easy formula.

So I talk to God.

Me: Lord this really stinks. And you know what else? It’s not fair. And BTW, I really HATE Philippians 2:3. And since we’re being honest here, the LAST thing I feel like doing is a happy dance for this person. Instead I’d be delighted to see them experience a tiny bit of setback, so I am basically a terrible person, but I want to do better. I’d appreciate it if you’d forgive me and help me to love bigger like You do.

God: Ok. Good talk.

I’m continuing to listen and I trust that eventually He will grow a better me out of our little chats.

Anyone else struggle with jealousy? What have you learned?

5 Choices When You’re Feeling Rejected

March 15, 2016 /

I read what’s on my computer and feel like I’ve been slapped in the face as I sit at a table in Starbucks. Tears leak out, running down my cheeks and I dash to grab some napkins, turning my face to the wall, hoping no one will notice.

IMG_3824

I know I’m not alone. We’ve all had moments like this.

  • Someone who’s opinion you value, rejects you through words or actions.
  • You don’t get the job.
  • A friend doesn’t show up.
  • There’s a silent undercurrent of disapproval in a relationship.
  • The invite doesn’t come.
  • Someone you admire unfollows, unfriends, unsubscribes, un-whatevers

You wonder if you’ve been used and discarded, if you’re unself-aware, if you were stupid for thinking you had something to offer of value to the relationship, or the job, or the community, or anyone anywhere in the entire universe.

And you tell yourself it shouldn’t matter. Your true self is the one that is valued and cherished by God. No.Matter. What.

You tell yourself that the opinion of “that person” shouldn’t have power over you. But it does. Continue reading

2 Questions, 2 Truths

April 28, 2014 /

When you I write a blog post I rarely never have the time to find all the scrumptious words or present my offering with the “voila!” of someone serving a gourmet feast at Thanksgiving.

But this morning, more than most, I feel like I’m serving up “bare naked chicken” – just a couple of things I’ve been thinking about that seem to go together.

A few weeks ago I was listening to a sermon podcast by Craig Groeschel and honestly I can’t remember the point of the sermon because as an aside (not having to do with the message at all), he said his counselor had asked him two questions.

Those two questions are what my mind keeps returning to.  Here’s what they are: Continue reading

When God Calls You to Stop Doing Stuff and Let go of Your Balloons

October 30, 2013 /

Anyone who knows me knows I don’t sit still well.  I love a high goal and lots of action.  Lots of people and passion.  “Not somehow, but triumphantly!” is a refrain in our family.

But with some of the people closest to me, lately I find myself saying, “I think you need to be gentle with yourself.  Give yourself grace.  Stop. Rest.”  Easier advice to give than to take.

There’s a friend who experienced an adoption nightmare while trying to be faithful to God’s leading is left reeling, confused, wounded.

A friend battling pancreatic cancer, wondering “What can I do?”

And another who’s been through a season of conflict and unfair criticism at work.

We all go through different spiritual seasons.  Some where we’re growing, others where we’re re-orienting, but often the most neglected are those seasons of rest, when God says, “Sit awhile with Me.  The world will keep spinning without you.” Continue reading

Baggy Overalls, Hot Mamas, and Your True Self

September 16, 2013 /

Think of your most comfy, go-to-on-bad-days piece of clothing.

You know what I mean…the super soft snuggly sweatshirt with paint stains from when you were fixing up your first house.  Or the holey pair of jeans from 1998 that make you think of friends.  And watching Friends.

You like to call it “classic”.

For me that piece of clothing is a tad more embarrassing than classic.  A little more obviously out of style.  It’s a pair of baggy, khaki capri overalls that are just sooooo comfortable.  I usually reserve them for wearing at the lake, or on days when I’m not going to see anyone (or at least anyone I know).

photo-45

photo-44

But a few Wednesdays ago was a bit of a bad day.  I did a six mile run which started off with a bite in the butt by a dog who chased me (I know!  How embarrassing is that?!), and ended with me positive I was going to die and will never be able to finish this race or get water to thirsty kids in Zambia.  Total fail.

So I took a shower and put on my baggy Khaki overall capris.  The only other thing I had the rest of the day where I would see people I knew was a missions meeting at the home of my friends, Mike and Megan.  I debated changing, but I thought, “No, it’s safe.  Although they always look totally hip and cool and pulled together even in their exercise clothes, I think they’re ok with my come-as-I-am self. Not my fancy-pants, polished, achieving clean water with a half-marathon, trying-to-be-good-self. Continue reading

« Older posts

© 2024 Laura Crosby

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑