Tag: stress (Page 1 of 2)

One Practice to Bring Peace to Your Out-of-Control World

October 14, 2021 /

Before 2020 the yearly average number of investigated incidents with unruly passengers on airlines was 143.

In 2021, just since January 1st, there have been 3,715 reports of unruly passengers investigated.

As a friend of ours says, “All the fuzz has worn off.”

We’re raw, easily bumped and bruised and offended.

Because we have all been dealing with so much, we are less likely to feel we have the capacity to extend grace, to expect the best, to submit to others for the greater good.

I think our angry, anxious, defensive posture may be rooted in an underlying feeling of not being safe – so much is out of our control.

I’m with you. This has been an incredibly stressful week. I find myself going back over and over to a practice that helps me. Maybe it will help you too.

First, close your eyes and breathe deeply.

Imagine that you are standing next to a wide, rushing mountain stream, filled with boulders.

You hop from rock to rock until you get to the middle of the stream where there is a huge boulder that has a shallow smooth dip in it, almost like a seat has been carved out for you.

You sit on the boulder watching the water rushing by on all sides.

The rapids represent all the circumstances that threaten to overwhelm you, carry you away, pull you under. But you are safe and secure on the rock.

As you rest there, secure, when worries come to mind, you release them into the water and let it carry them away for now.

You remind yourself of this.

Find rest my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.

Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.

Psalm 62:5-8

There is something settling, reassuring to me about the boulder I choose to sit on over and over through my day. Are there practices that are helpful to you in this stressful season?

The One Thing About Yoga that Helps My Christmas

December 1, 2016 /

I really wish I liked Yoga more. It’s healthy.  And it’s so in.  But I’m not crazy about it.

Here are the only things I like about Yoga:

  • the comfy pants that are like legal pajamas,
  • the fact that you do it in a group with great people, and not, for example on a stationary bike in your basement (like a crazy introvert),
  • the corpse pose (where you lay still with soft music playing)…

And one more thing…

They remind you to breathe.  In fact, I think that’s the only part I consistently get right when I go.  I mess up all the poses.  And I can’t make myself pretzelize (is that a word?) like my friend Brooke.

But then they say, “Don’t forget to breathe.” and I think “Yes!  I’ve got that down!  Score!” (Can you tell I’m better at competitive sports than contemplative ones?)

Sometimes the best I can do at Yoga is to just keep breathing.  Sometimes in the Christmas season it seems that way also.  You too?

Continue reading

4 Ideas for Navigating Change

August 23, 2016 /

“It’s coming. I can feel it.” That’s the refrain I hear too often these August days as the light mellows earlier in the evening and green things have lost their luster. Everything looks a little dry and tired. A little droopy. Long shadows seem shadowier.

I want to yell “NOOOOO!” and stamp my foot like a toddler fighting bedtime.

Instead I breathe deep and stay outside as long as possible, trying to ward off the inevitable, and the deep feeling of loss that accompanies it.

“Seasons change and so did I.” as the song says.

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I have friends going away to college, those who are moving from single into married life; some who are expecting babies, one who just got fired, others who are sending their kids off to school for the first time, and those who will become empty-nesters.

Thirty years ago my husband John and I moved from our home and families in the Chicago area to serve at a church in Washington D.C.  It was a huge seasonal change for us.  John was required to attend a seminar on transitions and while he was there he had to take an assessment that assigned points to the the different changes in your life.

POINTS???!  We love points!  We’re a tad competitive :).

We were moving away from family for the first time, expecting a new baby (I was 8 months pregnant with our second when we moved), buying our first house, starting a new job in a new church culture.  Each of these got points assigned to them indicating the amount of pressure in our life.

John came home and said, “Honey, I have good news and bad news.  The good news is, we WON!   We had more points than anyone there!  The bad news is they said we should have been in counseling 50 points ago!”

Change, even good change brings stress. There’s an article I’ve saved for years that documents the effects of moving. Even a short move across town causes a level of anxiety because it’s fruit basket upset for relational patterns. All of a sudden there’s a new dry cleaner and mail person, and supermarket checkout person – the people you interact with daily. For students it’s new teachers, for others it’s new bosses or a new gaggle of moms to get to know.

Holy buckets! I hate change like most people do. These are just a few things that seem to help me:

  • Phone a friend. We are relational beings, and it’s community that seems to take the hardest hit when we’re going through seasonal change. So when you’re low, call an old friend, but also reach out. Be brave and call someone new. Remember, if you’re feeling lonely, others are too.
  • Be aware of the impact of change.  Give yourself and your family extra grace during times of transition.  (John had perpetually wet shoulders from absorbing all my tears the first year in D.C.)
  • As much as possible, continue the spiritual rhythms you have put in place.  We feel more out of control during these times.  As I look back on our years living in D.C., the one thing that kept me going was a weekly community Bible study I attended where my kids were taken care of.  What are the positive choices you can make that will be nurturing to your mind, heart and soul?
  • Anchor your life in the one thing that is unchanging – God and His character.  Make a practice of voicing the many things you’re grateful for.  Specifically thank God for who He is, not just what He does.  In our family we have a “Twelve Stones Book” taken from the biblical examples where God commands the Israelites to build visible memorials so they’ll remember His power (Joshua 4).  In our book we record instances of God’s faithfulness in our family since we seem to have spiritual ADD.

So here’s to strolling through crunchy leaves, pumpkin spice lattes, and “bouquets of freshly sharpened pencils”.

You’re One Breath Away From a Peace-filled Advent

December 7, 2015 /

This is a post I edit and reprint every year because I need it. Hope it’s helpful to you too.

I really wish I liked Yoga more. It’s healthy.  And it’s so in.  But I’m not crazy about it.

Here are the only things I like about Yoga:

  • the comfy pants that are like legal pajamas,
  • the fact that you do it in a group with great people, and not, for example on a stationary bike in your basement (like a crazy introvert),
  • the corpse pose (where you lay still with soft music playing)…

And one more thing…

They remind you to breathe.  In fact, I think that’s the only part I consistently get right when I go.  I mess up all the poses.  And I can’t make myself pretzely like my friend Brooke.

But then they say, “Don’t forget to breathe.” and I think “Yes!  I’ve got that down!  Score!” (Can you tell I’m better at competitive sports than contemplative ones?)

Sometimes the best I can do at Yoga is to just keep breathing.  Sometimes in the Christmas season it seems that way also.  You too?

Our to-to lists are too long.  We drop balls and forget to follow through with details.  And our regular spiritual practices and rhythm of time with Jesus may suffer.

But no matter what happens in the next few weeks, most (hopefully all) of us will still be breathing when we get to the New Year.

So what if breathing became a spiritual practice?  It’s one many of you are probably familiar with.  Breath prayer. Continue reading

Preparing to Prepare for Jesus

November 25, 2015 /

So I thought I was doing so much better with the jet-lag thing this time around, but maybe not. This morning I was awake at 4:00, up at 4:30 and out the door at 5:00. Problem is my Starbucks doesn’t open til 5:30. So I walked the long way, through the dark silent streets of my neighborhood, most folks still snuggled in their warm beds, dreaming of sugar plums or something.

It was cold and crisp and as my breath showed up in white wisps, it gave me a chance to pray and to reflect on the upcoming Advent season.

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The silence and peace of the early morning was such a contrast to the noise, and hurry that can dominate this season when we long for the “heavenly peace” of Silent Night –  to be preparing for Jesus.

It got me to thinking…What do you want for Advent this year? What do you love about Advent? What are your hopes? How do you make choices instead of allowing the world to squeeze you into its mold?  I wrote last week about having a plan.

So, two questions that lead to choices around Advent: Continue reading

Yoga, and One Goal for Advent

December 1, 2014 /

Confession:  I skipped church yesterday.  I didn’t skip because I wanted to have brunch with friends, or catch an early football game.  It’s just that I had been with people constantly last week over Thanksgiving and I knew I needed some true silence and solitude. 

I wrote in my journal, “I need to breathe…have a Sabbath removed from frenzy. I need to listen for Your still small voice.  I need to fill up with You.  Speak into the silence, Lord. Come Holy Spirit.”

I’ve started to copy an acquaintance of mine who signs her emails: “Breathe deep. Lean hard. God’s love holds.”  I need that reminder

It made me think of this post…

I really wish I liked Yoga more.   It’s healthy.  And it’s so in.  But I’m not crazy about it.

Here are the only things I like about Yoga:

  • the comfy pants that are like legal pajamas,
  • the fact that you do it in a group with great people, and not, for example on a stationary bike in your basement (like a crazy introvert),
  • the corpse pose (where you lay still with soft music playing)…

And one more thing…

They remind you to breathe.  In fact, I think that’s the only part I consistently get right when I go.  I mess up all the poses.  And I can’t make myself pretzelize (is that a word?) like my friend Brooke.

But then they say, “Don’t forget to breathe.” and I think “Yes!  I’ve got that down!  Score!” (Can you tell I’m better at competitive sports than contemplative ones?)

Sometimes the best I can do at Yoga is to just keep breathing.  Sometimes in the Christmas season it seems that way also.  You too?

Our to-to lists are too long.  We drop balls and forget to follow through with details.  And our regular spiritual practices and rhythm of time with Jesus may suffer.  But no matter what happens in the next few weeks, most (hopefully all) of us will still be breathing when we get to the New Year.  So what if breathing became a spiritual practice?  It’s one many of you are probably familiar with.  Breath prayer.

Think for a minute…What is a name for God that is especially meaningful to you this season?  Abba Father, Gentle Shepherd, Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace, Emmanuel, Light of the World, King of Kings…

As you breathe in, silently say this name.

Then… What sums up your need or desire of your heart this season?

Peace?  Healing? Guidance?

Construct a short phrase that expresses this.  As you breathe out, pray this phrase.

For a long time, I felt out of control in many areas of my life, so my breath prayer was, “Abba Father” (as I breathe in).  “Do what only You can do.” (as I breathe out).

These days it’s “Loving Shepherd, show me the way.”

Or maybe you might pray something like Mary did “Holy One, be magnified in my life.”  (Luke 2:46-55).

Or, “Prince of Peace, calm my anxious heart.”

In heavy traffic.  Breathe.

In crowded stores.  Breathe.

In tense family situations.  Breathe.

Sitting in front of your Christmas tree. Breathe.

On a walk alone.  Breathe.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.

Just.  Keep.  Breathing.

5 Questions to Ask When You’re “CRAZY Busy”

September 8, 2014 /

“We’ve just been so CRAZY busy!”

I have a friend whose emails contain this phrase along with profuse apologies about her perpetual stress level almost every single time she writes me.

Sometimes I want to shout at the computer “Well STOP DOING so much!”

Brene Brown says exhaustion is the new status symbol. If we don’t feel overwhelmed we must not be doing something important.  Are you buying into that?

I want to tell my crazy busy friend about my sister-in-law who realized that they had had so many people visiting their lake cabin over the past few years that none of their family was actually able to enjoy it.  They were always hosting someone else, so she called a moratorium for this one summer.  A time out.  To that I say “Bravo!”  It can be done.

But I also realize how hard it must be to think of disappointing friends who don’t have lake homes and who look forward to visiting every year.  Boundaries are not without their downside.  They take courage and resolve.

As I’ve been thinking about my friend and my sister-in-law, 5 Questions have come to mind that might be helpful to ask ourselves when we’re “CRAZY Busy”:

1.  How does this level of busyness affect the state of my soul? Really.  Am I at my best at these rpm’s?  How much does my busyness feed my false self – the part of me that needs to be validated by my achievements?

2.  Is this just a season (temporary), or is it an on-going pattern of over-extending myself?

3.  Why have I said “yes” to each of these commitments?  Which have I said “yes” to out of fear or a need to prove something?  Examine your commitments one by one.

4.  Do I have choices where I may have been making excuses? (Ex.: I have to work on the sr. high school party because I did it when our other child was a sr.)

5.  Who are the right people to disappoint?

I’d really love to just sit down and have a conversation with you about this over a DQ Blizzard because I’d like to hear your thoughts too.

What do you think?  Is there one person you feel like you need to be willing to disappoint in order to have a healthier rhythm of life?

Need a little more encouragement?  You are not a victim.  You own your choices. Learn from Bob Goff who tries to quit something every Thursday.photo-157

Participating in a link up with…

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Three Things You Can do When You’re in Transition

September 25, 2013 /

photo-53Twenty-seven years ago my husband John and I moved from our home and families in the Chicago area to serve at a church in Washington D.C.  It was a huge change for us.  John was required to attend a seminar on transitions and while he was there he had to take an assessment that assigned points to the the different changes in your life.

POINTS???!  We love points!  We’re a tad competitive :).

For example, we were moving away from family for the first time, expecting a new baby (I was 8 months pregnant when we moved), buying our first house, starting a new job in a new church culture.  Each of these got points assigned to them indicating the amount of pressure in our life.

John came home and said, “Honey, I have good news and bad news.  The good news is, we WON!   We had more points than anyone there!  The bad news is they said we should have been in counseling 50 points ago!” Continue reading

What to do With Stress

May 8, 2013 /

I love being busy.  I thrive on more, but these days we’re a little over the top.

We leave today for a board meeting in London for 9 days (two weeks before our daughter gets married).  Yesterday, in addition to 731 wedding issues, most of which ended in disaster, there were 492 emails,

and we got updates on about 17 friends with hard health issues,

and then there were church staffing changes, upcoming moves, and housing issues for our kids,

and news that felt like betrayal and a punch in the gut for one of us,

Oh, and I shattered a pyrex bowl while trying to bake ahead for out of town wedding guests.

Yeah, sometimes it’s the little things that get you.

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I can hear you yelling at the computer about now. “Stress??!!!  That’s nothing!  You should see my life!”

The past few nights I’ve woken up at 3 a.m. for good and have sent emails with the subject line “things I woke up worrying about…” John’s favorite was:

What if our house is in the flight pattern the morning we’re outside doing the bridal brunch and prayer time and no one can hear anything over the roar of the planes?

The other night when I was awake the verse came to mind, “Don’t worry about anything.  Instead pray about everything.  Tell God all your needs and don’t forget to thank Him for His answers.”  But when I started talking to Him about what was worrying me it sounded pretty ridiculous.

What do you do with stress?  Here are a few things I’ve been learning:

  1. Write about it.   I was reading yesterday about Adoniram and Ann Judson who were missionaries to Burma in the early 1800’s.  Talk about stress!  Ann had two children die, went five years without seeing any fruit in their ministry and went 6 months with her husband gone, not knowing if he was dead or alive.  She used the spiritual practice of journaling to pour her heart out and try to keep things in perspective.  But the key was that she didn’t just write about her circumstances, but also what she believed about the character of God. 

So I tried this and it was a helpful reminder.  After writing whining to God about my stuff, I wrote:  I believe in all things You work for good to those who love you.(Romans 8:28).  I believe you will never leave or forsake me.(Hebrews 13:5). I believe many are the plans of the human heart, but it is your purpose that prevails (Proverbs19:21).

  • Exercise.  One of the great things about starting to train for the half-marathon is that every day although I’m sure I’m going to die, I don’t.  And when I finish I feel great.  It’s a terrific (though a tad sadistic) stress-reducer!
  • Say the hard words: “Could you please help?” and “No, I can’t do that.”  Some of our stress is self-imposed because we don’t have adequate boundaries, and some is because we are too proud to ask for help.  I am so grateful for the many gracious people in my community who have said “Sure I can do that!” or just provided a listening ear.
  • Just.  Keep. Breathing.  I wrote about this here.

What’s keeping you up at night?  What helps you when you’re stressed?

Checking Jesus off my List

April 27, 2013 /

Yesterday morning I tried to check Jesus off my to-do list.

This happens in seasons of stress and busyness (are there any seasons of not-stress-and-busyness??).  I check him off by giving Him a nod (Read: glance at a paragraph of a devotional or toss up a “bless so-and-so”).  Check.  Done.  Moving on to important stuff.

The thing is, when I do that, it’s kind of like being in the “fun” house at the circus.  Deadlines, people, circumstances become distorted like in those crazy mirrors – scarier than they really are.  My perspective is skewed.

I feel the fear of failure.

I feel the pressure of performance, not the presence of Jesus.

I miss the sacred moments.  I miss the small mercies to be thankful for.

But yesterday Jesus didn’t seem to want to remain as just a checkmark.  He graciously kept showing up in my day, reminding me that He goes before me and behind me (Isaiah 52:12b).

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