Tag: self-awareness

How Paying Attention Can Transform You

April 15, 2019 / Laura Crosby

Every once in awhile one of the tennis pros who is trying to teach me will stand behind me as I serve and take a video of me on his phone. Then (and this is the really hard part!) HE’LL MAKE ME WATCH IT!

He’ll slow it down and show frame by frame what I look like, pointing out when my feet and hands and arms are in the right position, and when they are off (which is a lot of the time!).

The other day our favorite golf pro, Sarah, did this with John.

Most of us would say we want to be more self-aware, but it can be painful when blind-spots are revealed, amIright?

Even David, known as “a man after God’s own heart” was blind to his sin and prayed,

Test me, Lord, and try me,
examine my heart and my mind;
for I have always been mindful of your unfailing love
and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness.
Psalm 26:2-3

Ignatius of Loyola who founded the Jesuits, created a practice called the Examen. It’s a technique of prayerful reflection, looking back over your day in order to discern times of “consolation” – when we sensed God’s pleasure, and times of “desolation”, when we turned away from Him.

The Examen is like watching a video of your day, frame by frame and noticing the presence of God.

Here are the steps.

RECOGNIZE (God’s presence) I want to look at my day with God’s eyes, not just my own.
REJOICE – The day I have lived is a gift from God. Thank Him.
REVIEW – Carefully review the day, guided by the Holy Spirit, looking for times when I sensed the joy of the Lord, or the absence of the life He desires for me.
REPENT – Face the places I ignored, or turned away from God and ask forgiveness
RECALIBRATE – I ask God to help me cooperate with His work in and through me in the coming day.

So here’s briefly what the Examen looked like in my life the other day.

I praised God for the amazing birdsongs I heard, for bright pink flowers and sunset, and all of His creation…Text exchanges from our daughters that brought joy and life, an encouraging verse from His Word…

I recognized God’s pleasure and presence as I wrote a note of encouragement, when I served my husband by taking out the trash, when a friend and I walked together, sharing our hearts…

I was convicted that I talked way too much with a friend, was self-centered in a relationship, and was impatient with John. I was intolerant of old, slow people who bear the image of Jesus. I asked forgiveness.

I asked God to help me be more aware of the Imago Dei in everyone I encounter. I asked Him to help me think of my own desires less, and serve others.

What do you think? Maybe try it when you get into bed tonight?

How to Have a Hard Conversation

August 15, 2018 / Laura Crosby

We all have our stuff, right? The steep learning curve stuff. The stuff we’re not good at and would like to run from. For most of us, loving confrontation is one of those things. It seems that lately I’ve been in more conversations than ever about this and how we can do it well. I went back to this post from a few years ago and thought it was worth looking at again.

Recently we met for dinner with a young couple we love whose marriage is in crisis.

Another friend’s teenage son entered rehab.

Two friends had to fire employees.

One needs to break up with her boyfriend.

AAAAARRRGGGHHH! For the love of world peace!

In each of these situations a crucial conversation (or series of them) was called for. Conversations where emotions ran high. Sometimes there was a difference of opinion. Perhaps there was hard truth that needed to be clearly, but gently communicated.

John and I often repeat something our friend Nancy Beach once said: “Leadership is a series of hard conversations.” I think that might as well be “LIFE is a series of hard conversations.”

In August we took a large group from our church to the annual Leadership Summit at Willow Creek. The most pertinent talk for many of us was called “Crucial Conversations” by Joseph Grenny.

He said, any time you find yourself stuck, there are crucial conversations you’re not having, or not having well. Continue reading

Why I Don’t Like Lent

February 16, 2016 / Laura Crosby

Last week was Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent. I was in Florida and John was in Thailand when he wrote this in an email:

Can I let you in on a secret? I’m so much more a Christmas guy than an Easter person; I know it sounds sacrilegious, but I love THAT part of the story, cuz of the hope and the joy (and the presents)… And the absence of all that ‘sin talk’ and the beatings, trials abandonments and crosses.

There’s a little scene where the two unlikely heroes of the Lord of the Rings, Sam and Frodo, are hiding and near death, and Sam says, “Do you think think they’ll ever tell our adventure, Mr. Frodo?… ‘Maybe Sam, but this is the part where the children will say, skip this part, Dad, I don’t like this chapter.‘” I know how Frodo feels, on Ash Wednesday.

My response? Me too, me too, me too!

Lent is the part of the story that is ugly and messy and requires humility and self-examination and I’d really rather avoid both thank you very much. Continue reading

Trick Mirrors and Other Spiritual Phenomena

May 13, 2015 / Laura Crosby

I’ve always told my family and friends I have killer spy skills (as in “good”, not assassin-like).

I like to think I could be the female Jason Bourne.

I love Europe. I love the idea of running and jumping over rooftops. I like driving fast. What more do I need, right?

Well, with these spy skills, I’ve discovered a conspiracy of epic proportions. If you’re a guy reading this, it may not be your post, but if you’re a woman this will probably change your life and you’re welcome.

I’ve discovered that there is a conspiracy among shop owners of stores with women’s clothing. They are all buying TRICK MIRRORS that make you look better than you really are! I know this from first-hand experience. I shop “virtually” with my daughters and I am not blind or unrealistic. I send pictures to both Katy and Maggie for their approval. Continue reading

Four Words That Can Change Your Day

January 27, 2014 / lauracrosby

The other day I was driving back home after dropping a friend at the airport. On the highway someone merged in front of me into the right lane going about 30 mph. There was another car in the left lane next to me so I had to slam on my brakes to avoid running into the creeper-merger.

I may have yelled the “i” word in frustration and anger.

As I eventually was able to pull into the left lane and speed past the offender I looked to my right and saw what appeared to be a young Somali woman hunched over the wheel, anxious, timid, and clearly unsure of where she was going.

And four words smacked me upside the head: Continue reading

Selfies and Three Alternatives

December 30, 2013 / lauracrosby

Selfie: A photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically with a smartphone or webcam and uploaded to a social media website.”

A friend of ours, Renee Stearns, included a great insight in their Christmas letter this year. She wrote this about selfies: “Taken from a vantage point only as long as arms-length, it’s sometimes too close to make sense of what’s going on in the picture. The perspective is somehow off.”

So much of what is on social media is small and distorted – what we want others to see and believe, or the worst that someone else has discovered and exposed.

When it’s a profile picture, or a fb post, or one mistake, or a Tweet, it’s just 144 characters, or the shot of one moment. Behind each is another story, a larger picture of lives being transformed by God’s grace.

Journalling is one practice that can help us correct the distortion of selfless. I journal in the form of a daily dialogue with God – reviewing the previous day (which often involves confession and praise) and praying through the coming day’s activities.

The last week of each year, John and I take time to read back through our journals for the year and look for themes, lessons, failures and signs of growth.

I know, I know. Some of you are yelling at the computer screen “Leave me alone!! Stop guilting me! I’m not a %$#@* journaller!”

If the idea of keeping a traditional journal makes you want to run screaming into the night, may I suggest 3 alternatives?

1. Gratitude journal. Just keep a running list of the gifts of each day. It’s short. It’s painless and physically writing them down a practice that has made a huge difference in my attitude. I keep this in addition to my regular journal. The way to give thanks in all things is to notice each small thing.

2. One Line a Day journal. Summarize or record one highlight a day for five years and look back at the entries from year’s before. All you have to do is write a sentence a day. Maggie and her husband Austin also found one that has a question each day and one line for each of them to respond on.

3. Once a year journal. In it write the highlights of the previous year, and your hopes and dreams for the new year. I know one couple that does this together on their wedding anniversary each year. Together they read the previous year’s entry and each person writes their reflections for the current year.

“Our years come to an end like a sigh . . . ” says Psalm 90, “so teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom”.

Just a handful of the barest facts can be enough to rescue an entire day from oblivion—not just what happened in it, but who we were when it happened. Who the others were. What it felt like back then to be us. Fredrick Boechner

What alternatives can you think of that help you with perspective? What helps you be more self/God/and others aware?

How to Discern What’s Real (A Resource for Leaders and others)

May 10, 2012 / lauracrosby

This looks flat doesn’t it?

NOT.

Every time I ride this part of this bike path I have to down-shift one. Because it is actually a gradual, but definite, incline.

Looks can be deceiving, but when I know that truth I can adapt.

Sometimes reality is hard to discern. Sometimes it’s difficult to accept. And sometimes we just want to deny it.

This guy looked responsible. Healthy. Devoted.

Not so much.

We had a perception of his character that was not rooted in reality.

Whether it’s stress, or circumstances outside our control, or sin,

facing reality and responding is a crucial part of our formation into people who look more like Jesus. And a crucial part of leadership development.

All that to say, I have a resource to share with you.

I’ve been helping facilitate some online classes called Leadership Institute for Transformation (LIFT) offered through the Willow Creek Association. The class I’ve been involved with for several co-horts is called Leading For Results. It was created and is taught by Dr. Henry Cloud, using a book he wrote called Integrity. One of the key challenges we talk about in this class is facing negative realities and adjusting.

Here’s a little taste.

We talk about 6 sources we can use to get an accurate picture of reality and then provide this tool for self-evaluation. Take a look at each source, consider what you have in place, and the suggested activity.

1. Direct relationship with God