Tag: pride (Page 2 of 2)

The Temptation of Cool

October 3, 2012 /

This week we’re in Atlanta for the Catalyst Conference.

For the uninitiated, this is the church world equivalent of the cool kids’ table in Junior high.  The one with the vibe that everyone wants.

Catalyst is for the young and hip – the guys who wear the rumpled uniform of untucked plaid flannel shirts or V-neck t’s, super skinny jeans and tiny black Rob Bell glasses.

They use product that makes their hair spiky or shave their heads if there’s not enough “there” there to mousse.  You used to see a lot soul patch and piercings going on, but not so much lately.

People like to write about Catalyst.  Tweet about it. It’s a good place to see and be seen.

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Three Ideas for Dealing with Mice, Comparison, and Ugly Thoughts

February 29, 2012 /

I see myself as a pretty darn adventurous person.  I love a challenge.  I’ll go anywhere in the world and I’ve eaten fried catipillars.  Daughter Maggie and I were finalists to compete in the Amazing Race last year.  And I want my second career to be as a spy, for which I’ve already prepared by spending hours at the Spy Museum in D.C. and doing a simulation bomb location exercise.  Learning to hot wire a car is on my bucket list.  I’m just sayin’…I think I’ve got some game.

But, there are two things I don’t do.

Snakes and mice.

I’d jump out of an airplane if I had to, but look at, much less empty, a mouse trap?  No way.  Fortunately this has not been an issue as we have not had mice to deal with.  Until we got home from vacation this week and discovered evidence of one in a kitchen drawer.  Nowhere else (and believe me I went over the house with a magnifying glass, inspecting any tiny piece of lint to make sure it wasn’t a mouse dropping).

Anyway, we set out multiple traps in the kitchen around and in said drawer.  The next morning I left John a bazillion notes reminding him to check and deal with any corpse that might have appeared and I carefully skirted around the kitchen with my eyes averted from anything close to the killing field.

It’s not like I wasn’t aware there might be carnage.  I just didn’t want to face it.  To deal with the ugliness.

Recently I referred to a message I had listened to about comparison that Andy Stanley preached and I was forced to face a mouse corpse.  He talked about the land of “er” and “est” where when we compare and don’t measure up we either hate the other person or hate ourselves.  Near the end, he asked a question :

“Is there anyone you would secretly be glad to see fail?”

It totally rocked me because immediately two people from different parts of my life, who I haven’t thought about in awhile came to mind!  No, no one reading this (honest).  And before you get sidetracked and all judgmental, ask yourself that question.

It freaked me out. “Why?” I asked myself.  “Is this born out of comparison?  Competition?  Insecurity?” And “What do I do with this? (Besides confess it and ask God to change my heart).  It was a very ugly mouse corpse I couldn’t avert my eyes from.

The first step for us in catching the mice was facing the evidence.  Acknowledging they were there.  I was ticked at Andy for asking the question that made me even admit the sin in me, but once I realized the truth I couldn’t just leave a drawer full of “mouse poop.”

The second step has been figuring out how it got in.  For my “mouse” I’ve been asking the questions above and have realized they definitely squeezed in through the door of pride and comparison, but it’s also complicated by the pain that comes when someone succeeds at your expense or hurts you personally while getting what they want.  Perhaps this mouse snuck in in the moments when I wasn’t vigilant about living out of the security of God’s lavish love and delight in me…confidence in His win/win power to bring about good no matter what.

The third step has been killing the mice and, most importantly getting rid of the dead corpses.  I’m fine with steps one and two, but this one….?  Could I please just jump out of an airplane?

Instead I picture both of the people who came to mind.  This morning I read, “Have mercy on me, my God, have mercy on me, for in you I take refuge.  I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings.”

I picture the three of us, together, huddled beneath God’s wings.  His beloved children, all three of us dependent…taking refuge in His mercy.  I am truly moved by this image as I sit with it.  It helps me.

“Create in me a pure heart, O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”

Is there anyone you would secretly be glad to see fail?                                            

Are there ways that have been helpful to you in facing and dealing with the mouse corpses in your life?

How to Be Where You Are

January 23, 2012 /

I love this photo I saw recently of a basket at the door to someone’s home.

But beyond that, what about the Obama White House, where cabinet members needed to tag and leave their phones before entering a meeting?

Be where you are.

I love these examples because they model what we all desire.  For people to be truly present and attentive.

But it’s also convicting, because I’m an ADD, multi-tasking friend and wife who isn’t always “present” to others.

Have you ever been talking to someone on the phone and can hear them typing on their computer while they talk to you?  Or people having coffee with you, texting (even under the table!) at the same time they’re talking to you?  Or you’re in a meeting and someone is surreptitiously checking FB?

Does it make you wonder if you’re that boring?  Or if they’re that important?

I keep thinking of Luke 10 where it says “Martha was distracted“, but “Mary chose what was better.”  Being present to Jesus.  Is technology distracting me from my relationship with Jesus, others, and even myself?

Just this morning as I was reading scripture, and praying, I stopped to text someone I thought of.  Could it have waited?  Absolutely.  I wonder…when we’re not fully present are we really saying to the other (in this case, Jesus)…

  • Someone or something else is more important than you.
  • I am more important than you.
  • Posting, tweeting, texting, being in demand defines my value.

Here’s something that really impacted me this week.  I’m not an “important” person (yeah, yeah, I know I’m important to God, but I mean in a worldly sense).  I’m not famous, but somehow I’ve been privileged to spend time with many people who are.  Leaders who are having a huge impact in the world.  They are smart, articulate, anointed, sought after, and extremely busy.

This past week I was with one of the most gifted, influential teachers of our day, and the thing that struck me the most powerfully was that I never once saw him check his iphone while he was with us.

He wasn’t receiving texts during dinner.

He didn’t interrupt conversations to answer a call.

His eyes didn’t stray around, searching for more “important” people other than who he was talking to.

And he didn’t hurry through the room.  He was truly present to the people he was with.

That in itself is a big deal.  But the question I thought of beyond that was, what does this say about his ability to be present to Jesus?  To not allow the demands, interruptions, requests, distract him from the discipline of being truly with Jesus?  I wonder if these two things are related.

How might the practice of being present to Jesus affect our ability to be present to each other?  And vice versa.  Does practicing being present in one relationship carry over into another?

How can we “Hang up and arrive.” as Jon Acuff says?

Are there times we leave our phone at home?  Days we turn it off?

How much does technology affect your ability to be present to Jesus and others?

3 Questions to Ask When Community is Hard

January 4, 2012 /
Three months ago daughters Katy and Maggie moved into an apartment in D.C.
Together.
And so far both of them are still alive.
Here’s a sign I gave them when they moved in (Can you tell we had a hard time hanging it?)

How does this affect you, you might ask?
Well if you have ever lived with a roomate,
or worked with a boss,
or married a spouse,
or served on a committee
with a person that’s the exact opposite of you,
you know that living in community can be as ugly as putting Newt Gingrich and Nancy Pelosi in a room together.
Recently they collaborated to write up their experience.  Maybe you can relate to their story of community and share some of what you’ve learned in your experience.

Have you ever taken the Meyers Briggs test? Where you answer a bunch of questions, and at the end you’re assigned four letters that make up the basics of your personality?
4 powerful letters that tell someone all they need to know about how you’d respond…

If strangers showed up at your door inviting you to a costume party,

Or if you had to decide under pressure, which wire to cut to diffuse a bomb,

Or whether you’d say “Suck it up.” or “You poor, poor baby!” if someone told you their hamster died.

Well in our family, the 4 letters that sum up Maggie are exactly the opposite of the 4 letters that sum me (Katy) up.

In spite of being opposites, while growing up, the two of us were inseparable.  Walking to and from elementary school together, taking (voluntary) trips up to the local library to stock up on Sherlock Holmes books to read aloud to one another in the privacy of the latest edition of our ever-improving fort.  We’d rally the neighborhood kids for night games and home made video productions, snow forts and magic shows.  We were a dream team.

But then, something happened. I think professionals call it “puberty”. We turned into the worst versions of ourselves, camping out on the far edges of our opposite personalities. Things that were cute about Maggie became shallow and annoying. My attitude went from an indulgent older sister to, frankly, a superior jerk. Those halves on Meyer’s Briggs became like some sort of bizarre science class punnett square exercise gone wrong.

In our case, it took about 6 years apart and the advent of gchat to start a new season of communicating. Rather than the cutting remarks and dismissive sarcasm, we began to speak with each other as people, rather than sisters.  Each of us slowly slid towards the center of that personality chart, first recognizing our weaknesses, then working to develop into more balanced people.  It sounds quite nice and simple in that sentence, but some of this “realization” came through heated phone calls and the occasional adopting of our high school personalities.  AKA our “worst selves.”

Now, years later, here we are, co-inhabiting a 900 square foot apartment in the heart of our nation’s capital.  Had you told us 5 years ago that this would be our living situation, we would have thought you were a lunatic.  Surprisingly, it is going quite well.  There have been a few flare ups where we’ve seen those high school selves resurface, and it’s embarrassing.  But we’re truly enjoying one another’s company, the sharing of friend groups, being invited to the same parties, and attending the same church for the first time in years.  We find ourselves working to carve out “sister time” and we’ve seen this time become increasingly more meaningful.  As we earn one another’s respect, we are better able to speak into each other’s lives.

The bottom line is that when we allow the other person’s strengths to threaten us we’re our worst selves.  But when we move towards each other in humility, ready to learn from the other’s strengths, and seek help in the areas where we’re weak, we thrive.
When I can sincerely say, “Maggie, what would you do in this social situation?” where I feel unsure, and she can sincerely ask “Katy, what bus should I get from U Street to get home? or Who is Christine Legard and why do we care about her?” we both benefit.

What I’ve learned from watching Katy and Maggie grow as they live in community is to ask questions.  When I’m in situations where the emotion seems to rumble in my stomach and travel to my face and threaten to come out of my mouth in unwise words I’m trying to ask:

1.  What am I afraid of?  Really.

2.  What can I learn from this person?

3.  What questions should I ask to gain better understanding?

What collaborative, or community building situations are the most challenging to you?  When do you feel most threatened?  What is helpful?

Not Kim Kardashian

November 18, 2011 /

Last week I felt pretty good.  Maybe you did too.

I was thinking, “Boy I’m glad I’m not Kim Kardashian, Rick Perry, or Joe Paterno!”  And then there’s Jerry Sandusky who, this week admitted to “Horsing around” with kids.  Each of them has had their mistakes broadcast, ridiculed, autopsied.  Their intellect, integrity, and wisdom were brought into question.

My response?  “Phew!  Glad I dodged those bullets!”

“Can’t BELIEVE they were so stupid, evil, clueless, out-of-control…”

“I would NEVER have…”

I may even have thought, “I’m thankful I’ve never pulled a “Rick Perry” on national TV, bless his heart.”

And I felt just a little better about myself, focusing on THEM.  You know THEM.  All the others who I compare myself to who are much worse than I am.

Or not.  Maybe my sins are just…different.

And more easily hidden.

What if the ugly stuff of my life (or yours) was replayed (over, and over, and over again) on the Today Show for millions to dissect and comment on what they would have done differently?

All this his has prompted me to return to an ancient prayer practice called the Jesus Prayer or the prayer of the heart.

Each time I hear something about someone else’s sin, I’m trying to use it as a prompt to pray the Jesus prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

Have you tried this prayer practice?  I resisted it initially.  How does this help our quest to have a better self-image??  And who likes using the word SINNER??!!  But I am (and I hate to draw attention to this, but there’s a chance you might be too) And in praying this it’s a reminder that I’m dependent on the reconciling work of Jesus.  Just like Kim.  Stretching muscles of humility, centering, worship…

I haven’t bailed on my marriage, but I’ve bailed on other commitments.  Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

I haven’t forgotten key components of my economic strategy on national television, but I’ve gotten tons of other stuff wrong.  Lord have mercy.

I haven’t covered up sexual sin, but I haven’t always confronted injustice.  Lord have mercy.

Thankfully, at least this week, my sins aren’t being played on national television, but I’m just as in need of God’s mercy and Psalm 103:11-12 reassures me and all of us.  “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”

What do you think of this?  Is the Jesus prayer easy or hard for you?

Slaying Dragons

October 26, 2011 /

How many people are lucky enough to see this on their daily bike rides?  I mean…really!

Here in Minneapolis we’re never sure when this monster is going to appear or where, but for awhile now it’s been camped out in Lake of the Isles perhaps enjoying the changing leaves (maybe a last hurrah before he heads to Disney World for the winter).

Anyway, although he seems friendly, because I pass by him most days, he’s made me think about the “monsters” that lurk around in my life that aren’t so amiable.  One of the big ones that rumbles around and actually sometimes tiptoes up behind me and catches me off-guard  (who knew monsters could tiptoe) is pride.

So the other day when I read Pete Wilson’s thoughts and questions to help root out pride in our lives, I thought, “GREAT!  What inspired thoughts!  Here’s my adaptation of his questions:

1) Am I willing to allow another person to do what I think I must do?  Can I delegate, or do I need control?

2) Am I willing to do what I am doing, even if no one else knows I am doing it? (Or if someone else gets credit for it)

3) Am I willing to let God use me for a season, and then be okay with Him later putting my work into the hands of another?

I really LIKED these questions! HA!

I thought they were wonderfully convicting in the abstract, UNTIL I heard from someone who is using something I created, something I love and am passionate about doing myself, and they are making it their own.

All of a sudden these questions weren’t just nice theoretical ones!  I actually had to apply them in my own life, up close and personal.  And in the moment, my spirit failed on all three questions.  I thought, “No, No, and HECK NO!  I want control!  I want to do it myself, and I want credit for it!”

I feel incredibly small-minded admitting this!  But I’m trying to be authentic, because I doubt I’m the only one who has lacked generosity of spirit in some situation.  It’s easy for us to want God to be glorified, but what if someone else is getting some of the reflected glory of being used by Him? That’s a little harder.  It’s one thing to have the questions to identify pride in our life, but what do we do with it once we’ve identified it?

For me, it came back to that whisper of God once again – “Open your hands.  Let it go.  It’s not yours to hold onto.”

Ugh!  Sometimes I want to say, “That’s all you’ve got, Lord?  Could I hear some other options please?”

After my initial reaction and grudgingly prying my fingers open, I felt prompted to pray sincerely for the person and I’ve honestly experienced great joy in anticipating how God will use them.  This is NOT a Bam!  Done!  Holier-than-thou moment!  I’m sure this monster will pop up again and have to be dealt with.

What about you?  Which of Pete’s questions is hardest for you? When you recognize pride in your life how do you deal with it?

If you want to read more on this by Pete Wilson go to http://withoutwax.tv/2011/10/20/battling-your-greatest-enemy/
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