Tag: insecurity (Page 2 of 2)

The Voice of Fear on Fearless Friday

February 1, 2013 /

I do not think of myself at an insecure person.  So writing these next sentences feels a little like Lance Armstrong must have felt coming clean with Oprah.  Except for the fact that I don’t have millions to lose and I’ve never won a bike race and I’m not a guy. Ok, it’s totally different, but here’s my confession.

I’ve been decidedly daunted this week.  Perfectly paralyzed. Buffeted by the winds of self-doubt and discouragement.

This seemed to come out of nowhere, but when I stopped to pray and reflect I can trace the beginnings to a Tweet.  Yep, it took just 140 insensitive characters to take me down.  “Really?”  you’re saying.  Really?

And then there was a post by someone who made me furious and jealous at the same time.

And a word here or the lack of a word there…

Holy Buckets!  Just days ago I was undaunted…bullet-proof, regardless of any spitballs that might be spat my way!  And now the spiral into the comparison trap that left me in a heap of ” Not good enough.  Not good enough.”

Ever end up there?  Maybe by a different road, but still?

Who or What is it in your life that brings up those feelings of fear or insecurity?

Recently I read this quote by Rick Warren that made me respond “Yes!”:

“Insecurity is an internal alarm that says you’re trusting in something that could be taken from you instead of [trusting in] Christ.”  

So I’ve been stewing and praying (sometimes the two look a lot alike) about how to deal with this.  It’s messy and it’s a process and it’s not easy.  Here are a few of the things I’ve been trying.

1.  Identify the voice. When you feel angry, or fearful, or jealous, or small, do you stop and think “Where is that coming from? Just who or what is really saying that to me?”  Why am I giving it such power in my life?  Why does it bring up this strong emotion in me?  Does it tap into a past wound that I need to address?

2.  Challenge the voice with the truth.  “Bring every thought captive to Christ.”  What would Jesus say in response to this narrative?   If the story in your head says anything other than that you are gifted by God, fearfully and wonderfully made, cherished by Him, created for good works that He has for you, it’s a lie and you need to tell it to shut up. (I know, easier said than done!)

3.  Manage what or who you’re allowing to get in your head.  For me this means ruthlessly putting up some boundaries.  Fasting from some social media, and un-following some people who are wonderful but bring out my worst self.  It may be totally different for you.  It might involve the people you spend time with or the shows you watch or where you go or whatever…

Why is this so important?

Because if we listen to the voice of fear and insecurity when God calls us to go, we’ll stay.

When He calls us to stay the course, we’ll run away.

When He calls us to speak, we’ll remain silent.  And I truly believe that all of our voices are valuable and needed in the kingdom.

Those are a few of my strategies.  What helps you?

P.S.  I wrote this and afterwards I saw this great image posted by John Acuff.  Happy Friday!

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OneWord2013_Fearless150

How to Make the Top 10 List

April 9, 2012 /

I read another list last week.  Twenty Women Leaders Under 40 You should Know.

There are so many of these lists it’s hard to keep them straight.  But in case you’re wondering, I’m not on this list and you probably aren’t either.  Especially if you’re a guy.

I’m not under 40.  I don’t speak to thousands of people.  I’m not beautiful or edgy or cool or a dynamic leader.  I don’t have hordes of “followers”.  I don’t belong on the list.  I had no remote expectation or even awareness that there WAS a list til I stumbled across it.  But still…I felt less than when I read it.  Can you relate?

There are some great women on that list!  Some of them I consider to be friends and I’m thrilled that they are being affirmed, but still…after I felt “small” in comparison, I got angry.  I got angry and I considered titling this post, “Lists are from the Devil”.  But then I thought that was a tad dramatic and would make me sound like one of those crazy “fundies”.  Honestly though, I think that title would be pretty accurate.

What do lists like this accomplish?  Twenty women feel special and important and the millions of people not on THE LIST who are making small courageous, sacrificial choices, sometimes just “showing up” each day, are tempted to believe the lie that Satan loves to whisper.

YOU know the whisper: “They matter, but you don’t.”

So, I’m publishing my own list.  My list is made up of the 7 billion people in the world who will never be on a list that is Tweeted about or written up in a newspaper or magazine.  My list is The Top 7 Billion People You Should Know About.

My list includes Betsy who has MS, but painfully crawls out of bed each day with the help of a caregiver and prays for others in our church.

And Eric who is 12 and moved here from another country, with English as his 4th language, trying to ignore the taunts of other adolescent boys as he struggles to learn to read.

Rhonda is on my list.  A young woman who moved to Indonesia 20 years ago with her husband and eventually, kids, living sacrificially to serve the Muslim people with the love of Jesus.

And Loveness, Givison, Michael, and Sakina, our World Vision sponsored children in remote parts of the world for whom each day is a mountain of poverty to climb.

There’s Christopher too.  A young man with a good heart who’s stumbling through life, grasping, searching for God though he doesn’t know it.

And you.  You are on my list because wherever you are in the world you need to know you matter.

You may have wounds that no one knows about and challenges that no one sees and you’ll make brave choices and small sacrifices today. You’ll make mistakes too and you’ll fall down and stub your toe but you’ll get back up and keep going.

Yes, keep going.

Bottom line?  I don’t think God is a god of lists (at least not this kind).  Lists seem to be too much like assigning “places of honor at the table”…not exactly a kingdom deal.  So it really it’s no biggie that you’re on “my” list, but maybe the this will make a difference…

“You have searched me, Lord, and you Know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue you Lord, know it completely.  You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.” Ps. 139:1-5.

If God has a list, you’re on it.  How do you make it?  Just breathe.  And know that you matter.  You are loved.

A Blog, a Bomb, and a Book

February 17, 2012 /

As I write this we’re on vacation in my happiest place.  A place of fresh cut grass and warm breezes and colorful flowers and sand-between-my-toes that we’ve been blessed to enjoy for years thanks to some hospitable and gracious friends.

Anyway, vacation is a great time for me to catch up on podcasts and reading along with the fun of activity with great friends.  It’s Spirit Stretch Friday so I thought I’d share a few resources I’ve enjoyed this week.  Actually, maybe “enjoyed” isn’t entirely accurate.  In some cases “convicted” might be more accurate.  As I look at them they’re all kind of about coming up short. Maybe you’ll be able to relate.

The first is a fantastic blog post from Steven Furtick.  If you struggle with insecurity and doubts about yourself (and I think if you’re breathing you probably do), take a look at this and finish the devil’s sermons.

Along those same lines, Andy Stanley preached a great sermon titled, The Comparison Trap.  He talks about the land of “er” and “est” where when we compare and don’t measure up we either hate the other person or hate ourselves.  Toward the end he asked a question that shook me to my core (That was the “bomb” of the post title.  More on that later).  Take a listen.

The last resource is a book I’ve been reading called Flunking Sainthood (A year of Breaking the Sabbath, Forgetting to Pray, and Still Loving my Neighbor).  This is a memoir by Jana Riess who writes about her year-long experiment of trying twelve spiritual practices – one a month.  I’m still in the middle of this and am not sure what I think about it as a whole, but Riess writes with delightful humor and some interesting insights.  While experimenting with Lectio Divina she reads all of the book of Mark all month because she doesn’t want to turn “Eat This Book  [Eugene Peterson’s book on Bible reading] into Eat This, Not That, picking and choosing only the loveliest passages that fit with my existing understanding of faith.”

Hope you find some good reminder from God in one of these and have a delightful weekend!

Birthdays and feeling the Awesomeness

October 21, 2011 /

Here’s an email one of our daughters sent to friends recently, asking them to save October 15th.  Why that day?   Here’s what she wrote:

“Because it’s magical.  Because it’s the day of my birth!  And I demand that you all celebrate with me.  I don’t have an exact plan yet, but you can assume that it will involve you all, celebratory beverages, and you all telling me how glad you are that I was born. “

I love it!  Now of course she was writing that tongue in cheek.  She’s not at all arrogant, but unlike most of us, she does have a pretty healthy self-image. 

I, on the other hand, am more like the rest of the world, and deal with insecurity in varying degrees depending on how many cookies I’ve eaten, a song I heard on the radio, and the barometric pressure that day.

I LOVE Mark Batterson’s thought: “Our focus determines our reality.”

Am I focusing on ME and how I stack up compared to everyone else?  Or am I focusing on GOD and the truth that I am a beloved child of His and He delights in me?

That’s is why this little exercise I read in a Beth Moore study has been really helpful.  Thought I’d share it for Spirit Stretch Friday.

Personalize Romans 8 by filling in the blanks.

“I am convinced that neither _____________nor _________________will be able to separate [me] from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Your first thought might be, “Oh that’s nice”, but really think about it! What would YOU put in the blanks today?   Is it a person who’s been critical, a loss, a failure, ?

Do you struggle with insecurity?  How do you deal with it?  If you’re a man is it different for you?

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