Tag: identity (Page 4 of 4)

When You Feel Like You’re Losing Yourself

April 10, 2013 /

“We are all so ruined, so loved, and in charge of so little.” Anne Lamott

Our daughter Maggie is getting married in 46 days.

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When she got engaged in November many people asked with concern in their voices “How are you doing?”

“Great!” I responded.  “Austin (her fiancé) is terrific and I’m excited for them!”

And then, last week, driving down highway 100 at 4:00 in the afternoon, thinking of the possibility that Maggie and Austin may move to California (you know, like, at the opposite end of the world, and a continent away from daughter Katy), I found myself sobbing and thinking “I’m NOT ok!  I’m losing my baby!  I’m losing my family!  I’m losing my identity! I hate change!”

I. Am. Out. Of. Control.

Yes, I was a tad over-dramatic, but give me my moment.

Everything feels like it’s slipping, slipping, slipping out of my hands, out of my control, like the gooey “gak” I used to make with the kids when they were little.

Change.  Loss.  New beginnings.

I’m not the only one.  I have young friends who are graduating, some going back to school, and others who are moving, some taking big new risks.  My sister-in-law after much prayer, just resigned from a job she’s loved for years.

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What do you Want Your Title to Be?

November 14, 2012 /

Do you have a job title?

Eight years ago I was serving on a church staff and we were having fun trying to come up with creative job titles for each of us.  This was prompted by a series of articles in Fast Company on “Job titles of the Future”.

Some of my favorites were…

Head Monster,

Crayon Evangelist,

Master of Disaster,

Project Meanie,

Princess of Persuasion,

Keeper of the Magic.

And this one really made me smile:

Raging Inexorable Thunder-Lizard Evangelist for Change

(I may actually have met this guy  in Puerto Rico this morning where we’re staying for a meeting)

Anyway, I myself was lobbying for the title, Chief Kingdom Mischief-Maker.

And I know a guy who is both a pastor and a dance instructor.  Pastor Twinkle Toes?

Our most important “title” is Beloved Child of God, but I’ve been thinking…what other titles might God want us to live into?

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Two Questions to Consider Every Day

September 24, 2012 /

This week is the one year anniversary of the start of this little blog.

A year ago about this time I had nothing.

Ok, that’s “a lie from the pit of hell“, as daughter Maggie would say.  I “had” a lot of things.  A lovely home, and delightful family and friendships I treasured.  But it felt like I had nothing partly because I didn’t have an impressive job title.  Actually I didn’t have any job title.

I felt like an untethered space station floating in the inky cosmos.

We had just returned from a five month sabbatical and I was clueless about how the next season of my life would look.  What was my “place“?  Who was my “tribe“?  Was there anywhere God could use me to add value?

The answers seemed to be “nowhere”, “no-one”, and “nowhere” (again).

Maybe your circumstances are different, but you can relate.  You’re “in transition” (that horrible euphemism for “in a place that feels scary and directionless“). Or maybe you’re just feeling unsettled and under-utilized.

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THE Question, Part 2 and 4 Benefits

July 11, 2012 /

Probably once a week I get THE question, “What do you do?”

I don’t have a business card or a title or a clear-cut job description so I stutter a lot when answering.  Some of you can relate.  Others are reading this and feeling huge relief that they can’t relate.

Monday I wrote about how sometimes we can feel reduced to “names” and “numbers”, and other times we cling to our names and numbers like a life jacket that’s the only thing keeping us safe.

As much as we try to major on living out of our identity in Christ, that can be about as easy as feeling comfortable on a blind date.  So I’ve been thinking about others who may have struggled with this issue.

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THE Question, Part 1

July 9, 2012 /

Our daughter, Maggie, and her boyfriend, Austin, have been visiting for this hot 4th of July week.  Woohoo!  It’s been wonderful time of bikes and boats and barbecues.

For Austin, who’s never been in Minnesota before that’s meant one-thousand-four-hundred-and-ninety-eight “first” conversations getting to know new people.  Fortunately he’s patient and gracious and delightful.

But those “good-to-meet-ya” conversations aren’t easy for all of us.  Because of  THE question.

You know how it goes…You meet someone new and practically before you can say your name is Rumplestiltskin, the next question is, “So, what do you do?”

Rephrased: Just how important are you?

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Do you have a “Parade” Home?

May 30, 2012 /

I’m a house person.  I love them.  I love people who can create warm and welcoming environments where lively conversation happens and memories are made.

I love snooping around houses on the “Parade of Homes” tour in the spring and fall.  And by that I mean coveting and taking pictures and pretending someday I’ll actually have the money to create similarly lovely rooms.

But I’m also critical (as if I had a design degree, which I don’t).

The problem, in my mind, is that most houses are too divided up.

John says I never saw a wall I didn’t want to knock down.  And we’ve knocked down a wall or two in homes that we’ve owned.  These were messy propositions and the process left us feeling uncomfortable and unsettled.

For one season the microwave was in the study and there was a 4 ft. square hole in the floor of the family room that I stepped through, almost ending up in the basement.  A tad disconcerting.

This is a house I’ve ridden and run by on many days.  They’ve been working on it for what seems like at least 37 years.  First I watched them demolish the previous house.  Then cart off the rubble.  Then excavate and dig and pour a foundation and slowly, slowly begin to re-build.

If I were the owners I’d be going crazy.  I’d be so ready to settle for the quick version.  A little less attention to detail.

When I ride by I think of this quote by C.S. Lewis:

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house.

At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to?

The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of – throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.

You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”

I’ve realized lately that there are some walls in my life that I’ve made load-bearing that weren’t meant to be.  And by that I mean some relationships.  I’ve expected them to bear the weight that only Jesus is meant to bear.

And they’ve come crashing down.

In His knocking about, Jesus has removed some relational supports that I really valued.  More than I should, perhaps.  Load-bearing walls that I was depending on too much to give me worth, identity…

And then the demolition process feels kind of like stepping on an old barn ladder rung and having it snap.  All of a sudden you’re left hanging by one hand and the shock is a little scary and anger-producing and you’re thinking, “What just happened??”

But God whispers, “That friendship wasn’t meant to hold all your weight.  And it wasn’t meant to define your worth.  Only I am.  And I think you’re spectacular.  No matter what.  And your house is gonna be a lot more beautiful when I’m done with it.”

Can you relate?  Is God “knocking about” in your “house”?

You’re the One Who

April 25, 2012 /

Last week I wrote about getting stuck in an elevator and in life.

A few days after that incident I got into the elevator again.  I know, I know, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.  But call me an incurable optimist.  And another woman was there so I figured I’d have a buddy if anything happened.

“Oh YOU’RE the one the firemen had to rescue!” she said.  With a “look”, if you know what I mean.

Hmmm…I thought.  “Is that really the way I want to be known?”

Wouldn’t it be better to be known as the one led Tiger Woods to Christ and helped get his life on track?  Or better yet, the one who found a cure for AIDS?

When we think of the people in our life we often think things like “He’s the one who’s self-absorbed and never asks questions of anyone else.”  “She’s the one who always has such a great attitude.”  “That’s the one who will always help out.”

I’ve been wondering…When people think of me how would they complete that sentence (other than “the one the firemen had to rescue”)?  If I have life verses they would probably be Deuteronomy 30:19,20.  My hope is that people would say “She’s the one who chooses life…life-giving words, life-giving actions, life-giving attitudes.”

How would you like people to complete the sentence for you?  “He/She’s the one who _____________”

The great thing is, no matter what, the way that God completes that sentence is “You’re the one that I love.”

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Chariots or “Likes”?

January 27, 2012 /

A friend of mine has 52,216 followers on Twitter.  Another has 36,333.

Last time I looked, I had 42 :).

That doesn’t bother me, but this on another friend’s blog…

Hmmm… Deep breath.

There are days when I’m humming along, feeling pretty good, and then, even accidentally sometimes, I’ll see a number, and I turn small and envious, and discontent.

I’m embarrassed to admit this, but am I the only one?  Which numbers affect your sense of well-being?    Number of dates you’ve had in the last year?  The number on your scale?  Number of days since your kids called?  Number of sales? Number of friends on Facebook?

So Monday I read, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.”  Ps. 20:7

I don’t know about you, but there aren’t many horses or chariots in my neighborhood, so it is not a temptation for me to trust that Charlton Heston is going to come careening down my street, whip in hand, vanquishing all my foes, cleaning up all my insecurities.

But there IS the temptation to trust in other things.

I’m wondering…if this verse were written today (no, I’m not changing scripture, just wondering) might it read:

“Some trust in ‘followers’,  ‘likes’, ‘hits’, ‘friends’ and full email boxes, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.”

But here’s a hard question.  What does that look like?  Trusting in God?  And not being derailed by either praise or the lack of it?

How do I resist having praise go straight to my head and criticism straight to my heart?

A couple of years ago I learned about a “Welcoming Prayer”, originated by Mary Mrozowski, that I have adapted and personalized for my own use most mornings.  Maybe part of trusting God is reminding ourselves and preparing for the battle we face each day.

Here’s my version of the Welcoming Prayer, prayed with hands open upwards:

Holy Spirit,  Welcome.

I let go of my need for affirmation and approval…

I let go of my need for recognition from…(This is the most important part for me. I insert here, specific people or places I’m tempted to look to for approval)

Holy Spirit, Welcome.

I let go of my need for power and control…

I let go of my need to change…(I insert here, specific people or situations I’m tempted to try to control)

Holy Spirit, Welcome.

Find rest my soul, in God alone.
For my hope comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
He is my fortress; I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Psalm 62:5-7

Lord, help me to be a follower instead of seeking followers.  You are enough.

Which derails you most often? Praise or the lack of it?

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