Tag: gossip

One of the Most Cringe-worthy Verses in the Bible

October 22, 2022 /

I like to talk. I get excited. I like to ask questions and share stories. Lots of big hand gestures. Maybe you too? This can be a strength when you want to connect with people, but…

Ever leave a party and stress about that you said too much?

Yeah, me either. Rarely happens 🙄.

For me, one of the most cringe-worthy verses in the Bible is “Where words are many, sin is not absent.” (Proverbs 10:19)

The other day, I was reflecting on something I shared at a social gathering.

And after beating myself up about what would be characterized as gossip, or at least sharing information that wasn’t strictly kind, necessary, or helpful, I got more constructive and asked myself “Why?”

Why was I so motivated to say what I did?

Honestly, the information I had, gave me power and status in the eyes of people I wanted to like me.

A friend of mine sent me this quote the other day:

“There is nothing in your life too terrible or too sad that will not be your friend when you find the right name to call it…”

Laurens vanderPost

If I were to name the why it might be “insecurity” or “longing for importance”.

And why that? Maybe I’m not rooted enough in the truth of my belovedness to God. Who or what is telling me I’m not important or valuable to others? What is the truth, the words Jesus speaks over me?

So after you ask yourself why, and name the thing beneath the thing, then what do you do?

  • Confess. Ask forgiveness.

Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed.

James 5:16 Msg
  • Prepare for the future. Naming this, hopefully will make me more aware of the temptation when I walk into a similar situation in the future.

Reminding myself that I am a beloved child of the King who doesn’t need the approval or validation of anyone and praying that God would guard my heart and tongue may help.

Can you relate? What would you add? Share in comments.

Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.

Proverbs 10:19

On Gossip and Ashes and Enough

February 13, 2013 /

I heard a really juicy bit of gossip the other day.  It was about someone many of you would know.  It was not favorable.  And it was really tempting to shout it from the rooftops like some ancient town crier, “Hear ye, hear ye!  Do you know what SHE did???!  Can you believe it??”

And, this is the terrible confession I have to have to make:  There was a small part of my dark shriveled prune pit heart that was… delighted.  Yes, delighted because it made me feel “better than”.  Superior.  Like I’m winning the spiritual points Olympics today.

Grace?  Who needs grace?  I’m better than someone!

And then it all came crashing down.  I read something by someone godly.  Much more Jesus-y than me, and getting a lot of attention for being Jesus-y.  And all of a sudden I felt worse than.  Worthless.  Not good enough for kingdom stuff.

How often do we walk into a room and determine our worth (and even the state of our relationship with God) by how well we stack up to others around us?  Do we look for those who are more clearly selfish, sinful, ungrateful, and breathe a sigh of relief that at least we’re not there?  Not that?  We’re better than someone.

Do I define “righteousness” as “better than”?  So “unrighteous” is “worse than”?

I read recently that theologian C.H. Spurgeon once said, “It is easier to save us from our sins than from our righteousness.”

So today we come to the cross and the ashes of this special Wednesday with as much honesty as we can muster.  It’s time to give up the illusion that our righteousness is anything other than filthy rags.   A time to come clean about our dirt.

We are an ashy mess.

Ashes – a gritty reminder of our sinfulness that says to the world, “This is who I am and what I want to repent of.”

09_Ash_cross

None of us are enough.

We’re never good enough to earn His favor.

But we’re never bad enough to be beyond the reach of God’s grace.

Somehow, in spite of it all, He’s still crazy about us, His stumbling, bumbling children.

We are, all of us, all covered in Ashes.  And nothing we do or don’t do today can make God love us any more.  Or less.  Than He does at this moment.

Lord have mercy.  On me.  A sinner.  A comparer.  An “older brother”.  A prideful striver, an image-manager.

Un-burn

March 21, 2012 /

We’re back home from a long trip that was intense…full of new information, new relationships, hard stuff and steep learning curves.  I feel like I should be full of energy and productivity, catching up on all that I missed while we were out of the country.  But I’ve got nothing.  The truth is, that with travel our spiritual and physical rhythms of health got all out of whack and what I feel like God is saying to me is “Sabbath”.  So I hope you’ll be ok with me re-posting some thoughts from February 2011.

My husband, John has been leading our church and our denomination through some controversial waters lately, making it seem some days like he’s Jason Bourne running the gauntlet with a lot of people shooting at him. One person threatened him and called him a terrorist… A tad scary. I asked if there wasn’t “someone” we should report that to. As our friend Sharon says, “Words matter.”

A couple months ago John met with a good friend of ours for coffee.

This should have been a good thing. It was with someone we love and respect.

But when he came home he was …dejected I guess is the word for it. Because this appointment was an attempt to start rebuilding a relationship that has been damaged by gossip. Gossip that was totally unfounded. And as much as John could deny this slander, the damage had been done. He was frustrated and tired and sad.

He and I have been overwhelmed and discouraged at different times experiencing the destructive power of the tongue.

In the Bible James says the tongue can destroy like a forest fire. How do you “un-burn” a forest after a fire?

We just can’t totally undo the damage of words. It seems there’s always a lingering wound, a seed of doubt, a bit of suspicion. I think about how long it takes a charred forest to experience re-growth and I grieve the damage that will take so long to repair. You just have to carefully protect and nurture the new life that starts to grow out of the ashes and pray no one sets another fire.

Why do we seem to want to expect the worst of others, especially leaders?  To make us feel better about ourselves?

How delighted must Satan be when our gossip destroys the unity that Jesus called the Church to model?

This is an example from our life, but it’s not about “us”. It’s about all of us…it’s about the Body of Christ and our posture towards each other.

As someone who has both sinned in this way, and experienced the terrible fall-out from others who have, I want to renew my commitment to honest, direct conversations and words that build up.

I feel like I should have Proverbs 10:19 tatooed on my hand: “Where words are many sin is not absent.”

What’s your experience with gossip?  Have you been wounded by it?  Do you struggle yourself?

Bless your Heart

November 16, 2011 /

A good friend of mine from Charlotte, North Carolina once told me, “You know down here in the South you can say absolutely anything as long as you follow it with ‘Bless her heart!'”

“She’s gained as much weight as a Mack truck.  Bless her heart!”                                            “His dance moves look a lot like Kevin James’ in Hitch.  Bless his heart!”                       “Her best yoga pose is the corpse, but she tries.  Bless her heart!”

I’m saying something critical or gossipy but “Bless her heart” conveys a compassionate heart.  It’s my get out of jail free card.  He or she may be really messed up, but because I care, it’s ok to name the weakness or transgression.

Here in Minnesota we don’t really say “Bless their hearts.” often.                                         Our “Bless his heart” sounds like,  “Just sayin'” to make something harsh seem more acceptable.  Or, “We should pray for them.”

My “Bless their heart” sounds more like, “I think that worship leader is more obsessed with looking like Bono than leading worship.  But that’s really my issue.”  See what I did there?  It may be my issue – I may be hyper-sensitive to it, but I also planted a seed…a negative image in the mind of the person I was talking to.  I said it was about me, but it really was about them.  How terrible is that?  I often think my life verse should be Proverbs 10:19, “Where words are many sin is not absent.”  What about you?

Are there other ways we mask mean comments?  What’s your “Bless their hearts”?

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