As someone who lives in a state where we’ve already had a couple of snowfalls, I know there is lots to get done.
How do you separate the “have to’s” from the “get to’s” from the “want to’s” from the “can’t afford’s”?
Day 2 – Plan
Get out your calendar and put in just the commitments that are absolutely necessary.
Have a conversation with your people (maybe around the dinner table tonight?) about their expectations and hopes.
Ask: What is one thing that you want to make sure happens for YOU? What is one thing that you want to make sure happens for others? (like your kids)
Ask yourself: What boundaries do you need to put in place – social, physical, emotional? Are there people in your family (very young or very old) that may be more vulnerable to Covid or have other physical limitations?
Examples:
What do you need to say “no” to NOW? (don’t put it off – it’s not fair to others)
What can you delegate?
What choices can you offer? If you are trying to divide time between in-laws or other family members, decide on 2 options that will work for your immediate family and communicate those early. This is like dealing with a toddler. 😂You have control over what works for you, but you give your extended family choices.
Make healthy pre-choices like
committing to a date after which you won’t shop.
committing to just 3 gifts per child as a reminder of the 3 gifts of the wisemen
putting limits on use of devices and social media
committing to getting outside for a walk every day or other healthy habits
That’s it for me today! What would you add? Put your thoughts in the comments!
“Leadership is a series of hard conversations.” Yikes. A friend of ours said this to us years ago, and it has proven to be uncomfortably true.
Sometimes we’re on the initiating end of the hard conversation, sometimes on the receiving end. Many times both.
In ministryleadership, we invest maybe more deeply than other arenas, and get hurt more profoundly…
Maybe it’s because of our perceptions of what love should look like – all grace no truth.
Maybe it’s because we feel a deeper connection to each other in the Body of Christ, and therefore have a deeper sense of betrayal when we’re on the receiving end of criticism or rejection.
Maybe it’s because we’re all so, so human and as hard as we try, We. All. Mess. Up.
Can I suggest two principles as we all walk through leadership challenges and hard conversations in different contexts? I share these because they are what I am preaching to myself!
1. Expect the best of others.
Love…Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.
1 Cor. 13:7 MSG
We all create narratives to explain our actions and those of others, right? So, what’s the story I’m telling myself and others to interpret this event? Sadly, when I stop to ask myself this question, the truth of Steven Covey’s quote is often evident.
“We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior.”
Steven covey
Years ago we had a close friend who was the founding pastor of a church that he had poured his life into. He discerned that he had taken the church as far as it could go.
This pastor knew he needed to move on, and so did the faith community, but after he announced his leaving, he discovered an HR situation on staff that was confidential and potentially very divisive. He quietly withdrew his resignation in order to deal with the situation and not leave the mess for the pastor who would follow him.
He didn’t tell people why he changed his mind because it would be embarrassing for the others involved. People heaped on criticism. Why was he being wishy-washy? Why couldn’t he let go? He silently took the unwarranted taunts and fixed the problem before retiring, leaving a healthier culture for his successor.
When we are critical of a leader, we need to ask, “How would I want people to interpret this if I was in their shoes?”
We need to be humble enough to admit there may be circumstances we’re not aware of that can’t be made public.
We need to be teachable enough to question for better understanding.
2. Speak the truth in love directly and do not gossip…
…even though that makes us feel oh so superior. (I may say this from first-hand experience. Ahem) Matthew 18:15 exhorts us to go directly to a person with our concerns.
God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do.
Ephesians 4:15-16 MSG
Recently, we have experienced hard truth from some folks who also communicate “I’m for you. I’m sharing this with you because I care.” We are grateful. The most helpful are those who have spoken hard truth in love and alsohave said, “I’ve been in a similar situation. I know firsthand how hard this is.”
But then, unfortunately there are those people who speak the “truth” with an attitude of self-righteous anger or divisiveness.
Being a leader isn’t for the faint of heart. It takes an identity firmly rooted in the security of being God’s beloved no matter how many times you mess up.
Leadership takes courage that can only come from God.
It takes courage to do what is unpopular.
It takes courage to admit when you are wrong.
It takes courage to persevere when you’ve messed up.
Leadership is a series of hard conversations. Can we agree we’re in this together, doing our best to follow Jesus, extending both grace and truth in love?
The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.
Psalm 145:14 NIV
What about you?
Has a leader hurt you?
Have you experienced truth-telling in a healthy way or have you experienced being judged harshly from a distance?
Have you criticized a leader and learned later there were factors you were unaware of?
Yesterday I re-posted on the F- word in our family. Today another one, and tomorrow one more – I’ll let you decide which you relate to most! 🙂
On reflection I think there’s more than one other f-word. There may be a whole slew of others that lurk around like stealth ninjas ready to take us down.
So here’s number 2. Fear.
I don’t think I’m a particularly fearful person. But I might have slept in the car instead of with the bats in a mountain cabin once upon a time. And Maggie and I might have told the producers of the Amazing Race that snakes were a no-go for us when we were auditioning.
I’ll admit I AM afraid of heights, failure, suffering, looking foolish in public, and dying in an airplane crash to name a few. But so is everyone, right?
(John, not me, bungee jumping at Victoria Falls, Zambia)
If I’m honest, what I’m really afraid of is losing control. At least the illusion of control.
Many years ago I was invited to a dinner with Dustin Hoffman. And this is what I expected.
Clearly, I’m not a celebrity, and I don’t have cool actor acquaintances, but my friend was on the board of the Chicago Steppenwolf Theater Company and Dustin was in town to star in Death of a Salesman.
My friend was invited to dinner and her husband didn’t want to go so…I got to be her date. Continue reading
It’s three days before Thanksgiving and Christmas is just a ho-ho-ho away. For most of us that means more family interaction during a season when we’re often physically, emotionally, and spiritually stretched thin.For people who are trying not to gain weight, they say the most important thing is to go into food intense situations with a plan.
As I look back on our early days of marriage, there are things we could have done to set ourselves up better for success. We could have used a plan! Yesterday I shared the following with a young married couples community I shepherd at our church, but these guidelines for a holiday plan apply whether you’re married or single… Continue reading
It’s One Word Friday! How’s it been going for you? Has your word changed your life or do you have a hard time remembering what it is? Here are some of my recent thoughts on Choose Life.
Text message convo with daughter Maggie…
Me: Guess who I just ran into at the pool??!!!
Maggie: Ellen???!!
Me: Close, but no. Not this time.
Maggie and I love Ellen (Degeneres) and are pretty sure she wants to meet us and be best friends. We also made it to the finals auditioning for the Amazing Race as a team.
And we’ve visited the giant space acorn (which is probably on your bucket list too).
All that to say, we set our sites pretty high. No halfway stuff for us.
I figure, in John 10:10 Jesus didn’t say, “I have come so that your life might be kind of okay.”
Then the other day I was having a conversation with my husband (small caveat: it may have been 6 am and he may still have been half-asleep when we had this conversation).
Me: Honey, Light of my Life, what are some exciting things you’d like to do in the next 10 years?
Husband: “Road trips. Like up the coast of Oregon and Washington State.”
Me:Road trips???!! NOOOOOOO! Wrong answer! (You think you know a person!)
Husband: What are some exciting things YOU’D like to do in the next 10 years?
Me: Hike Machu Pichu, teach with you in Africa, hang glide in Switzerland, are the first things that come to mind.
Husband: Well, whatever you die of it won’t be boredom.
True, but as I look back over my “high expectations” I think, how many of them areeternal? How many of them reaaaaallly matter?
When we “choose Life” we’re choosing to live into all of God’s abundance, but He also warns us about investing in what won’t last. And then there’s that whole annoying thing about losing our life in order to gain it. And the reminder to “live a life worthy of our calling.”
I love it when choosing life includes my passport, or chocolate, or doing anything outside, preferably with really exciting people. But what about when choosing life means choosinginconvenience or grace, or discipline or service?
When I’m not sure, this reminder helps:
Choosing life will always be consistent with choosing love.
Choose life = Choose love.
So today I’m thinking about the “Life” I’m choosing. What about you? How’s it going?
If you have 3 minutes for a laugh, enjoy! If not, read on! (It ties in. Really).
Yesterday my husband had a hard conversation that left him feeling blind-sided. Kind of like Peyton Manning getting sacked in the Super Bowl yesterday. It was an unexpected blow and hard to absorb. It left John, who is always steady, knocked off his feet like one of the guys slipping on that video. For a moment he was sprawled on the ground wondering “What just happened?”
It doesn’t matter the particulars of John’s surprise. It could be like anything in your life:
a pink slip from your boss
a conversation that blind-sides you
a hard diagnosis
a break up
a bad grade after you studied hard
What do you do when it feels like you’ve been jogging along and all of a sudden you hit an icy patch and go toes over teakettle? Continue reading
There’s a rooster crowing over and over in the distance, and the trill of another bird I don’t know. Giant storks roam in the field. The smoky aroma of cook fires and bright tropical flowers in a brighter hot sun surprise my senses. Mt. Kilamanjaro wreathed in clouds is in the distance. Dark, friendly faces greet me.
“Toto, we’re not in Kansas anymore.” (or Minnesota).
Tanzania. The surroundings are unfamiliar. Different. But God is here and remains the same.
And His Word remains the same too, but I don’t. He seems to show up as a tour guide, pointing out unseen treasures especially in new places.
There is a passage I’ve been reading every day while I’ve been traveling, praying, “Lord what do You have to say to me?” (and yes, that’s a smudge of coffee and chocolate in the picture :))
Luke 7:37-47. The Message translation. The story of the “harlot” who comes to a “Pharisee’s” house where Jesus is visiting, anointing Him with expensive perfume and her tears. The indignant Pharisee is schooled by Jesus who calls her “impressive” and points out that those who have a lot to be forgiven, will have a lot to be thankful for.
Ephesians 3:20 says, “To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory…”
This past weekend I experienced the joy of Ephesians 3:20 as our daughter, Maggie, married a young man who was more than I could ask for or imagine for her.
As a mom, I’ve prayed all her life for the man she might one day marry. And it is a sign of my small faith that Austin surprised even me. He is a godly partner who compliments her beautifully.
Once upon a time, I thought that was how God was – alwayspredictable in the way I thought He should be. “Immeasurably more than we ask or imagine” was in my way (Read: fun, exciting, and comfortable) and in my time (Read: NOW).
Immeasurably more seems…well, fantastic! A delightful combo of Candyland and a beach on Maui.
But what do we do when God doesn’t live up to our expectations? What do we do when we’re disappointed in God?
Last week I was driving around running errands, preparing for our daughters to arrive for a visit and for me to leave for Israel/Palestine. I changed into the left lane to zip ahead of an old blue-green mini station wagon. As I accelerated past I noticed the car was significantly bashed in as if from an accident. A man was driving the car, smoking a cigarette and talking on his cell phone.
Confession. Here are the three thoughts that went through my head: This guy is irresponsible, unsafe, and makes unhealthy choices.
All that from a 3 second glance in traffic!
If I had gotten close and talked to him I mighthave learned that he was on the phone with his pregnant wife who just went into labor.
And maybe it wasn’t a cigarette, but a tootsie pop in his mouth.
Perhaps he had been rear-ended by someone texting and driving, and he didn’t have the money to fix his car because he had lost his job in the recession.
Getting close might have given me a more compassionate posture towards this guy.
I have thought often of this 3 second drive by during my time here in Israel/Palestine.
We know from the constant stream of words on the news that there is division and violence, and passionate feelings of injustice among Israelis, Palestinians, Jews, Christians, Muslims…But it’s hard to sort out the complicated details, so if you’re like me, you often tune out. It’s just too much.
