Tag: empathy

What Does Your Boat Look Like?

April 27, 2020 /

One time a few years ago, some friends and John and I were in a small fishing motorboat on Lake Minnetonka on a super windy day.

We bounced hard across the water, hitting huge waves and getting drenched with lake spray. Large boats cruised by us without a backwards look, rocking us with their wake. ⠀

An anonymous thought has been going around about our Covid_19 crisis:

We’re all in the same storm, but we’re not in the same boat.

I don’t want to just cruise by the other boats in this season, oblivious to the challenges they are facing, but it’s hard. Circumstances have changed drastically for everyone.⠀

There are those who are exhausted and stretched thin, serving the needs of a whole crew trapped in the boat with them, while also doing a full-time job and wondering if their spouse will lose his.⠀

There are others who are isolated and lonely, grappling daily with depression and boredom.⠀

I’m an extrovert enneagram 7 sharing a boat with an introvert who’d probably prefer to be on a one-person jet-ski.

Some feel like their life raft is sinking and they’re barely hanging on, while others have created party boats, enjoying puzzles, wine, and virtual bingo.⠀

You may feel like you’re on a slow-moving funeral barge, or a solid, steady cruise ship.⠀

The danger I’ve found is assuming anything about the boat others are in.

I’ve been insensitive, forgetting to check in with some who are isolated.

I’ve also become frustrated with unresponsive friends who are stressed to the max on the other.

We need grace, grace, and more grace – for others, and for ourselves in these days.

I think of the verse that characterizes one of my mentors and is my prayer:

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

colossians 4:6

What does your boat look and feel like today? I really want to know!

I shared this first on Instagram. Would love to see you there!


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Do You Feel Like You’re Wearing an Invisibility Cloak?

April 5, 2017 /

Do you ever feel like you’ve accidentally put on Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak?

A few years ago a couple of people made an appointment with me.  I didn’t know what their agenda was.  When we met all they did was ask me questions about a painful experience.

And then they listened.

And asked more questions.  And listened some more.

They asked, “and then what happened?” and “how did you feel?” and “oh no!” and “what can we do?” like it really made a difference to them.

And here’s the thing.  Yes, what was asked and answered was important, but the most transformative thing for our relationship was that when I walked away I didn’t feel invisible anymore.  It felt like I mattered.   What I thought, what I felt, the pain I had experienced made a difference to them.  Have you had an experience like this?

A few years ago my husband and I had the opportunity to spend some time with former President Clinton in a couple different contexts (no he would not remember my name!).  Regardless of what you think about his politics or his morals, here’s a man who makes people feel like they matter.

We were wrapping up an interview with him when he saw an African American guy with a saxophone that was about 189 years old in a back hallway.  Clinton got so excited asking this guy about the brand of sax he played, and the type he used to play, and the music he liked.  He laughed and they swapped sax stories and he asked questions and really listened.

Clinton was so present it was hard for his handlers to tear him away.  One of the most powerful men in the world.  And he was saying to this man, “I may be the president of the United States, but you matter too.”

This is Joe.

He’s a guy with Down’s Syndrome who has a great smile and a can-do spirit.  He’s the guy who sweeps the stairs at exactly the same time every morning at my health club.  When I first asked his name he looked scared, like he had done something wrong.

When I thank him each day for his great work he always looks a little surprised.  Today I took another step and asked him, “Joe, how long have you worked here?  Do you like your job?”

I’ve noticed Joe.  I’ve tried to let him know he matters.  But how many others do I miss during the day who are longing to be noticed?  Feeling like they’re accidentally wearing and invisibility cloak?

What if Jesus hadn’t looked up to see Zaccheus?  What if He hadn’t taken time to talk to the woman who touched the hem of His robe?

When is a time when someone made you feel like you mattered?  Who are the people you tend to overlook?  Who would feel affirmed if you asked a question and listened?

Four Words That Can Change Your Day

January 27, 2014 /

The other day I was driving back home after dropping a friend at the airport.  On the highway someone merged in front of me into the right lane going about 30 mph.  There was another car in the left lane next to me so I had to slam on my brakes to avoid running into the creeper-merger.

I may have yelled the “i” word in frustration and anger.

As I eventually was able to pull into the left lane and speed past the offender I looked to my right and saw what appeared to be a young Somali woman hunched over the wheel, anxious, timid, and clearly unsure of where she was going.

And four words smacked me upside the head: Continue reading

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