Tag: discernment

What is the Invitation of God for You in This Season?

July 10, 2020 / Laura Crosby

Once a year we would make the trek from the suburbs of Chicago to this hot humid wonderland where we would get sweaty playing softball in the yard, and then spend hours in the pool playing Marco Polo.

You remember that game, right? The person who’s “IT” closes their eyes and yells, “Marco!”

All the other players, scattered around the pool, have to respond, “Polo!” and the person who’s IT tries to catch one of them by swimming/lunging quickly through the water to the sound of their voice.

To this day, if Katy, Maggie or I get separated from each other in a store, we’ll call out, “Marco!” and wait for the others to respond, “Polo!” so we can find each other. (Yes, we get some weird looks).

The other day after I heard Pete Wynter from HTB say, “Covid has been an INVITATION, not just an INTERRUPTION.” After reflecting, I posted on Instagram, some of the invitations I recognize in this season and one of them is a Marco Polo type invitation.

I believe it’s an invitation to silence the divisive voices of the politicians and the haters for a time and call out “Jesus!”

Then be still and listen for His response. Maybe He’ll call back to you through His Word, or with a whisper, “Here I am. Come this way.”

How will you know it’s Him?

His voice is always alined with Scripture.

His voice is always consistent with love.

His voice may not always agree with you, but it is life-giving.

If He speaks conviction it will be to draw you back to Himself with grace and forgiveness, not shame.

As I was thinking about the invitation to listen for God’s voice, I heard this song from Amanda Lindsey Cook. I pray it’s a gift for your weekend.

Some things you can’t know till you’re still
In the silence
Where your spinning thoughts slow down
In the stillness

How to Live in the Tension of Relationships that are…Complicated, Part 2

January 20, 2020 / Laura Crosby

The other day I posted some thoughts about complicated relationships and the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Still, there are hard decisions to navigate when there is conflict among friends or family. How do we commit to both grace and truth?

If your 7 year old daughter scores two goals and plays a great game of soccer, but kicks someone on the opposing team while they’re down and walks away, is it right to only say “Way to go! You were awesome! You are such a great soccer player!”?

Is it a blessing to only affirm without also naming the pain caused to the opposing player? Obviously not, but other situations aren’t as clear. It’s…complicated, right?

Truth without grace isn’t really true. Rather, it is aggression disguised as discernment.
And grace without truth isn’t really gracious. Rather, it is codependency disguised as love.
Scott Sauls

This is the hard balance we try to navigate.

Photo by Leio McLaren (@leiomclaren) on Unsplash

Some of us lean towards grace, but are afraid of speaking truth. We hate the discomfort. We want people to like us.

Others lean towards truth telling. We are justice oriented, committed to right and wrong. We feel it’s most important not to let an offense slide.

How do we live like Jesus in these complicated relationships?

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John 1:14

You know the TSA motto? “If you see something, say something.” Maybe it applies to relationships too…with a caveat.

Regardless of how you feel, if you see something positive in the other – anything “excellent or praiseworthy” call it out! Affirm! Cheer! Celebrate!

But… If you see/feel something negative or wounding? That’s trickier.

Maybe say something, but first sit with it in the presence of God. Ask yourself:

Why do I feel offended? Is this about me and some wound from my past, or is this about them?
What is my part in this offense? Owning that is part of the “say something” too.
If I talk to the other about this, is my motive one of blessing and bringing life (even if it is hard or uncomfortable), or do I just want to make myself feel better by telling them what a mean person they are?

What matters more to us—that we successfully put others in their place, or that we are known to love well? God have mercy on us if we do not love well because all that matters to us is being right and winning arguments.
scot sauls

4. Will this person be able to “hear” truth from me (as opposed to someone else), right now, and receive it in a way that is helpful? My spiritual director pointed out that timing is important. Look at Jesus’ words:

“I still have many things to tell you, but you can’t handle them now.”
John 16:12

Ohmygosh I have gotten this wrong sooooo many times! Know that as I post this, I’m stumbling along, asking Jesus to grow me in this area.

A friend of ours recently said, “You can say anything as long as you say it at the right time and in the right key.” Paul said it like this:

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
Colossians 4:6

What about you? You KNOW I’d love to hear from you! If you get this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the site where you can post a comment. If it’s your first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away! And if you’re interested in some smaller doses of joy and community connection, join me over on Instagram. (You can turn on “notifications” in the upper right-hand corner if you want to know when there is a post.)

Ever Wonder If You’ve Heard God Wrong?

June 19, 2019 / Laura Crosby

A week ago my small group was sitting around our harvest table finishing off yummy enchiladas when one of my young mom friends with toddlers shared about a difficult decision she and her husband made which she was still anguishing over.

This couple prayed and prayed, seeking wisdom from the Lord about whether to spend their limited budget on some extra child care that would free up a little time for them to nurture their marriage in a very stressful season of travel for her husband, or use the funds to send one of their kids to a private school that they think might provide a particularly nurturing environment.

They were faithful in prayer and sought information and guidance that might inform their decision. They are committed to God’s Word and want to honor Him. They made a decision, but keep wondering what the consequences might be.

Have you ever wondered if you might have heard God wrong?

Over thirty years ago, John and I were serving at a church in the suburbs of Chicago. We were open to moving and received a call from a church in Washington D.C. As we prayed about whether to accept this position, John reminded me this wasn’t a shell game with God. It wasn’t like there was necessarily just one right answer. Our job was to trust God and try to discern what we thought would be most pleasing to Him.

After much prayer we decided this move would be honoring to God and we ended up moving to D.C. Here’s what happened:

via GIPHY

I went 8 months pregnant with our second child, her sister just 19 months old
D.C. had the highest cost of living in the nation at the time and we had no money.
We moved away from all our family for the first time and knew no one.
Our church was a cathedral type church, drawing from a large area so we didn’t see the people we worshipped with during the week – hard to build community.
The area we lived in had no moms who had made the choice to stay at home with their kids so I went to the park every day and would basically say to any stranger, “Will you be my friend?”

John went to a transition seminar that was required when he started the job. He came home and said, “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we won! We had more stress points than anyone else! The bad news is, they said we should be in counseling.”

The bottom line was that our years in D.C. were maybe the hardest of our marriage. We kept saying, “Lord, did we get this wrong? How could this be Your will and feel like such a bad fit? Why is this so hard?”

We’ll never know this side of heaven whether pride or impatience or something else clouded our discernment of God’s will, or if we were exactly where He wanted us. But as we have reflected on this season, here are some things we’ve observed:

Just because circumstances are hard doesn’t mean you’re outside God’s will. Although we prayed fervently, things never got easier during the time we lived in D.C., but God was still faithful. We learned to be grateful that He was our shelter, our rock, unchanging. “Great is Thy Faithfulness” became our anthem. “Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, Blessings all mine and ten thousand beside!”

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.
Romans 8:37-39 msg

2. Sometimes God wants to do a work in you instead of for you. As we look back, we see many ways God was preparing us for things to come. We experienced deeper intimacy with Him and greater dependence on Him. God knit our family together in love with Him and each other because that’s all we had.

So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.
2 corinthians 4:16-18 Msg

3. We may mess up. We may get it wrong, but God promises to redeem as we turn to Him. We came away from our time in D.C. with more humility and awareness of our fallibility than if we had gone from “strength to strength.”

…we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
romans 8:28 msg

What’s been your experience with discerning God’s will? As always, I’d love to hear from you! If you get this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the site where you can post a comment. If it’s your first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away! And if you’re interested in some smaller doses of inspiration, join me over on Instagram. (You can turn on “notifications” in the upper right-hand corner if you want to know when there is a post.)

An Open Letter: 5 Things to Consider When Seeking God’s Direction

April 13, 2015 / Laura Crosby

Dear M&A,

It’s hard to believe you’re coming up on your second anniversary! In those short years you’ve faced many hard decisions, huge change, and intense challenges. Now, at the end of grad school, you face some more. More open doors and some that may shut. All with their own set of consequences.

I’m writing you this now because Dad and I have been where you are. And I’m writing it here because you’re not alone. Many who read this are trying to discern God’s will – trying to decide:

Should I quit this job?
Move to this place?
Marry this person?
Break up with that person?
Start a graduate degree?
Take this risk?

So today I want to tell you about a time early in our marriage when we were trying to discern God’s will. We felt like we had outgrown the setting we were in and were prompted to open ourselves to a move. We prayed, sought counsel, and explored options. In the end Dad received a call to a large church across the country in a place where we knew no one. In a place with a different pace of life, different culture, and different values.

In both the process of deciding, and the reality of living the following two years, I think we learned some things about God and His ways. I’d love to share some of our lessons, just as I’d love to hear what you are learning in this season. Continue reading

Ski Jump Decisions

February 17, 2014 / lauracrosby

Last night my husband brought up a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad recurring subject that scares me as much and flying off an Olympic ski jump.

The one where he says we really need to think about selling our house because it’s going to cost us too much over the long-haul to live here. Whenever he raises it I either run crying from the room screaming “Over my dead body!”, or cover my ears, shut my eyes and singing “LALALALALA”. It’s not a decision I want to face.

Last year our daughter and new son-in-law also had a big decision to make. Maggie had applied to grad school and had the mixed blessing of getting into every school she applied to. It blew us away. Who knew? So it came down to a decision between John’s Hopkins (stay in D.C.), London School of Economics (go), and Berkley (go).

What’s a decision you’re facing right now? Leave your job? Go back to school? Stay in a relationship you’re afraid is unhealthy? Move? Continue reading

The Fear of Saying “No”

June 14, 2013 / lauracrosby

About a year ago I received an invitation to do something new and scary that would be an adventure. Teaching pastors in rural Africa. Stretching. Hard. Solo.

I had been asking God for invitations, so my first thought was “I need to say ‘yes’. Jesus followers always say “yes” to invitations to serve those in need, right?

But several details about this ask caused me to pause and ask for time to pray about it before answering.

I prayed honestly and intensely about this offer for over six months. I felt torn. There were specific reasons God brought to mind that led me to believe I should say “no”, but along the way I kept asking, “If I say ‘no’ is it You, or is it really because I’m afraid of taking this risk?”

And “Isn’t God’s will always the hardest thing?”

It was difficult to send the final email saying “Thank you, but no”.

I was afraid of letting down people who needed help.

I was afraid of letting God down.

I was afraid of making a decision that would close all future doors.

If I turned this down maybe I’d discover how dispensable I really am.

As counter as it was to my initial reaction, and as hard as it was, I felt led to say “no” for now.

And then, last night, as I walked into our quiet house alone, out of “nowhere” as clear as everything real, God whispered, “You don’t need to go to Kitale. I love you. Period.”

You don’t need to be afraid.

What scares you most about saying “no”?

God Told Me…Maybe

March 27, 2013 / lauracrosby

Yesterday I got a call from a young friend trying to make a big decision.

And he said “God told me…” a bunch of times throughout the conversation.

I squirmed and felt just a tiny bit uncomfortable as I listened.

I’m not crazy about that phrase. Not because I don’t think God “speaks”, but because 99% the time when I hear those particular words, what “God tells” the person seems to be rationalizing something they really, really already want to do.

How to Discern What’s Real (A Resource for Leaders and others)

May 10, 2012 / lauracrosby

This looks flat doesn’t it?

NOT.

Every time I ride this part of this bike path I have to down-shift one. Because it is actually a gradual, but definite, incline.

Looks can be deceiving, but when I know that truth I can adapt.

Sometimes reality is hard to discern. Sometimes it’s difficult to accept. And sometimes we just want to deny it.

This guy looked responsible. Healthy. Devoted.

Not so much.

We had a perception of his character that was not rooted in reality.

Whether it’s stress, or circumstances outside our control, or sin,

facing reality and responding is a crucial part of our formation into people who look more like Jesus. And a crucial part of leadership development.

All that to say, I have a resource to share with you.

I’ve been helping facilitate some online classes called Leadership Institute for Transformation (LIFT) offered through the Willow Creek Association. The class I’ve been involved with for several co-horts is called Leading For Results. It was created and is taught by Dr. Henry Cloud, using a book he wrote called Integrity. One of the key challenges we talk about in this class is facing negative realities and adjusting.

Here’s a little taste.

We talk about 6 sources we can use to get an accurate picture of reality and then provide this tool for self-evaluation. Take a look at each source, consider what you have in place, and the suggested activity.

1. Direct relationship with God