I like to talk. I get excited. I like to ask questions and share stories. Lots of big hand gestures. Maybe you too? This can be a strength when you want to connect with people, but…
Ever leave a party and stress about that you said too much?
Yeah, me either. Rarely happens 🙄.
For me, one of the most cringe-worthy verses in the Bible is “Where words are many, sin is not absent.” (Proverbs 10:19)
The other day, I was reflecting on something I shared at a social gathering.
And after beating myself up about what would be characterized as gossip, or at least sharing information that wasn’t strictly kind, necessary, or helpful, I got more constructive and asked myself “Why?”
Why was I so motivated to say what I did?
Honestly, the information I had, gave me power and status in the eyes of people I wanted to like me.
A friend of mine sent me this quote the other day:
“There is nothing in your life too terrible or too sad that will not be your friend when you find the right name to call it…”
Laurens vanderPost
If I were to name the why it might be “insecurity” or “longing for importance”.
And why that? Maybe I’m not rooted enough in the truth of my belovedness to God. Who or what is telling me I’m not important or valuable to others? What is the truth, the words Jesus speaks over me?
So after you ask yourself why, and name the thing beneath the thing, then what do you do?
Confess. Ask forgiveness.
Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed.
James 5:16 Msg
Prepare for the future. Naming this, hopefully will make me more aware of the temptation when I walk into a similar situation in the future.
Reminding myself that I am a beloved child of the King who doesn’t need the approval or validation of anyone and praying that God would guard my heart and tongue may help.
Can you relate? What would you add? Share in comments.
Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.
Prayer. I do it. I grow from it. I can’t “figure it out”.
Prayer is the biggest mystery of my life with God.
If God knows everything, why take the time to tell Him what’s on my mind?
If God knows what’s best and I desire His will above all, what does it matter what I want?
I have complete faith that God can do anything, but who am I to pray with the assurance that He willdo what I ask?
Why did God choose to miraculously heal my friend, but not my brother even though the same body of believers were praying with faith for both?
Can you relate?
In the end, the reason I pray is to draw close to God and bring my will in line with His. We want to develop an
…attentiveness to God that is so intimate that over time we develop an intuitive sense of God’s heart and purpose in any given moment. We become familiar with God’s voice—the tone, quality, and content—just as we become familiar with the voice of a human being we know well.
Let me just say that it is…deep. It may not be the book we should have picked to make everything simple and clear. This was our text chain last week.
Although prayer is still a mystery, experimenting and sharing our experiences has been helpful. So I thought I’d invite you to virtually join our little band of merry women.
3 Things We’ve identified that we’re not good at (there’s a lot more, but let’s start with 3):
Listening is part of prayer and we’re not good at it.
We’re also not good at confession.
Integrating prayer into the ordinary moments of daily life is hard and we’re not good at that either.
What about you?
Here’s a practice that we did together:
Remember the acronym ACTS? Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication? Well, what if we added L – listening? (My friend said now we’ll pronounce it “axle”). Here’s an exercise we tried together:
Close your eyes and think of one specific prayer concern.
Start by offering prayers of adoration – How is God’s character sufficient for this specific concern?
Next, consider confession related to your prayer burden. Maybe you need to confess that you don’t have faith for this concern, or that you have been striving and trying to control the outcome, or that you have made an idol of the desire in your heart.
Thanksgiving. What can you thank God for in the waiting? What has He already provided?
Supplication. Just lay out what is on your heart.
Listening. Be still for several minutes. Don’t try to manufacture anything. I’ve found that often God brings to mind an image or vision in these moments, but sometimes He’ll bring Scripture to mind. Other times, crickets. Nothing. But that’s ok. You are putting yourself in God’s presence.
Perhaps your own reiterated cries deafen you to the voice you hoped to hear.
C.S. Lewis
I was praying for a friend’s marriage, so here’s my example:
Lord, you are our Creator. You made us for relationship with you and each other. I praise you for your good plans for us. I praise you for your wisdom that you make available to us. You are our Protector, a shield around us.
I confess that I often worry about my friends’ marriage and strive to manage or give advice instead of entrusting them to you. Forgive me for trying to do your job in this and other situations.
Thank you Father, that my friends know you as their Lord and Savior. Thank you that they have healthy role models. Thank you that they are committed to you and each other. Thank you that you have provided them with resources for counsel.
Lord, I pray that you would put a hedge of protection around this couple. Don’t let the devil get a foothold in their marriage. Guard them from temptation and self-centeredness. Draw them to yourself. Please bring greater understanding and love in their relationship. In the strong name of Jesus I pray, Amen.
As I was silent and “listened”, the Lord didn’t bring words to mind, but instead an image of Him gently tucking my friends in with love.
How do you feel about prayer?
I’d love to hear from you! If you get this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the site where you can post a comment. If it’s your first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away!
And if you’re interested in some smaller doses of inspiration, join me over on Instagram. (You can turn on “notifications” in the upper right-hand corner if you want to know when there is a post.)
Who are your people? Do you have a group of friends who are your tribe, or your “home team”? Those people you can tell the truth to and they won’t throw you out? They may kick you in the butt when that’s needed, but they’ll also hug you and say “It’s gonna be ok honey”.
My husband, John, has gotten a little bit sick of me raving about a community of young married couples I have the privilege of hanging out with. They are called Catalyst, and they inspire the socks off me.
Right from the start, they have leaned into the sacrament of community. They are my heroes in this regard.
There are five vivid snapshots of our life-together that come to mind, highlighting characteristics of authentic, life-giving community. I thought they might be helpful to share:Continue reading
The last couple weeks I’ve felt pretty good. So much “better than.” Maybe you have too.
I’m in Washington D.C. this week where everyone is angry with Congress and thankful they’re not one of “them”.
In the past few weeks I’ve also thought, “Boy I’m glad I’m not Miley Cyrus! Or basically any of the Kardashians. Or Honey Boo Boo’s mom. Or Anthony Wiener.”
Each of them has had their mistakes broadcast, ridiculed, autopsied. Their intellect, integrity, and wisdom were brought into question.
My response? “Phew! Glad I dodged those bullets!”
“Can’t BELIEVE they were so stupid, evil, clueless, out-of-control…whatever…bless their heart.” (I add that last part cuz I’m a Christian don’tcha know) Continue reading
I heard a really juicy bit of gossip the other day. It was about someone many of you would know. It was not favorable. And it was really tempting to shout it from the rooftops like some ancient town crier, “Hear ye, hear ye! Do you know what SHE did???! Can you believe it??”
And, this is the terrible confession I have to have to make: There was a small part of my dark shriveled prune pit heart that was… delighted. Yes, delighted because it made me feel “better than”. Superior. Like I’m winning the spiritual points Olympics today.
Grace? Who needs grace? I’m better than someone!
And then it all came crashing down. I read something by someone godly. Much more Jesus-y than me, and getting a lot of attention for being Jesus-y. And all of a sudden I felt worse than. Worthless. Not good enough for kingdom stuff.
How often do we walk into a room and determine our worth (and even the state of our relationship with God) by how well we stack up to others around us? Do we look for those who are more clearly selfish, sinful, ungrateful, and breathe a sigh of relief that at least we’re not there? Not that? We’re better than someone.
Do I define “righteousness” as “better than”? So “unrighteous” is “worse than”?
I read recently that theologian C.H. Spurgeon once said, “It is easier to save us from our sins than from our righteousness.”
So today we come to the cross and the ashes of this special Wednesday with as much honesty as we can muster. It’s time to give up the illusion that our righteousness is anything other than filthy rags. A time to come clean about our dirt.
We are an ashy mess.
Ashes – a gritty reminder of our sinfulness that says to the world, “This is who I am and what I want to repent of.”
None of us are enough.
We’re never good enough to earn His favor.
But we’re never bad enough to be beyond the reach of God’s grace.
Somehow, in spite of it all, He’s still crazy about us, His stumbling, bumbling children.
We are, all of us, all covered in Ashes. And nothing we do or don’t do today can make God love us any more. Or less. Than He does at this moment.
Lord have mercy. On me. A sinner. A comparer. An “older brother”. A prideful striver, an image-manager.
I’m not sure, but I think maybe the most crushing phrase Satan can whisper in our ears is “You’re the only one.”
You’re the only one who’s ever made a mistake that bad.
The only one who hasn’t had a date in a year (or three).
The only one who didn’t get that job or didn’t get into that school or wasn’t invited…
The only one who hasn’t done something important like marching on Washington or getting published or feeding the hungry in Calcutta.
You’re the only one small enough to feel jealous or sensitive about that stupid thing. Remember? Like that thing I confessed here on Friday.
But then God gives a gift. The gift of friends who put their arm around us and whisper “Me too.
They say “It’s really ok. We’re all messes. All fixer-uppers. And I still love you.”
The other day after my post I took a walk on the beach with my dear friend… the sun so bright, the rolling tide so steady – dancing with the sand in a frolicky way, not rough and mean like it can be some days.
And my friend asked some gentle questions and she listened and poured grace like she was pouring me a tall glass of sparkling icy tea. Like she always does. And she shared a little of her own “maybe I’m the only one” stuff.
Though the exact words may not have been spoken, everything about our conversation said “Me too.” and “I still love you.”
It feels like God provides these safe friends for a glimpse of the divine. They remind us we’re not alone.
And then, like when the surf after a storm has left a lot of junk on the beach, our friends help us sift through the broken bits and find the beauty that’s still there. The bright pieces of sea glass and the intact sand dollar that has survived the pounding.
So today I’m thankful for friends who say “Me too.” and “I still love you.” and “There’s still beautiful treasure in the mess.”
I see myself as a pretty darn adventurous person. I love a challenge. I’ll go anywhere in the world and I’ve eaten fried catipillars. Daughter Maggie and I were finalists to compete in the Amazing Race last year. And I want my second career to be as a spy, for which I’ve already prepared by spending hours at the Spy Museum in D.C. and doing a simulation bomb location exercise. Learning to hot wire a car is on my bucket list. I’m just sayin’…I think I’ve got some game.
But, there are two thingsIdon’t do.
Snakes and mice.
I’d jump out of an airplane if I had to, but look at, much less empty, a mouse trap? No way. Fortunately this has not been an issue as we have not had mice to deal with. Until we got home from vacation this week and discovered evidence of one in a kitchen drawer. Nowhere else (and believe me I went over the house with a magnifying glass, inspecting any tiny piece of lint to make sure it wasn’t a mouse dropping).
Anyway, we set out multiple traps in the kitchen around and in said drawer. The next morning I left John a bazillion notes reminding him to check and deal with any corpse that might have appeared and I carefully skirted around the kitchen with my eyes averted from anything close to the killing field.
It’s not like I wasn’t aware there might be carnage. I just didn’t want to face it. To deal with the ugliness.
Recently I referred to a message I had listened to about comparison that Andy Stanley preached and I was forced to face a mouse corpse. He talked about the land of “er” and “est” where when we compare and don’t measure up we either hate the other person or hate ourselves. Near the end, he asked a question :
“Is there anyone you would secretly be glad to see fail?”
It totally rocked me because immediately two people from different parts of my life, who I haven’t thought about in awhile came to mind! No, no one reading this (honest). And before you get sidetracked and all judgmental, ask yourself that question.
It freaked me out. “Why?” I asked myself. “Is this born out of comparison? Competition? Insecurity?” And “What do I do with this? (Besides confess it and ask God to change my heart). It was a very ugly mouse corpse I couldn’t avert my eyes from.
The first step for us in catching the mice was facing the evidence. Acknowledging they were there. I was ticked at Andy for asking the question that made me even admit the sin in me, but once I realized the truth I couldn’t just leave a drawer full of “mouse poop.”
The second step has been figuring out how it got in. For my “mouse” I’ve been asking the questions above and have realized they definitely squeezed in through the door of pride and comparison, but it’s also complicated by the pain that comes when someone succeeds at your expense or hurts you personally while getting what they want. Perhaps this mouse snuck in in the moments when I wasn’t vigilant about living out of the security of God’s lavish love and delight in me…confidence in His win/win power to bring about good no matter what.
The third step has been killing the mice and, most importantly getting rid of the dead corpses. I’m fine with steps one and two, but this one….? Could I please just jump out of an airplane?
Instead I picture both of the people who came to mind. This morning I read, “Have mercy on me, my God, have mercy on me, for in you I take refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings.”
I picture the three of us, together, huddled beneath God’s wings. His beloved children, all three of us dependent…taking refuge in His mercy. I am truly moved by this image as I sit with it. It helps me.
“Create in me a pure heart, O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”
Is there anyone you would secretly be glad to see fail?
Are there ways that have been helpful to you in facing and dealing with the mouse corpses in your life?
I was thinking, “Boy I’m glad I’m not Kim Kardashian, Rick Perry, or Joe Paterno!” And then there’s Jerry Sandusky who, this week admitted to “Horsing around” with kids. Each of them has had their mistakes broadcast, ridiculed, autopsied. Their intellect, integrity, and wisdom were brought into question.
My response? “Phew! Glad I dodged those bullets!”
“Can’t BELIEVE they were so stupid, evil, clueless, out-of-control…”
“I would NEVER have…”
I may even have thought, “I’m thankful I’ve never pulled a “Rick Perry” on national TV, bless his heart.”
And I felt just a little better about myself, focusing on THEM. You know THEM. All the others who I compare myself to who are much worse than I am.
Or not. Maybe my sins are just…different.
And more easily hidden.
What if the ugly stuff of my life (or yours) was replayed (over, and over, and over again) on the Today Show for millions to dissect and comment on what they would have done differently?
All this his has prompted me to return to an ancient prayer practice called the Jesus Prayer or the prayer of the heart.
Each time I hear something about someone else’s sin, I’m trying to use it as a prompt to pray the Jesus prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
Have you tried this prayer practice? I resisted it initially. How does this help our quest to have a better self-image?? And who likes using the word SINNER??!! But I am (and I hate to draw attention to this, but there’s a chance you might be too) And in praying this it’s a reminder that I’m dependent on the reconciling work of Jesus. Just like Kim. Stretching muscles of humility, centering, worship…
I haven’t bailed on my marriage, but I’ve bailed on other commitments. Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.
I haven’t forgotten key components of my economic strategy on national television, but I’ve gotten tons of other stuff wrong. Lord have mercy.
I haven’t covered up sexual sin, but I haven’t always confronted injustice. Lord have mercy.
Thankfully, at least this week, my sins aren’t being played on national television, but I’m just as in need of God’s mercy and Psalm 103:11-12 reassures me and all of us. “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”
What do you think of this? Is the Jesus prayer easy or hard for you?
A few weeks ago I wrote about the Communion Debacle our daughters experienced at church. It made me think about how hard it can be to truly enter into this sacrament and be present to God in the moment…reflecting on His grace and our sin. Sometimes we can feel so conspicuous and self-conscious, but not Jesus-conscious. It made me think about a spiritual practice tied to confession and forgiveness that I find really meaningful, but have let slide recently. It’s an ancient practice called the Examen you may be familiar with.
It simply means you look back over your day and identify where you sensed being most alive to God’s presence and pleasure most (the “spiritual” word is “consolation”) and where He felt most absent (“desolation”)…Where you experienced death or separation from God.
Life or Death,
Beauty or Ugliness.
It’s helpful for me to practice it with a regular activity like brushing my teeth, but if you’re more spiritual you might actually light a candle, get down on your knees and do it big time.
Last week I did it while I was riding my bike to Starbucks, asking God to help me look back over my yesterday. The times that came to mind when I felt most alive and experiencing a sense of God’s pleasure were in the midst of a couple of hard conversations I had. There was a sense of obedience, God’s grace, keeping short accounts… I thanked God for His equipping in those moments and the encouragement I felt at the end of these. The time when I felt “desolation” was when I neglected to follow through and serve in a way that I could have. I just pushed it out of my mind in favor of comfort. As I thought of that I asked forgiveness and committed to follow through at the next opportunity.
Kind of like when you’ve painted a room and the next day go back to see if there are streaks or drips you need to take care of.
Confession #1: I used to look down my nose at women who played tennis, deciding they were snotty rich suburban women who had nothing more meaningful to do with their time.
Confession #3: I’m enjoying it. I think it brings balance to my life. And I think I also have a meaningful life outside of this sport, so either I was wrong before, or I’m deludednow and I really am a loser.
All that was prelude to Confession #4: Today I lost a match that I thought was totally unfair, and I was totally ticked, and it was really hard to be Jesusy about it.
Why was it unfair you ask? Because I was playing against SERENA WILLIAMS in the “worst-players-in-the-universe-league”!!! Clearly Serena got confused and went to the wrong court!
Ok, maybe it wasn’t ACTUALLY Serena Williams, but it might as well have been. The girl I played belonged in this league about as much as Serena would have. She was a ringer and she took this deal veeeerrrry seriously. Like U.S. Open seriously. It was a grave injustice.
This made it hard:
not to get killed as tennis balls rocketed towards me at 200 m.p.h.
to pray “Come Holy Spirit, help me to be gracious” WHILE I was dodging the balls coming at me, AND saying “Great shot” repeatedly through gritted teeth.
It struck me as quitebizarre that God might be using this stupid tennis match to actually form something in me…
To submit to something that felt unfair.
To put my pride to death and resist reporting her to the highest authorities in tennis world for public censure on the nightly news.
To humble myself to listen receptively when she told me after the match all the mistakes I had made.
To genuinely affirm the talent I saw in her. (Lest you think I handled this with Mother Theresa-like poise and grace, I did call and rant to my daughter Maggie after the match)
Probably most important, it prompted me to do something for people who are TRULY experiencing injustice by taking action in the International Justice Mission’s campaign to stop Human Trafficking.http://www.ijm.org/justice-campaigns/tvpra (You can too! If I can do this ANYONE can!)
When have you gotten angry at something that hasn’t been fair? Is it something you’ve challenged, or covered with grace?
I think both are appropriate in different situations. How do you determine when to do which?
