Tag: community (Page 7 of 8)

What are You Longing For? Bread and Wine, part 2

There’s a fire in the kitchen fireplace and candles are still flickering, empty wine glasses wait to be washed and crumbs are on the wooden countertop – evidence of hastily bagged leftovers I urged friends to take as they wrestled into coats and boots to head home after our dinner together.

It’s 9:15 and John’s not home yet, and the snow is piled high outside my window.  The serving platters are empty, but I am full.

Here’s what I did.  Remember my little group of women than God totally orchestrated and drew together around what we thought would be a book study and then it ended up being about so, so much more?  A young single, a personal trainer/professional cheerleader, a stay-at-home mom, a social worker, a pre-school teacher…But “titles” are deceiving! Well, that’s the group that came over for dinner on a Wednesday night recently.  Shauna’s new book, Bread and Wine was our excuse for gathering.

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Heather, who’s newly engaged and also a fan of Shauna’s writing, made the Bacon Wrapped Dates and the Dark Chocolate Sea Salted Butter Toffee, and I made the the Green Well Salad, and Risotto because I never had and we have one gluten-free gal and I knew everyone would forgive me if it didn’t turn out.

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Before the evening arrived I asked my friends to think about a question from Shauna’s chapter, “Enough” – Have you ever longed for something?  What helped you through that season of longing?  What are things that prompt discontent in you?”

We all (except maybe Heather) loved the bacon wrapped dates, and those who are Risotto vets kindly said I did it “right”.  We over-dressed the salad, and never got around to talking about the specific question I had thrown out, but none of that really matters, like what you watched on T.V. last night doesn’t really matter.

What matters is how we hugged and laughed and said what’s important.  We oohed and ahhed over Heather’s new engagement details.  We celebrated with Molly who was leaving the next day to visit her daughter who’s studying in Italy, and we looked into the eyes of another asking about the Hard Thing.

What do you long for?

We never asked that question, but we answered it with our hearts and eyes and ears all night.

Isn’t “community” one of the answers we’d all give?  I love the way Shauna writes of this:

“We don’t come to the table to fight or to defend.  We don’t come to prove or to conquer, to draw lines in the sand or to stir up trouble.  We come to the table because our hunger brings us there.  We come with a need, with fragility, with an admission of our humanity…The table is the place where the doing stops, the trying stops, the masks are removed, and we allow ourselves to be nourished, like children…Come to the table.”

This coming to the table takes courage, but like our little band of intrepid women and our couples’ covenant group, and the families we’ve done life with over the past 25 years have discovered, it is the place where God serves up true soul food and your longings are met in Him and through His people.

Come to the table indeed.

Bread and Wine, part 1

First, a Disclaimer:   I was totally predisposed to love Bread and Wine, Shauna Niequist’s newest book, coming out in a couple weeks.

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Shauna’s mom is a dear friend of mine.  And Shauna’s faith journey has been similar to one of my daughter’s so she’s the one I sent desperate emails to, begging for advice during a clueless season of parenting.

Also, I’m crazy about Cold Tangerines and Bittersweet – her first two books – which I think are lovely and insightful.  Her just-right word pictures and conversational style and authenticity inspire me as a writer.  In fact I love her writing so much that I have this uber paranoia that someday I’m going to write something and it’s going to inadvertently be a phrase she wrote that I liked and swirled around in my brain so much that eventually I thought it was mine.  And she’ll call, and be like, “Uh, Laura…” and I’ll be mortified.

So, with that disclaimer out of the way, let me say that Bread and Wine is totally wonderful, but a little different.  It is a collection of essays about the meals that draw us together and what they can teach us.  Included with almost every chapter is a recipe.

What is different is that it is a smidge more of a food writer’s book than I expected, but don’t let that deter you.  The warm and honest Shauna who reflects on faith and not being perfect comes through.  I definitely think you should buy the book and savor it and throw a party or a shower.  Or bless someone with  a pan of “Annette’s Enchilada’s”.

Many will read Bread and Wine, and as they do, breathe a sigh of Oh, Phew!  I’m not the only one!” as Shauna revisits some of the pain she’s written about in her first two books.  Her authenticity is what draws readers in.  It’s a gift.

However there are also many, many lists of friends and food – a devoted community gathered around lovely meals.  You may read this book and be tempted to think, “Oh, I love Shauna!  I want her life!  But I will never have friends like that or meals that flow so naturally with laughter and meaningful conversation!”

Don’t.

Don’t go there.

Be inspired, but don’t let this book suck you into a comparison game that leaves you feeling like you can only truly exist vicariously through a hip young mama with a life lived large.

Instead, do what Shauna suggests, and celebrate your own.  Use it as a chance to gather some old friends (or invite some new ones) together and crowd into the kitchen, and try out some recipes.

“Here’s what I want you to do: I want you to tell someone you love them and dinner’s at six.  I want you to throw open your front door and welcome the people you love into the inevitable mess with hugs and laughter.”

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If you’re not a foodie (or even if you are) don’t take yourself too seriously.  If you get it wrong, be prepared to laugh and figure it’s a good story you’ll tell someday.

If you are a foodie (or even if you’re not), remember it’s not about the food primarily.  The recipes are wonderful, but they’re an excuse and a putter-at-easer…a means to creating a nurturing space conducive to community.  So be intentional.  Make it about more than food.  Use the discussion questions at the back of the book or make up your own.

I’ll share Wednesday about what happened around my table…

One More Antidote to Being Daunted and Undone

I’m not sure, but I think maybe the most crushing phrase Satan can whisper in our ears is “You’re the only one.”

You’re the only one who’s ever made a mistake that bad.

The only one who hasn’t had a date in a year (or three).

The only one who didn’t get that job or didn’t get into that school or wasn’t invited…

The only one who hasn’t done something important like marching on Washington or getting published or feeding the hungry in Calcutta.

You’re the only one small enough to feel jealous or sensitive about that stupid thing. Remember?  Like that thing I confessed here on Friday.

But then God gives a gift.  The gift of friends who put their arm around us and whisper “Me too.

They say “It’s really ok.  We’re all messes.  All fixer-uppers.  And I still love you.”

The other day after my post I took a walk on the beach with my dear friend… the sun so bright, the rolling tide so steady – dancing with the sand in a frolicky way, not rough and mean like it can be some days.

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And my friend asked some gentle questions and she listened and poured grace like she was pouring me a tall glass of sparkling icy tea.  Like she always does.  And she shared a little of her own “maybe I’m the only one” stuff.

Though the exact words may not have been spoken, everything about our conversation said “Me too.” and “I still love you.”

It feels like God provides these safe friends for a glimpse of the divine.  They remind us we’re not alone.

And then, like when the surf after a storm has left a lot of junk on the beach, our friends help us sift through the broken bits and find the beauty that’s still there.  The bright pieces of sea glass and the intact sand dollar that has survived the pounding.

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So today I’m thankful for friends who say “Me too.” and “I still love you.” and “There’s still beautiful treasure in the mess.”

The Church of Starbucks

My Starbucks would beat your Starbucks any day of the week.  Or your Caribou or your Dunn Bros or your Pub.

Or maybe your church.

Just sayin’.

Like at Cheers, at my Starbucks everybody knows your name.

Nobody’s perfect and all are welcome.

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What Fear Can Learn from Liam Neeson

Can we all just agree?  Liam Neeson’s got serious game.  He’s not afraid of anyone as long as he’s got a cell phone.

In the absence of similar skills, approximately 47 million parents of high school and college students have made their kids watch at least the first half hour of the movie, Taken, in which “Liam’s” teenage daughter is snatched by bad guys who have (really) bad plans for her.  For the past few years parents have been sending daughters out into a dangerous world with the battle cry, “Remember TAKENNNNN!!”

And now, with a Part Two coming out, this was a tweet I read the other day.

All this Liam Neeson tough guy stuff has been on my mind because in almost every conversation I’ve had lately there has been an unwanted intruder.  His name is Fear, and he seems to be lurking, wanting to take me, my friends and family to places we don’t want to go.

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Finding Community in a Dressing Room

I’ve decided that one of the strongest pieces of evidence supporting the idea that God made us for community is that I seem incapable of shopping for clothes on my own.

It takes a team of expert consultants (mostly my daughters and/or my mom who is 78, but has been known to swap clothes with the 24-year-old so she’s very cool dontchaknow).

We’re spread out, but devoted to each other and committed avoiding having a candid photo of us show up in Glamour magazine with the headline Fashion Don’ts”.

So we take pictures of ourselves in dressing rooms wherever we are shopping and text them to each other asking the others to weigh in and give advice.

I’m not kidding.

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“You’re Invited!”

Aren’t those words magical?!  You feel special.  Included.  Valued.  There’s a sense of anticipation.

One of the things I love most about God’s character is that He is an inviter.  A “welcome to the party” God…  An “I’ve been waiting for you to arrive!” God… A “Come as you are” God…

He’s the Host at the Banquet, the Greeter at the door, the Provider of refreshment for those who are hungry and thirsty.

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My Most Important Question

I’ve never been comfortable with questions, and gray, and lack of resolution.

Questions scared me.  Because, well…what if God, you know…wasn’t big enough?

I’m not by nature a doubter, but life has led me through gray, led me through “no answers”, through pound-on-the-floor dark frustration, and although I may have faltered, God hasn’t.

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Who’s Dancing With You?

Taking a little August Sabbatical so I thought I’d repost one of the most popular entries from this past year.  I’m glad you liked it!

really admire my husband.

He’s brilliant and wise and athletic and better than me at everything.

Except maybe one thing.

When we were dating, we never danced.

And when we got married we didn’t have dancing at our reception.

And when we went to our first wedding reception as a married couple he didn’t ask me to dance and I cried and was sure he didn’t really love me.

I wrote recently that some friends and I have wrangled our husbands into taking dance lessons, and I’ve finally discovered why this has not been part of our life together up til now.  I’m not gonna sugar coat it.  I’m no Ginger Rogers, but John is truly bad.   I don’t understand it.  How can someone who’s so coordinated in so many other areas be so…not…in this area?  Sometimes we just have to stop trying because we’re laughing so hard.

It’s one thing to have a humility thrust upon you.  You make a mistake and have to apologize.  Like BP.  Or the captain of the cruise ship in Italy.  Or Lindsay Lohan.  You’re given a job to do and things don’t go well.  You’re humbled.

But to choose to step into a situation where you know you’re weak, vulnerable, open to ridicule?  That takes love.

Doing this together with some of our closest friends has led me to another conclusion.

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Three Challenges of Authenticity and Grace

The other day I made a confession here on the blog and then wrote, “There, now you know what a truly horrible, small-minded person I am.”  I meant it.  It was something I was embarrassed to admit.  And I truly want to change…but not always.

Authenticity.  It’s a high value these days.  It’s one of the core values of this blog.  And that’s a good thing mostly, I think.  For awhile, we as Christians were trained to pretend to “Look like Jesus” no matter how much we weren’t.  But then came a rash of young leaders who called us on it and it became cool to be authentic.  To be honest and specific about the ways we are a broken hot mess.

That in itself is a good thing, right?  But there are also some challenges at the intersection of grace and authenticity I think.

1.  Authenticity.  For some of us it’s hard to get to the starting line.  The challenge is finding relationships…community, if you will, where we can truly be honest about who we are…the good, the bad, the ugly.  It’s the risky challenge of just being willing to say, “Here’s my mess.”

2.  Grace.  For others, we can be brutally honest about our weaknesses, our failures, but the challenge is really knowing God’s grace to the core of our being…Knowing that nothing we do can ever make God love us more or less than He does right now.  The hard thing is owning our sin, but not wallowing in our worminess.

3.  Change.  This is one that I fear I have to be aware of.  It’s wearing our authenticity as a badge of honor and stopping there.  Awhile ago I heard a preacher speak and he was very vulnerable.  You could almost hear the inaudible admiration from the people listening…”Oooh he’s so authentic!  But here’s the thing…He didn’t go any further.  He expressed mild embarrassment, but is that repentance?  He told us what he had done, but not what he was doing to change.  

It was like what he was doing was what I often do: image management.  “Confess” something safe, but make it so common that it falls in the category of “acceptable sin” that no one would really expect us to change.

Yesterday morning in church we did a spiritual inventory that we take every year, kind of like a physical check up but you don’t have to get into one of those white paper gowns and no one gets to see your weight (or the answers on your inventory).

At the end there were two areas where I was noticeably weaker than the others.   The thing is, I looked at these two areas and it didn’t bother me all that much.  Is it possible to be too comfortable with being honest, and too secure in God’s love of me?

Psalm 52:1 says, “Why do you boast of evil…?  Why do you boast all day long, you who are a disgrace in the eyes of God?”  The other day, I read this verse and I thought “Aha!  Is this what we’re doing sometimes?”

Our righteousness IS as filthy rags, BUT God throws our sins as far as the east is from the west when we come to Him AND calls us to be holy as He is holy.  All of this in the same Bible!  How can we get this straight?  That we are both broken and beloved at the same time.  And God loves us too much to want us to remain the way we are.

I believe we are to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep, but not just over things like our dog dying or our mother-in-law’s car wreck.  I think we’re to be truly honest about the darkness in our lives, but truly sorry too, and truly committed to doing better and finding ways to help each other together.

The good news, as always, is that we’re not in it alone and we can’t do it alone.  “He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.”

Which of the three challenges above do you struggle with the most? Authenticity, grace, change?  Or other thoughts? 

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