I hear so often these days from young women who would love to have a spiritual mentor. They say they want someone to “pour into” them. Some don’t have a great relationship with their mom, but most just long for another voice from someone a little further into the story God is writing with their life.
I’ve never had a “formal” mentor who met with me regularly and had an agenda, but I have had relationships with women who have greatly impacted my life. The relationships that I have with young women each look very different from each other. One wants challenge and to read or study together. Another wants parenting encouragement. A third is looking mostly for guidance about discerning God’s will as a newer Christian.
What if you want to be a mentor, or find a mentor?
Here are a few things I’ve learned as I walk alongside younger women:
- There are no “rules” with mentoring. The only thing I do is try to be present to God and present to the woman I’m with. I never think I have anything to offer, but God seems to show up and take care of that.
- No one has EVER arrived. We need to be humble and self-aware. Our weaknesses will influence as well as our strengths.
- The benefit is always mutual. We all need to be life-long learners.
- Mostly people just need to know they’re not alone. Someone else sees and cares and is holding them before the Lord.
If you want to find a mentor, consider these steps:
- Put yourself in environments where you’re around people who are modeling the life of discipleship you desire. If you can’t figure that out, ask a pastor for some suggestions.
- Identify 3-5 people you admire and would like to spend time with.
- Invite each of the people you have identified out to coffee or lunch. Tell them you would like the opportunity to get to know them better.
- Before you meet with them, think of some questions you’d like to ask them. Consider asking them to share their faith story with you. Ask them what God has been teaching them lately. Ask if they had one thing to do differently in their life what would it be.
- After you’ve met with the potential mentors you’ve identified, decide if you’d like to ask one of them to enter into a mentoring relationship with more regular contact.
- Decide exactly what it is you desire from a mentoring relationship. Mentoring is not counseling or spiritual direction. Is there a specific area where you need wisdom? Prayer? Challenge?
- When you meet with someone to ask them to be your mentor, be clear what it is you want from them and why.
- What are your goals?
- How often would you like to meet?
- How structured do you want your time to be?
Even if they have to say “no” for whatever reason, they will be flattered and you will have benefited from the time together! Ask them for other suggestions of mentor-types they think it would be good for you to get to know.
I’m here if you have questions or suggestions from your experience! Jump in in the comments so everyone can benefit!
