Laura Crosby

Page 94 of 99

Who’s Dancing with You?

February 1, 2012 /

I really admire my husband.

He’s brilliant and wise and athletic and better than me at everything.

Except maybe one thing.

When we were dating, we never danced.

And when we got married we didn’t have dancing at our reception.

And when we went to our first wedding reception as a married couple he didn’t ask me to dance and I cried and was sure he didn’t really love me.

I wrote recently that some friends and I have wrangled our husbands into taking dance lessons, and I’ve finally discovered why this has not been part of our life together up til now.  I’m not gonna sugar coat it.  I’m no Ginger Rogers, but John is truly bad.   I don’t understand it.  How can someone who’s so coordinated in so many other areas be so…not…in this area?  Sometimes we just have to stop trying because we’re laughing so hard.

It’s one thing to have humility thrust upon you.  You make a mistake and have to apologize.  Like BP and their oil spill.  Or the captain of the cruise ship in Italy that ran aground.  Or Lindsay Lohan.  You’re given a job to do and things don’t go well.  You’re humbled.

But to choose to step into a situation where you know you’re weak, vulnerable, open to ridicule?  That takes love.

Doing this together with some of our closest friends has led me to another conclusion.

We all need friends who will dance with us.  People with whom we feel safe enough to say “yes, we’ll join you” even when it makes us vulnerable, or it’s risky, or has the potential to be downright embarrassing.

These are the people who will always laugh along with you and defend you and pray for you and forgive you even when toes are getting stepped on or you’ve made a wrong turn and bumped into them.

These are the people you can call at midnight when your world seems to be falling apart, or you have exciting news.  You help them carry their lamps and wine glasses to their new home and they help fix your leaky faucet.

They’re the ones who show up with chicken soup when you’re sick and light sparklers with you on holidays and stand at the graveside with you when your dad dies.

They write notes to your kids and you take theirs sailing.  You’ve run out of gas together on vacation and you’ve prayed.  Wow, have you prayed.  Together and separately, through laughter and tears.

Waltz.  Jitter bug.  Fox trot.

They know all your weaknesses and how you miss the beat and can’t twirl, but they still love you.

These are our people and we’re theirs.

More than anything they have our back.  And we have theirs.  No matter what.

Like I said before, these humiliating dance lessons were a choice, but recently John has been in another situation that has required public apologies and explanations and some people have been really mad, and others have been really mean, but then…there are those we dance with.

Recently, after a hard experience, a friend gave John a hug, and later he found that this note had been slipped into his pocket.

If you don’t have friends who will dance with you, find them.  They’re out there.  And if you do have friends who dance with you, maybe remind them you’ve got their back (or their toes).

Who’s dancing with you?

The Name of Your House

January 30, 2012 /

I’ve shared here before, about our daughters Katy and Maggie who are living together in Washington D.C…the Lucy and Ethel road trip we took to move Maggie out this September, and the story that’s been unfolding as they search for a faith community and pursue their dreams.

But here’s one thing that’s been bugging me.  They keep referring to the house where their apartment is as “The Haunted House.”

Now granted, theirs is the only occupied apartment in this 4-plex, but the reason they call it that has nothing to do with weird noises or needing Ghost busters.  It’s just that they live on a delightful street of well-kept row-houses and theirs, in comparison, looks like the stereotypical haunted house.

Theirs is the one to the left of the cute blue one with the flag out.  The one with the rusty wrought iron fence and the chipping paint you can’t see from here.

For a long time they couldn’t turn off their stove unless they unplugged it.  And the smoke detector was so sensitive that it screamed every time they made toast.

Green Gables.  Sunnybrook Farm.  Graceland.  Haunted House.

Haunted House?

That name may suit the outside appearance, but not the heart and spirit of the place.

Walls have echoed with lively conversation among friends about what church should be, laughter has spilled out the windows as folks have gathered around the girls’ tiny table for meals.  Hugs have been shared.  Plots have been hatched.  Love has abounded.

“Lord, I love the house where You live, the place where Your glory dwells.” Ps. 26:8

“And in Him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by His spirit.” Ephesians 2:22

A dwelling where God lives… like the home I grew up in that was a warm hug – safe, loving, making everything ok.  My friend Sue’s beautiful home on a lake that’s a home of grace, peace…a refuge.  My friend Deborah’s home that exclaims “Welcome!” and overflows with the abundant hospitality of God.  My sister-in-law, Betsy’s house is one of joy and laughter.

Homes where God lives.

 What might your home be named?  

Chariots or “Likes”?

January 27, 2012 /

A friend of mine has 52,216 followers on Twitter.  Another has 36,333.

Last time I looked, I had 42 :).

That doesn’t bother me, but this on another friend’s blog…

Hmmm… Deep breath.

There are days when I’m humming along, feeling pretty good, and then, even accidentally sometimes, I’ll see a number, and I turn small and envious, and discontent.

I’m embarrassed to admit this, but am I the only one?  Which numbers affect your sense of well-being?    Number of dates you’ve had in the last year?  The number on your scale?  Number of days since your kids called?  Number of sales? Number of friends on Facebook?

So Monday I read, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.”  Ps. 20:7

I don’t know about you, but there aren’t many horses or chariots in my neighborhood, so it is not a temptation for me to trust that Charlton Heston is going to come careening down my street, whip in hand, vanquishing all my foes, cleaning up all my insecurities.

But there IS the temptation to trust in other things.

I’m wondering…if this verse were written today (no, I’m not changing scripture, just wondering) might it read:

“Some trust in ‘followers’,  ‘likes’, ‘hits’, ‘friends’ and full email boxes, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.”

But here’s a hard question.  What does that look like?  Trusting in God?  And not being derailed by either praise or the lack of it?

How do I resist having praise go straight to my head and criticism straight to my heart?

A couple of years ago I learned about a “Welcoming Prayer”, originated by Mary Mrozowski, that I have adapted and personalized for my own use most mornings.  Maybe part of trusting God is reminding ourselves and preparing for the battle we face each day.

Here’s my version of the Welcoming Prayer, prayed with hands open upwards:

Holy Spirit,  Welcome.

I let go of my need for affirmation and approval…

I let go of my need for recognition from…(This is the most important part for me. I insert here, specific people or places I’m tempted to look to for approval)

Holy Spirit, Welcome.

I let go of my need for power and control…

I let go of my need to change…(I insert here, specific people or situations I’m tempted to try to control)

Holy Spirit, Welcome.

Find rest my soul, in God alone.
For my hope comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
He is my fortress; I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Psalm 62:5-7

Lord, help me to be a follower instead of seeking followers.  You are enough.

Which derails you most often? Praise or the lack of it?

Hiding in Plain Sight

January 25, 2012 /

Confession:  Some days are just “mess-up-not-good-enough-sin-over-and-over-again” days.

Of course, every day is that in reality, but some just feel more that way.

John has been out of town so I’ve been more (the operative word being “more”) careful about locking up.  The other night after resting secure, I was ready to leave for the day, opened the door, and discovered this:

Yep, not the brightest bulb.

I can laugh this off, but there are other times… There’s the sick feeling I get when I say something insensitive, or neglect to say something, or compare myself to someone else who HAS said, or done just the right Jesusy thing.  The times when pride or selfishness or bitterness seem to win the day and I’m so ashamed.

I think I want to hide, but I realize I really want something else. Continue reading

How to Be Where You Are

January 23, 2012 /

I love this photo I saw recently of a basket at the door to someone’s home.

But beyond that, what about the Obama White House, where cabinet members needed to tag and leave their phones before entering a meeting?

Be where you are.

I love these examples because they model what we all desire.  For people to be truly present and attentive.

But it’s also convicting, because I’m an ADD, multi-tasking friend and wife who isn’t always “present” to others.

Have you ever been talking to someone on the phone and can hear them typing on their computer while they talk to you?  Or people having coffee with you, texting (even under the table!) at the same time they’re talking to you?  Or you’re in a meeting and someone is surreptitiously checking FB?

Does it make you wonder if you’re that boring?  Or if they’re that important?

I keep thinking of Luke 10 where it says “Martha was distracted“, but “Mary chose what was better.”  Being present to Jesus.  Is technology distracting me from my relationship with Jesus, others, and even myself?

Just this morning as I was reading scripture, and praying, I stopped to text someone I thought of.  Could it have waited?  Absolutely.  I wonder…when we’re not fully present are we really saying to the other (in this case, Jesus)…

  • Someone or something else is more important than you.
  • I am more important than you.
  • Posting, tweeting, texting, being in demand defines my value.

Here’s something that really impacted me this week.  I’m not an “important” person (yeah, yeah, I know I’m important to God, but I mean in a worldly sense).  I’m not famous, but somehow I’ve been privileged to spend time with many people who are.  Leaders who are having a huge impact in the world.  They are smart, articulate, anointed, sought after, and extremely busy.

This past week I was with one of the most gifted, influential teachers of our day, and the thing that struck me the most powerfully was that I never once saw him check his iphone while he was with us.

He wasn’t receiving texts during dinner.

He didn’t interrupt conversations to answer a call.

His eyes didn’t stray around, searching for more “important” people other than who he was talking to.

And he didn’t hurry through the room.  He was truly present to the people he was with.

That in itself is a big deal.  But the question I thought of beyond that was, what does this say about his ability to be present to Jesus?  To not allow the demands, interruptions, requests, distract him from the discipline of being truly with Jesus?  I wonder if these two things are related.

How might the practice of being present to Jesus affect our ability to be present to each other?  And vice versa.  Does practicing being present in one relationship carry over into another?

How can we “Hang up and arrive.” as Jon Acuff says?

Are there times we leave our phone at home?  Days we turn it off?

How much does technology affect your ability to be present to Jesus and others?

Wile E. Coyote and Fixing January, part 2

January 20, 2012 /

Last Friday I wrote about Wile E. Coyote and Fixing January .  January and I still have challenging relationship, but I’ve been trying to affirm her where I can.  You know, cuz that’s what Jesus would do.   But our counselor says we’ve got a long way to go.  I’ve been working at the practice of being thankful, but I’ve also had some other thoughts (And so have you!  Check out the good ideas in the comments on the original post).

I’ve been thinking about one of my favorite axioms from Mark Batterson.

Change of pace + Change of place = Change of perspective

True that.

Not many of us are able to apply this by taking a vacation on a beach in Mexico, but I’ve been trying to be creative by shaking things up a bit.

Here are some of the things I’m trying.

1.  New Experiences.  John and I got a groupon and have been taking dance lessons with some friends of ours.  Hysterical.  Not only have we laughed our heads off, I’ve been reminded how much I like control, and have been comforted by the fact that this may be the one thing I can do that John can’t.  Well, actually he just can’t do it worse than I can’t do it.  It’s humbling and healthy for both of us to laugh at ourselves.

2.  New Relationships.  Ok, this one is more for me than John cuz he’s an introvert and doesn’t really like people, but we each have met a ton of young couples at our church this fall.  I met some.  He met others.  None of them really knew each other.  We wanted to help them connect and get to know them better so last weekend we invited them to a “Come to Cook” dinner where everyone pitched in on teams to pull the meal together.  People are always more comfortable when they have a job to do so it was so much fun!

3.  New Practices.  This fall I got involved in helping facilitate the Willow Creek Association online courses called LIFT  (Leadership Intensives for Transformation).  I can’t recommend these highly enough.  If you want huge value for your investment, check these out.  They are mostly 7 week courses around topics of leadership and spiritual formation.  You receive an assignment each Monday that may include watching a video, doing a self-assessment, reading an article, and interacting online around several application/discussion questions.  The total time investment each week is only 2 hours and you can fit it in whenever it’s convenient for you!  Most classes also include a couple of virtual classroom experiences when everyone is online at the same time, interacting around a video teaching.  I’ll be facilitating the Leading for Results class that was created, and is taught by Henry Cloud around his book, Integrity.  It starts February 6th and it’s for EVERYONE, not just ministry leaders.  I did it for the first time this fall and thought the content was the most practical and relevant I’d seen.  I’d love to have you join in!

What about YOU?  What are the life-giving new experiences, relationships, or practices you’ve tried or want to try?  Share with us!

“Small things” and “Great work”

January 18, 2012 /

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about two verses in the Old Testament that sound like they should be mutually exclusive.  

A verse that I love is one where the Old Testament prophet Zechariah warns us not to “despise the day of small things.”  (Zech. 4:10).

I’m thankful for this reminder.  My days are almost always days of “small things”.  I’m tempted to consider mine a pretty superfluous life…To think nothing I’m doing adds up to anything with eternal consequences.

Conversely I consider my husband and the things he’s doing, and I often think of the second verse that’s been on my mind, Nehemiah 6:3 “I am doing a great work and can’t come down.”  You look at his life and you can clearly see great work he’s invested in.  He has the privilege of caring for the poor around the world.  Leading institutional change in the church.  Investing in eternity through ministry to thousands at our church.

But what if the small things are also the great work of God?

What if there’s “Great work” that looks like great work, but there’s also great work that never gets a shout out?  What about people around the world who are humbly, faithfully, offering gifts of grace…

on dusty roads,

in conversations at coffee shops,

next to strangers at airports,

in school classrooms,

in office conference rooms

What about all the small decisions just to remain faithful?  To put one foot in front of another?

What days in the Bible seemed like throw aways?  Days of small things that didn’t really matter?

The day David did the task of leaving his sheep to bring bread to his important brothers who were doing the “great work” of fighting Goliath and the Philistines?

The day Ruth left her home to travel with her mother-in-law to Bethlehem and start a new life?

The day the widow of Zarephath used the last of her flour and oil to make a meal for Elijah?

The day Mary and Martha opened their home to Jesus?

What if parents crept into their children’s rooms while they were asleep and prayed over them, saying “It may seem like a small thing, but I am doing a great work and I can’t come down.”?

What if businessmen and bus drivers and baristas and teachers and techies sealed their resolve each day to do the small things as Jesus would with the refrain, “I’m doing a great work and I can’t come down.”?

The other day a woman approached John and told him about a friend of hers who she had invited to church for the first time.  The friend walked in and saw that John was the pastor she started to cry in utter amazement, at the personal care of God.

She said that she had been on a flight from Seattle to Minneapolis having a terrible day and was in tears (apparently this woman has been crying a lot lately).  A man on the flight noticed and asked if she was ok.  At the end of the conversation he said, “I’d be happy to pray for you.”  When she walked into church for the first time she saw the stranger who had listened and prayed for her on that flight.  It was John.

In God’s economy, this small thing may be a greater work than all the more high profile things.

A small thing that has the potential to be a “great work” of God.

You never know…

What’s a small thing in your day that may become a great work of God?

Haircuts and Jesus

January 16, 2012 /

The other day I was getting my hair cut by Mary who’s cut it for several years.  We’ve become friends of sorts (as much as you can when you only talk in the beauty shop every 5 weeks) and have shared quite a bit about our lives.  I’m not positive where she is in terms of a relationship with Jesus.  I think she believes, but maybe has not chosen to nurture that relationship or be part of a faith community, or think much about faith and how it could impact her life.  That said, she’s a really good person.  🙂

Anyway, I was thinking after I left, “If she didn’t know I was a Christ-follower (which she does), would ANYTHING in my tone, actions, or reactions, or the content of what I said to her seem different than any other woman who sits in her chair every day?”   I mean, how Jesus-y is reading People magazine and talking about movies for Pete’s sake?

That got me thinking about a woman who was in my life many years ago…an informal mentor who had a huge impact on me.  A Jesus-like woman who epitomized the verse “Let your speech be always with grace.”  Her name was (and is) Coke (short for Colleen) Evans. It’s probably been 20 years since I’ve seen her.  Even more than the impact of her words, I carry with me “snapshots”…memories of times when her posture and her expression and her actions shouted “grace” with surround sound clarity.

Snapshot #1.  We were at a huge church party in a private home.  People helped themselves to food in a buffet line and then spread throughout the large colonial home.  I was having a blast.  So many fun people and lively conversations.  I had gotten my food and was walking down a hallway when I passed a tiny den.  There were only two people in the room sitting on a small couch in deep conversation.  One was an extremely  unattractive, and socially awkward woman.  And sitting next to her was Coke, looking at her with love, hanging on this woman’s every word as if she was the most important woman in the universe.

Like Jesus if He had been at the party.

Snapshot #2.  There was a concert at church in the downstairs fellowship hall.  As I walked in from the back I noticed the man who was the most bitter, mean-spirited man I knew.  And he was a vocal critic of Coke’s husband, the senior pastor.  But there she was, full of grace, sitting next to him, and leaning in with love in her eyes, caring for him, and listening with single-minded attention. 

Like Jesus, if He had come to the concert.

Here’s what strikes me as I think back about Coke, and ask my own question about any possible Jesus-y difference Mary might notice in me:  as much as Coke spoke words of grace, it was more powerful that her whole demeanor was one of loving, gracious attention.  When she was with you it was like you were the most important person in her world.  She would lean in, look you deep in the eyes, lay a gentle hand on your arm and treat you like you were of infinite worth, even though the rest of world might be ready to write you off.  More than her words, Coke had a posture of grace.  And that’s what made her different.

Kind of like Jesus.

Today I’m asking myself again, “Is there a difference in my life marked by grace that anyone would notice and think of Jesus?”  What about you?

Who’s a “Coke” in your life?


Wile E. Coyote and Fixing January

January 13, 2012 /

If you’re on a New Year high, victory dancing your way through January with the Rocky theme song playing in the background, high-fiving your co-workers as you check off New Year’s resolutions left and right, and trying to hide the corner of your Superman cape under your street clothes, this post is not for you.  Stop reading now.

I do think there are people who fit the above description.  And right now, in gloomy Minnesota where there is still only gray and soot and no snow, I really envy you.  But I also think that for many people there is a trajectory up and to the right from October through January 1st, and then…It gets ugly.

It goes like this:

September – “bouquets of freshly sharpened pencils”, the smell of woodsmoke and new text books

October – Autumnal pumpkinny delight, a cornicopia of color, cute kids in cowboy costumes and caramel corn (for Pete’s sake!)

November – Over the river and through the woods Americana… Family football, Thanksgiving, and turkey sandwiches

December – Anticipation and Celebration.  Twinkle lights and Jesus.  Need I say more?

January 1st – Parties, broom ball, resolutions and new beginnings

But then like Wile E. Coyote, being chased by Road Runner, we scamper lickety split straight off the cliff into thin air.  We hang there, the first week of January, look over our shoulder to the firm ground of December, and proceed to plummet into the abyss that is 2012.

Reality sets in.  You realize you actually have to DO something if you want to accomplish the resolutions you optimistically committed to and there’s an interminable winter ahead where a 3 hour football game at the end of the month is about the only mildly bright spot til…well, til Mother’s Day if you live in Minnesota.  It’s all you can do to limp along.

All that to say I’ve been a cranky pants and I’ve been trying figure out what spiritual practices might help me be more Jesusy in January (and the following 3 months if I’m honest).  I have a couple ideas but I’d be delighted to hear yours too.

My first idea is to switch the order of holidays.  October, November and December are hogging all the best holidays and what is January left with?  MLK’s birthday??  I say we move Thanksgiving to January.

Not exactly.  But kind of.  I remember hearing about a couple who was having marriage trouble and went to a counselor.  He told them to go home and all he wanted them to do was affirm 10 things about the other every day for a month.  Then come back.

“Thank you for ….”  “I like the way you…”

The couple did it, came back and had fallen in love all over again.  Problem solved. (Oh that all marital issues were that easy, eh?)

When I was teaching school we called that “self-fulfilling prophecy.”  Tell a kid enough times that he’s responsible and he’ll rise to your expectations and be responsible.

So here’s my thinking… January and I have not been on speaking terms exactly, and I’m thinking, what if we tried the practice of gratitude.  Infusing our day with as many shout outs of “Thank you!” and “Way to go!” and “Yea God!” as possible.  Has to be genuine, but you know my love of competition so I’m gonna make it a game to see if I can make January seem like November – a month of Thanksgiving.

Today I’m thankful for Katy and Maggie who always make me laugh, a body healthy enough to run this morning, my daily mocha from barista Corey, a husband who’s my favorite person in the world, and new friends coming for dinner.  What are you thankful for?

How Fluent are You?

January 11, 2012 /

I like to say I’m multi-lingual.  I don’t speak Chinese, or even Spanish, but when it comes to love languages I’m fluent.  Or at least “fluid” as my husband would say.  And even then I’m afraid it’s often a one-sided conversation.

You know the  5 love language idea that Gary Chapman popularized… How each of us have a primary way we feel most loved – through words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, physical touch, or acts of service.  These are ways we express and interpret love.

The thing is I love them all.  I’m not picky.  I love receiving love in ALL these ways!

I came home the other day and my husband John had taken down both Christmas trees and TOTALLY cleaned out and reorganized our storage room.  I thought, “Boy, do I have an ear attuned to the love language of service!”  Best Christmas present EVER!!

I SO wish I had a “before” picture so you could appreciate the enormity of this gift!

It got me to thinking though…You know how when you know a little of a foreign language it’s easier to understand what people are saying than it is to actually speak the language?  That’s kind of how I feel.  I have a lot more receptive language than expressive language.

How does anyone become more fluent in a foreign language?  Practice, and spending time with those who speak it well, right?

What would happen if we practiced speaking the love language of those closest to us today?  What if we paid more attention to the people around us who speak “love” most fluently and learned from them?  Like learning in “Love Immersion School”.

How do you like to be loved?  What love language are you trying to become more fluent in speaking?  I’m going to try to work on the love language of service today.

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