Laura Crosby

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How to Make the Top 10 List

April 9, 2012 /

I read another list last week.  Twenty Women Leaders Under 40 You should Know.

There are so many of these lists it’s hard to keep them straight.  But in case you’re wondering, I’m not on this list and you probably aren’t either.  Especially if you’re a guy.

I’m not under 40.  I don’t speak to thousands of people.  I’m not beautiful or edgy or cool or a dynamic leader.  I don’t have hordes of “followers”.  I don’t belong on the list.  I had no remote expectation or even awareness that there WAS a list til I stumbled across it.  But still…I felt less than when I read it.  Can you relate?

There are some great women on that list!  Some of them I consider to be friends and I’m thrilled that they are being affirmed, but still…after I felt “small” in comparison, I got angry.  I got angry and I considered titling this post, “Lists are from the Devil”.  But then I thought that was a tad dramatic and would make me sound like one of those crazy “fundies”.  Honestly though, I think that title would be pretty accurate.

What do lists like this accomplish?  Twenty women feel special and important and the millions of people not on THE LIST who are making small courageous, sacrificial choices, sometimes just “showing up” each day, are tempted to believe the lie that Satan loves to whisper.

YOU know the whisper: “They matter, but you don’t.”

So, I’m publishing my own list.  My list is made up of the 7 billion people in the world who will never be on a list that is Tweeted about or written up in a newspaper or magazine.  My list is The Top 7 Billion People You Should Know About.

My list includes Betsy who has MS, but painfully crawls out of bed each day with the help of a caregiver and prays for others in our church.

And Eric who is 12 and moved here from another country, with English as his 4th language, trying to ignore the taunts of other adolescent boys as he struggles to learn to read.

Rhonda is on my list.  A young woman who moved to Indonesia 20 years ago with her husband and eventually, kids, living sacrificially to serve the Muslim people with the love of Jesus.

And Loveness, Givison, Michael, and Sakina, our World Vision sponsored children in remote parts of the world for whom each day is a mountain of poverty to climb.

There’s Christopher too.  A young man with a good heart who’s stumbling through life, grasping, searching for God though he doesn’t know it.

And you.  You are on my list because wherever you are in the world you need to know you matter.

You may have wounds that no one knows about and challenges that no one sees and you’ll make brave choices and small sacrifices today. You’ll make mistakes too and you’ll fall down and stub your toe but you’ll get back up and keep going.

Yes, keep going.

Bottom line?  I don’t think God is a god of lists (at least not this kind).  Lists seem to be too much like assigning “places of honor at the table”…not exactly a kingdom deal.  So it really it’s no biggie that you’re on “my” list, but maybe the this will make a difference…

“You have searched me, Lord, and you Know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue you Lord, know it completely.  You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.” Ps. 139:1-5.

If God has a list, you’re on it.  How do you make it?  Just breathe.  And know that you matter.  You are loved.

Books I’m taking on Vacation

April 6, 2012 /

We leave next week for vacation in Florida.

I know, some of your are saying “VACATION??  What’s a vacation?”  And you’re right.  I’m grateful and don’t deserve it.  And others of you are like “Been there, done that, Spring Break’s over.”  But there’s a little thing called Easter that my husband kind of has to stick around for, so we’re getting out of Dodge a little late.

Anyway, here are the books I’m taking with me to read, along with the War of Art by Steven Pressfield and King’s Cross by Tim Keller on my Kindle.  (Oh, and if Seven by Jen Hatmaker comes in before we leave, I may sneak that in too)

I have a Kindle specifically for travel so I’m not lugging a bunch of books on a plane, but I just can’t help myself!  I love “real” books.  What about you?  Are you E-book readers or “real” book readers?

What are other books you’d suggest?  Maybe a little more fiction to round things out? 

And if you want a little more encouragement to read, check this out.

How to have a Hard Conversation

April 4, 2012 /

Tomorrow I am meeting with a friend for coffee.  I’ve been praying like crazy because I love this person and it’s because I love them that I’m anxious about our conversation.

I have some concerns.  I’ve noticed some things that I feel like God may want me to caution this person about.  But I have nothing to gain personally, and everything to lose relationally.  And…I may be wrong.

Like many of you I’m pretty much a people-pleaser.  I avoid saying hard things almost as much as I avoided hopping on the Yoga band-wagon.

So I’ve been thinking a lot about the Jesus way of hard conversations.  As I’ve prayed and looked for examples in Scripture, here are a few questions I’ve asked myself:

1.  Do I have enough of a relationship with this person to have this kind of conversation?  Have I built trust?  Do they know more than anything else that I love them and am for them?

2.  Are they open to letting me speak into their life in this way?  Am I assuming a role that I shouldn’t? Or is this a Nathan situation (2 Samuel 12:1)?

3.  Am I going into this conversation prayed up and having examined my heart for messy motives?  Is my desire to speak rooted in pride or control?

4.  If this really is a case of iron sharpening iron, am I open to the roles being reversed?  Am I receptive to hearing something from this friend that might be hard for me to hear?

5.  Am I going in with a humble spirit, asking questions more than making pronouncements, willing to listen and admit I may not be seeing things clearly?

6.  People hear criticism like you’re using a bull horn and affirmation like you’re whispering it in the middle of a violent wind storm.  Have I figured out how to integrate grace and affirmation throughout our conversation?  And if there was just one concern I’d want to make sure this person heard, what would it be?

The title of this post was misleading.  There’s no magic formula and if there is, I don’t know it.  I’m just a learner who is stuttering her way through – all Colin Firth in “The King’s Speech”.  Anyone can make a list of questions.  But a real conversation??  “Come Holy Spirit” is about all I know to say for sure.

What am I missing?  What would you add?

How do you prepare for Easter?

April 2, 2012 /

Do you ever feel like an Easter failure?  I do.

I’m not a very good Easter person.

It doesn’t help that usually the season in Minnesota is exceedingly ugly and inevitably it sleets or snows on Easter morning which makes celebrating resurrection and new life a little tough, but still…

Every year I pray to more fully enter into a deeper gut-understanding of what Christ did for me.  And what it means.

And I feel guilty that I don’t FEEL it more deeply.  That I’m not more horrified at my sin.  That I can’t better enter into the pain of the cross.

I pray.  I read the accounts of Jesus’ suffering for me.  And I wonder, with Paul, why “God didn’t lose His temper and do away with the whole lot of us.  Instead, immense in mercy, and with incredible love, He embraced us.  He took our sin – dead lives and made us alive in Christ.  He did this all on His own, with no help from us!” (Eph. 2:4-6 MSG)

It’s just incomprehensible.

How can any of us grasp this?  Both how wrong we are and how much we’re loved?

If I had to choose a life verse, I’d probably choose Deuteronomy 30:19 and 20 “This day I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses.  Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him. For the Lord is your life…”

Choose life.  I’m all about life.  I want to choose life-giving actions, words, relationships, experiences…

But as I’ve been reflecting on Holy Week, it’s all about the death that we must journey through to get to life.  So I’m thinking that in order to prepare to celebrate the resurrection of Easter, this week it would be good to choose death.   In a way.

I have a few ideas, of how to do Easter with Jesus, but they’re just awkward attempts…kind of like when I’m throwing bean bags playing Cornhole and have no form, but am all about hopeful.

As we move into Holy Week, I’d really love to hear from you what you are doing to enter in, to prepare your hearts.  Here are a few of my “death practices”…

1.  I wrote on Ash Wednesday about my non-Catholic self, processing Lent.  Yesterday I told Katy and Maggie that I was contemplating a fruit and yogurt fast for Holy week to make myself more aware of loss and to cleanse my body as a mirror of the cleansing of my soul that Jesus makes possible.  I was nervous to tell anyone because I’m terrible at any kind of fast, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to be held accountable and I was relieved when I told them because they were like “You can’t do THAT, Mom!  That’s unhealthy!” and they gave me an easy out if I wanted it, but I’m choosing different kinds of fasts – “losing” something each day throughout the week – food, internet, phone, t.v….

2.  I’m “Examening”.  I’m not an icon gal, but I’ve found this palm cross on my bedside table is a great reminder to practice the Examen before I go to sleep – to look back over my day, replaying the different interactions like video clips, paying attention to when I felt the most alive to Jesus and when He seemed absent because I let sin get in the way.  I always do this looking for life and praying with gratitude, but this week in particular I want to make sure I’m paying attention to death.  To the sin I need to grieve and ask forgiveness for.

3.  I’m trying to enter into the pain of friends and family who are experiencing loss and death right now.  These are the people I want to be praying for, listening to, sitting with, and writing to this week.

4.  And I’m trying to (ever so inadequately) walk this week of loss with Jesus, through a couple favorite devotionals that simply invite me into Scripture, lectio-like.  No commentary.

These are just my feeble attempts to do Easter with Jesus.  But the good news is, even if I fail at all of them, even if I still don’t really “get” it, Jesus will still rise on Sunday and each time I mess up I can be forgiven and He’ll say, “Let’s start again.”

Please share with us…what are you doing to prepare for Easter?

Hunting Caterpillars

March 31, 2012 /

Hunting caterpillars with my daughters – Heather H.                                                            Last ride on the Ferris Wheel – Mary Jo S.                                                                                   A goodnight text – Katie M.                                                                                                         Swan Lake performed by a 7 year old in a tutu. Nanisa S.                                                 Stomping through puddles – Dana F.

I always love reading the answers to “What do you stay awake for?” at Caribou.  They move me and remind me of how important it is to stop.  And pay attention.  And be present to the wonder that’s right in front of me.

Like a snuggle with my girls when they were toddlers and nothing else could possibly be more important…not the news of Clinton’s affair, or the war in the Gulf, or the latest development between Ross and Rachel on Friends.

The distractions are different now, but they’re still there…the things that threaten to keep me from missing my real life.  And missing the wonder of God’s good gifts.

Now my babies are grown and I come back to the town where we grew up together.  Where we delighted in walks around the wetlands and seeing the baby goslings each spring, and watching them turn into awkward ugly teenager geese.

Where we measured and marked the girls’ height each year on a wall in the basement and we marveled at all the other things that couldn’t be measured, like hope and character, and faith.

A friend of mine says, “I want to be counted among those easily impressed.”  I agree.  I want to be awake to wonder and live a life marked with gratitude.

So, today, I guess I’m thinking about turning off, well, everything…and paying attention to the sun on my face, and giving gentle and strong hugs and really seeing and being thankful for the dewy green shoots pushing through the winter earth,  and making sure those I love know it.

Consider getting on your knees tonight and reviewing your day with thanksgiving.  And then maybe send someone a good-night text. 🙂

What wonders are you noticing?  What are you grateful for today?

What are the best RAOK’s…really?

March 30, 2012 /

On Valentine’s Day I heard something on the radio in the morning.  It was charming…a random act of kindness if you will.  A barbershop quartet, dressed in white tuxes was going around serenading random women for Valentine’s Day.  The woman behind the counter at McDonalds.  The receptionist at a Dr.’s office…Random acts of kindness.

Then recently I heard about a new phenomenon called “cash mob”.  The idea is that 100 people get together and agree to go to a certain mom and pop type store or restaurant and spend at least $20 each to help them out in this bad economy.  Cool idea, huh?

It made me think about the power of a time when a group of us set out to try to bless people in big and small ways throughout the day.  We left coins in the machines at a laundromat.  We handed out bottles of water at a bus station.  We paid for the meal of the person behind us in the drive-through and left calling cards that said “You look great today :)”.

I’ve been trying to be aware of ways that I can offer random acts of kindness.  But then I heard someone the other day who said “God is a going to and dwelling with God.”  And it brought me up short.  Because it’s true.  Jesus left His cushy home in heaven to come and be with us in our mess.  Emmanuel.  And yes, He addressed the mess, but first He was with us.

Maybe there are times when my “being with” is more meaningful than my “doing for”.  Maybe the random act of kindness I can do today is to slow down and look into the eyes of the checkout girl at Target and ask the name of the waitress who serves me, and stop to ask my neighbor how her daughter is doing, and sit and listen to a friend’s story.

What about you?  In what ways might you practice “random acts of kindness”?

To my Friends wounded by the Church

March 28, 2012 /

Dear Friends wounded by the Church,

As I write this, each of your faces come to mind and tears fill my eyes.  For you.

And for me.  Because I am one of you.

Maybe it’s because I am that you’ve felt safe to share your pain with me.

You’ve experienced exclusion,

poorly handled conflict,

shaming,

power struggles,

dishonesty,

truth-telling with out grace or hope of redemption

from a church you’ve loved.

From a church I’m sure would say is trying to do its best.

But I think of the particular circumstances each of you have endured at the hands of people who say they love Jesus, and mostly I just can’t believe it and I want to rail at the injustice and shake “someone” and make it right, and undo the pain.  But instead, maybe I could tell you a story.

Last summer when I was on a bike ride through my neighborhood on a beautiful warm breezy day, my shoelace got tangled in the gears of my bike. I swerved and was stuck and took a wicked bad fall, gashing my knee gruesomely and dripping blood everywhere leaving quite a trail of evidence for the CSI folks should they choose to investigate.  It felt scary and unexpected and I felt out-of-control.

To add to my humiliation, a bunch of my friends, men, women, and children, were out in their front yard and witnessed the whole awkward debacle.  And I couldn’t even get up because my shoelace was still tightly tethering me to my gears.  The whole group of them ran over to me all concerned, and one of them ran back to get a wet towel and a super-hero bandaid which was so sweet.

For days and weeks and months, that wound was tender and though it scabbed over, it got easily bumped and would start bleeding all over again.  I’d experience set-backs in the healing process and I learned to not be around the people who would carelessly stumble into me and my fragile wound.  Instead, for awhile, I needed to choose gentle friends and counselors who loved me and would be patient with my ugly scab and listen to the story of how it happened.

It was some of those same people who, as I began to heal, were able to help me ask about my choices in the situation, and where God was, and what He might be teaching me.  In the process I realized that my fists were clenched a lot – clenched in determination to fix things quickly.  And they helped me to unclench my hands and patiently trust Jesus to do His work.

I believe we get better if we want to.  But today, I still have a very noticeable scar that will probably never disappear.   This scar is my reminder to be careful, wear my helmet, and try to be gentle with other riders.  Oh, and tie my shoes more tightly.

The other day, a friend who’s recently been hurt and disillusioned by the church said, “I don’t see how you have hope and why you keep showing up.”  The church does, often, make me sad, but it’s not the church I trust in.  It’s Jesus.

To my many friends who, like me, have been wounded by the church I would say don’t give up on Her.  Because Jesus hasn’t given up on Her.  Or you.  Or me.  And we are the church.

Speak the truth.  Be gentle.  Look for Jesus.  Admit your own brokenness.  Forgive.  But don’t give up.

For whatever reason, Jesus has said the Church is His Plan A for loving the world.

Ahh but we’re a messed up bunch, aren’t we all?  So it’s a good thing that included in Plan A is  the cross and forgiveness for all of us.

Have you been wounded by the church?  What has God used to help you heal?

A Letter of Apology

March 26, 2012 /

Dear World,

I want to apologize for my husband’s insensitivity.

Ok, and mine too.

But first his.

When we traveled recently to Palestine my goal was just to keep my head down, my mouth closed, and not cause an international incident.  As it turns out, maybe that should have been John’s goal.

One day as we were preparing to go out and about, wanting to make new friends in this foreign culture, we received a little shoe lecture from our friend, Brian Duss, who works with World Vision in Bethlehem.

He told us that in the Arab culture the bottom of your foot, or shoe is considered unclean and to cross your legs so that the sole of your shoe is exposed is a serious no-no.

Remember the guy who threw his shoe at President Bush a few years ago?  That was the worst insult he could hurl (literally and figuratively).  Anyway, we were warned NOT to cross our legs when we were with our Middle Eastern hosts.

The shoe lecture apparently didn’t hit home with John.  As a result he may have set US/Palestinian relations back a decade.

The night of the shoe talk, a friend of ours graciously took us to visit a Muslim family in Ida refugee camp in Bethlehem.  As we were enjoying the Turkish coffee they offered, the wife and their baby were sitting next to John.  John immediately crossed his leg and started “playing” with the baby, nudging her with his foot!

No, no, NO!

I, being the good wife I am, gave him “the LOOK”.  But he glared right back at me and continued!

I put my hand firmly on his leg and he glared at me again, like “What are you doing woman!??  I’m making friends with the baby!  I’m building a cross-cultural relationship!”

Desperate, I considered saying,  “Ixnay on the oeshay”, but these people speak at least 5 languages and I figured one of them was bound to be Pig Latin so that was out.

After at least 20 minutes of this John finally uncrossed his legs and I gripped his thigh like in a vice.  Gradually a look of awareness crossed his face and he behaved til we left, thankful for the patience, grace and understanding of our hosts who didn’t kick us out of their house in disgust.

So, I apologize to the Arab world for John.  And while I’m at it, I apologize for that time last year when he asked our waitress when she was due and she wasn’t pregnant.

But, world, I also apologize for me.

I was pretty relentless giving John a hard time about this international insensitivity, but there have been so many times when I’ve been clueless too...

  • Giving Maggie “spiritual advice” when she’s having a bad day and just needs a listening ear and someone to say “I’m so sorry.”
  • Talking about the delight of our daughters’ accomplishments with someone whose kids are struggling, or with someone who hasn’t been able to have kids…
  • Sharing about the joy my husband brings me with someone who longs to be married and isn’t…

I know you understand, world.  Sometimes, we’re all just thoughtless and make mistakes and we all need to smear a lot of grace around like frosting on a cake that came out a little lumpy.

Many times it isn’t even that we’re so self-absorbed…we’re just not other-aware enough.  Like when Hillary Swank accidentally went to the birthday party of that Chechen warlord.  Oops.

But still, I want to apologize.

Today, when I walk into a room I’m going to try to take the time to stop and see the individuals as beloved children of Jesus.

Today I’m going to try to take Paul’s advice more to heart and “Consider others as more important” than myself.

Today I’m going to see if can I make the other the most important person in the conversation.

And today I’m going to slather grace around when others may be insensitive to me, because, well, we’ve all been there.

Sincerely,

Shoe Boy and Clueless Girl

Have there been times when you’ve been made aware of your own insensitivity?  What have you learned?

Snow Days and Sabbath

March 23, 2012 /

I wrote Wednesday that we’re back home from a long trip that was intense…full of new information, new relationships, hard stuff and steep learning curves.  I feel like I should be full of energy and productivity, catching up on all that I missed while we were out of the country.  But I’ve got nothing.  The truth is, that with travel our spiritual and physical rhythms of health got all out of whack and what I feel like God is saying to me is “Sabbath”.  So on this “Spirit Stretch Friday” I thought I’d repost some thoughts on Sabbath from February 2011 when Minnesota was having a more typical winter than we did this year.

This past week as the mega snowstorm swept across the country it was fun to read all the Facebook posts from people delighted with “snow days” – school, work, activities all cancelled. People were giddy about the gift to having to stay home and do nothing but curl up with cocoa and a good book…the treat of being forced to rest from normal activity.

I remember hearing someone say once that God wants to give us a “snow day” every week with Sabbath.  Why do we resist?  Why do we seem so addicted to “doing”… to being recognized for what we accomplish?  Is it born out of a fear that being God’s beloved child isn’t enough?

I love what Mark Buchanan writes in The Rest of God…

“…God, knowing both our need and our folly, took the lead.  He set the example.  Like a parent who coaxes a cranky toddler to lie down for an afternoon nap by lying down beside her, God woos us into rest by resting.

‘For in six days the Lord the heavens and the earth and the sea, and all that is in them, but He rested on the 7th day.  Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.’

God commands that we imitate Him in order to discover again that we’re not Him and that we need Him.”

He’s right.  When I do Sabbath, I’m reminded of 2 things:

  1. I’m not God and the world won’t stop spinning if I’m unplugged (how sad is THAT – needing to be reminded- but I’m guessing I’m not alone). God’s got the God thing covered and doesn’t need me.
  2. I’m not defined by my roles, or titles, or responsibilities. I am a beloved child of God and that’s enough.

Observing Sabbath, I also notice I’m able to be more fully present.  My Sabbath heart is better able to pay attention to God and others.

Mark Buchanan writes that when we don’t Sabbath we’re in danger of letting ourselves be “consumed by the things that feed the ego but starve the soul.”

Eugene Peterson defines Sabbath as “shutting up and shutting down”.

What about you?  Are you intentional about observing a Sabbath?  What does it look like for you?

Un-burn

March 21, 2012 /

We’re back home from a long trip that was intense…full of new information, new relationships, hard stuff and steep learning curves.  I feel like I should be full of energy and productivity, catching up on all that I missed while we were out of the country.  But I’ve got nothing.  The truth is, that with travel our spiritual and physical rhythms of health got all out of whack and what I feel like God is saying to me is “Sabbath”.  So I hope you’ll be ok with me re-posting some thoughts from February 2011.

My husband, John has been leading our church and our denomination through some controversial waters lately, making it seem some days like he’s Jason Bourne running the gauntlet with a lot of people shooting at him. One person threatened him and called him a terrorist… A tad scary. I asked if there wasn’t “someone” we should report that to. As our friend Sharon says, “Words matter.”

A couple months ago John met with a good friend of ours for coffee.

This should have been a good thing. It was with someone we love and respect.

But when he came home he was …dejected I guess is the word for it. Because this appointment was an attempt to start rebuilding a relationship that has been damaged by gossip. Gossip that was totally unfounded. And as much as John could deny this slander, the damage had been done. He was frustrated and tired and sad.

He and I have been overwhelmed and discouraged at different times experiencing the destructive power of the tongue.

In the Bible James says the tongue can destroy like a forest fire. How do you “un-burn” a forest after a fire?

We just can’t totally undo the damage of words. It seems there’s always a lingering wound, a seed of doubt, a bit of suspicion. I think about how long it takes a charred forest to experience re-growth and I grieve the damage that will take so long to repair. You just have to carefully protect and nurture the new life that starts to grow out of the ashes and pray no one sets another fire.

Why do we seem to want to expect the worst of others, especially leaders?  To make us feel better about ourselves?

How delighted must Satan be when our gossip destroys the unity that Jesus called the Church to model?

This is an example from our life, but it’s not about “us”. It’s about all of us…it’s about the Body of Christ and our posture towards each other.

As someone who has both sinned in this way, and experienced the terrible fall-out from others who have, I want to renew my commitment to honest, direct conversations and words that build up.

I feel like I should have Proverbs 10:19 tatooed on my hand: “Where words are many sin is not absent.”

What’s your experience with gossip?  Have you been wounded by it?  Do you struggle yourself?

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