Laura Crosby

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The Voice of Fear on Fearless Friday

February 1, 2013 /

I do not think of myself at an insecure person.  So writing these next sentences feels a little like Lance Armstrong must have felt coming clean with Oprah.  Except for the fact that I don’t have millions to lose and I’ve never won a bike race and I’m not a guy. Ok, it’s totally different, but here’s my confession.

I’ve been decidedly daunted this week.  Perfectly paralyzed. Buffeted by the winds of self-doubt and discouragement.

This seemed to come out of nowhere, but when I stopped to pray and reflect I can trace the beginnings to a Tweet.  Yep, it took just 140 insensitive characters to take me down.  “Really?”  you’re saying.  Really?

And then there was a post by someone who made me furious and jealous at the same time.

And a word here or the lack of a word there…

Holy Buckets!  Just days ago I was undaunted…bullet-proof, regardless of any spitballs that might be spat my way!  And now the spiral into the comparison trap that left me in a heap of ” Not good enough.  Not good enough.”

Ever end up there?  Maybe by a different road, but still?

Who or What is it in your life that brings up those feelings of fear or insecurity?

Recently I read this quote by Rick Warren that made me respond “Yes!”:

“Insecurity is an internal alarm that says you’re trusting in something that could be taken from you instead of [trusting in] Christ.”  

So I’ve been stewing and praying (sometimes the two look a lot alike) about how to deal with this.  It’s messy and it’s a process and it’s not easy.  Here are a few of the things I’ve been trying.

1.  Identify the voice. When you feel angry, or fearful, or jealous, or small, do you stop and think “Where is that coming from? Just who or what is really saying that to me?”  Why am I giving it such power in my life?  Why does it bring up this strong emotion in me?  Does it tap into a past wound that I need to address?

2.  Challenge the voice with the truth.  “Bring every thought captive to Christ.”  What would Jesus say in response to this narrative?   If the story in your head says anything other than that you are gifted by God, fearfully and wonderfully made, cherished by Him, created for good works that He has for you, it’s a lie and you need to tell it to shut up. (I know, easier said than done!)

3.  Manage what or who you’re allowing to get in your head.  For me this means ruthlessly putting up some boundaries.  Fasting from some social media, and un-following some people who are wonderful but bring out my worst self.  It may be totally different for you.  It might involve the people you spend time with or the shows you watch or where you go or whatever…

Why is this so important?

Because if we listen to the voice of fear and insecurity when God calls us to go, we’ll stay.

When He calls us to stay the course, we’ll run away.

When He calls us to speak, we’ll remain silent.  And I truly believe that all of our voices are valuable and needed in the kingdom.

Those are a few of my strategies.  What helps you?

P.S.  I wrote this and afterwards I saw this great image posted by John Acuff.  Happy Friday!

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For those on the Black Diamond Trail

January 28, 2013 /

Maybe you’re reading this this morning and “It’s summertime and the livin’ is easy.  Fish are jumping, and the cotton is high.  Your daddy’s rich and your mamma’s good looking.”

You’ve signed a book deal or had a baby, got engaged or or got accepted into the college of your choice.  If that’s you, we want to rejoice with you and praise God, even if it feels like a “sacrifice of praise.”

But this post isn’t so much for you. You can stop reading.

This is for the person who’s reading and it’s a bleak winter day and it feels like you’re alone on a barren icy uphill climb that is really, really hard.  And most of all, you can’t see the end of the trail.

As I write this I’m in Florida (I know, I know, ironic.  Don’t hate me), and this morning I biked to “my” Starbucks down here where I go every day, hoping to see a barista I’ve befriended over the years.  She is a remarkable young (maybe 25 year old?) woman who loves Jesus and has been very sick for most of her life.  She received one lung transplant, but it didn’t take and she is now waiting for another.

She’s on a double black diamond trail.  I’m sure she is cold and exhausted at this point. She’s been too ill to work lately, but whenever I see her I marvel at her indomitable joy and faith.

I was praying for her, and so many others on grueling paths this morning when I came across an amazing verse I’ve never noticed before.  Actually, I must have noticed it before cuz there was a note next to it, but I forgot.  Which is typical.

Anyway, in Psalm 77 the writer starts out with a  brutally honest rant (he’s a Simon Cowell pray-er of sorts), which is pretty reassuring cuz God doesn’t smite him, but lets him get it out of his system.

Then the guy takes another tack. To say not “I feel“, but “I will” remember and meditate on God’s mighty deeds.  He makes a choice to look back and recount where he’s seen God’s presence and power.

But then comes the verse that struck me powerfully in a fresh way.  Verse 19 says,

“Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.”

Kind of like “Wow. You were with me before, even when I couldn’t see it.  Even in the crappiest times.  Maybe, just maybe, You’re still leading.  Still with me.”

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That may seem small, but I truly think one of the things God says to us that is most comforting is “Even in this, I am with you.  You are not alone.”

Praying that God brings a little of the warmth of His presence to wintery paths today.

Fearless Friday and Refinement

January 25, 2013 /

It’s only been 3 weeks and I already want to change my One Word.                                       Maybe “change” is too strong, but “refine”?  Yeah.

My word is Fearless.  But when I say fearless I don’t mean the opposite of timid or fearful.

I mean “resolute”, “secure-enough-in-God-to-proceed”.

I think “undaunted” may be better.

Undaunted is a “nevertheless” word.  One that throws “but God…” in the face of “but what if?”

I think one of the reasons I’m so enamored with the word “undaunted” is because I recently read Christine Cain’s book by that title.

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What do Kingdom Conversations Sound Like?

January 23, 2013 /

Years ago, a wise old couple, (picture Mr. and Mrs. Yoda) – ones who have that “non-anxious presence” that is so winsome – impacted us greatly.

Every time we came away from a conversation with them we felt like our eyes, our hearts, our spirits had been lifted to something higher.  We came away feeling richer.  Sometimes inspired, sometimes challenged.  Sometimes with renewed vision.  We started referring to these as “kingdom conversations.”

They said they had learned the quality from people before them who always seemed to be able to redirect the focus of a conversation like a boomerang, away from themselves, back to the other person and the work of God.  Not in  cheesy manufactured way, but it was just part of who they were.

The other day we were with a group of young friends, discussing a new acquaintance who didn’t seem to be very good at the boomerang game.  Not a very good question-asker-listener.  Instead, this person seemed to be a little self-absorbed (like we all can be).

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Stupid Prayers?

January 21, 2013 /

I remember an acquaintance of ours once saying “So-and-so fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.”

Some days I think he might say that about me.

Today I was driving home from the grocery store and all of a sudden I realized that I was praying that something would “happen” so that the couple who booked the wedding photographer that Maggie and Austin want would…you know…cancel.

Now, I didn’t pray that the couple who booked him would be struck dead or break up or anything.  But still, it was kind of like I was asking the godfather to “fix” a basketball game or something.

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And then I shook myself as I turned the corner at the stoplight and thought “I’m a terrible human being!  That’s such a stupid prayer!  I should be praying for Obama, Africa, or global warming.”

Do you think “stupid” is a word in God’s vocabulary?  Is there such a thing as a “stupid prayer”?

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Fearless Friday and My Brother

January 18, 2013 /

It’s Fearless Friday in our One Word year!  Catch up and join us!

You may think you have the best family in the history of the universe, but you don’t.

I do.

I know I don’t deserve it.  I don’t recycle enough and I can be petty and selfish and I sometimes pray for things like losing weight when many are starving, and there’s a lot of other bad stuff I’m not going to tell you about.

The only thing I can attribute my family to is grace.  Period.  But there you have it.  Yes, we have our own set of crazy, but I’m still convinced my family is the best.

Anyway, now that we’ve got that straight, I want to introduce you to one of my two wonderful brothers.  I like to call him “Baby David” and he calls me “Sweet Sis” and he is one of the kindest, most godly men I know.  He’s on the right below, washing dishes at Thanksgiving with John.

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Last Friday he wrote me such an encouraging note in response to the One Word post.  He, like so many of you, will text or email, or FB message me with these incredibly rich insights that others don’t get to see unless they’re in the comment section here on the blog.  So I asked David if I could post some of the words from his email and he graciously said “yes.”  Here’s what he wrote:

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What do You do With a Crazy God Whisper?

January 16, 2013 /

I’m not a mystic.  I’ve never heard the audible voice of God, and if you’ve read read this blog at all, you know that being alone with Him, without any other people around to fill the silence with laughter and music and celebrity gossip has been an acquired taste.

But probably the most life-giving, growing edge to my faith over the past twenty years has been paying attention to the promptings of God through the Holy Spirit.

This may sound sacrilegious, but it’s kind of like going on a joy ride with your crazy aunt and not knowing where you’ll end up.  You think she’s gonna zig and she zags.  You think you’re lost and bam!  You arrive at the edge of the Grand Canyon – more exhilarating than any snapshot could have prepared you for.

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The Chorus of a Bleak January

January 14, 2013 /

I’ve been doing something weird lately.

It’s January and I think most of us are feeling a bit schizophrenic.  Relieved to get back to the predictable routine of catching the bus to work, and grocery shopping, hair cuts and t.v. shows and recycling.

But there’s also the let down of ordinariness and a bleak winter (for those of us in Minnesota at least) stretching out interminably and we’re thinking it would be kind of nice if there was one more gift to unwrap that was forgotten in the rush.

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So I’ve been listening to Christmas music.  In January.  I’ve left my Pandora Classic Christmas music station on, and it’s been like with all the noise of other Christmassy stuff muted til next November, God’s voice has a chance with me.

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Fearless Fridays

January 11, 2013 /

Last week, with fear and trembling, I shared my One Word for 2013 – Fearless.

Ironic, I know.  But there are so many important, relevant, good words!  What if I got it wrong?  I really prayed about strong, brave, secure, equipped, enough… What if it feels to God like I’ve thrown down the gauntlet (where did that phrase come from?) and says “It’s on!” leading me into situations to stretch me uncomfortably?  What if this year just shows how fearless I’m not?

And then I remembered the two words fear always asks: “What if…” And I said “So what.”

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I hope you’ll enter into this year-long adventure too.

I’ve loved hearing from you through email, text, and FB and I hope more of you will share your words here.  Some of your OneWords I’ve heard so far are Margin, Relinquish, Trust, Live, Content, Enjoy…

So here’s what I’m thinking…We’re going to rename “Spirit Stretch Fridays” (You may not have even known that was a thing.  I’ve kind of dropped the ball).

From now on it’s gonna be Fearless Fridays.  I’ll be posting on different aspects of Fear because I think it’s a pretty universal challenge and is related to so many other challenges.  AND, I’m going to be asking some of you to send me guest posts about your experiences with your One Word.

Here’s my thought for the day around “Fearless”.

“Courage isn’t the absence of fear, it’s just deciding that fear isn’t calling the shots anymore” Bob Goff

Soooo…here we go!

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Have a great Friday and consider sharing your word here if you haven’t!

3 Lessons I’m Learning About Airplanes That Don’t Get Off the Ground

January 9, 2013 /

I have a lot of friends who are “high-capacity achievers”.  I look at them and they are wise and talented, and smart, and “tada!” they have a lot of seemingly easy sucess…kind of like Michelle Obama or Justin Bieber.  That would not be me.

The other day I wrote about what it takes to build an airplane (like my friend, Gayle).  You know, like what it takes to achieve any humongous goal that seems crazy and beyond possibility without divine intervention.

Friday morning as I was walking home through our snowy neighborhood from the coffee shop where I write, I got to thinking back over this past year, 2012 and two “airplanes” that I set out to build.  They didn’t crash and burn.  They never even got off the ground!  I felt tears sting my eyes (hoping they wouldn’t freeze on my cheeks) as I re-lived my deep, deep disappointment at these “failures”.

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One was a fund raiser for starving kids in Africa.  I had worked with a team and prayed for 200 contributors.  We got about 15.  The other was a writing submission that was important to me.  It was rejected without feedback. I had a bunch of airplanes that soared in 2012, but, like most of us, it’s easy to obsess about those that didn’t.

I had prayed fervently about both.  I thought both would honor God.  I worked really hard, and did my part as best I could.  I had a team of truth-tellers and consultants for both.  I broke them down into smaller segments.  I thought I followed all the right steps.  But they both failed.  Miserably.

So I, like you (if you’ve failed at anything), have been trying to figure out “What now?” Here are some of the questions I’m asking:

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