Laura Crosby

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What are You Longing For? Bread and Wine, part 2

March 20, 2013 /

There’s a fire in the kitchen fireplace and candles are still flickering, empty wine glasses wait to be washed and crumbs are on the wooden countertop – evidence of hastily bagged leftovers I urged friends to take as they wrestled into coats and boots to head home after our dinner together.

It’s 9:15 and John’s not home yet, and the snow is piled high outside my window.  The serving platters are empty, but I am full.

Here’s what I did.  Remember my little group of women than God totally orchestrated and drew together around what we thought would be a book study and then it ended up being about so, so much more?  A young single, a personal trainer/professional cheerleader, a stay-at-home mom, a social worker, a pre-school teacher…But “titles” are deceiving! Well, that’s the group that came over for dinner on a Wednesday night recently.  Shauna’s new book, Bread and Wine was our excuse for gathering.

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Heather, who’s newly engaged and also a fan of Shauna’s writing, made the Bacon Wrapped Dates and the Dark Chocolate Sea Salted Butter Toffee, and I made the the Green Well Salad, and Risotto because I never had and we have one gluten-free gal and I knew everyone would forgive me if it didn’t turn out.

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Before the evening arrived I asked my friends to think about a question from Shauna’s chapter, “Enough” – Have you ever longed for something?  What helped you through that season of longing?  What are things that prompt discontent in you?”

We all (except maybe Heather) loved the bacon wrapped dates, and those who are Risotto vets kindly said I did it “right”.  We over-dressed the salad, and never got around to talking about the specific question I had thrown out, but none of that really matters, like what you watched on T.V. last night doesn’t really matter.

What matters is how we hugged and laughed and said what’s important.  We oohed and ahhed over Heather’s new engagement details.  We celebrated with Molly who was leaving the next day to visit her daughter who’s studying in Italy, and we looked into the eyes of another asking about the Hard Thing.

What do you long for?

We never asked that question, but we answered it with our hearts and eyes and ears all night.

Isn’t “community” one of the answers we’d all give?  I love the way Shauna writes of this:

“We don’t come to the table to fight or to defend.  We don’t come to prove or to conquer, to draw lines in the sand or to stir up trouble.  We come to the table because our hunger brings us there.  We come with a need, with fragility, with an admission of our humanity…The table is the place where the doing stops, the trying stops, the masks are removed, and we allow ourselves to be nourished, like children…Come to the table.”

This coming to the table takes courage, but like our little band of intrepid women and our couples’ covenant group, and the families we’ve done life with over the past 25 years have discovered, it is the place where God serves up true soul food and your longings are met in Him and through His people.

Come to the table indeed.

Bread and Wine, part 1

March 18, 2013 /

First, a Disclaimer:   I was totally predisposed to love Bread and Wine, Shauna Niequist’s newest book, coming out in a couple weeks.

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Shauna’s mom is a dear friend of mine.  And Shauna’s faith journey has been similar to one of my daughter’s so she’s the one I sent desperate emails to, begging for advice during a clueless season of parenting.

Also, I’m crazy about Cold Tangerines and Bittersweet – her first two books – which I think are lovely and insightful.  Her just-right word pictures and conversational style and authenticity inspire me as a writer.  In fact I love her writing so much that I have this uber paranoia that someday I’m going to write something and it’s going to inadvertently be a phrase she wrote that I liked and swirled around in my brain so much that eventually I thought it was mine.  And she’ll call, and be like, “Uh, Laura…” and I’ll be mortified.

So, with that disclaimer out of the way, let me say that Bread and Wine is totally wonderful, but a little different.  It is a collection of essays about the meals that draw us together and what they can teach us.  Included with almost every chapter is a recipe.

What is different is that it is a smidge more of a food writer’s book than I expected, but don’t let that deter you.  The warm and honest Shauna who reflects on faith and not being perfect comes through.  I definitely think you should buy the book and savor it and throw a party or a shower.  Or bless someone with  a pan of “Annette’s Enchilada’s”.

Many will read Bread and Wine, and as they do, breathe a sigh of “Oh, Phew!  I’m not the only one!” as Shauna revisits some of the pain she’s written about in her first two books.  Her authenticity is what draws readers in.  It’s a gift.

However there are also many, many lists of friends and food – a devoted community gathered around lovely meals.  You may read this book and be tempted to think, “Oh, I love Shauna!  I want her life!  But I will never have friends like that or meals that flow so naturally with laughter and meaningful conversation!”

Don’t.

Don’t go there.

Be inspired, but don’t let this book suck you into a comparison game that leaves you feeling like you can only truly exist vicariously through a hip young mama with a life lived large.

Instead, do what Shauna suggests, and celebrate your own.  Use it as a chance to gather some old friends (or invite some new ones) together and crowd into the kitchen, and try out some recipes.

“Here’s what I want you to do: I want you to tell someone you love them and dinner’s at six.  I want you to throw open your front door and welcome the people you love into the inevitable mess with hugs and laughter.”

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If you’re not a foodie (or even if you are) don’t take yourself too seriously.  If you get it wrong, be prepared to laugh and figure it’s a good story you’ll tell someday.

If you are a foodie (or even if you’re not), remember it’s not about the food primarily.  The recipes are wonderful, but they’re an excuse and a putter-at-easer…a means to creating a nurturing space conducive to community.  So be intentional.  Make it about more than food.  Use the discussion questions at the back of the book or make up your own.

I’ll share Wednesday about what happened around my table…

At the Top of God’s “Do Not” List

March 15, 2013 /

It’s Fearless Friday!

Our family is one of list-makers.  We love them.  To-do lists of course, but also pro/con lists, goal lists, grocery lists…

And I’m thinking a “Do not fear” list would be a good one.

The list of verses in the Bible that have the phrase, “Do not fear…” is a long one. The longest in fact.

But so what?

The important part is what comes next.  Why in the world should we just obey that command willy nilly?

God is with you.

God is with you.

God is with you!

But who is the God who is with us?

A.W. Tozer writes,
“What comes to mind when you think about God is the most important thing about you.”

Maui

March 13, 2013 /

Some sacred spaces are easier to recognize than others.  Some gifts are easier to accept than others.

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It’s March in Minneapolis.  The cruelest month I think, although it vies with April.  In March we about despair that we’ll ever see any color other than white and gray again.  But then as we slog through the cinder/slush of March and April every once in awhile there’s a teaser.  A mini thaw, and you start to think maybe you’ve heard a birdsong or that your eyes aren’t deceiving you and maybe that’s a tiny bud there on the tree…but no, then it snows again and your hopes are buried just like your car under another monstrous white dump.

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It’s been in this cruel month that we’ve been blessed to spend two whole weeks in Hawaii, one of them with our daughters – our last family vacation before Maggie gets married and everything changes.  And on top of everything this trip was a gift.  That’s right, a gift from some generous friends.  I’m embarrassed to say it out loud.

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It’s a gift we don’t deserve.  We didn’t earn.  We didn’t ask for.  It’s lavish and over-the-top and we feel spoiled rotten.  And so for the first few days we were here all I felt was guilt. I thought, I shouldn’t let myself enjoy this.  I thought of many other people who work so hard and would love to be here too.

And then God whispered “Grace.”

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One of the Hardest Verses in the Bible and Why it’s Important

March 11, 2013 /

John said, “I think you need to do a Matthew 18:15.”

No, no, NO!  Anything but that!  Not that Uncomfortable Thing.  Not that Truth-Telling thing.  Not admitting that someone has the power to actually ding me.

“If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend. If he won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again.” Mt. 18:15, 16 MSG

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Those are some of the sentences I’d like to cut out of my Bible.

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The Opposite of Fear on Fearless Friday

March 8, 2013 /

My husband John is ridiculously wise and is my biggest cheerleader, praying with and for me regarding this blog.  He’s also extremely gracious, so when I asked him to write this guest post while we’re on vacation, he said “Yes.” 🙂  

It was a crash course in Fear, the single scariest moment in my adult life.  Suspended over the Zambezi River with its crocodiles and the roar of Victoria Falls, my pudgy almost-60 year-old body connected to the bridge by a rope that seemed thinner than yarn. 1-2-3 Jump!  Are you crazy?

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Bungee jumping was terror for a moment, but there are other fears, fears I’ve gotten so used to that they shape my life.  I believe we’re all afraid, experts in fear. While we’re afraid of different things, Fear is not only universal, it has a common impact: Fear STOPS us.

Fear Stops us from:

  • Seeking help for a relationship, instead of running away or living in denial or blame
  • Sharing our dreams, because then someone else would know of our dissatisfaction AND the insecurity that paralyzes us
  • Reaching out to forgive, or asking forgiveness instead of avoiding
  • Crying out to God for help, because our fear of change is even bigger than the status quo, and God might actually DO something

Instead of acting, we live with our fear, we live In fear.

I love Henri Nouwen’s image: “we live in  the House of Fear, and our fears have power over us, even as we long to live in the House of Love.”  I see how we are trapped in the House of Fear, and the lock is on the inside.  How to leave the house of fear?  Will we ever feel Safe?

But the opposite of Fear is not safety, it’s Trust, another word for Faith. Trusting something stronger than fear that paralyzes.  Trust frees us to be vulnerable instead of faking, encourages us to act (even if only a baby step off the ledge).  Only Trust can move us toward the House of Love, where Jesus shows that ‘love casts out fear’.

So a young couple share how they are facing their fear to trust God, and uproot their young family to follow a dream.  A young man faces his fear of disappointing me, and takes a step in trust to a new future.

And, finally, I jumped (though it may have taken a little push).

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If we were sitting over coffee (non-fat white mocha, lite whip) and I shared one of my fears, what would be on the tip of your tongue?  What fear do you yearn to be free of, and how long has it been since you’ve cried out, asking God to free you to the House of Love?  What might be your first little step?

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#SOTM2013 and Whatever is True…

March 6, 2013 /

I am about as good at memorizing as the Kardashians are at staying out of the news.

Basically, terrible.

I didn’t grow up with Awana, but I hear rumors about gold stars or badges and “sword drills” and I imagine competition is involved which I usually love, but in this case it scares me and makes me think if I had Awana-ed I might have more issues to deal with than I already do.

However, God is incredibly gracious and a miracle-worker to boot.

So when I was 23 years old on a mountain path in the Swiss Alps at dusk one evening, all sobbed out and at the end of my faith rope, it was Scripture I knew that God brought to mind to speak to me.

“God is near to the broken-hearted and saves those crushed in spirit.”

“I will never leave you or forsake you.”

As clearly and as lovingly as if He was holding me and speaking, those were the words I heard.

Miracle-worker indeed.

Could I have given you chapter and verse?  No.  But that wasn’t the part God wanted to use.

Over and over again in the years since that crisis of faith, God has brought to mind just the right words from Scripture at just the right time to convict, encourage, guide, reassure.

It’s so easy to decide if we can’t do something perfectly, we can’t do it at all.  I mess up chapter and verse, I get words out of order, but somehow God makes it right.  Like songs you listen to over and over on the radio…you may not remember the artist or all of the words exactly, but the chorus?  Or a key line?  They keep coming back.  Maybe they shape us.

I figure it’s hard for God to bring to mind what we haven’t put there in the first place.  So no badges or stars, but when our kids were growing up we tried to memorize Scripture as a family.  At dinner we’d go around the table, each person saying one word of the verse we were trying to memorize.  It would usually go something like this:

Katy: Whatever

Maggie: is

Laura: true

John: ….??  nice!?? helpful!?? interesting!?? Rats!

Katy and Maggie would crack up as their pastor father was most often the first family member to mess up and need a hint.

This week, my friend Lynne, admitted that her New Year’s resolution was to memorize Matthew 5,6, and 7 – the Sermon on the Mount – in 2013.  But as of the end of March, she hadn’t gotten started and needed some accountability.

A few tweets later (@lynnehybels) and there’s a whole movement of folks committed to memorizing this chunk of Scripture with the hashtag #SOTM2013!  

No, I’m not a great memorizer, but if some small essence of God’s Word becomes more a part of me through this discipline, who knows what He might do with this…what “kingdom come” transformation He might want to do in and through us?  Like Lynne writes,

Maybe we can become givers of mercy and pure-hearted peacemakers. Maybe we can become lights in the darkness. Maybe we can embrace a vision of righteousness that looks more like Jesus than the Pharisees…

I’m in.

And in spite of the fact that both Lynne and I threw John under the bus for his comment about just committing to the Beatitudes, I think I’ve got him hooked too.

Oh, and the verse our family was trying to memorize above?

“…whatever is true, whatever is noble, right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent, or praiseworthy.  Think about these things.” (Phil. 4:8)

John got so frustrated, he came up with this pneumonic device: Two neurotic Roman priests lost and eccentric pope.

I can’t wait to see what he comes up with for three whole chapters in SOTM13.

I’d love to hear about your experiences with Scripture memory.  And join us in memorizing the Sermon on the Mount!

Three Words to Remember When Looking for God’s Direction

March 4, 2013 /

It seems like everyone we know is in the midst of making big decisions these days. As John and I were talking about our own seeking of God’s will tonight, these words I wrote last year came to mind… 

I ran into a 23-year-old friend the other day and asked how she was doing. “Being in your twenties is…awkward!” she answered.  “All these questions about what you’re going to do with your life…who you’ll be, where you’ll go…what to say ‘yes’ to.”

That same day I had coffee with a friend who said her son is wrestling with some of the same unsettledness, and she herself is in a time of transition that has raised questions about God’s direction.  She said, “I thought by this age I’d have it figured out and be cruising along!”

24 hours earlier I had had dinner with a young single friend who said, “My life looks a lot different now than I thought it would.”

Each person’s situation was different, but there was a common theme. They longed for a clear plan.

Wouldn’t it be oh so nice if God always gave detailed instructions like,

“Susan, I want you to move to 673 Elm St., Provo Utah,  join the Church-of-People-on-the-Right-Track, take the job with State Farm, (not General Mills), and order the tomato soup at Panera for lunch.”

And sometimes in the Bible God does that, like when God gives Ananias specific instructions (Acts 9:11) to go to the house of Judas on the street called Straight, (Love it!). But usually it’s a bit fuzzier, like in Acts 15:28 where Paul writes, “It seemed good to us and the Holy Spirit…”

ARGH!  I want a sure thing, thank you very much!

When I’m in seasons of discernment and transition, the three words that I feel like God often whispers to me are “Open your hands”

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  • Open your hands…to release your plans – your idols, your “gotta have’s”, your picture of “perfect” in favor of God’s.  Acknowledge your dreams, but don’t clutch them.  Release them to God to change, add, refine…Clearly easier to do when you know God’s character and are starting from a place of faith in His goodness.
  • Open  your hands…to receive counsel from wise advisors who know you well and love Jesus.  But don’t clutch it either.
  • Open your hands…to use what God has put in them – your gifts, your courage, your availability.  What direction is consistent with God’s love and your wiring?
  • Open your hands…to let go of fear that you’ll “get it wrong”.  I know, I know… there are consequences to bad decisions, but God wants to be known and can redeem and redirect if we get off track.

Amazingly, when we do open our hand God fills it with His own. 

Yet I am always with you;
You hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.

(Psalm 73:23,24)

What has been helpful to you when making life decisions?  

What do you See on Fearless Friday?

March 1, 2013 /

I have a lot of favorite passages in the Bible, but some of the best I think are those that show God at work in unseen ways.  Kind of like pulling back the curtain on Oz, but this is the real deal.

One story I especially love is in 2 Kings 6 when the Arameans have surrounded Elisha and his servant.

The servant sees only the enemy, but Elisha sees more.  He sees God.

Elisha says “Don’t be afraid.  Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” Then he prays that his servant’s eyes might be opened. 

“The Lord opened his eyes and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.”

I love that!  Voila!  The servant was able to see the protecting power of a heavenly army who had been there, but hidden from his sight.

Sometimes we just need a little help to right-size our view of God.

What are you seeing most clearly today?  Your fears or who’s fighting for you?

I hope this video is a fun reminder things aren’t always what they seem.

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Invitations of the Scary Kind

February 26, 2013 /

I wrote yesterday about how I don’t see myself usually as the cowabunga-bungee-jumping for Jesus type.

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But I am trying to be a person that responds to whatever God invites me into.

Sometimes that’s leaning in to hear a whisper and being obedient in one of the million small invitations from God in daily life.

But sometimes there are big scary invites that take us off-guard.

They are as clear as a public marriage proposal booming over the loud-speaker at the Twins Stadium.  And that can be the most disconcerting kind.

So when I got a request to go teach a class to seminary students in middle-of-nowhere-rural Northern Kenya I wanted to put on Bose head phones to drown it out. (Yes. They are clearly desperate.)

I’ve never taught a seminary course and I’ll be alone without John, my best coach in all things challenging.  So the refrain in my head is “Ican’t/I’mnot/Ican’t/I’mnot…”

But like I’ve written before, I’m not, but He is.  And I really can’t ignore this, even though it makes me quake in my boots (or in my TOMS as the case may be).

And I’m inspired by some friends of mine who are responding to an much bigger crazy invite…adopting two orphans from the D.R.C.  You know, Congo, where there’s been horrendous gender violence (that means rape and worse) and warfare and the perfect storm of natural disaster, poverty, and evil.  And yes, you read right.  Two, yes two kids, with two more at home.

This is a big invitation that God has confirmed in both their hearts from the time they were dating until now.  Through scary developments and uncertainty they are trusting God to knit together a loving family of American born biological kids with Congolese babies abandoned out of desperation.

But there are also invitations of a different kind.  Big invitations to rest, that come in the form of end-of-your-rope-exhaustion and require you to say “no” may be just as scary and as the invitations to jump.

Here’s the thing…I don’t think we’re ready to say “yes” to any of the “bigger”, riskier things unless we’ve said “yes’ on the days of small things.

Would David have been ready to say “yes” to God’s invitation to fight Goliath, if he hadn’t said “yes” to the ordinary, boring, everyday stuff of protecting his sheep before that?

Would Elijah have had the courage to say “yes” to a showdown with the prophets of Baal if he hadn’t trusted God to provide food and water before that?

Would Daniel have been prepared to defy Darius when push came to shove if he hadn’t quietly been honoring God daily before that?

So as I prepare to send the email responding to the loud scary-big invite in my life, I’m trying to say “yes” to the whispers of today.  And I’m praying for my dear friends on their journey to respond to Jesus’ invite to come pick up two toddlers in Congo.

Are there ways you’ve seen God use everyday whisper invitations to prepare you for loud riskier ones?

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