Laura Crosby

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Fear and Filling

June 7, 2013 /

It’s Fearless Friday, so as I was running yesterday I was thinking about what the total opposite of fear would be.

I’m sure there’s more than one answer, but one thing that squeezes fear out is the exuberant filled-up to overflowing joy of the with-God life.  Joy doesn’t leave room for fear.

Kind of like pushing back from the table at Thanksgiving stuffed with deliciousness so you can say “no thanks” to a piece of fear pie.  You’re already full.

We fill up in different seasons in different ways, but Summer just seems made for “tasting and seeing that the Lord is good”

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Who’s Dancing With You?

June 5, 2013 /

Our daughter got married 10 days ago.  And leading up to the wedding just about everything went wrong.  They had trouble getting a license.  The seamstress made her dress too short.  We printed the wrong dates on a welcome for out-of-towners.  The guy who was going to do her hair backed out at the last minute.

Just about everything went wrong, but the wedding was perfect.  

Because of the people gathered around us.  Amazing, loving friends and family.  It made me think of this post from last year… 

I really admire my husband.

He’s brilliant and wise and athletic and better than me at everything.

Except maybe one thing.

When we were dating, we never danced.                                                                                 And when we got married we didn’t have dancing at our reception.                                    And when we went to our first wedding reception as a married couple he didn’t ask me to dance and I cried and was sure he didn’t really love me.

I wrote recently that some friends and I have wrangled our husbands into taking dance lessons, and I’ve finally discovered why this has not been part of our life together up til now.  I’m not gonna sugar coat it.  I’m no Ginger Rogers, but John is truly bad.   I don’t understand it.  How can someone who’s so coordinated in so many other areas be so…not…in this area?  Sometimes we just have to stop trying because we’re laughing so hard.

It’s one thing to have a humility thrust upon you.  You make a mistake and have to apologize.  Like BP.  Or the captain of the cruise ship in Italy.  Or Lindsay Lohan.  You’re given a job to do and things don’t go well.  You’re humbled.

But to choose to step into a situation where you know you’re weak, vulnerable, open to ridicule?  That takes love.

Doing this together with some of our closest friends has led me to another conclusion.

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Another Take on Prayer

June 3, 2013 /

I’ve written before about how baffling prayer is to me.

And how I stink at making it “work“.

Still, I love to talk to God, but I can zig zag like a pinball.

I can be Aggressive – confidently naming “promises”, boldly reminding God of what He has said in His word, in case He might forget or choose to see things differently than I do.

or Passive – open-handed,waiting on God with a pious (or resigned, martyrly?) “Thy will be done…like whatEVER Lord…”

or Rote and empty like when I rattle off the Lord’s Prayer at warp speed while thinking about what I need to get at the grocery store on the way home from church.

The other day I listened to our friend, Gary Haugen give an incredible talk on prayer.  His definition has been rolling around in my brain ever since.  He said prayer is:

“Talking to God about what we’re doing together.”

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What I’m Learning as I Scuffle Along

May 31, 2013 /

It’s Fearless Friday!  A few weeks ago I shared that, in spite of my fears, I had been convinced (tricked?  shamed?  hornswaggled?) into running a half marathon in Minneapolis with Team World Vision to raise money for clean water for Africa.

It’s on October 26th and is called the Monster Dash.  “Dash”??  Really?  How can a half marathon be called a “dash”?  For me it may be a shuffle or a trudge or a slog, but I will definitely not be dashing!

No, I’m not a “runner”.  I do more of a scuffle that’s so slow 80 year old men in wheelchairs could pass me.  Before a few weeks ago, I don’t think I had run more than 3 miles in my whole life.

And, yes, as much as I hate to admit it, I’m 55 years old and have rods and screws in my back.  So, if I can give this a go, anyone can.  Today I want to encourage you to sign up to run with me, and to give you a little update.

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Mind the Gap

May 29, 2013 /

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Ephesians 3:20 says, “To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory…”

This past weekend I experienced the joy of Ephesians 3:20 as our daughter, Maggie, married a young man who was more than I could ask for or imagine for her.

As a mom, I’ve prayed all her life for the man she might one day marry.  And it is a sign of my small faith that Austin surprised even me.  He is a godly partner who compliments her beautifully.

Once upon a time, I thought that was how God was  – always predictable in the way I thought He should be.  “Immeasurably more than we ask or imagine” was in my way (Read: fun, exciting, and comfortable) and in my time (Read: NOW).

Immeasurably more seems…well, fantastic!  A delightful combo of Candyland and a beach on Maui.

But what do we do when God doesn’t live up to our expectations?  What do we do when we’re disappointed in God?

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The Choice Today Gives You

May 24, 2013 /

A departure from Fearless Friday this week… Day after tomorrow our youngest daughter, Maggie will marry the love of her life.  It’s a week of celebrating God’s faithfulness.  Looking back and praying forward.  Our Maggie is  an adventure waiting to happen.  Someone for whom the world is full of friends she just hasn’t met yet.  Her ability to choose life is seen clearly in this post from two years ago…

I never, EVER thought there would be a day in my life when I would accidentally end up in a nudist camp, looking for the Giant Lady’s Leg Sundial in rural Indiana. But that’s exactly what happened.

I just got back from the road trip my daughter Maggie and I took driving a U Haul, moving her to D.C. and stopping at quirky sights along the way.

Our trip included car dancing, U turns, bonding with fellow truckers, and stops like the sundial, a space acorn (we just missed the UFO convention) and a hot dog bun “museum” of sorts.  It was a blast. Three days of adventure filled with laughter.

I kept thinking of Deuteronomy 30:19 that reminds us to “choose life!”  The life that God has created includes everything from the inspirational, to the sacrificial, to the…FUN!

So…on this Memorial Day weekend I hope each of you find a giant orange moose, or a space acorn, or something that gives you delight!

How are you choosing life today?  What are the life-giving relationships, experiences and spiritual practices that bring you joy?

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Three Things to Listen For

May 22, 2013 /

John and I “mentor” several young men and women, but I’m not crazy about that word.  Basically we’re all just travelers on a road trip trying to help each other find the exits, and the Culvers, scrape up enough money for tolls, and not crash.

All of us stumble and run and trudge along with each other.  Parent and child, friends of different generations, boss and staff, coaches, teachers, trainers…

Healthy or wounded or recovering, energized at times and weary at others, seeking sometimes, finding at others.  Discouraged or joy-filled we need each other.  

In all relationships I want to be present to God and to the other at the same time.  Kind of like when I’m in the Great Room at church after worship, talking to someone I can always discern John’s voice if he’s also in the room.  It’s distinctive and I know it.  How I long for that same ear attuned God’s voice while I’m in conversation with others!

Awhile ago I heard someone suggest that as we are present to God with others, there is often one of three things He may want us to listen for that may be needed.

1 Thessalonians 2:11,12 says “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting, and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.”

Whether it’s a child or friend or co-worker, does this person need encouragement and affirmation?  A picture of what’s possible?  Celebration of what you’ve seen in them?  Naming their gifts?

Or do they need an empathic listening ear?  Someone to sit by their side and remind them they’re not alone?

Lastly, might they need a kick in the butt?  Maybe that takes the form of correction or facing hard truth, or setting the bar higher?

This being present to God and others doesn’t come naturally for me.  It takes practice and  paying attention.  And sometimes I just ask the person, “What do need most today?”

As I reflect over my conversations from yesterday, I was responsive to God’s nudging with friends who needed comfort and encouragement, but with the boy I tutor, I think urging – more challenge – was called for, and I missed it in the moment.

What about you?

Two Questions When You’re “Off”

May 20, 2013 /

Last week is was sunny and cool with big, fluffy white clouds pushing each other around in the blue sky where we were staying near Windsor in Great Britain.  (The weather was a tad different the day I took this picture).

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I had just gotten back from a run during which I asked for directions about 492 times in tiny boroughs, at pubs, hoping to find a park. I kept getting pointed different directions.  I felt a little like I was on a perpetual rural British roundabout.

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Finally a woman said, “Well, there’s a moor down that way, but I’m afraid you’d get lost on it.”  Good bet.

I turned around and shuffle/jogged back to the hotel where I jumped into the shower and realized I’d been using body lotion instead of conditioner on my hair for the past few days. That could explain a lot.  (Don’t laugh – it could happen to you.)

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All that to say, I’ve been a little …“off”.

Eating too much, sleeping too little, not paying attention, and getting lost.  A little out of my regular rhythm, both physically and spiritually.

When you travel (or when you have anything “extra”going on, or a sick kid, or out-of-town guests, or a project due…) it’s so easy to get knocked off-stride and out of your spiritual rhythm.

In these times I tend to get to the end of the day and think,

“Where am I?  Who am I?  And how did I get to the end of this day totally missing God?”

Two questions can make all the difference as to whether my day is purposeful and life-giving, or a blur of empty activity.

1.  Have I filled my mind with anything of the Spirit?  Have I sought the mind of God to orient myself?  Especially when I’m busy or in a new environment.

Ok, let’s be honest here.  I don’t mean reading and taking notes on a chapter of Ezekiel every day.  I mean anything.  Truly, I’ve found God can use even the tiniest morsel to feed me if I give Him a chance.  If I’m clueless, any part of Psalm 25 is a great “go to” at the beginning of the day.  Anything is something.

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If I listen to God in the morning, there’s a much better chance my ear will be attuned to Him during the ordinary stuff and relationships of my day.  I also have a different grid through which I experience life.

2.  Have I made Space to process with God what He’s been showing me about Himself and myself throughout the day?  Where have I seen God and where have I missed Him?

Space, margin, silence…whatever you want to call it, it’s become rare in our 24/7 world of more news, more activity, more noise (especially for extroverts like me who can easily be sucked into the “more”.

Like Mary, I need to say “no” to the good in order to  choose “what is better”.  Whether it’s journalling or taking a prayer walk, I may need to limit accessibility to the world in order to be accessible to Jesus, prioritizing time to reflect on His activity.

What about you?  What helps you to reorient and pay attention when you’re “off”?

Kingdom Conversations

May 15, 2013 /

One of the amazing blessings of my life is that John serves on the World Vision International Board and I get to tag along as he travels with them.  Seeing new places and learning about new cultures is enriching, but I also get to spend time with remarkable, godly people I admire!  This week we’ve been in London and Windsor with these friends.

One of the things I notice is the power of a mantra my friend Sharon repeats often: “Words matter.”  Too many, too few (a compliment left unshared), life-giving words, words of gratitude or complaint.  Our words can be the thermostat that sets the temperature of a conversation.  If God is noting the temperature I set with my words, I’m wondering how often it would be set at “foot in mouth”, or “insensitive”, “self-centered”, or “gossipy”.

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Sitting at lunch yesterday my friend Helen didn’t just let the conversation drift.  She asked the seven women around the table, (all of us new acquaintances) to share what one of our passions is.

After the first person spoke, another woman at the table suggested that we pray for each person after they shared.  What could have been nice chit-chat became a lovely, richer time of fellowship because these two women took the opportunity to set the temperature of our conversation, creating a God-honoring environment.

Whether it’s our friends on the board here, or mentors elsewhere, some of the things I’ve observed about Jesus followers who know that words matter are:

  • They listen really well.  They are present and will sift through the extraneous and pick up on the important heart issues.
  • They ask good questions.
  • They find things to affirm.  Their speech is “seasoned with grace.”
  • Even when asked for advice, they limit what they say. (This one is a huge one for me to learn from!!)
  • They model what Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.”

What is it that you think makes the difference between conversations that lift our minds and those that lower them?

How to Get a Mentor

May 12, 2013 /

I’ve always felt kind of bummed that I have never had a formal “mentor”.

You know, someone to meet with me regularly in a discipling relationship…to challenge me and encourage me and model all those disciply things.

Even though it’s never been structured like that, John and I have both had mentor-types that have been hugely influential.  We’re really so grateful for amazing Jesus-followers we’ve learned from.  When we were out to dinner the other night I was struck by how often we quote what these older wiser folks have taught us!

About five years ago our daughter, Katy, was interested in finding a mentor and asked me what I thought. It’s certainly not an exact science, and affinity and timing are key, but I reflected a bit and came up with the following suggestions on how to get a mentor…

  1. Put yourself in environments where you’re around people who are living out a life of discipleship you find authentic and winsome (No, not Superwoman or Spiderman, just someone a little more mature in the faith than you are maybe)
  2. Identify several people (or just one) you admire and would like to spend time with.
  3. Invite each of the people out to coffee or lunch.  Tell them you’d like the opportunity to get to know them better and ask them some questions to learn from them.
  4. Before you meet with someone, think of questions you’d like to ask them.  Maybe ask them to share their faith story with you.  Or maybe what books have been most formative in their life?  How do they grow in their faith?  What is one big mistake they’ve learned from?
  5. After you’ve met with the potential mentors, decide if you’d like to ask one of them to enter into a mentoring relationship with more regular contact.
  6. Decide exactly what it is you desire from the relationship.  Some mentoring relationships are short-term, for a season, maybe focused around a particular skill.  Others are open-ended.
  7. When you meet with someone to ask them to be your mentor, be clear what it is you want from them and why.  What are your goals?  How structured do you want to be?  How often would you like to meet?  Even if they have to say  “no” for whatever reason, they will be flattered and you will have benefited from the time together.  If they say “no”, ask them for other suggestions of mentor-types they think it would be good for you to get to know.
  8. Remember there are many different kinds of mentors.  Think outside the box!  Book mentors, Skype, small groups, yearly retreats are all possibilities…

Do you have a mentor?  What have they taught you?

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