Laura Crosby

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Cursing or Cooperating With a Mirror

January 26, 2019 /

This week were fortunate to be staying in a lovely vacation home belonging to some friends of ours. As we were getting settled in, I noticed a mirror on the vanity in our friends’ bathroom.

Now I have a mirror at home. I even have a 3x magnifying mirror.

But this…my friend’s mirror? It is a mirror to be approached with fear and trembling. It is a 10X SUPER LIGHTED MEGA-MIRROR. Bless her heart.

Read: It shows EVERYTHING. All the wrinkles and blotches, and uneven make up application I want to see (but not really).

I have such a love/hate relationship with this mirror! I’m tempted to hide it away and live in blissful, blotchy ignorance.

It is only by looking into it that I can see what’s wrong and correct it, but, oh the pain of confronting all that is unattractive! Yikes!

There are two passages of Scripture that come to mind when I use this mega mirror.

Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror  and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 2But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

James 1:23-25

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

2 Corinthians 3:17-18

The more we look at the Lord in His Word, the more we will see where we fall short of God’s righteousness.

It’s not comfortable noticing the smudges of self-righteousness, or the blotches of bitterness.

We can’t cover the mess with makeup, but by God’s grace we are forgiven, and by the power of His Holy Spirit, gradually we are transformed into people who look more like Him.

So here’s an example. Yesterday, I looked into the mirror of God’s Word. Part of my reading included a situation where Jesus was angry at hard-heartedness and injustice and did something risky.

I was convicted that I may be passionate and get angry about injustice, but how often am I willing to sacrifice my comfort and do something, even something risky? I looked at the glory of Jesus and saw how far I fall short.

This is not an exercise in shaming. I know God loves and forgives me no matter what. But I also know He walks with me and can empower me to be both wise and brave in doing my part to stand up to injustice if I submit to Him.

What about you? What are you seeing in the mirror? How are you being transformed? As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts! If you subscribe and receive these posts by email, just click on the title and it will take you to the place where this is posted on my website. Scroll down to comment. If it’s your first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away. It will!

Ps. I’m thankful my friend doesn’t have a professional grade scale too!

When Your Waiting is Wearying

January 23, 2019 /

Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him.

Psalm 62:5

All waiting is hard. Some waits are more brutal than others.

It’s 7:30 a.m. in Florida as I write this. My sweet 88 and 85 year old parents are stuck in the Detroit airport on their way home from visiting us here. There is ice and snow pelting the Midwest. Oh, January.

Mom and Dad are “sleeping” in black vinyl and chrome airport seats not designed for comfort. They have been there since 5:00 p.m. last night when their connecting flight to Chicago was cancelled. The rescheduled flight has been pushed later and later to the point that they probably would get home quicker if they bought boots and walked.

They are waiting, waiting, waiting. But here’s the thing. We know that at some point, a flight will take off, carrying them from Detroit to Chicago. They are waiting with a sure end.

Also this morning as I’m writing, I jump up every few seconds to catch the sun as it lifts through the clouds above the Atlantic Ocean. I wait for the sunrise. I am waiting with a sure end.

Our friend Alyssa was pregnant, waiting a week past her due date, but the doctors comforted her, saying at some point her baby girl would be born. It was a sure thing.

However, as Emily P. Freeman says, “All waiting is not created equal. This I know for sure.”

I have other friends who are waiting without a certain end.

One who is waiting to get pregnant.

One who is waiting for healing.

One who is waiting to meet the man who she longs to marry.

There is no clear picture of the end. No guarantee that at some point someone official will call your number, and say “Ok, it’s time. You’re done waiting for exactly what you want.”

Years ago I was waiting for a job, a title, a paycheck – validation that my calling was legit. That job never came. What I learned was that what I was waiting for wasn’t as important as Who I was waiting with.

Who > What  

When my focus is on Emmanuel, God with me, I am reminded that He loves me more than I can imagine.

I am assured that He will work all things together for good as I seek Him in the waiting.

I am secure in my identity as a cherished child of His regardless of circumstances.

I am prompted to consider that His perspective is greater than mine, His purposes will prevail.

I am a terrible wait-er. Much easier for me to write this than to practice it. But practice we must.

So, today if you are weary of waiting, take a deep breath.

Breathe in the nearness of your friend Jesus who waits with you.

I started thinking about this prompted by Emily P. Freeman. If you’d like more on waiting, check out her wonderful podcast, The Next Right Thing.

Football, Calendars, and the Examen

January 2, 2019 /

Have you ever thought of football and the Examen together?

Last Sunday someone graciously gave us tickets to the Vikings/Bears game. Amazing seats in front of former head coach and Minnesota legend, Bud Grant (who told us to sit down).

Seats with a suite full of every kind of food you could imagine.

Unfortunately, the actual play on the field this Sunday left us a little disappointed. It was a slow game and we lost to the Bears, but it got me thinking about these stats for how much we see when we watch football on TV.

  • The average NFL football game lasts 174 minutes.
  • Actual amount of time the ball is in play on the field: 10 minutes, 43 seconds. 
  • The rest of the 174 minutes:
    • Commercials: 60 minutes
    •  Players milling around: 75 minutes
    •  Replays: 17 minutes
    •  Cheerleaders: 3 seconds

All of this is just a round about way to get us thinking about this question: What is getting the most air time in your life? 

Is it the most important stuff?

Have you ever considered doing a calendar Examen?

The Examen is an ancient practice you may be familiar with.

It simply means you look back over your day and identify where you sensed being most alive to God’s presence and pleasure (the “spiritual” word is “consolation”) and where He felt most absent (“desolation”)…Where you experienced separation or turned away from God.

So a calendar Examen might mean looking at what’s getting the most “air time” in your life and if it’s the most important stuff. Maybe ask:

  • If the Lord was looking over my shoulder at my calendar, what would He say are my priorities?
  • Where do I experience the pleasure of God? In what environments am I bearing fruit?
  • Are there areas of my life where I’m turning your back on God or ignoring His presence? Do I compartmentalize my faith in only certain squares on my calendar?
  • Are there environments or relationships that draw my attention away from God? 

You might consider writing some of these questions in your journal, or on a calendar page.

May you be open to all that our Friend Jesus might say to you today, and may you receive the gift of His grace.

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. If you subscribe via email, just click on the title and it will take you to my website where you can scroll down and share your experience. Don’t worry if your comment doesn’t show up right away. It will!

If you want to connect further, you’ll find me almost daily on Instagram. I’d love to see you there!

A Blessing for The New Year

December 27, 2018 /

I sit and stare at my computer screen after triaging emails that have accumulated over the holidays. I’m tired. I bet you are too.

We’ve baked the special cookies and wrapped presents we hoped would delight. We’ve tried to be present to Jesus and kept traditions and navigated family drama, and made time to sit by the Christmas tree.

We’ve tried to remember to breathe. 

But now it’s the end of the year and we’re tired, and as we consider whether to make resolutions, we’re tempted to think of all the things that haven’t happened in 2018 – the pregnancy, the boyfriend, the job, the healing…

We think of the ways we’ve messed up – the rejection letter, or the One Word that we haven’t seen fleshed out in our life perfectly. 

“I am learning ever so slowly that maturity and a growing faith show up not in our ability to stand up straight and blameless, but in our willingness to turn, again and again, back to the face of God. Not once, but a thousand times once and then a thousand times more.” 

Emily P. Freeman

Me too.

It’s hard to be both honest and hopeful. We need to be gentle with ourselves and remember our hope isn’t in a resolution made or broken, but in God who is good.

And so, we trust…

“…that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

that “we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.” 2 Cor. 3:18 NASB

As 2018 comes to a close, I’d like to offer a blessing:

This day, may you be assured that you are seen and loved as is, not “only if”. May you know that your proud Papa is cheering you on, beaming at the small, teetering steps you’ve taken in 2018. May you hear Him singing over you, see Him delighting in you, and have faith to let Him take your hand and walk you into a new year. Amen.

Missing Church

December 20, 2018 /

When I was growing up we never missed church.

Really.

I’m sure we must have had one week when someone was sick, but I honestly don’t remember it. “Going to church” was a commitment. It was a given.

Yeah, I know “church” isn’t just a place. It’s not the building.  The New Testament word for “church” is ekklesia, which means “the called out ones.” WE are the church.

But our God cares about places too. He is a God of rhythms, rituals, and rocks. He commanded the Israelites to build a tabernacle, a temple, and to pile stones in specific places so they wouldn’t forget His faithfulness or formation of them. I think “going to church” as an act of worship, is significant. When we “miss church” we miss something more than an item on our to-do list.

In this season of “lasts” for John and I as we anticipate leaving ministry at CPC,  I want to be at church every possible chance I get. I want to be present to all the people in this community I love, and present to God at the same time.

I want to be greeted by Debbie at the door of the Great Room, and sit in “my” pew, and remember all the marking moments I’ve experienced here. I want to serve communion, and receive it too. I want to snag one of Sharon’s famous cookies at the receptionist’s desk when she works on Wednesdays. I want to see Noel in the Bobcat shoveling snow, and hear Jane practicing the organ. I want to eavesdrop as Michelle patiently helps someone who is new and lost and has wandered into the bookstore. I want to hold a baby at Mom’s Morning and pray with the Catalyst community. I want to hug Dinny at the 9:30 service, and give Betsy a kiss in her wheelchair at the 11:00. I want to bring dinner to Families Moving Forward and I want to be run down by rambunctious teens in the hallway on a Wednesday night, and I want to listen as Heather leads the littles in choir song.

I don’t want to miss church. 

Each of these things by themselves is not dramatically significant. But together, like dots of color in an impressionist painting, they create a picture of how God has been forming me.  

Like one of my favorite verses says, “Do not despise the day of small things.” (Zechariah 4:10)

As much as I crave being present in the actual church building these days, it’s rarely convenient to go to church. I may be tired, or want to meet friends for brunch, or there’s snow (dontcha know). But in going at a time I don’t choose, maybe I cooperate with God in my formation as well as worship Him.

The people who sit around me in the pews aren’t always people who are easy for me to love. I may run into someone who’s been super critical, or has different political leanings than I do, or is awkward to talk to. Maybe by not missing church Jesus forms me into a tiny bit more gracious, empathetic person.

The songs we sing aren’t always my favorites. There may be fussy toddlers who are distracting, and sometimes I would rather be making my to-do list instead of trying to listen for God’s Word to me. Sometimes the prayers go too long or the silence is too short. But perhaps Jesus is using these to form patience, or tolerance, or humility in me.

The inconveniences of “going to church”  are exactly the reasons that it’s important for me not to miss. Because bit by bit, God is going to use these things to make me more like Him if I pay attention.

Church isn’t easy. It takes patience and prayer and perseverance. We’re broken people with rough edges, rubbing against each other as we try to follow Jesus. But God uses this proximity to each other and to Him, to create something beautiful.

As John and I transition out of ministry at CPC, we won’t miss church on Sundays (we’ll go to church somewhere!), but we’ll sure miss this church where God has showed up and showed off, and formed us into the people we are today. 

What to Do When a Friend is in the Depths of Despair

December 5, 2018 /

Tonight is a Christmas candlelight service at our church. Those who are grieving, gather in the darkness, remembering loved ones, present to the loss we’ve experienced, but also clinging to the hope Jesus offers. Emmanuel. God with us. Even in the dark.

It is quiet, and sacred, and to me, feels like a warm comforter on a snowy night.

But it brings to mind a conversation that I had in October with a friend who is mourning.

“I’m here! Yesterday I couldn’t get out of bed. I’ve lost my capacity to engage, concentrate or make decisions.  It’s easier to succumb to the isolation than to fight to justify my pain out in the open.  Let’s count today, sitting in a restaurant with you a win.”

I sit across the table from my friend of almost 30 years, autumnal salads with apples and craisins between us. I listen as she catches me up on the losses she’s experienced over the past year and a half since her husband died suddenly.

“I don’t know who I am anymore.  Life and everyone in it is moving on. People wave goodbye from bright shiny trains, I no longer have a ticket to ride. All I can do is watch them go; disappear into a future I cannot see.”

Three hours later I feel like we’re both exhausted from trying to process the overwhelming pain she’s enduring.

“I know people mean well, but I’m tired of ‘How are you?’” she says as she dispiritedly picks at her salad.

“When I respond authentically, and say, ‘As bad as you imagine or maybe worse’, I watch their hope get swallowed up by disappointment.”  

“Don’t ask if you don’t want to know. I’m angry that it feels like it’s not ok to not be ok. I’M NOT OK and my kids are not ok.” 

Anne of Green Gables would say she’s “In the depths of despair.” Only Anne was being overly dramatic and this is real life trauma.

Even Jesus, when in the depths of despair, turns not only to His heavenly Father, but also His community. In the Garden of Gethsemane He’s very vulnerable. He says to those closest to Him, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow.” and He names what He needs from His community.

“Stay here and keep watch with me.” 

Notice He doesn’t ask them to fix or give advice, just sit with Him in His anguish. This is soooo hard for us isn’t it? We’re DO-ERS! We want to alleviate our friend’s pain, and doing something also makes us feel better about ourselves dontcha know!

“Christ came so that we might share in his resurrection life. But first, He invites us into a co-suffering relationship. This means death, and for us in this, death means releasing our right to have an answer and giving up our desire to be the hero.” Emily P. Freeman

One of the questions we can ask ourselves is “What does love require of me?” 

  • It may often require sitting with a friend and saying nothing, just listening deeply, nodding, or holding.
  • Love may ask us to pray silently or outloud, leaning on the Holy Spirit to give words to our groans on behalf of the other.
  • It may prompt us to validate the pain of our friend by echoing back what we’re hearing and acknowledging that everyone’s grief is unique.
  • Love may lead us to affirm the courage, authenticity, perseverance or other godly qualities we see in our friend even in a season when they feel confused and out of control.

What is your experience walking with friends in pain? Are you afraid of saying the wrong thing? What have you found that’s helpful?

Remember, we’d all love to hear your thoughts! Just click on the title of this post if you receive this by email and it will take you to the place where you can just scroll down to leave a comment. (Don’t worry if your comment doesn’t show up immediately…it will!)

Also, I’d love to see you over on Instagram! It’s my favorite place to hang out.

What Are You Holding On To?

November 29, 2018 /

Transition. Almost everyone I know is experiencing it. It’s just a part of life. Things change, right? 

You might be welcoming your first baby into the world, or seeing your last “baby” off to college.

It can be a euphemism used when you lose your job or choose to change jobs. “I’m in transition.” 

It might involve a cross-country move, or a move from an apartment into your first real home. 

My husband and I are in a major season of transition – out of ministry at the church where we’ve served for 30 years, and into…something God hasn’t made completely clear yet. 

In times of change, it’s easy to major on what we’re losing. And sure, it’s appropriate to grieve. That’s part of the process, But these days I’m trying to focus on these verses from Romans 8:15-17

This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?” God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children.

During a different season of change years ago, a mentor of mine said, “Laura, imagine you’re a trapeze artist, high above a circus ring. You’re swinging, swinging, and the next trapeze floats into sight. You know you need to reach out and grab it, but in order to do that, you have to let go of the bar you’re holding onto. If you try to hold onto both the past and the future, you’ll be like a turkey wishbone pulled apart at Thanksgiving.” (Mixed metaphors, but you get the idea, right?)

In one sense I get it. This is true to a degree. But I’d like to tweak it a little. I suggest that if we hold on to any circumstances of life – clinging to, or pining for “this” perfect situation, or “that”, we’ll be perpetually fearful and disappointed. If instead, the one constant we cling to is our “Abba” we will always be secure, assured of His good plans for us. 

Easier said than done! This month I am trying to hold only to Jesus, celebrating His goodness and faithfulness over the past 30 years, and trusting Him with an attitude that is “adventurously expectant” for what’s ahead.

What about you? Where are you in transition? 

I pray this song is encouraging to you, as it is to me. I love the refrain at the end. “I’m holding on to You, Lord. You’re holding on to me.”

 

A One Word Challenge for November

November 4, 2018 /

I burst into the house, arms full of groceries. “John, you’re never going to believe this!” I say to my husband who is watching a football game on T.V. “I had TWO, not one but TWO people thank me for my patience standing in lines today! Can you believe that???”

I am NOT a patient person! And I get impatient with myself for BEING impatient! But this is one of the fruits of the Spirit that has been my Word for the year. Although no-one will ever describe me as patient, there are tiny victories where I see the Holy Spirit exhibiting patience through me.

So here’s your One Word challenge for November: Celebrate even small wins!

Example: I HATE technology. It’s detail-y and unreliable and evil I’m convinced. As a person of little patience, it can drive me crazy when it doesn’t respond the way I want immediately. The other day I was preparing to speak and I had created a power point presentation to go with my talk. I opened it, but all it showed was a blank screen. I took a deep breath and tried opening it about 5 different ways. Then I went to a flash drive I thought I had saved it on, and tried that way. No luck.

Here’s where the win comes in. In the past I would have given up and either called my tech-savvy friend Heather to come over, or just scrapped it. Instead, this time I persevered and took it on as a creative problem-solving challenge (like a spy assignment!). Eventually I cracked the code and celebrated this small evidence of progress in the area of patience and perseverance – fruit of the Spirit, not fruit of Laura.

Share one of your small wins in the comments! If you get this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the website where you scroll down to leave a comment. If this is your first or second time to comment, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up immediately…it will! Looking forward to hearing from you!

The Good Thing About Caves

October 24, 2018 /

I’m not a fan of caves. I mean really, who is? Disconcerting darkness, and bats and snakes and who knows what else. Think of the boys’ soccer team trapped in that flooded cave in Thailand. Can you even???

But we all have “cave” times that can’t be avoided – times when we are isolated, discouraged, weary, disoriented and feel trapped in the dark, amIright?

And yet…

God does some of His best work in caves! Consider the cave of Adullum where God prepared David to take his role as king (1 Samuel 22). He was on the run from the insecure King Saul and was joined by a band of misfits as he tried to respond with godly patience and respect to Saul.

Maybe you’re in a cave of rejection.

Or the cave at Horeb where God refreshed the exhausted Elijah (1 Kings 19). Remember, he ran there and said, “That’s it! I’m done! No more prophetting for me!”

Maybe you’re in a cave of exhaustion.

Or the cave where Lazarus was buried and Jesus showed both his compassion and power (John 11). Mary and Martha had given up, angry and frustrated that Jesus hadn’t arrived in a timely manner and executed their plan for healing BEFORE death.

Maybe you’re in a cave of overwhelming circumstances and you feel out of control.

So how did God show up in each of these caves and make a difference? In each case He provided. He gave unlikely partners, counsel, food and rest, comfort, healing…and next steps.

What’s interesting to me is what He didn’t provide in the cave times. He didn’t give a detailed explanation of why He had allowed the circumstances that drove David, Elijah, or Lazarus to their caves. But He DID provide perfect timing.

A cave is a place to hold your concerns in God’s presence alone, and that’s good, but caves can become too comfortable. The circumstances that propel us there may be painful, but the cave can begin to feel like a safe place where we’re protected from the meanness of the world. Sometimes we’re tempted to hideout instead of step out with renewed power from God.

But in each of these situations, God does His work and then says “Ok, it’s time to leave.”

Eventually, God sends a prophet to David with this command, “Do not stay in the stronghold.” (1 Samuel 22:5)

After Elijah is rested and refreshed, God says, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord…” and then “Go back the way you came…” (1 Kings 19:11)

Once it was clear nothing could be done, Jesus shouted, “Lazarus come out!” (John 11:43). Yes, He spoke to Lazarus, but there was  cave work being done in the lives of Mary and Martha too.

In each of these caves something needs to die. Self-sufficiency, self-centeredness needs to be snuffed out.

When we’re in a cave, often it seems that God is encouraging us to let go of our false self – the part of us that is dependent on talents, titles, triumphs and re-tweets for our sense of worth. Instead, in the cave we are encouraged to abandon ourselves to God.

So, just a few questions we might ask ourselves about caves:

  • If you’re in a cave right now, what has driven you there? Name your cave.
  • What is the invitation from God in this dark time?
  • Has He finished His work and is He nudging you to step out?

As always, I’d be delighted if you’d share your thoughts with the rest of us. To post a comment, if you receive this in email,  just click on the title. That will take you to the post on the website. Scroll down and post away! If this is your first or second time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away…It will.

 

 

 

 

How to Get Better at Anything (A One Word Challenge for October)

October 5, 2018 /

Getting better at anything…. ugh, it’s not easy, right?

It’s not easy, but it is simple. Jon Acuff

If you chose One Word for the year (or if you have any goal ever at all) this is for you.

If you want your kids to be better swimmers, you get them in the water, right?

If you want your kids to learn to read, you read with them, right?

If you want them to get better at social interaction maybe you take them to a party and coach them.

God, as our heavenly parent allows us to be put in situations that stretch the muscles that need stretching so they get stronger.

Have you experienced this?

My One Word is “Fruit”, and specifically the fruit of the Spirit that is PATIENCE! Even the way I write that word says how I feel about it.  Lord have mercy!

Perhaps because this is my word, the Lord seems to keep putting me in situations where I need to WAIT. Where I need PATIENCE. And He says, “Just do it.”

I had an important note I wanted to mail. I was a hard note, a risky note. I knelt to pray before I sent it. As I prayed about it, I heard “Wait.”

“Why?!” I asked. I racked my brain and couldn’t think of a possible reason why I should wait.  Maybe it wasn’t really God speaking to me, but on the off-chance that it was, I figured I’d better obey. It required patience and discipline to wait, which may have been God’s strategy all along, but it was sooooo hard! The next day I reread the note and noticed something I hadn’t before – one line that sounded a little passive-aggressive. Ugh. Ok, Lord, score one for “wait”.

In general, my husband and I are in a season of transition which does NOT suit my personality well – perfect for someone who needs to learn patience, amiright? I’m a “J” on the Meyers Briggs inventory which means I want to make a PLAN! I want to DO something! I want to to FIGURE IT OUT AND MOVE ON!” Recently I was waiting for my family to meet me for dinner while in D.C. and decided to do a prayer walk, asking God for a vision for a post-transition future. And again, I heard that stupid word from Him, “Wait.”

So my suggestion for a One Word challenge for October is to look at your life and notice where God has been allowing you to be put in situations where your One Word muscles are stretched. Talk to Him about those situations. As always, I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments. If you receive this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the website where you can post a comment. Don’t worry if your comment doesn’t appear immediately – the first couple of times you post I have to ok them.

I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord (Psalm 27:13-14).

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