Laura Crosby

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How Paying Attention Can Transform You

April 15, 2019 /

Every once in awhile one of the tennis pros who is trying to teach me will stand behind me as I serve and take a video of me on his phone. Then (and this is the really hard part!) HE’LL MAKE ME WATCH IT!

He’ll slow it down and show frame by frame what I look like, pointing out when my feet and hands and arms are in the right position, and when they are off (which is a lot of the time!).

The other day our favorite golf pro, Sarah, did this with John.

Most of us would say we want to be more self-aware, but it can be painful when blind-spots are revealed, amIright?

Even David, known as “a man after God’s own heart” was blind to his sin and prayed,

Test me, Lord, and try me,
    examine my heart and my mind;
 for I have always been mindful of your unfailing love
    and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness.

Psalm 26:2-3

Ignatius of Loyola who founded the Jesuits, created a practice called the Examen. It’s a technique of prayerful reflection, looking back over your day in order to discern times of “consolation” – when we sensed God’s pleasure, and times of “desolation”, when we turned away from Him.

The Examen is like watching a video of your day, frame by frame and noticing the presence of God.

Here are the steps.

  • RECOGNIZE (God’s presence) I want to look at my day with God’s eyes, not just my own.
  • REJOICE – The day I have lived is a gift from God. Thank Him.
  • REVIEW – Carefully review the day, guided by the Holy Spirit, looking for times when I sensed the joy of the Lord, or the absence of the life He desires for me.
  • REPENT – Face the places I ignored, or turned away from God and ask forgiveness
  • RECALIBRATE – I ask God to help me cooperate with His work in and through me in the coming day.

So here’s briefly what the Examen looked like in my life the other day.

I praised God for the amazing birdsongs I heard, for bright pink flowers and sunset, and all of His creation…Text exchanges from our daughters that brought joy and life, an encouraging verse from His Word…

I recognized God’s pleasure and presence as I wrote a note of encouragement, when I served my husband by taking out the trash, when a friend and I walked together, sharing our hearts…

I was convicted that I talked way too much with a friend, was self-centered in a relationship, and was impatient with John. I was intolerant of old, slow people who bear the image of Jesus. I asked forgiveness.

I asked God to help me be more aware of the Imago Dei in everyone I encounter. I asked Him to help me think of my own desires less, and serve others.

What do you think? Maybe try it when you get into bed tonight?

3 Keys to Writing a Love Letter

April 9, 2019 /

I just discovered that April is National Letter Writing month! If you know me at all, you know that I think writing notes is a powerful ministry. AND it is such a joy!

I’m betting you, like me, have a drawer of “love letters” – notes you’ve received that have been especially timely, impactful, or encouraging.

Like a squirrel with a stash of nuts he saves for the long winter nights, we may treasure and re-read these nuggets when we need a little encouragement, especially in dark, cold seasons.

What is it that gives love notes such value in your mind?

As I read back over my “stash” here are some of the elements I notice about people who write great notes:

  1. They are SPECIFIC. They recall a specific story, personal touch, greeting, or gift and the way it made them feel. Now I’m not saying everyone needs to be flowery. You need to be yourself. But the best note-writers use sparkling words that call on imagery. Instead of “Thanks for the delicious dinner”, they might write

“Your home is so cozy and welcoming!. The smell of pot roast and the glow of candles mingled with laughter and “yay God!” stories shared around the table were a gift at the end of a stressful day.”

Instead of “Thank you for your encouragement.” they might write

“When you gave me a hug yesterday and said how grateful you are for my service in the nursery it was like Jesus Himself was wrapping His arms around me. You could have rushed on by, but you stopped, and the timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Thank you for the reminder that I’m ‘seen'”.

2. They empathize. They take time to put themselves in your place and name some of the challenges they see. You don’t have to have experienced the same thing, but look for a point of connection.

The notes that were the most moving after David’s death were from people who also have experienced loss. They didn’t just send a note after his death, but write on anniversaries and birthdays, sharing things they miss about David.

The thank you’s for dinners we hosted when I had toddlers “helping” that acknowledged the additional time, sacrifice, and strain to entertain in that season, were greatly appreciated.

3. They’re both timely and unexpected.  I think the notes that may mean the most to me are the ones that don’t come after I’ve given a gift, or hosted an event, but just when someone notices something they appreciate and take the time to write about it.  These notes call out qualities in us that we may not see or hear day to day.

Timing may be as important as the words we use. When I was in college I worked as a volunteer in Young Life. The area director was an amazing role model who taught us the Bible and developed us as leaders. Years later I heard a message on mentors and felt an unmistakable nudge from the Holy Spirit to write my former area director a note and thank him for the role he played in my life. Unfortunately I’ve lost his response, but it included words to the effect, “Your note came at one of the lowest days of my life. I was doubting anything I had done had made a difference. I’m so grateful for the way God encouraged me through your words.”

I love Bob Goff’s idea. Instead of sending birthday cards, he marks his calendar with his friends’ hard or transition days – a change of job, a move to a new home, the loss of a loved one, first season of empty nesting – and writes a note of encouragement then.

Those are some of the things I notice. What would you add that makes a good note? Who might you write today?

As you can probably tell, I’m passionate about note writing! I’ve created a free resource called “A Year of Grace Notes” with 12 prompts plus some suggestions for spiritual reflection to help you get started with this practice. Click here to get yours!

How to Embrace JOMO

April 5, 2019 /

I HATE the acronym, JOMO. I’m a seize the day, try all of the things, the key to life is doing more, kind of girl.

When I first read of people advocating JOMO (joy of missing out), I cringed and deleted. Not me, sister! Never.

Here’s what changed. Awhile ago I started observing Sabbath.

I had read about it over the years. I had experienced the power of celebrating Shabbat with Jewish families in Jerusalem, but I just didn’t think it was realistic for ME, because…people need me, and I’D BE MISSING OUT ON ALL OF THE THINGS! (insert eye roll) Oh ye of monstrous pride, Laura!

In his book, The Rest of God, Mark Buchanan writes:

”…God, knowing both our need and our folly, took the lead.  He set the example.  Like a parent who coaxes a cranky toddler to lie down for an afternoon nap by lying down beside her, God woos us into rest by resting.

‘For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth and the sea, and all that is in them, but He rested on the 7th day.  Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.’

God commands that we imitate Him in order to discover again that we’re not Him and that we need Him.”

Mark Buchanan

My husband has come to view my phone as an added appendage. So seeing me with out it – relishing a day without texting, podcasts, FaceTime, Instagram, Google maps, Yelp, Email…is like spotting a unicorn.

For me Sabbath means totally unplugging. I thought it would be a pain. I thought it would feel like a legalistic discipline, but the opposite has been true. It is delightfully different! It is a day truly set apart to celebrate the goodness of God…to worship and replenish.

My Sabbath includes worship at church. It may include lunch with friends, a walk on the beach, reading something for fun, playing tennis, lighting candles, eating ice cream.

With Sabbath we open our hands, releasing our death grip on words and worries and work.

Sabbath doesn’t include any “have to’s”. Period.

  • I don’t have to exercise.
  • I don’t have to respond to calls or emails.
  • I don’t have to do laundry.
  • I don’t have to hurry
  • I don’t have to run errands.
  • I don’t have to cook (but if baking is something relaxing and creative I love to do, I can!)

For my friends with kids who observe Sabbath it can include church, a walk to the park, a family game night, reading aloud together…

A man I met in Jerusalem brought his wife a bouquet of flowers each Friday night before sundown when Shabbat started. Sabbath is special. It’sdifferent from any other day. .

One thing I have learned is observing Sabbath requires a little forethought.

You may need to get someone to cover potential work emergencies, and let people closest to you know you won’t have your phone with you. You might want to look through emails to see if there is anything time sensitive. If you want something special to eat or read for Sabbath, make sure you have it.

Maybe through observing Sabbath I’ve experienced JOMO not because I’ve really missed out on something. Instead, I’m learning to live freely and lightly and receiving something better.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Matthew 11:28-30 MSG

Do you observe Sabbath? What does it look like for you?

What Does a Jesus Schedule Look Like?

April 2, 2019 /

6:00 – 6:18 a.m. Brush teeth, put on sandals and robe, sit by lake

6:19- 6:33 a.m. Pray, using A.C.T.S.*

6:34 – 6:45 a.m. Review memorized Torah

6:55 – 7:00 Write in journal

7:00 Wake disciples for breakfast

Can you picture Jesus’ handler scurrying along behind Him with a clipboard trying to keep Him on task? I don’t think so.

Jesus had a healthy rhythm of life, but He didn’t have a strict schedule.

He engaged, and disengaged. He poured out and filled up.

He had regular practices, but He wasn’t legalistic about them.

Jesus was busy, but never hurried.

He valued children over check-lists.

This morning, as I write, I’ve spent a little time in Scripture, but I’m also multi-tasking…texting with a couple of people, stopping to pray for my daughter, and friends as they come to mind.

Does Jesus want my devotion, my undivided attention? Yes.

Does He give grace for prayer that’s a bit scattered and interruptions to my time in His Word? Yes.

Don’t get me wrong! I see the value of a morning routine!

One of the keys to the “with God” life is paying attention. If we start our day focused on Him, maybe we will be more likely to be aware of His presence while changing diapers, or at work, or fixing dinner, or at the coffee shop with a friend who is hurting.

If you have a special, comfy chair where you try to start each day with a cup of coffee and devotions of some sort, that’s fantastic! Even if you have toddlers who interrupt you, they are seeing what’s important to you.

However, different seasons of life have more or less discretionary time first thing in the morning. Your rhythm and routine may look different when you’re 24 and when you’re 42, but it takes intention. It doesn’t just happen.

Years ago, a mentor of mine told me “You may think it’s hard to carve out time with Jesus while your kids are little (and it is!), but there will always be things vying for your attention, so fight hard for the discipline of a healthy rhythm, but also give yourself grace.”

  • Maybe you’ll lay hands on your kids at the bus stop and pray a blessing over them.
  • Maybe you’ll take a walk and pray for your neighborhood.
  • Maybe you’ll meditate on a verse you’ve taped over the sink so you see it as you do the dishes.
  • Maybe you’ll read the same Psalm every day for a week, noting the characteristics of God.
  • Maybe you’ll do your Bible study as you sit in the carpool line at soccer waiting to pick up your kids.
  • Maybe you’ll be surprised by Jesus, recognizing Him in the way someone serves you.

Jesus doesn’t want part of your life. He wants the whole messy and beautiful and beloved thing.

So…a couple of questions to close:

  • What does your spiritual rhythm look like in this season?
  • What helps you to pay attention to the character and work of God in and through you?

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts (they are super valuable to all of us!). If you subscribe to this blog, just click on the title and it will take you to my website. Scroll down to leave a comment. Remember, if you’re posting a comment for the first time it won’t show up right away, but be patient…it will!

*Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication

What Might Jesus Really Want?

March 19, 2019 /

It’s zero-dark-thirty as I walk down the sidewalk through the urban residential neighborhood in Oakland where our daughter and son-in-law live.

I’m following “Around Me” directions on my phone to a nearby Starbucks.

Tiny homes crowd side by side, like kindergarteners jostling each other in line for recess, while parked cars squeeze bumper to bumper on the street and a couple cyclists pass me, getting an early start to work.

As I get closer to the coffee shop, a homeless guy with a gray cat perching on his shoulder walks towards me and shouts a question I don’t understand. I try to look sympathetic as I shrug my shoulders and pass him.

Outside the Starbucks is another homeless guy who doesn’t even have a backpack. What strikes me is how filthy dirty even his hands are. He asks me for change and I tell him I literally have nothing with me except my phone (with my Starbucks app to purchase coffee).

As I walk into the brightly lit store I’m remembering conversations from yesterday about homelessness by choice, and addiction and mental illness, and toxic charity and the complications of addressing this problem.

I purchase my coffee, but as I start to walk past the man outside, I pause and it seems that Jesus whispers, “Forget the complications.”

“As you did it to the least of these you did it to me.” (Matthew 25:45) echoes in my head.

I turn back. “I don’t have money to give you, but I can get you something to eat with my app if you want.”

“Could you get me a white mocha and one of those ham and cheese things?”

“Sure!”

I return with his order, again noticing his dirty hands as I give it to him.

“Thank you so much. Could you go back and get me a bunch of Splendas?”

I come out with the Splendas and wish him a good day, but as I walk away I think, “Did I really treat him as I would treat Jesus?”

Did I look him in the eye? Did I ask his name? Did I shake his hand? Did I serve him with the respect I’d offer a king?

Did I convey his value and dignity as a beloved child of God?

What if love looks like much more than meeting physical needs?

What if it’s about saying “I see you. You matter to God and to me. You are valued.”?

I reflect not just on homeless people, but the “invisible” people (like baristas), the “inconvenient” people (like the elderly person walking slowly, blocking our way). What if we look them in the eye and honor them today as we would honor Jesus?

Embracing “The F Word”

March 14, 2019 /

One morning when our oldest daughter was about 5 she came home from school and said someone on the bus had told her “the F word”.

I gulped and thought, “Ok, here we go…”

“Yep,” she continued, “It’s ‘fart'”.

There are several “f words” that are off-limits in our family, but for me the worst one I haven’t written about yet. It’s “fasting”.

I am ashamed to admit it, but I am a terrible faster! When I think of “fasting” I think of food. And when I fast from food, instead of opening a door to more lovely space with Jesus, it seems to opens a door to the dungeon of my soul where angry cranky-pants me is not positively disposed to talking to Jesus.

This unpalatable word has come to my attention recently because, well, Lent don’tcha know, and all the talk about what we’re going to give up in order to make more space for Jesus and identify with His suffering.

Plus, I received this from our adopted “son” who is just finishing medical school in Uganda and wants to go back to serve his people in a rural area that needs a clinic. Here’s what he wrote:

“For now 10 days, I have been praying and fasting. I have sought for God’s intervention in all ways I can. I have prayed from the mountain. I have prayed day and night. I have visited all His Holy sanctuaries praying and crying in quest for His faithfulness. He has been there for me since I was born. I have seen His glory manifest in my life on many instances. I trust he’s got my back on the construction of the clinic too.  Now I’ll continue to pray and wait for his faithfulness.”

When I read this I was both inspired and ashamed. I must not really love Jesus if I’m not fasting in this way, dependent on Jesus.

This led me to talk with my spiritual director who encouraged me to remember that the purpose of spiritual disciplines is to bring greater Christ-likeness and joy, not resentment.

As I’ve reflected on the type of fast that truly will make space for Jesus, I’ve landed on two:

  1. Fasting from my phone and technology as part of my Sabbath practice. Some call it a “digital Sabbath”. For awhile I tried to rationalize a partial fast (because I do EVERYTHING on my phone), but it has been delightfully freeing and has invited me into more intimacy with Jesus.
  2. Fasting from words as part of my morning time with Jesus. This means committing to silence and Centering prayer before talking at Jesus. My desire is to listen more (or at least as much) as I talk to Jesus. If this interests you, there is a Centering Prayer app that is helpful.

Fasting is certainly not a magic charm to get Jesus to do what you want Him to do, but any time we make more space for Jesus, I believe our will is brought more into line with His and we’ll pray with fresh eyes and faith.

The fast that is helpful for you, may be totally different! I’d love to hear your experience regarding Lent or fasting! To leave a comment, if you receive this by email, just click on the title and scroll down. If you’re leaving a comment for the first time it won’t show up right away, but don’t worry! It will soon!


One Crucial Question to Ask Yourself

February 20, 2019 /

“I made cookies for you guys, but I decided they weren’t good enough to bring, so I threw them out.”

I look around the circle of women gathered in the graciously appointed living room for Bible study as my new friend continues. “As I was walking out the door I told my husband, ‘I really don’t want to go. Everyone wears their designer clothes and I look like a slob.'”

I am so grateful for this out-loud honest confession, because it would have been easy for me (in jeans) to feel the same way. As it was, it prompted all the other women around the circle to share how each feels insecure or inadequate in some way (no matter how polished or glamorous they look on the outside).

We may impress people by leading with our strengths or a shiny exterior, but we connect with them through our vulnerabilities. And that’s what happened in the room. It diffused the power of “not good enough” and led to further discussion.

How often is this the voice you hear in your head? How often is this the refrain Satan taunts you with?

Do you remember what God said to Eve when she said she was afraid because she was naked? He said, “Who told you that?”

This is the crucial question my friends and I have learned to ask each other when we’re down in the mud and muck, discouraged by comparison or inadequacy.

What if we invite Jesus into the conversation? What are the true things that He would remind us of?

You are “My beloved” (Romans 9:15)

I delight in you. I rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

I chose you. (1 Peter 2:9)

I call you by name. You are mine. (Isaiah 43:1)

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)

You are My handiwork. I have good plans prepared in advance for you. (Ephesians 2:10)

Can we agree we’re all insecure and battle the “not good enough” voice in our heads sometimes? Let’s help each other with this. When you hear a friend disparaging herself, ask: “Who told you that? What is the TRUTH? What does Jesus say about you?”

One of the places that can promote joy, but can also be a comparison trap is Instagram, which is why I originally posted this there. I really, really want my Instagram feed to be a place that inspires, encourages, and delights. I want it to be lovely, fun, AND authentic!

My First Question For Jesus

February 12, 2019 /

What’s the first question you want to ask Jesus when you get to heaven?

Is it some of the heavy “why’s” of suffering or prayers not answered in the way you wanted?

This may sound frivolous, but I’ve always said my first question is going to be, “Why did I have to be sleep-deprived when my kids were little so I wasn’t awake enough to fully enjoy them?”

My dream is to be able to time-travel back to the days when my kids were 1 and 2 years old, but with the energy and perspective I have now – so I could be fully present with joy. This is what I was thinking about as I biked to coffee this morning.

When I sat down to read at my delightful Zimbabwean coffee shop, an aha jumped off the pages at me from the book of Proverbs.

The primary ingredient of wisdom is humility.

And here’s how it gave me a possible answer to my question for Jesus.

When we are sleep deprived and our kids are little with a bajillionty questions , we are desperate.

When we are sleep deprived and our teens are out with the car and curfew is creeping closer, we’re desperate.

When we are sleep-deprived because we know our college student is struggling for acceptance and there’s nothing we can do about it, we’re desperate.

Desperation fosters dependence on God. 

Dependence on God = Humility

Perhaps our Friend, Jesus, wants us to realize right from the beginning, that we’re going to need a partner much bigger and wiser than ourselves in this job of parenting. Maybe He wants us to experience the truth that “His strength is perfected in our weakness.”

Today maybe Jesus is inviting us to open our hands and pray for our kids, knowing we’ll let them down, but He won’t. Our power is limited, but His isn’t. Our love is finite, but His is beyond anything we can imagine. We may be sleep-deprived, but He’s always awake.

I’d love to hear from you! If you subscribe and receive this in an email, just click on the title at the top and then scroll down to where you can leave a comment. If it’s your first time sharing, don’t worry when your comment doesn’t show up right away! It will as soon as I see it! Also, Instagram is my favorite place to hang out. Come introduce yourself over there!

We’re better together!

Perspectives from a Baton Pass, Part 2

February 10, 2019 /

A few weeks ago on a Thursday night I sat in the sanctuary of our church, alone, replaying many holy moments I’ve experienced there.

I cried tears of both gratitude and sadness at leaving.

I prayed, and wrote a note to the leaders who will have the privilege of serving here next.

I took my note up to John’s office where he was finishing up final paper work and we put our notes together with a baton on his desk. We prayed with thanksgiving for our time, and asked for wisdom, grace, and perseverance for the leader who will pick up the baton and run the next leg of this race with CPC.

And then we closed the door one last time.

We moved through the church to different places that were meaningful to us, praying in each for God’s continuing work.

We prayed in the spot where we had first brought our blond curly-headed tinies into church, and in the room where I’ve joyfully walked alongside young couples on their faith journey.

We remembered the places where we saw reconciliation happen between broken people, and laughed again about the llama that went into labor in the gym, and the time we had someone ride a motorcycle down the aisle for a children’s sermon.

We ended up back in the sanctuary and looked at where our friend served communion one last time as he was dying, and where our daughters were baptized, and where one walked down the aisle to be married. It’s where people far from God came to know of His crazy love for them and it’s where a creative staff person shot off fireworks to recreate Acts 2.

We were overwhelmed thinking of God’s great protection and guidance for us and our family, and before we left, we stood one last time facing the cross and sang Great is Thy Faithfulness.

It was holy. And yes, I cried the entire time.

Totally by God’s grace, we have finished this leg of the race. If you’re running a tough leg of your marathon, know that He sees you. He’s with you, and you’re being cheered for.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.  We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.” Hebrews 12:1-2

As always, I’d love to hear from you! If you subscribe, just click on the title and then scroll down to leave a comment. If you haven’t commented before, it won’t show up immediately, but don’t worry! It will once I see it!

Also, my favorite place to hang out is over on Instagram. I’d love to connect with you there too!

Perspectives From a Baton Pass, Part 1

February 7, 2019 /

It’s 11:45 Christmas Eve. The sanctuary glows with candlelight bouncing off the arched windows and reflecting in the eyes of the faithful gathered. John and I are serving communion one last time in the last worship service at the end of our 30 years in this faith community.

We know the hopes and dreams and fears and failures of most of the people who walk up to receive the bread and wine. It both moves us to tears of gratitude and strengthens us immeasurably. We are broken, and Jesus puts us back together. He is good.

We are at the end of a leg of the race, ready to pass the baton. For us, a time of change, or any change for anyone – change in job, location, relationship, whatever…gives us a chance to notice the work of God in our lives over time and question how we have been formed.

We treasure so many marking moments of grace and reconciliation and healing that we’ve shared with people we love over the years at this church.

There have been hard times too. Tears and questions and conflict and misunderstandings, and very difficult leadership decisions.

I’ve worried a lot. I’ve doubted myself, not because of a Word from the Lord, but because I let the words of others pierce me.

Like our friend Steve who ran the Grand Canyon, we look back over the hilly terrain we’ve run and the perspective brings a visceral sense of being strengthened in the Lord. There have been some really rough stretches, but God’s plans have prevailed.

If I were to say anything to my 30 year old self who came to CPC with two tinies in tow, it would be “REALLY rest in God. It’s gonna be ok if you do your best to play to an audience of One. Learn from critics who are wise, but listen for His voice above all.”

The words that keep coming to me in this season are “secure” and “unshaken”.

I envision a huge oak tree with branches reaching out and up towards the sky. In the wind those top branches get whipped around, back and forth. It can be scary if that’s where you stay. And that is often where I’ve perched. But even in the wind, the trunk remains secure and unshaken. That’s where we belong.

Think of your life right now, and the things that threaten to shake you. Consider these verses.

I want you woven into a tapestry of love, in touch with everything there is to know of God. Then you will have minds confident and at rest, focused on Christ, God’s great mystery.  

Colossians 2:2-3

We have made many, many mistakes, but we have done our best to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, knowing He is the Redeemer and can cause all things to work together for good. The more we have gotten to know Him, the more confident and at rest we’ve been.

He will stand and shepherd his flock
    in the strength of the Lord,
    in the majesty of the name of the Lord his God.
And they will live securely, for then his greatness
    will reach to the ends of the earth.

Micah 5:4

There are a lot of question marks about what comes next, but God has carried us this far. He will not abandon us. We are secure in Him.

But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.


Psalm 33:11

We are fickle, but He is not. We waver, but He does not. We are merely privileged partners in the good work He prepared in advance for us to do.

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