Category: Uncategorized (Page 55 of 81)

Fear and Control

July 19, 2013 /

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“Show me a controlling person and I’ll show you a person who is secretly afraid.” Donald Miller

What do you think?  Is that all of us?

Who doesn’t want to be in control?  If pressed, most of us are sure we have a pretty good plan for the universe, right?

I see this most clearly in my relationship with my adult daughters.  When you’re the parent of little kids you exert control for their safety and training.

But, dang if they don’t grow up and start actually having their own opinions and making their own BIG life choices!  Seemingly all of a sudden you’re totally out of control and, (Gasp!), what if their choices reflect badly on you?  Or make your life more difficult?  Or take them down a path you know will be painful?

I find my fists clenched, feel a vague undercurrent of anxiety, and my mind turns to ways to manipulate coerce  gently offer wise counsel.

When we feel that emotion of fear…anxiety…sadness…maybe we need to ask ourselves some questions.

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Can you Hear Him Now, and Does it Matter?

July 17, 2013 /

It’s summer, the glorious Minnesota summer of silver lakes with brightly colored sailboats leaning into the wind, and cheery cardinals in my back yard, and fifty shades of green, growing as enthusiastically as possible before the all-too short season ends.

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The other day I’m running.  And sweating.  A lot.  And thinking I am going to die (as usual). But I’m also on pace to go farther than I ever have.

I am scuffling around the east side of Lake of the Isles when I see a middle-aged woman sitting on a park bench.  She’s rubbing her eyes, looking like she might be crying.

IMG_2413Since I run at the pace of a turtle I have time to have a little conversation with God before I am too far gone.

God whisper: Maybe you should stop and ask if she’s ok.

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Notice What You Notice

July 15, 2013 /

This is Maggie, our delightful, 25 year old who just got married and is preparing to move from D.C. cross-country with her husband to start grad school at Berkeley.  

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One of her mentors, Brooke Toftoy, introduced our church to Holy Yoga which is “experiential worship created to deepen people’s connection to Christ.”  Maggie loves Yoga, so the morning before her wedding she asked Brooke to lead the bridesmaids in this practice.  Although there’s only “regular” yoga in D.C she still loves it. I asked Maggie to guest post today, because although I may be biased, I think she’s amazing!

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One of my favorite yoga instructors invites us into an interesting practice.  Every so often, throughout the class, he will invite us into a resting position and ask us to “return to your breath, be still and notice.  Notice what you notice.”

“Notice what you notice,” he says.  So I lay there and I notice.  First I notice that the “resting pose” that he has instructed us to find is awfully pretzely and I want to have a few words with whoever dubbed it a “resting pose.”  I notice how sweaty I am.  I notice that it’s hot day and that in 24 minutes when class is over, it would be a good time for some froyo (I’ve obviously earned it, what with the sweat and the pretzel-y-ness.)

When I’m done mentally complaining, I start the practice of really noticing.  I notice that I feel pretty calm.  I notice that I’m really improving in that one difficult pose, and that makes me feel strong and accomplished.  I notice that this is the one quiet spot in my day and I soak it in.

Outside of yoga class, in regular old life,  I sometimes like to remind myself to notice what I notice.  I like being observant and tuning in.

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Do You Have FOMO?

July 12, 2013 /

FOMO.  I just heard about this for the first time Wednesday morning on the Today show.  It’s an acronym that stands for the fear of missing out.  According to a new study, 56% of social media users have it.

FOMO is “a fear of one’s social standing or how one is perceived amongst peers, and a need to constantly know what is happening and what others are doing,” according to Elizabeth Lombardo, a clinical psychologist in NYC.

The study says, “The problem for people with a high level of FOMO is they may become so involved in seeing what their friends are doing and they are not, they often ignore what they are actually enjoying themselves.”

“FOMO can cause anxiety, stress and, in more extreme cases, even depression…” she says.

  • Ever surreptitiously check your phone under the table’s edge in a meeting?
  • Perhaps you’ve walked into a lamp pole while checking Facebook on your phone? (This may, or may not have happened to me)
  • Do you check Twitter first thing in the morning before brushing your teeth?
  • Are you ever more present to Instagram than you are to your kids?
  • Have you been known to eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s because you’re depressed by the wedding, vacation, or concert pictures someone posted?

What if our obsession with the lives of others, is causing us to miss our own life?

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Saying the Last 10%

July 10, 2013 /

Monday I wrote about our culture of who’s in and who’s out.  About how often, subtly, we “disqualify” people for church.

Jesus says we’re all broken, but through Him we’re all “in”.  A messy community of sinners redeemed and being continually picked up, dusted off, and set on our wobbly feet to take a few steps forward before we tumble again.

Here’s the tough part about this.  In an effort to be inclusive, we’re often afraid to say the last 10%.  The hard truth that everyone’s included, but everyone is also in process and in need of forgiveness and redemption.

Somehow, in our culture, inclusion has become synonymous with approval.  Not only do you need to welcome me, it’s taboo for you to point out anything that would indicate that perhaps not everything I do is in line with God’s Word and will for me.

How is it that we can follow Jesus in this?  How can we love, welcome, and accept, but also be honest in saying “We’re on this journey together and none of us have arrived.  Let’s help each other out as we try to move towards holiness.”

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Who’s in, Who’s out, and the Last 10%, part one

July 8, 2013 /

Awhile ago I was sitting around a table with a bunch of people with job titles, and advanced degrees, accomplishments out the wazoo, and years of valuable experience.  And I felt like the outsider.  Not a valid contributor to the discussion.  A toddler sitting at the grown-up’s table.  Not a big deal.  It happens.  A good exercise in humility.  But it made me think…

I’m not a Bachelor/Bachelorette addict, but I have watched enough with my daughter, Maggie.  I know when the girl doesn’t get the rose and is in the back seat of the limo crying or angry, it’s not about losing the true love of her life.  It’s about not getting chosen.  Feeling “not good enough.”  Suddenly on the outside when others are still in.

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Isn’t this why reality t.v. is so popular?  We are a culture of insiders and outsiders.

We love judging.

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Fear, the Pathway to Your Greatest Potential?

July 5, 2013 /

Six months ago when we were sharing our “One Word”, a thoughtful friend sent me these. Tangible reminders of my word.

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Whether this is your word for the year or not, a fear most people struggle with is the fear of failure.  The other day I listened to a phenomenal message by Craig Groeschel on this topic and I wanted to pass it along to you.  I hope you’ll be able to listen here because it’s great and has some delightful illustrations, but if you can’t, here are his main points:

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Top 3 Secrets to Winning the Name Game

July 3, 2013 /

Ever see the Antiques Road Show?  You know where people bring in stuff from their attic?

The chair they bought at a garage sale, or an ugly picture they’ve never liked that’s been handed down in their family and they ask the experts how much the item is really worth.  People are usually surprised when items are worth much more than they think.

I’m going to let you in on a secret.  In church world, we may not have antique art, but there’s a valuable skill that’s worth a fortune in spiritual collateral that few people talk about.

The real way to be a superstar in church world isn’t jewels in your crown from selfless serving, or stars on your Awana scripture memory chart, or how many people you’ve “prayed the prayer” with.

What’s most valuable in church world?

Names.

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More specifically, name recall.  It’s Olympic gold.  It’s Sampson’s hair.  It’s Kryptonite in the hands of Lex Luther only used for good.

Here’s how it goes…

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What to do When You Don’t Have X-Ray Vision

July 1, 2013 /

I played a tennis match awhile ago against an amazon-like woman who wore her anger like the too-tight tennis dress she had on.

I tried to talk friendly. “Wow it looks like you’ve been somewhere warm!” I said admiring her tan.

She glared at me. “No.  No place,” she said emphatically.  “I just do this for tennis.” indicating a self-tanner.

“Have you played long?”

“Awhile.” Scowl.

We played.  She scowled more.  Gave terse answers to my attempts to get to know her.  Told me I was flat-out wrong on a line call.  She got mean.

She scared me.  Honestly!

I started praying while I played “Lord what is going on with this woman?”  This is crazy.  This is stupid soccer mom tennis, not Wimbledon.”

“Hurting people hurt people.” I heard in my head.  Then I realized it wasn’t anger she was wearing, but shame.  And sadness.

After the match I tried once again.  It turned out she was just back after maternity leave.  I’m sure she had been up with a baby and was sleep-deprived.  It became clear she was feeling fat and ugly and not at all “herself”.

I remember those hard-to-feel-beloved-when-you’re-so-cross-eyed-tired-and-barely-have-time-to-shower days.

It made me wonder how often we mistake shame for anger. We see the battle fatigues someone is wearing and miss the tattered t-shirt of pain hiding beneath.

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Bumper Sticker Theology on Fearless Friday

June 28, 2013 /

For most of my life I’ve been devoted to black and white.  Terrified of opening myself to the gray and listening to those with other perspectives.  As terrified as I am of snakes.  Like I might lose control and get bitten and die.

But I’ve learned that black and white people often speak in sound bites which aren’t super conducive to community.  Or growth.

More and more I see Facebook updates, tweets, buttons, and bumper stickers that try to sum up a conversation in 140 characters.  Pithy sayings.

Some of this is cute.

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Some of it makes me cringe.

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l love black and white.  Right and Wrong.  Winners and Losers.  Problem solved.  Clear solutions.  Definite closure.  Move on.

My husband?  He’s more gray.  His refrain is “It’s complicated…”

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