Category: Uncategorized (Page 53 of 81)

When a “Good” Fight Goes “Bad”

September 11, 2013 /

The other day I wrote about “good” fights.  The times when somehow, against all odds, and all our emotion, and in spite of our bent towards holding grudges, with God’s help, we address conflict and come out on the other side…Maybe more whole.  More compassionate.  With a better understanding of grace.  With a little clearer picture of redemption.

I outlined some steps that have been helpful to me, but…”1,2,3 steps” are always dangerous.  I really wish we lived in a “1,2,3 voila!” world, but we don’t.

What about when a “good fight” goes bad?  

Many years ago when I was first learning about what Jesus would ask of me regarding conflict I had a situation with a neighbor friend involving our kids.  I really, truly felt I had gone through each of the steps to handle our disagreement in a healthy way.

I prayed like crazy!  I examined my heart and thought I owned my part!  I was calm for Pete’s sake!!    I was warmly assertive and humble, darn it!

We sat at my kitchen table and you know how she responded? Continue reading

Good Fights

September 9, 2013 /

I think I had a pretty good fight recently.  Not great, but it was progress.  Let me backtrack.

Someone did something that made me, well… furious!

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I grew up in a home where there was very little conflict, and when there was, we ignored it.

You know, like a kid who thinks if he closes his eyes no one will see him.  So conflict’s not really been my thing.  It’s had to be a growing edge for me as an adult.

And I’ve done it wrong. A. Lot.

When someone said something thoughtless, or did something mean, or (gasp!) was controlling or dismissive or disagreed with me…

I’ve done the angry email thing and the passive-aggressive thing, and the withdraw and punish thing…

See, I told you I was bad at this!

But the other day, once I settled down, I experienced a tiny (and I mean tiny) victory.  Continue reading

Fearless Friday

September 6, 2013 /

It’s Fearless Friday and I’m thrilled to share a post with you from my favorite son-in-law who (as you’ll see) is wise and insightful and such a good writer!  Enjoy!

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I remember life before fear sank in, but much like the story of Adam and Eve, the blissful beginning eventually falls apart.

The memories of the pre-fear life are like old home movies in my mind. If you can picture the opening reel from The Wonder Years or a scene from The Sandlot, it looks a lot like that. After the fear sets in, however, things begin to look much like I imagine they did in Eden that day: mankind full of shame and confusion, running around naked and frantic, grasping for the words that would make everything right again.

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As a child, there’s not a whole lot to be afraid of. Like Benny, Smalls, Squints, and the gang, you can roam and explore and get in to trouble without much real consequence. You have an almost unlimited freedom underwritten by understanding adults who are giving you room to grow.

Then one day – and it happens to all of us – you wake up and realize the choices you make really do matter. Almost overnight, you’re standing there as a grown-up holding the bitten fruit of your decisions and reckoning with the consequences of your actions. As you look at yourself in the mirror, you start to realize that this whole growing up thing is going to take a lot more effort than you thought.

You might even stand there naked and ashamed, afraid of where you go next. Continue reading

First Days

September 4, 2013 /

Today (Tuesday) is the first day of school in my neighborhood.  The leaves are sounding a little different – a little drier as the breeze ruffles through, and already they’re giving up their valiant effort to hang on.  The green of summer is surrendering to autumnal shades.

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Change.  Sometimes we fight it.  Sometimes we embrace it, like these two little girls ready for school.

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As I jogged past the kids and parents gathered on each street corner, I paused to wave and yell “Happy first day of school!”

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I thought back to all our first days as a family.  Sure, the marking first days of school when we had “adopted” family members, Sue and Heather over for dinner (always homemade chicken pot pie) to hear a recap of every high and low, every “he said, she said” of K and M’s six hours at school.  But there have also been first days of new jobs, first days of marriage, first days of grad school, first days in a new home or apartment for each of us.  New seasons.

And each first day means there’s been a last day.  A last day of summer.  A last day of being single.  The last day in a familiar city that’s been home.

As I jogged and reflected, I was reminded of two things.

Continue reading

Maybe We Can

September 2, 2013 /

I imagine that each of you reading this post today has a story to tell of something you’re doing (or enduring) that’s A HARD THING.

Really hard.  Physically, emotionally, spiritually…

It may be a challenge to get out of bed in the morning, knowing the REALLY HARD THING will still be there, lurking like a terrorist, or enveloping you like humidity.

A friend of mine wrote a song with the lyrics: “Somedays faith means just tying your shoes.”

Ahhh, yeah.

This is a guy I see every day when I run a certain route.

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I’m out of breath and I’m sweating like a horse and my feet and hips ache and I want sooo bad to stop.  I keep trying to keep in mind WHY I’m doing this HARD THING. (cleanwaterforAfricacleanwaterforAfricacleanwaterforAfrica…)

Then I see this guy who must be so much more determined and braver than I am.

Continue reading

Filling Your Bucket

August 27, 2013 /

The Minnesota State Fair started last week.  The unofficial mark to the beginning of the end.

The end of the glorious season of going “up north”, going to DQ, and not going inside til neighborhood kids stop playing tag when the sun finally fades at 9:00.  Biking the lakes, going without shoes and without makeup.

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We estimate church attendance goes down by 30-40% in the summer and we get it.  We live in a state where the only month that hasn’t had snow in recorded history is July.

People in MN play hard in the summer.  There’s a concerted effort to fill up.  To fill up with family time, sunshine, hide-n-seek playing, tubing, and kayaking.  We do summer big.

And then all of a sudden it’s school time again and we’re all about busy and schedules and no margin.  And sure, there’s a part of us that craves the order, but with it comes the stress of too much stuff and too little time.  

It’s got me thinking about the rhythms of our lives.

Bill Hybels says, “As a leader, the best thing you bring to the table every day is a filled up bucket.” 

I’m thinking you could substitute “parent”, “teacher”, “”boss”, “coach”….or just “person” for “leader”.

As a person, the best thing you bring to the world every day [of the year!] is a filled up bucket.

So how do you do that?  If you think of some the different areas of your life – spiritual, physical, relational – what rhythms do you have that keep you replenished so that you don’t just deplete, deplete, deplete, and then madly try to fill up?

Continue reading

Learning to Live Fearlessly (guest post)

August 23, 2013 /

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Sarah Wineland (on the left, with her sister in this picture) is one of my delightfully brave friends.  Actually she was Maggie and Katy’s friend first, but they have generously shared her with me :)!  I asked her to guest post on this Fearless Friday.  Enjoy!

My first brave moment came when I was 13 at a summer camp.  We were whitewater rafting and had stopped at a large jumping rock. Being the timid, quiet child that I was, I didn’t want to jump. A counselor encouraged me to “just try it,” and the experience was exhilarating and indelibly life-changing.  I suddenly realized I couldn’t let fear keep me from experiencing a full life.  Life was meant to be lived vibrantly, and safety wasn’t necessarily the best route. I decided to live more daringly and face my fears head-on.   (Residual effects of this decision have included: eating various bugs, learning to be vulnerable, taking more chances, living in several countries, taking a job doing maintenance on septic tanks, climbing the Grand Teton, and leading worship.)

In my adult life, I haven’t always succeeded at living fearlessly.  I tend to be risk-averse and a people-pleaser, at times avoiding conflict.  Back in December, a friend of mine insisted that I watch this TED talk about vulnerability by Brene Brown, and it sparked something in my brain.  Like my summer camp experience, it reminded me that I live too fearfully, too timidly, in my approach to the world and other people. I needed to find strength to jump off of those proverbial rocks into the river.  So I determined that 2013 would be my year of living fearlessly.  I would aim to do something that scared me at least once a week, with the hope that fearlessness would become a lifestyle.

It started with the little things.   Continue reading

Life is just a Draft (Win a copy of Love Does!)

August 21, 2013 /

As someone who writes a blog (I still can’t refer to myself as a “writer”), I’ll often be struck by ideas and dump them into a draft to be worked on at a later date.  Today I was looking through over 100 “drafts”, many with cryptic notes, some with quotes to be reflected on, others with just titles.

One of them had the title “Acts 2” and this picture of a coffee cake that didn’t turn out exactly as planned.
IMG_0935That’s it.  That’s all she wrote (as it were).  Sooo…what the heck was I thinking?  Why was this meaningful in my tiny brain and what does it have to do with Acts 2?  Was it funny?  Serious?  What part of Acts 2 was I thinking of?  Peter addressing the crowd?  Or the fellowship of the early believers?  I’m going to guess it was Acts 2:42-47 (but maybe not)

42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts,47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

The rest is up to you!  Put your idea or an experience you’ve had that relates, in the comment section, even if it’s just one line.  It can be silly or serious, intensely reflective or outrageously creative.  I’ll pick my favorite and give a copy of Bob Goff’s Love Does!

Unknown-2Life is just a draft.  We’re all trying to figure it out and make it better.  One way I’m trying to make it better is by running to raise money for clean water for Africa.  You can be a part of this caper here!

Jesus Stalker?

August 19, 2013 /

Bob Goff is one of my favorite guys.  He inspires, encourages, challenges, and cheerleads for Jesus. He reminds me of Peter Pan – a perpetual kid on a kingdom adventure filled with hope and joy.  He throws candy down to kayakers from a cliff above them. He helps orphans in Uganda.  I want to be his friend.

If you haven’t read Love Does, DO! (Check back in on Wednesday for an opportunity to win a free copy!)

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Bob spoke at the Leadership Summit a couple of weeks ago and asked, “Are we just stalking Jesus?  Have we just been learning more and more stuff about Him?”

I picture a psycho with a creepy room with a stash of Jesus pictures, and Bible verses with strings to cards with the Greek translations, and maps with arrows.  But then…maybe he’s talking about people like me who love to learn and can get stuck there.

Continue reading

Fear, Small Things, and a Big God

August 16, 2013 /

One of the ways God reassures me is to say “do not despise the day of small things.”*  He uses the ordinary, and the overlooked, and the seemingly inconsequential.  And even the things He does with these can go overlooked.  Unnoticed.

I used to think that if it was “of God” it had to be big and bold and dramatic and flashy.  Like a super hero.  But then I learned that if he can use flour and oil, and widows, and dropouts, there’s hope for me.  I’m thankful for that, because my life is mostly a life of “small things”.

But lately I’ve been convicted that I’ve gone too far.  I’m settling for too little. I’m settling for a small god, instead of the real thing.   It’s not me who’s flashy and dramatic, but I can trust in God to do amazing things through me, beyond my ability.

Sometimes He wants to do big things.

Continue reading

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