Category: Uncategorized (Page 17 of 81)

One of the Hardest “Suggestions” in the Bible

April 26, 2016 /

Recently daughter Maggie got a raise and a promotion.

AND she won her first round in the company ping pong tournament.

Of course it was easy to be excited for her, to celebrate her success.

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But sometimes I think one of the hardest “suggestions” in the Bible is “Rejoice with those who rejoice. Mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15

It’s easy to rejoice with someone who’s not taking up MY space, BUT when it’s someone with similar gifts and hopes and dreams getting all the attention? All of a sudden there’s that yucky loserish feeling that rises up.

It doesn’t feel very celebratory. It’s more of an anxious left-out feeling, like when all your friends got an American Girl doll for Christmas and you didn’t.

There are times we just want to say “But what about ME??”

  • You’ve been struggling with infertility and the bazilionth friend excitedly announces her “accidental” pregnancy.
  • You’ve worked diligently to improve your skills only to hear that someone else got a promotion, or a book deal, or a consulting contract while you seem to get no validation.
  • You’re single and you’re asked to be in yet another wedding.
  • You watch as others post pictures of exciting trips to far off places while you discover cheerios stuck in your hair and change poopy diapers.
  • You listen other parents share about their kids’ accomplishments while yours have “issues” that try your patience and faith.

Recently I was re-reading the interaction between Mary and her cousin Elizabeth and it struck me how hard this might have been for her.

I can imagine her thinking, “So…Mary gets first place and all the attention being mama of Messiah and my kid is the weirdo in the desert eating bugs. I am soooo happy for her!”

Instead, when Mary shows up, Elizabeth says:

You’re so blessed among women,
    and the babe in your womb, also blessed!
And why am I so blessed that
    the mother of my Lord visits me? Luke 1:43

#Blessed.

Hmmm… Is it possible Liz struggled with a tiny bit of envy in her less-than-godly moments?

Or maybe she was a grown up in the way I’d like to be – truly able to celebrate EVERYONE else because she KNOWS there is only ONE OF HER. Only ONE Liz that God can use to accomplish His unique purposes.

Now maybe I could write some true and tweet-able stuff that sounds godly about living out of abundance instead of scarcity, but honestly, this can be a tough one sometimes.

Spiritual formation isn’t a pithy saying or easy formula.

So I talk to God.

Me: Lord this really stinks. And you know what else? It’s not fair. And BTW, I really HATE Philippians 2:3. And since we’re being honest here, the LAST thing I feel like doing is a happy dance for this person. Instead I’d be delighted to see them experience a tiny bit of setback, so I am basically a terrible person, but I want to do better. I’d appreciate it if you’d forgive me and help me to love bigger like You do.

God: Ok. Good talk.

I’m continuing to listen and I trust that eventually He will grow a better me out of our little chats.

Anyone else struggle with jealousy? What have you learned?

Water Beds and Jesus

April 25, 2016 /

Like a million years ago water beds were a thing. And we had one.

Now don’t get all judgy. It was totally John, (THE PASTOR)’s fault.

Before we got married, he had a friend who owned a water bed company who got him a deal.

When John told me, my expression must have said I couldn’t possibly marry a guy with a water bed.

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He got very reassuring and promised me there wasn’t a mirror above it, and it wasn’t the really bouncy kind.

He was astounded that this didn’t settle me down.

Anyway, we had that bed for about 10 years and periodically, water beds need to be drained and refilled. There was a wooden frame and a rubber insert with a port where the water could go out and in.

This is clearly a job that a godly wife does, so one summer day when our kids were little and a friend came over I drained the water bed and set it to re-filling with a hose upstairs while we sat and chatted at the kitchen table and the kids played in the yard.

It was the screaming of the kids that (eventually) got our attention.

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They had gone upstairs and noticed our master bedroom flooded with water, the bed insert double its normal size like the most ginormous water balloon you can imagine, and a geyser of water spewing out where it just couldn’t hold any more.

Again, let’s just remember…John’s fault.

At least it was spouting clean water and not sewage, right?

What I had pumped in was what came out.

The other day, this verse was in my morning reading and the image of that exploding water bed came to mind.

My heart bursts its banks,
spilling beauty and goodness. Psalm 45:1

And this oldie but goodie…

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Luke 6:45

If I were to explode today, what would spill out? What have I been filling up with that would soak anyone near me? 

Frankly, I fill up with a lot of ME, and MY, a good dose of other stuff (read “crap”), but as I’ve written before, God’s Word helps me remember who and whose I am.

I wish this was like an exact formula, but it’s not. As a friend said yesterday, “You can’t do math to figure out a mystery.” We live in a broken world where there are terrible things that we are to turn towards, and shine light, and find the image of Jesus in others, and be kingdom bringers.

We’re not meant to live in a holy huddle, but it seems that God is saying we are to be intentional about filling our hearts with Him, with His Word, with Life-giving relationships…being “transformed by the renewing of your mind” in order that we might spill over into this broken world with beauty and goodness.

Another friend (I am so blessed to have wise friends to quote!!) says: “When you open your Bible God opens His mouth.”

So I open my Bible and in my reading after the Psalm 45 verse about bursting with goodness and beauty, I read this:

“Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.” Deut. 31:6
And this:
 … with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God. Eph. 3:18-19

 Lord, may You and Your Word so fill us today that we might spill over with beauty and goodness into a Monday world.

 

 

Family Soul Food (a few things to think about if you have littles)

April 21, 2016 /

This weekend our whole family (minus favorite son-in-law) is in Washington D.C. for the International Justice Mission‘s Global Prayer Gathering. I love our little family soooo much, but (clearly) we’re far from perfect. There are so many families I admire and so many do-overs I wish I had from when our kids were growing up. But being together has made me gratefully reflect on some of the ways we fed our kids’ souls that have paid off. I thought I’d share a few today.

  1. Communicate. Be available 24/7 for the fun stuff and the 911’s. I’ve written before about how this is a high value for our family. I’m guessing girls are better at this than boys but I don’t know. This was a recent text exchange.

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Yes, my kids are so self-aware 🙂

In addition to texts and sharing Instagram pictures we think the others would like, and the girls and I getting fashion advice from dressing rooms, Maggie started a deal a couple years ago when we ended up spread across the world.  We call it “the view from here”. Someone starts it and texts a picture of where they are and what they are doing in the moment and then the others stop and do the same. It’s a way, while we are miles apart, to step into each other’s daily lives.

2. Do, and talk about meaningful stuff together. One of the best decisions we made (and one with the most far-reaching effects) was to take each of our kids on a trip to a developing world country when they turned 10 years old. We wanted them to see kids that God loves and wants us to help around the world.

Next was building houses together in Mexico alongside the families who would own them. Hosting heroes like John Perkins in our home and serving alongside folks in our city all helped our kids to have the perspective of kingdom Christians, aware of the world outside their own.

Maggie ended up interning for IJM, and is now on their alumni board. Katy is the liaison between USAID (the international humanitarian aid part of the government) to Capitol Hill (Translation: her job is to get Congress to care about poor people around the world).

This does NOT mean that this should be the trajectory for everyone, but there are lots of ways to foster kingdom awareness. Sponsor kids from World Vision and write them notes together. Get involved in other organizations as a family. Pray together. I said we’re at the IJM Global Prayer Gathering which I highly recommend (for adults). I started coming because my friend Bethany made me by paying my registration a few years ago, and now I wouldn’t miss it!

3. Tell family God-stories. We always want to be sure He is honored as the hero. Honestly, this takes intentionality and can feel awkward at times, but it’s really important. God tells us throughout scripture to remember His faithfulness. In several places He has the Israelites make visual reminders, like in Joshua where He has them pile 12 stones.

“In the days to come, when your children ask their fathers, ‘What are these stones doing here?’ tell your children this: ‘Israel crossed over this Jordan on dry ground.’

 “Yes, God, your God, dried up the Jordan’s waters for you until you had crossed, just as God, your God, did at the Red Sea, which had dried up before us until we had crossed. This was so that everybody on earth would recognize how strong God’s rescuing hand is and so that you would hold God in solemn reverence always.” Joshua 4:22-24 MSG

We have a “12 stones” book where we record instances of God’s faithfulness in our family, but I also want to model this authentically in my speech in everyday ways.

4. Celebrate each other.

The day we arrived here, a food aid bill that Katy had been working on got passed through the Senate. This was a big deal and we were excited to celebrate with her. Maggie likes to call it “The Katy Bill”.

When we had lunch together I asked each person to share what they were proudest of in the past few months since we had been together last. Each person shared an area of personal growth and we were able to affirm the progress we’re seeing.

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“Everyone has inside himself…what shall I call it? A piece of good news! Everyone is…a very great, very important character.” Ugo Betti

So that’s a little bit of our family soul food. What would you add?

Not My Thing

April 19, 2016 /

All of us have some “my things” and some “not my thing’s”. We all have stuff that in the Christian faith we call “gifts” – areas where the Holy Spirit has given us an extra oomph. Call it spiritual special sauce.

Hospitality, communication, encouragement. Those might be my things.

Counseling is not my thing. At. All.

In our family we like to say that somehow not one of us got the mercy gene.

Flat tire? So sorry. Buck up and carry on soldier.

Dog died? Sucks to be you.

Flunked a test? Your problems are so real.

Ok, maybe it’s not quite that bad, but almost.

The thing is, even if something is not our thing, Jesus still wants us to step up. We may not major in the areas of our weakness. We may call in folks who do have that thing for the heavy lifting, but we’re still called to learn and grow.

When someone comes to me with a problem, I can’t just say, “So Sorry. That requires mercy and counseling. Not my gift! Buh-bye now.”

We may not all be Mother Theresa, but our Jesus says mercy is always called for. Mercy isn’t just for people who think it’s “their thing”.

So I try really hard to pay attention. I have so much to learn from people who have the gifts that I don’t.

And God has a way of coaching us in the areas where we want to say “Not my thing!” 

I became a little more compassionate when God allowed me to experience deep pain, and loss.

I became a little bit better listener when God sent others to listen long to me, absorbing my tears.

But I still don’t have the gift of counseling (or administration, or helps, or wisdom, or…)

I wrote recently that John and I spoke on baggage in relationships and it seemed to strike a chord with a lot of hurting people. There was a lot of heavy baggage that they wanted to share with me.

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As people poured their hearts out I wanted to yell “9ll! Where is Rich Phenow (the most gifted counseling pastor I know)??!”

But here’s the deal…In those moments that aren’t your thing, you do what you can, and you get help.

I’m learning how to listen deeply. I’m learning how to be present to God and the other in the moment. I’m learning how to validate the experience of others and affirm their good choices, so that’s what I try to do.

But then I say, “You are facing huge challenges that I can’t begin to totally understand. I have some friends who are really kind and brilliant at untangling stuff like this. They have the gift of counseling. They would love to help if you’re open to that.”

That’s why Jesus gave us to each other. Together we’ve got our things and not our things covered.

Which means together we can do hard things.

What’s not your thing? What is God teaching you in that area? 

 

 

Baggage Claim

April 17, 2016 /

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that John and I had preached together on relationships. Specifically we talked about the baggage we bring that can weigh relationships down.

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Years ago we were crossing the border between Israel and Egypt. Yeah, there was a tiny bit of tension…

Anyway, my suitcase went through the TSA scanner and we were waiting for the OK to go ahead, but a couple of soldiers kept staring at the X-ray screen, talking animatedly and using hand gestures that didn’t look particularly encouraging, especially when they called over reinforcements and then pointed at me saying “Come here!”

“What is THAT?” they asked pointing to a shape on the X-ray picture. Continue reading

A Little Bit of Soul Food from the Beach

April 15, 2016 /

Fridays are for sharing soul food – little bits and pieces that have encouraged or inspired me during the week…

So we’re on vacation in Florida as I write this and there is just so much goodness to soak up that I don’t even mind it that Minneapolis is breaking records this week for unprecedented warmth. There is gobs of loveliness to go around.

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This first story…oh my gosh oh my gosh! Love

Continue reading

When God Seems Like a Short Bald Guy

April 13, 2016 /

Many years ago I was invited to a dinner with Dustin Hoffman. And this is what I expected.

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Clearly, I’m not a celebrity, and I don’t have cool actor acquaintances, but my friend was on the board of the Chicago Steppenwolf  Theater Company and Dustin was in town to star in Death of a Salesman.

My friend was invited to dinner and her husband didn’t want to go so…I got to be her date. Continue reading

You Don’t Need a Fancy Dinner

April 10, 2016 /

Friday night we hosted kind of a Fancy Dinner.

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This is the kind of dinner where you can’t just make a casserole and you have appetizers and you should serve the salad as a separate course but I never do because I’m afraid someone won’t like it and won’t eat it and we’ll both be embarrassed, so to save face I serve it with the rest of the dinner. I plate the dinner and then guests can just move food around and spread it out like a squirrel hiding nuts all over the yard if they don’t care for it.

They could also quietly feed it to the cat or dog under the table like Maggie and I did at the home of some crazy british ladies in Kenya once, but we don’t have a cat or dog so that’s out. Continue reading

Soul Food for April Showers and Baby Showers

April 7, 2016 /

It’s Friday! Hope you guys have a lovely, refreshing weekend and that April showers don’t keep you from a long bike ride or run or walk. Hope you enjoy some of these morsels that have delighted me this week too!

Last weekend John and I had the privilege of preaching together on relationships and baggage. (What could be more fun than unpacking your dirty clothes in front of a couple thousand people, right?)*

Anyway, afterwards we were touched by how many people bravely shared their baggage with us. And a friend sent this song by Francesca Batistelli called If We’re Honest, saying she thought it went perfectly with the message. I love it and I hope you will too. Continue reading

What to do With Critics You’d Really Like to Take Out

April 5, 2016 /

When someone criticizes me or my husband John I think, “Oh, how thoughtful. They clearly love us. They have examined the plank in their own eye and are now graciously pointing out the itsy bitsy teeny tiny spec in ours. That is sooooooo lovely!”

Kind of like surreptitiously motioning to a friend that they have a smudge of ketchup in the corner of their mouth while they’re eating  – you know…in a way that doesn’t embarrass them.

Or maybe not. Maybe I stew and think how very unfair life is, and that thing they said I said isn’t what I meant at all, and Come ON already!

Maybe I conduct imaginary conversations in my head where I have witty putdowns and “Ha HA! Take THAT’s!”

Maybe I pray that all the critics would be exiled to Bolivia and that Donald Trump would build a wall so that they can’t get back in. Continue reading

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