Category: Soul Care (Page 1 of 10)

3 Suggestions to Have “One Word” Make a Difference

February 4, 2023 /

Yep, I’m a little late to the “One Word” game this year. Maybe you too?

No worries! It’s not like it’s a magic potion that transforms your life!

“The will is transformed by experiences not information.”

Dallas Willard

Choosing One Word over the past 5 or so years has proven to have varied degrees of success in my experience.

First, it might be good to define what I mean by “success”.

I want any practice in my life to lead me to a greater resemblance to Jesus. There are years when I’ve chosen a word and then basically forgotten about it for most of the year.🤷‍♀️ Not successful!

Choosing one word for the year just means you want to pay attention to the ways God might want to use that word to form you. You want it to make a positive difference in your spiritual formation.

This year I’ve chosen two words (Call me a rebel. Whatever.). They are “Adventure” and “With”.

If you have chosen a word for 2023, or if you want to today, here’s what you might consider doing to be intentional:

1. Record your insights throughout the year.

I bought a special One Word journal. I have one section titled, “Adventure”, and one titled “With”.

In these different sections I’m recording verses or quotes I come across that help my understanding of how God is using them in my life. I want to study the impact of adventures with God in the Bible.

2. Set some goals.

As well as being attentive to the adventures the Lord might invite me into, I’ve set a goal of choosing one specific “adventure” a month to do. It might be dramatic or very ordinary, but it’s something new to me. My January “adventure” was doing Whole30. Boring, I know, but I learned a lot about myself!

I have an ongoing list of ideas for this that I keep brainstorming.

For your word there might be a different type of monthly goal.

3. Invest resources.

Also, as much as I know many of my adventures with Jesus will not be dramatic, I’d also like some exciting bigger ones, so I have started a special savings account labeled “Adventures”!

Is there an investment you could make (like purchasing a book or an online course) that would help?

Paying attention (as with all of spiritual formation) may be key! The other day I heard this song that encouraged my “with”! I hope it encourages you, whatever your word is!

You are always with me.

Have you chosen “One Word”? Is there anything you are doing to make it meaningful? Pop your thoughts in the comments!

The Most Important Question to Ask When You’re Discouraged

January 21, 2023 /

Anyone else ever look at others, compare, and come up short in your estimation of yourself?

Like, daily?

Yeah, me too.

The other night just before I went to bed I read a post from one of my favorite instagram accounts. It was beautiful, insightful, and everything I wish I had said. That didn’t bother me. It inspired me.

What triggered me was an enthusiastic comment on the post by another talented person I know. I felt like I was back in Middle School and these women were at the “in” kids table, while I was at the loser table.

They’ve done nothing wrong. These are gifted women affirming one another, but some days it feels like all the cool kids are all saying to each other:

“Oh you’re the best!”

“No YOU’RE the best!”

“No, really YOU’RE the best!”

“Ok, well we’re all the best and isn’t it great to be us?“

And meanwhile, a million beautiful, beloved, unsung, made-in-the-image of God women like you are adding value, and joy, and celebration, and creativity, and love to the world.

Maybe that specific example isn’t yours, but there’s another area of life where you are tempted to compare and feel “less than”. Usually it’s in an area where you’re trying to make a difference – parenting, career, leadership, creativity…

Satan loves to whisper in your ear, “The reason no one is noticing you is because you’re not good enough. Not good enough.”

But God asks us the most important question that we need to answer when we’re feeling discouraged or afraid.

It’s the one He asked Adam in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:11).

It’s the one my small group reminds each other of when we’re down on ourselves:

“Who told you that…?”

Who told you that you’re not good enough? God, or someone else who’s not God?

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

2 Cor, 10:5

A friend of mine suggests two color journaling. You write how you’re feeling in one color down one side of the page, and write a corresponding truth in a different color down the other side of the page.

It’s a good exercise to help adjust your perspective, but it’s still hard for it to truly make a difference.

It’s hard to move the truth from our head to our heart.

Maybe a second question to ask is: “How much am I filling my mind with the words of others and how much am I filling my mind with God’s Words?”

The words of the Creator of the universe say, “You are beautifully and wonderfully made. You have unique gifts and talents. You are chosen to contribute in a way that no one else can, even if no one other than Me says, ‘You’re the best!'”

This isn’t a formula. It’s not a one and done. We feel what we feel! But maybe this is a start.

What’s the lie Satan whispers to you most often? What’s the truth God would speak over you?

You are beloved and He rejoices over you with singing!

What’s the area where you’re most prone to compare and be discouraged?

One More Step to Lightening Your Load in 2023

December 31, 2022 /

The other day I was searching for an old email with medical information John had requested when I came across a different one, saved in my “personal” email file.

I opened it, re-reading the exact words, re-experiencing the pain, and the feeling of self-righteousness in a relationship gone bad.

A couple of days later, some thoughts from Gail MacDonald about “removing what hinders” convicted me – you know…lightening your backpack of the resentment that you may be carrying around.

Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. 

Hebrews 12:1

Yeah, I have forgiven the person in the email many times. Over and over when they come to mind I have said, “Lord have mercy. Bless them. Heal them. Soften their heart. Give them wisdom.”

So why have I held onto this email – the evidence of this wounding?

Do I want to relish a sense of victimhood? Feel holier than thou? Why is it important to remember the details, rehearse my arguments?

I latched onto that email like a lawyer might clutch a piece of key evidence. Perhaps I may need it later in the high court of heaven in case Jesus forgot exactly what happened, right? 🤷‍♀️.

Love…keeps no record of wrongs

1 Corinthians 13:5

Yes, I’ve forgiven with words over and over again, but if I can’t delete this email, I won’t truly be free of the boulder of resentment I may not be aware I’m carrying around because it’s been in my backpack for so long.

So I hit “DELETE”.

God does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 103:10-12

Is there something you’re hoarding as evidence of your pain? Is there an added step that you need to take to be free of what may be hindering you from truly forgiving someone?

Planning for a Meaningful Christmas 2022 (instead of a December newsletter)

December 1, 2022 /

Every year I try to do a little better at prepping for the Christmas season so that on January 1st I’m sighing in contentment instead of exhaustion and regret. Can you relate?

A squirrel has already decimated a box of Christmas cookies I left in my “outdoor fridge” so I may not be the most credible guide, but we’re in this together, so let me offer a little help and you can reciprocate by sharing your ideas in the comments!

Which one describes  your state of mind? Check one:

  • DENIAL. You’re in denial. You don’t want to be reminded, but the holidays are slowly tiptoeing towards us. There’s a feeling of panic when you look at the calendar. You’ll probably end up blitzing at the last possible second.
  • DEPRESSED. You love Advent, but the circumstances of your life mean you may have to adjust your expectations this year and that’s depressing.
  • DELIGHTED. You have been scrolling Christmas Pinterest ideas since August and you’re  SO EXCITED, but not everyone is onboard with your vision for the holidays! 
  • DEFAULT. You are the default or designated host for ALLOFTHETHINGS, either because you have the most room, or because of your location or whatever, but you struggle not to feel resentful and like you can’t enjoy the holidays because you’re doing all the work.
  • DISCOURAGED. The holidays are great, and you’d like to create some great memories, but you just feel inadequate to host anything. You get sucked into comparing yourself with others on social media and feeling “less than”.

Regardless of how you’re feeling, we can all use some help at the holidays! No one accidentally drifted into a meaningful Advent. It takes some forethought.

So today and for the next couple of days, I’ll give you some suggestions. Before we can give to others, we need to tend to our own soul.

Day One

Provide for your Soul

Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10

Note to self: It doesn’t say “be busy”, or “be productive” or “be perfect”.

Put away your phone and any other potential distractions. 

  • Take some time today before things get crazy to pray for Advent. Talk to God about what is on your heart. 

  • What are you concerned or anxious about? 

  • In what relationships will you need extra grace and patience? 

  • Are there special services at church you want to be sure to attend?

Sit and breathe in God’s sufficiency for all that is ahead of you.

Don’t panic. I’m with you.
    There’s no need to fear for I’m your God.
I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you.
    I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.

Isaiah 41:10

You will keep in perfect peace
    those whose minds are steadfast,
    because they trust in you.

Isaiah 26:3

God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Hebrews 13:5

But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you..

Isaiah 43:1

For to us a child is born,
    to us a son is given,
    and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
    Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6

The Only Thing You Need to Put on Your Holiday To-Do List

November 27, 2022 /

I really wish I liked Yoga more. It’s healthy.  And it’s so in.  But I’m not crazy about it.

Here are the only things I like about Yoga:

  • the comfy pants that are like legal pajamas,
  • the fact that you do it in a group, and not, for example on a stationary bike in your basement (like a crazy introvert),
  • the corpse pose (where you lay still with soft music playing and the instructor sometimes massages your shoulders).

And one more thing…

They remind you to breathe.  In fact, I think that’s the only part I consistently get right when I go.  I mess up all the poses.  And I can’t make myself pretzelize (is that a word?) like my friend Brooke.

But then they say, “Don’t forget to breathe.” and I think “Yes!  I’ve got that down!  Score!” (Can you tell I’m better at competitive sports than contemplative ones?)

Sometimes the best I can do at Yoga is to just keep breathing.  Sometimes the best I can do in the Christmas season is just keep breathing too.

Our to-to lists are too long.  We drop balls and forget to follow through with details.  And our regular spiritual practices and rhythm of time with Jesus may suffer.  But no matter what happens in the next few weeks, most (hopefully all) of us will still be breathing when we get to the New Year.  So what if breathing became a spiritual practice?  

It’s one many of you are probably familiar with: breath prayer.

Think for a minute…What is a name for God that is especially meaningful to you this season?  Abba Father, Gentle Shepherd, Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace, Emmanuel, Light of the World, King of Kings…

As you breathe in, silently say this name for God.

Then… What sums up your need or desire of your heart this season?

Peace?  Healing? Guidance?

Construct a short phrase that expresses this.  As you breathe out, pray this phrase.

For a long time, I’ve felt out of control in many areas of my life, so my breath prayer has been, “Abba Father” (as I breathe in).  “Do what only You can do.” (as I breathe out).

Or maybe you might pray something like Mary did “Holy One, be magnified in my life.”  (Luke 2:46-55).

Or, “Prince of Peace, calm my anxious heart.”

In heavy traffic.  Breathe.  In crowded stores.  Breathe.  In tense family situations.  Breathe.  Sitting in front of your Christmas tree. Breathe.  On a walk alone.  Breathe.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.

Just.  Keep.  Breathing.

Something I’m Struggling With…Maybe You Too?

November 5, 2022 /

I have a lot of questions for God about prayer.

Probably because we don’t always agree on things. I can get confused when I pray and try to trade places with Him, because I really like running the show myself.

God’s plans are perfect, but they’re not easy. They are for our formation and His glory, but I want them to be for my comfort and convenience. Why can’t He just get with the Laura plan?

We have gratification goals. God has galaxy goals.

We see now. God sees eternity.

There’s a verse I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.

The mother of James and John asked Jesus if her sons might be able to sit at His right and left side in His kingdom. I picture it kind of like me running into Bill Gates in the grocery store (although I’m sure Bill doesn’t do his own shopping) and asking him to make my daughters CEO’s of two of his companies.

Jesus’ response?

“You don’t know what you are asking,” Jesus said to them.

Matthew 20:22

I’m guessing Jesus wants to say that to me a lot.

In another place, Jesus rebukes Peter who’s arguing with him about the cross.

“You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.”

mark 8:33

I can imagine Jesus saying that to me too!

The most helpful picture I have of how prayer works is that of me in a small boat on a lake. The boat is tethered by a long rope to a huge redwood tree on the shore. My job isn’t to pull the redwood to me, but to pull me in my boat to the redwood.

The goal of prayer isn’t to make God adjust to my will, but to humbly align myself with His will.

“Faith means trusting that if I knew what God knows and loved like God loves, I’d do what God does.“

john ortberg

I marvel at people who are so sure of God’s will that they pray boldly, like a boss. I’m not that confident, which is good motivation to get to know Him better.

A friend of mine shares the story of two little girls who were playing by a pond. Denise fell in and Maria managed to grab her friend’s long hair and hold her head above the water until help came.

The press picked up the story and interviewed the hero, Maria, asking how the event had changed her life. She answered: “Denise won’t play with me anymore; she says I pulled her hair!”

                                       Yank Get Off GIF

 

Sometimes it feels like God is pulling our hair when He’s saving our lives.

Lord, You know what we don’t know. You see what we don’t see. You are good. Help us to pray according to Your will, and trust you even when we don’t understand.

What are your thoughts on prayer?

One of the Most Cringe-worthy Verses in the Bible

October 22, 2022 /

I like to talk. I get excited. I like to ask questions and share stories. Lots of big hand gestures. Maybe you too? This can be a strength when you want to connect with people, but…

Ever leave a party and stress about that you said too much?

Yeah, me either. Rarely happens 🙄.

For me, one of the most cringe-worthy verses in the Bible is “Where words are many, sin is not absent.” (Proverbs 10:19)

The other day, I was reflecting on something I shared at a social gathering.

And after beating myself up about what would be characterized as gossip, or at least sharing information that wasn’t strictly kind, necessary, or helpful, I got more constructive and asked myself “Why?”

Why was I so motivated to say what I did?

Honestly, the information I had, gave me power and status in the eyes of people I wanted to like me.

A friend of mine sent me this quote the other day:

“There is nothing in your life too terrible or too sad that will not be your friend when you find the right name to call it…”

Laurens vanderPost

If I were to name the why it might be “insecurity” or “longing for importance”.

And why that? Maybe I’m not rooted enough in the truth of my belovedness to God. Who or what is telling me I’m not important or valuable to others? What is the truth, the words Jesus speaks over me?

So after you ask yourself why, and name the thing beneath the thing, then what do you do?

  • Confess. Ask forgiveness.

Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed.

James 5:16 Msg
  • Prepare for the future. Naming this, hopefully will make me more aware of the temptation when I walk into a similar situation in the future.

Reminding myself that I am a beloved child of the King who doesn’t need the approval or validation of anyone and praying that God would guard my heart and tongue may help.

Can you relate? What would you add? Share in comments.

Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.

Proverbs 10:19

Who Are You Keeping Score With?

October 15, 2022 /

My husband John and I used to love mowing our lawn. I don’t know why. Maybe because it was outside in the wide green world and it gave us a break from kid duty. These days, not so much. (note: in place of the grass in this picture, the other day we got snow 😬)

Our front yard is a steep hill that is ankle twisting and we have a tree that seems to take sadistic glee in throwing down small branches like grenades to block our path so we have to stop multiple times to clear the minefield.

Anyway, I was mowing the lawn the other day, thinking John would probably hear and come out to relieve me at some point. It’s possible I may have speculated about a way to turn up the volume on the mower, or considered “accidentally” ramming it into the side of the house so John would know how sacrificially I was serving him!

But he didn’t seem to notice, and didn’t come out. Eventually I realized I was going to have to do the whole thing. And I started tallying my scorecard.

You know what I mean. When you start making a list in your head all the things you’ve done for your spouse or your friend, versus what he (or she) has done for you to decide if it’s even-Steven or if you should be ticked that you’ve done more to sacrifice/serve/go out of your way for them than they have for you.

Who’s on your scorecard? Your spouse? A sibling? A friend or colleague?

As I thought about it, John was way ahead on this particular day. He had done laundry, made up the guest room bed, and sat on hold for many minutes trying to sort out our insurance because our car was stolen. Hmmm….He “wins” this round.

Then I thought, “What if God kept score like I do?” The good, the bad, what I do (ostensibly) for Him, what I do for myself… It would never balance out.

Fortunate the person against whom the Lord does not keep score.

Romans 4:7 msg

Acts 10:29 says Jesus, filled with power and the Holy Spirit “went around doing good…” Not because He wanted to draw attention to Himself, or because the people He came across were so deserving, or because He wanted to balance out a scorecard.

Grace spoils us rotten. We don’t do math in our family, but even I know it doesn’t add up.

The secret to my parents’ marriage seems to be their ability to out-serve each other. They don’t keep score. My dad is inordinately patient, waiting for my mom in the car outside church, grocery stores, clothing shops, farm stands… when she doesn’t deserve it.

And my mom accommodates my dad’s picky eating habits, making him a special side salad with the homemade thousand island dressing, or a separate casserole without onions, zucchini, or mushrooms when he doesn’t deserve it.

Grace promotes grace. The more aware we are of the lavish love of God, the more we desire to serve Him. When I feel spoiled by John, when he serves me, I want to serve him.

But what if for now, I tear up the score card, put my head down and focus on blessing John, praying for him as I push the mower through the minefield of my self-centeredness?

Choosing Both Death and Life

September 17, 2022 /

I pulled into the small parking lot by Staring Lake and turned into the same space I parked every morning during a couple of the most tear-filled years of my life. It had been awhile since I visited this “thin place” where heaven met earth and God entered my pain.

On the paved lake path, through leafy trees that, over the years, morphed from yellow to green to red to bare black limbs that looked like witches arms, I walked daily, pouring out my confused heart to God. Begging, questioning, accusing.

It doesn’t really matter the specifics of my circumstances. Probably you too have, or had, or will have a dark season when you realize there’s nothing you can do to “fix” things and make them the way you want or the way you are sure, in a just world, they’d be.

As I walked the path today, with the perspective of almost 20 years, what struck me was life side by side with death. Saplings next to mature oaks, beside rotted logs. Life, death, rebirth, renewal.

Years ago on this path I clung to dreams that were meant to die until I gradually loosened my grip.

I didn’t recognize what the new shoots of growth would become. I had to choose life in whatever small form it appeared.

This holy, ordinary place has made me think of other wilderness spots where people in the Bible ran from God and were met by Him. Hagar in the desert (Genesis 16:13), Jacob at Bethel (Genesis 28:16), Moses and the burning bush (Exodus 3), Elijah under the broom tree (1 Kings 19), Paul on the road to Damascus (Acts 9).

In each of these there had to be a death – death of a wrong view of God, or death of a perception of control, or death of a dream of how life would look.

But there was also new life. It looked different and may not have been immediately recognizable, but there was life, and growth, and it was better. Maybe not more comfortable or predictable or “safe” in a worldly sense, but richer, more meaningful, eternally secure.

Reflect on this continuous process of life and death and life again.

  • What plans are you clutching that you need to let go of?
  • Where is there death that you need to grieve?
  • Where is there evidence (even tiny and even if you’re not sure what it will turn out looking like) of new life that God wants to nurture?
  • Is there a physical place where God has met you in the past that you may want to visit to remember His faithfulness?

3 Practices to Help You Not Just Survive, But Thrive in Changing Seasons

September 3, 2022 /

I glimpse a small patch of bright fire red in the middle of still-green maple leaves as I bike through my neighborhood to Starbucks early in the morning, greeting dog-walkers and porch sitters with their first cup of coffee. Cardinals chirp and I imagine they are discussing plans to head south.

It’s not cold yet, but there’s a change in the air. The mornings are cooler and soon it will take all day for the sun to warm the earth, barely struggling up to the high, like a middle school boy trying to do chin-ups, then sliding quickly back down.

Yellow buses lumber through the neighborhood doing practice runs and we notice that dusk tiptoes in earlier. I smile at “bouquets of freshly sharpened pencils”.

I want to light candles, make soup, bake muffins. Things are changing.

Whether you’re back to packing lunches and driving carpools, adjusting to a new baby in your home, or anticipating a change in employment, moving to a new city, or trying to accept a “new normal” without a loved-one, Fall marks a season of change. And even good change can be hard.

I look forward, “adventurously expectant” (Romans 8:15 MSG) to what God has next, but still… It’s got me reflecting on how to “choose life”(Deuteronomy 13:19) while also in the midst of the grieving that inevitably comes with change.

Here are three practices I’m engaging in:

1. Honor Traditions

In seasons of change, traditions are comforting and reassuring.  Throughout Scripture God institutes festivals and celebrations that are woven into the rhythm of the year to help us remember His faithfulness. (Exodus 12:14-16; Joshua 4:6-8)

One of our traditions through the years as our daughters were growing up, was a “first day of school dinner” to which we invited two single friends on staff to join our family. They are like surrogate aunties for our girls. We always had homemade chicken pot pie and share “first day” highlights with laughter and thanksgiving.

What traditions can you continue to embrace (or even create) during a season of change?

2. Reflect on Relationships

Change in location or circumstances often means change in relationships. Some people you’ve seen regularly will seemingly vanish from your everyday life.

Transition is a good time to do a relational Examen. Reflect on the people in your life.

  • Are there any relationships where there might be unresolved issues?
  • Who are the friends that remain steadfast through changing seasons? How do you continue to nurture those relationships? 
  • Are there places where God is prompting you to reach out and make new friends?

Recently, God convicted me that there was a past relationship where I hadn’t sufficiently checked in to make sure there wasn’t unspoken pain. I felt like maybe I hadn’t adequately cared for this person in her time of transition, so I set up a coffee to ask how she felt. Is there someone you’ve been too busy to see in this new season? Might they be hurt?

3. Focus on the unchanging character of God

What are the attributes of God, the glimpses of grace and goodness you can call out each day as a counter-weight to the circumstances which may feel out of control or stressful in seasons of change?

If you have kids, can you share “God-sightings” around the dinner table?

Or journal about them? Or have a texting agreement with a friend – each of you texting how you remember God’s attributes each day?

The plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.

psalm 33:11

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness

lamentations 3:22-23

So, those are my thoughts on what helps when change seems to throw me a loop. Maybe just pick one to focus on each day this week.

If you’re a busy mom, click here to sign up for a free week of Devotional Moments for Moms.

And what ideas would YOU share? If you receive this in email, just click on the title at the top and it will take you to the website where you can leave a comment.

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