Category: Hospitality (Page 1 of 2)

A Story of Thanksgiving and When the Holy Spirit Did a Happy Dance

November 19, 2022 /

A year ago, just before Easter, I had gathered a bunch of young moms from our church in California. I wanted to encourage them and asked them to share “Yay God” stories from the past year.

We talked about the blessing of technology during Covid to keep isolated moms with littles connected as they tried to persevere and follow Jesus during a difficult time.

One of the special stories that came up was about a mom named Brooke, married with 3 little kids, who had moved to Switzerland with her husband at the beginning of Covid. She hadn’t found fellowship and Zooming with our group in the states was her lifeline.

Since we lived and ministered in Switzerland for a short while, I asked the group where Brooke had moved.

“Oh, it’s a really tiny town in the Alps”, they responded.

I asked, “Which one? Would you recognize the name?”

I held my breath. “Is it Wengen?”

“YES!” they exclaimed in chorus. “How did you know??!”

I can’t be sure, this is what happened, but I pictured God just laughing with delight as His Holy Spirit danced around my patio where we were gathered.

Because I have a close friend, Jane, who just “happens” to live in Wengen with her husband, and they not only are Jesus followers, they also have the gift of hospitality out the wazoo.

We keep in touch through WhatsApp and I quickly texted her Brooke’s name and information. A few days later my heart soared when Jane sent pictures of Brooke’s family in Jane’s chalet half way around the world, decorating Easter eggs.

This week I got another text from Jane who has invited Brooke and her family to Thanksgiving dinner. I’m looking forward to getting a picture!

Has this solved all of Brook’s family needs for a faith community? No! But I pray that this mama I’ve never met feels seen and I’m grateful for my friend Jane, who welcomes holy interruptions like this.

May Brooke be able to say like Hagar:

“You’re the God who sees me!
“Yes! He saw me; and then I saw him!”

Genesis 16:13 msg

When you feel isolated or discouraged, remember you serve a God who sees you and cares about everything that concerns you.

And if you sense a little nudge from the Holy Spirit, act on it! You may be part of God’s loving reach around the world.

Edward* and Jesus

November 12, 2022 /

A grande skim mocha, extra hot, no whip, is one of my love languages and a luxury I indulge in every morning instead of breakfast. I know, I know. Let me live.

Some mornings very early I bike with my coffee to a beautiful spot nearby, but when my extroverted self needs the hum and hubbub of other humans around, I stay for a couple hours at Starbucks – spend time with Jesus and writing or prepping to speak.

There is a socially awkward man, Edward*, who is also there very early every morning. He looks like he should be a clerk at a rare bookshop in London, but his actual job is working at a grocery store nearby here in Minneapolis. I’m guessing he’s on the Autism spectrum. He’s single, bald, with glasses, and always alone. Sometimes he brings a paper bag with a boiled egg from home for his breakfast. He just sits, staring out the window, but his face lights up when I come in.

He seems lonely so I try to be friendly for a reasonable amount of time (60 seconds?). Remember that time I posted on Instagram about seeing something and saying something?

I say “Hi” and comment on the weather and ask him if he’s working today and if he prefers his newspaper to online. Then I make a point of putting my earbuds in and moving on with my day. He returns to staring out the window.

Here’s the thing. On the days Edward doesn’t work, I wonder if I’m the only person who speaks to him. This morning as I put my earbuds in, the Holy Spirit whispered, “As you did it to the least of these, you did it to Me.”

I think about Jesus and Edward. Would Jesus spend unlimited time talking to him? How much time is enough to love Edward well? I mean Jesus had other people to meet and heal too, right? Which of the things on my “to do list” would Jesus think was more important than talking to Edward?

We can’t love people in a hurry.

I thought of Jesus’ encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4 – another person, who although she had several husbands, seemed to be isolated, outcast and lonely. Or Matthew the tax collector, or Zacchaeus. Jesus was a first class noticer and an inviter.

Jesus’ life was full of holy interruptions He made time for.

I heard someone say we need to “Walk through life at the speed of love.”

Even when I was super stressed with a long to-do list and two active toddlers to care for, my mentor said, “If you’re too busy to take a pot of soup to someone, you’re too busy.”

Or maybe today she’d say “If you’re too busy to talk to Edward, you’re too busy.”

Yes, I know there are seasons when you’re caring for too many others, or your health is compromised in some way, or your husband is MIA and you’re the one in need of soup. Be gentle with yourself and accept the help or the companionship of Jesus who shows up in the guise of a stranger at Starbucks or a pot of soup on your doorstep.

But if you can, take time for holy interruptions like Edward.

*Not his real name.

Soul Food – 5 Creative Ideas for Celebrations With Covid Restrictions

August 17, 2020 /

Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you’re on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!

Philippians 4:4-5

In this season of pandemic, and racial tension and what I heard someone refer to the other day as “the Great Pause”, there have appropriately been calls for reflection and repentance. It is so important that we not just get through this time, but be transformed by it.

However, there is also a place for celebration in this season. As we begin to meet outside at a distance, we are excited to experience the human connection we were created for.

Here are five ideas that I, or friends of mine have tried:

  1. Virtual Travel Potluck Dinner.

Maybe the thing I miss most about the restrictions of this season is the inability to travel internationally. I invited some couples to think about where they’d like to travel when it’s allowed and to bring a dish representative of that place. If it’s a place they’ve already been, I asked them to come also with a memory to share. If it’s someplace new to them, I asked them to share what they’re looking forward to seeing.

One couple brought ceviche in individual mason jars (Covid considerate!) because they want to go to El Salvador.

I also made the desserts in individual mason jars.

I found all different sizes and types of mason jar at Target.

2. S’moregasbord gathering around the fire pit.

@katiejacobsnashville

I LOVE the idea of all kinds of creative adaptations of s’mores! This picture from Country Living is amazing, but not very socially distance friendly, so my idea is to tie up a variety of ingredients in individual bandanas that folks can use as napkins, and tie them around their marshmallow fork. I can’t wait to do this one in September as the weather gets cooler!

3. Onesie Scavenger Shower. Our daughter, Maggie, was set to host a couples baby shower, but they couldn’t gather in person due to Covid restrictions. Instead of cancelling the whole thing, she wanted the expectant couple to have a special experience.

She asked each couple who had been invited to the shower to decorate onesies and take a picture of themselves. Then she created a Onesie Scavenger Hunt for the expectant couple, with clues sending them to different spots that were meaningful to them. At each spot they found two onesies and a picture of the the couple who created them.

4. Photo Scavenger Hunt on Bikes. The husband of a friend wanted to celebrate her well on her birthday so he invited 15 of her friends to surprise her, showing up at their house on bikes. He used the app Goose Chase to create a Photo Scavenger Hunt that sent three teams of five around our town to get pictures at different sites and text them back to my friend’s husband and kids at “command central” to get points.

5. Pizza and Podcast. This idea that I’ve posted about on Instagram, works well virtually or in person. Just send out a podcast suggestion and host a discussion (outside with distancing or on zoom) around pizza. Easy Peasy! I heard about this idea from Bailey T. Hurley and you can see more of her ideas here.

**One bonus idea that’s not a gathering: Weekly Themed Group Playlists to keep you going through Covid.

Daughter Katy has a group of friends who name a playlist master and a theme every week. Each person in the group contributes a song to go with the theme and sometimes they try to guess who’s contributed which song.

The playlist master sends out the curated list at the end of the week. Sometimes the themes are timely, like Social Distancing (Ex. “Stop, in the Name of Love!”), or Social Justice (Ex. “Blowin in the Wind” by Bob Dylan). Others are just great escapes, like Pop Divas (ALL the Lady Gaga and Adele) or Best Covers (“I Will Always Love You”)

What creative ways have you found to celebrate this season?

Why This Planner Loves Spur of the Moment Gatherings

July 6, 2020 /

Pouring over cookbooks makes my little hostess heart sing. I love making to-do lists a month in advance of a dinner party, and brainstorming creative touches around a theme that may make my guests feel special.

But I’ve discovered that last minute “come-on-over’s” can be as good or better than our thoughtfully planned out “events”. I use that word on purpose because well-intentioned plans can tempt us to create events rather than times of welcome, care and connection.

Here are some of the benefits of spontaneous “come-on-over’s“:

  1. No pressure on you, no high expectations. People know you’re flying by the seat of your pants. Present over perfect is the mantra of the day. This is a great time to use all your leftover holiday paper plates and napkins!

2. Everyone pitches in. I’m including a go-to recipe that uses ingredients you’re likely to have on hand (another plus during Covid), but last-minute gatherings are potlucks of necessity. No one is going to care if the meal is a mix of Mexican tacos, middle eastern hummus and Chinese chicken salad. Think “Stone Soup” – just bring what you have to add to the mix. Also, it doesn’t have to be a meal – drinks and chips are great!

3. You can count on the weather. We do most of our entertaining outside in the summer anyway, but this is especially key during this time of Covid. Last minute invites mean you basically know the forecast and know you’ll be able to be outside. When we have planned something outdoors far in advance, we have to be ready with Plan A (outside) and a Plan B (outside under tent), or Plan C (move inside – not really an option in our small house during Covid).

So, text a couple friends and scour your pantry. If you want some freezer meals to keep on hand, check out Thriving Home Blog. I served some of their Ham and Cheese sliders the other night. And here’s another recipe you might have ingredients for.

BLT – L Dip

  • 1 cup mayonnaise (Hellmann’s regular or light)
  • 1 cup sour cream (regular or light)
  • 3 oz bag of real bacon bits (or make your own)
  • 3-4 plum tomatoes, seeded and diced
  • Finely shredded cheddar cheese or diced red onion if you want!

Mix everything together and chill for an hour. If you want to be extra Covid conscious, you could spoon dip into individual shooter glasses and add a couple carrot and celery sticks for each person.

Here’s to sanctified spontaneity, when we seize the moment and marvel at God’s provision!

What Hospitality Looks Like

June 29, 2020 /

Last week, we drove down a shady street of starter homes built in the 50’s and pulled up to our friends’, a few minutes after 6:00 on a perfect Minnesota summer evening.

Dad and sons 5, and 7 years old, were playing catch with their new gator/Covid masks on as they waited for us to arrive.

In their front yard a giant oak tree stretched a green leafy canopy over 4 “big people” chairs and 2 kid-sized chairs socially distanced in a circle. These, with our friends and a table of drinks welcomed us.

We smiled wide, exclaiming greetings, so happy to see each other, but resisting the urge to hug.

We talked about books and church and politics and family and transitions with the easy grace of people who have known each other for some seasons. The boys darted around, alighting once in awhile to join in the conversation like puppies, curious for a time and then gone once more to follow a bright new distraction.

Last night we drove out to a friend’s house on a lake for dinner. She greeted us with hair still damp from the shower – her very presence saying “Come as you are!” We sat on her deck that felt like a treehouse above the lake, and caught up over wine til raindrops chased us inside.

We rummaged in her drawers and set the table as she extinguished a fire on the grill and brought in charred flatbread with tomato, mozzarella and pesto that we gobbled up with laughter, and questions about life and self-understanding, conflict and reconciliation.

These two recent experiences were reminders to me of what true hospitality looks like.

  1. It risks inviting. We do a lot in our home so it is less common for us to be the invited ones. How delightful it feels to be asked over!
  2. It says, “You are so welcome here! Make yourself at home. This is us and you belong.” Real makes people relax.
  3. It focuses on what’s important – being present to people, not stressed with performance. People remember how you made them feel, not how fancy you were.
  4. It asks good questions, tells good stories, and fills us up with reminders of the goodness of God and His people.

We are not made for isolation. Yes, gathering looks different in this cautious season of Covid, but we still get to reflect the welcoming heart of God.

What has your experience of hospitality been recently?

An Abundance of Soul Food for a Time Such as This

April 9, 2020 /

Here in Minnesota our governor has just extended our “lock down” til May (something new), and snow is predicted on Easter (something old).

It’s an understatement to say that this Easter will be different than any we’ve ever known. I was struck by this image from the Church of the Holy Sepulchre which I have visited many times. It marks the site of the crucifixion and tomb of Jesus.

I’m reminded of this verse:

You are Peter, a rock. This is the rock on which I will put together my church, a church so expansive with energy that not even the gates of hell will be able to keep it out.

MATTHEW 16:18 MSG

Maybe having the trappings we have become accustomed to stripped away will help us to pay attention in a new way to the work of Jesus on the cross and in our lives!

Where will you be attending church online? Share in the comments!

As we carry on and look for the things Jesus wants to form in us during this time, I hope some of the following will make you smile or encourage you.

This warmed my heart.

And this…Instead of Boarding Up, Businesses Are Painting Their Storefronts With Uplifting Messages

I loved these ideas: 57 Things to Do With Friends When Social Distancing Beyond “Catching Up”, but 57 was a little overwhelming, so here are my favorites.

  1. Do a morning WFHOOTD (work from home outfit of the day) photo call-out in your group chat.
  2. Organize a remote game night; this spreadsheet has a bunch of good games for multiple players.
  3. Have a night where everyone utilizes the same ingredient (probably beans) or cooks the same recipe and then shares photos and/or eats together.
  4. Do a book club, or podcast club.
  5. Learn the same TikTok dances and show them to each other.
  6. And this one I’d add – memorize a passage of Scripture together.

You guys know that I love hanging out on Instagram because I try to follow and post images and stories that highlight beauty, goodness, and truth. Most mornings during the pandemic I’ve been posting a two minute devotional thought on my Instagram stories that I pray may encourage you.

Durning this time when we’re homebound (and even when we’re not!) I love to travel vicariously through the following Instagram feeds. I feel like I “live” on a farm in the mountains of Virginia and birth baby lambs with Sweckerfarm, and stroll the English countryside with Suddenjourneys! Both post delightful Instagram stories every day – highly recommend!

I’m awed by the beauty of God’s creation with earthpix and usinterior

Here’s the current stack of books I’m reading
but one of my go-to’s for recommendations is Anne Bogel – check out this post.

If you want an uplifting series that embodies honor, and integrity, I highly recommend The English Game on Netflix! It’s by Julian Fellowes (Downton Abbey) and is about the creation of soccer in England in the late 1800’s and the clash of classes at the time.

I don’t know about you, but these days I’m doing more slow cooker stuff that I can also split and freeze. Tonight I’m trying this from my friend Tonja of Tonja’s Table!

Easter meals are going to be really weird this year, amiright?? Is anyone sharing a meal virtually with family??

This egg bake (sorry I don’t have a picture) is our favorite for holidays. You make it the night before. Although it may sound strange, the two keys to making this great are English Muffin bread (From Great Harvest if you can), and Velveeta cheese (yes, you read that right!)

Cheryl’s Egg Casserole

  • 1/4 cup green onions sliced
  • mushrooms sautéed (if you want)
  • 1 cup ham diced (I just ask them to cut one thick slice of ham in the deli and then I dice it, but you can use bacon if you want)
  • 15 eggs scrambled (yes, cook them)

Make a cheese sauce like this:

  • 1/4 cup butter
  • 1/4 cup flour
  • 2 cups whole milk
  • 1 cup (or more) Velveeta cheese added slowly in chunks to melt

Mix everything together and put it in a casserole. Refrigerate overnight.

Melt some butter and toss torn pieces of English Muffin bread with it. Cover the egg casserole with the bread crumbs and bake at 350 til bubbly.

Have a blessed, joyful Easter everyone and remember to share where you’re going to church in the comments!

What Does the Kingdom of God Look Like in Your Life?

February 2, 2020 /

I’m walking the narrow cobblestone streets of Lucerne on another gray winter morning morning. As I head towards coffee and the bridges that cross the Reuss river in the old town I’m listening to Pray as You Go, a simple devotional app that reads a passage of Scripture from the lectionary twice, with pauses and a couple of questions for reflection.

The passage that comes through my ear buds this morning is Mark 4:26-34 about how the Kingdom of God is like seed scattered on the ground, and more specifically like a tiny mustard seed.

Jesus said, “How can I describe the Kingdom of God? What story should I use to illustrate it?  It is like a mustard seed planted in the ground. It is the smallest of all seeds, but it becomes the largest of all garden plants…”

Mark 4:30-32

I’m crossing the foot bridge now as soothing British voice says, “Both stories talk about the astonishing process of growth. What do you think this ‘Kingdom of God’ is?”

On the bridge is a scraggly old man I often see who approaches me saying something in German. I assume he’s homeless and asking for a handout, but it’s possible he’s selling insurance.

I mumble “Kein Deutsch” (no German) and hurry by, leaving the man alone as I listen to my lesson about JESUS.

I continue to reflect about how the Kingdom of God is wherever His love and His will prevail. I think about how this passage is a reminder that even tiny acts of love advance the kingdom in boardrooms and bodegas, hospice rooms and high school gyms, on Capitol Hill and in car pools.

Maybe scattering kingdom seed looks like asking questions rather than judging an acquaintance today. Maybe it looks like bringing a pot of soup to a new mom, or holding door open, or writing a note to an elected official, or speaking words of affirmation.

“Yep”, I think, figuratively giving Him a thumbs up. “Good reminder, Lord!”

And then as I step off the bridge, leaving the man behind, shame hits me like a wrecking ball. I realize I’m the priest who scurried past the beaten up man on the road to Jericho in “the Good Samaritan”.

I’m contrite and embarrassed, but I’m also not sure what to do.

“Lord. Please forgive me! But I don’t speak German! I don’t know what he wants! He may want to grab me or my purse. He may be mentally unstable. There’s no one else around if I need help.”

I picture Jesus on the bridge with this man, lingering with him.

I head to the bakery, buy a chocolate croissant, and bring it back. I look at this man, made in the image of Jesus as I offer what I have, and say one of my few German phrases:

“Einen schönen Tag Noch.”

Have a good day.

And I pray, “Lord help me to scatter kingdom seed today.”

Showing up With Lunch

November 11, 2019 /

I look around the practically empty German airport terminal at zero dark thirty and pray. Due to a storm, I’ve missed my connection to Zurich, on my way to study at L’Abri in Switzerland. I have no local currency and no good options. It’s in the years before Venmo, before ubiquitous credit card acceptance, and before cash machines. Yes, I’m old. Get over it.

Anyway, I know one person in the entire country. He’s a young pastor, studying for his doctorate. He and his wife live about an hour from Frankfurt. Nervously, I call him collect and without missing a beat, he says, “Stay put. I’m coming to get you.”

When we arrive at his tiny, one bedroom apartment, they already have another young guest bunking with them. They make room for me where there is no room.

The next morning, my friend takes the little he has and shares it with me. He makes me two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on thick, soft slices of homemade bread, puts them in a brown paper bag and drives me to the train station to continue my journey. That brown paper lunch bag has stayed with me as a powerful image of hospitality. God takes our not enough and makes it more than enough.

In the Bible, we see the widow of Zarephath (the least and left behind) with only a handful of flour and a little oil – not enough. But God makes it more than enough to feed both her and the prophet Elijah lunch for days. (1 Kings 17)

There is David, overlooked shepherd boy, told by his dad to be a gofer and take lunch to his brothers – the “important ones” on the battlefield, which positions him to be used by God to show His more than enough power to defeat Goliath. (1 Samuel 17:17ff)

There is the little boy (not even counted as one of the 5,000) who shows up with his lunch, offered as a gift that Jesus doesn’t reject as inadequate, but instead makes more than enough to feed everyone with leftovers! (John 6:1-14)

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have today, what can you offer God that He will lovingly accept and make more than enough to bless others?

My 91 year old aunt shows up with a heart to faithfully pray for others.

My friend Cathy showed up with a car to transport a homeless teen to work.

A kingdom-minded couple we know show up and offer their lake home to be used for ministry retreats.

My friend Heather, shows up with her magical talent for growing and arranging flowers and blesses others through the “Growing Kindness Project”, leaving bouquets to brighten someone’s day.

So often we focus on our “not enough”, when God wants to take what we offer Him and make it “more than enough”. We may not see the results right away, but I believe God will receive our offering with joy.

What “lunch” do you have to offer that feels inadequate? Share in comments and then look for opportunities to let God make it more than enough.

5 Soul Food Questions for Autumn

October 11, 2019 /
  1. What are you thankful for?

We have been traveling a LOT this fall and I am so grateful for all our experiences, but you know what I am most thankful for? In each place we visited it was like God had a divine appointment for us – an important conversation that we didn’t expect – with someone who needed encouragement, or wisdom or just a listening ear. I am so thankful for these sacred moments and the sense of God’s presence in the midst.

I also could not stop taking pictures of the trees up in northern Minnesota!! So grateful for fall beauty!

Can you even stand how gorgeous this is??

I’m all about gathering people and connecting – whether around a bonfire, a table, or on a walk, and Fall is the perfect time for this, right??

2. Who are you going to gather around your table (or bonfire, or pumpkin patch, or trail?)

For one dinner I’m hosting, I mailed the invites on postcards from the place we honeymooned. I asked the people coming to bring a side dish representative of where they honeymooned or traveled on a recent trip. Someone who went to Door County, Wisconsin recently is bringing a cherry pie. Since we were in France in September, I’m making a French Wine and Mustard Chicken recipe.

3. What are you going to cook/bake/or have others make?

Here are a couple of super easy recipes I’ve been making on repeat.

Yummy Buns

  • 1 lb ground beef
  • 1 ts. salt
  • 1 ts. pepper
  • 1 ts. cumin
  • 1 ts. mustard powder
  • 1/2 ts. smoked paprika
  • 2 c. diced onions 91 whole)
  • 3-4 cloves garlic minced (I use minced garlic from a bottle)
  • 1 10 oz. can Ro-tel tomatoes (I use mild, but you can go spicy if you want)
  • 12 slices cheddar cheese
  • 12 Hawaiian slider buns

Glaze for topping:

  • 1/2 cup butter
  • 2 TB brown sugar
  • 1 TB Worcestershire sauce
  • 1 TB mustard
  • 1 TB sesame seeds

Pumpkin Dump Cake

Bottom:

  • 1 pkg. yellow cake mix (SET ASIDE ONE CUP DRY FOR TOPPING – I always forget this part)
  • 1/2 cup melted butter
  • 1 egg

Mix and pat in bottom of greased 9×13 pan

Filling:

  • 1lb can Pumpking pie mix (Not just plain pumpkin)
  • 1 small can evaporated milk
  • 2 eggs

Mix and pour over bottom

Topping:

  • 1 cup yellow cake mix saved from above
  • 1 ts. cinnamon
  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 1/4 cup margarine cut into the mixture with sharp knife

Crumble topping over filling and bake @350 45 minutes. Don’t over-cook. (I’ve had the bottom get too done. It’s supposed to be just barely set.) Serve with ice cream FTW!

4. What will you talk about?

Let’s face it. I can be a bit much for some people with my enthusiastic question-asking! I don’t want to always have an “agenda”, but keeping some good questions in mind can make the difference between a fun evening, and one that is both fun and meaningful. Here are a few to get you started:

I love this question from Letterfolk who I follow on Instagram

And some that I like to ask:

  • What’s been the most surprising thing to you about __________? (marriage, parenthood, your job, retirement, your recent trip…)
  • What do you need most from God in this season of your life?
  • What’s one funny story from your wedding or honeymoon?
  • Share about a favorite meal you had – was it the food, the location, the conversation, or the people you shared it with that meant the most?

5. How are you connecting with or serving people different from you?

Maybe make some cookies and share then with someone of a different political party or religion?

I’d love to hear from you! How would you answer any one of these 5 questions? Share in the comments!

I’d love to have you join me over on Instagram! Come say “Hey!” and have a great weekend!

Good Talk!

June 8, 2019 /

Look at you! You trivialize religion, turn spiritual conversation into empty gossip.

job 15:2 msg

The other night we went out with some close friends we hadn’t seen in awhile. It was a fun dinner of catching up, but afterwards I felt an air of regret. It seemed like our conversation had been mostly about things and people – not malicious gossip, but certainly not the kind of dialog that is inspiring or high-minded.

A mentor of ours used to quote Eleanor Roosevelt:

Great Minds Discuss Ideas; Average Minds Discuss Events; Small Minds Discuss People.

Not every conversation has to be deep and meaningful. We can just “be” together and laugh, but I also don’t want to miss out on what God might have for us to gain in community.

Reflecting on our evening with friends, I compared it in my mind to several other meals we have had over the past six months.

There are people in our life who don’t press for control, but are aware of opportunities to bring richness to our conversations that we can easily miss.

A colleague once said, “There’s a difference between being mechanical or legalistic and being intentional.”

Last month we were with some dear friends for a weekend in England. At our first meal together, the husband said, “On Sunday night I don’t want to look back and think, ‘Oh what an opportunity we missed!‘ So let’s make our conversations count.”

At each subsequent meal, he asked each of us to bring up different things on our hearts that we are wrestling with. As a result we talked about the difficulty and messiness of discipleship, change, identity, parenting, humility, leadership, accountability, culture, theology, sexuality and prayer! Our friendship was strengthened and we were enriched.

Other friends, think carefully about a question to throw out in a group. One mentor of ours at a dinner for 10 people around a table asked if any of us knew what the work “bespoke” meant. He had read it recently in a book and discovered that it means “special or unique”. He went on to ask each of us around the table what “bespoke” gift we had received in the past year. Our faith was strengthened as we listened to special gifts of God’s grace and faithfulness in the lives of our friends.

Another friend, who opens his home to young men every Tuesday night, is careful to create a safe environment and prioritize authenticity and acceptance. Recently he asked, “Are you hopeful? Why? Be honest.”

Questions and intention can keep our marriages fresh too. Recently I heard about some weekly questions that had been adapted from those in the book, A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken and posted them on Instagram.⠀

I tweaked them some more, and John and I have started talking about them every Sunday. Weird to start after 35 years of marriage? Maybe a little, but worth it! Give it a try or make up your own.

So this is what I’ve been thinking about…I don’t want to make conversation contrived or bring intensity to every interaction, but I also don’t want to default to the trivial and miss out on the richness of community discussion.

What if we took a minute before going into a social situation to prayerfully consider a question to pose if the timing is right? Here are some I’ve thought of:

  • What’s been a life-giving experience for you lately?
  • What keeps you awake at night?
  • What’s one prayer you have for your kids? For the church?

What would you add?

As always, I’d love to hear from you! If you get this in email, just click on the title and it will take you to the site where you can post a comment. If it’s your first time, don’t worry if it doesn’t show up right away! And if you’re interested in some smaller doses of inspiration, join me over on Instagram. (You can turn on “notifications” in the upper right-hand corner if you want to know when there is a post.)

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

colossians 4:6

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