Author: lauracrosby (Page 45 of 45)

Confession, Serena Williams, and Justice

October 12, 2011 /

Confession #1: I used to look down my nose at women who played tennis, deciding they were snotty rich suburban women who had nothing more meaningful to do with their time.

Confession # 2: I started playing tennis this summer and am on a team of the worst players in the universe. (http://awakemysoulblog.com/2011/10/03/youve-got-this/)

Confession #3: I’m enjoying it.  I think it brings balance to my life.  And I think I also have a meaningful life outside of this sport, so either I was wrong before, or I’m deluded now and I really am a loser.

All that was prelude to Confession #4:  Today I lost a match that I thought was totally unfair, and I was totally ticked, and it was really hard to be Jesusy about it.

Why was it unfair you ask?  Because I was playing against SERENA WILLIAMS in the “worst-players-in-the-universe-league”!!!  Clearly Serena got confused and went to the wrong court!

Ok, maybe it wasn’t ACTUALLY Serena Williams, but it might as well have been.  The girl I played belonged in this league about as much as Serena would have.  She was a ringer and she took this deal veeeerrrry seriously.  Like U.S. Open seriously.                  It was a grave injustice.

This made it hard:

  1. not to get killed as tennis balls rocketed towards me at 200 m.p.h.
  2. to pray “Come Holy Spirit, help me to be gracious” WHILE I was dodging the balls coming at me, AND saying “Great shot” repeatedly through gritted teeth.

It struck me as quite bizarre that God might be using this stupid tennis match to actually form something in me…

  • To submit to something that felt unfair.
  • To put my pride to death and resist reporting her to the highest authorities in tennis world for public censure on the nightly news.
  • To humble myself to listen receptively when she told me after the match all the mistakes I had made.
  • To genuinely affirm the talent I saw in her.                                                                   (Lest you think I handled this with Mother Theresa-like poise and grace, I did call and rant to my daughter Maggie after the match)
  • Probably most important, it prompted me to do something for people who are TRULY experiencing injustice by taking action in the International Justice Mission’s campaign to stop Human Trafficking.  http://www.ijm.org/justice-campaigns/tvpra  (You can too!  If I can do this ANYONE can!)

When have you gotten angry at something that hasn’t been fair?  Is it something you’ve challenged, or covered with grace?

I think both are appropriate in different situations. How do you determine when to do which?

How are YOU doing?

October 10, 2011 /

“So how are you and what are you doing these days?”  A seemingly simple and innocent question from a friend I hadn’t seen in a few months.

I want to yell, “DOING???  What am I DOING??   I’m Road Runner running straight off the cliff and not realizing it!  I’m Charlie Brown constantly falling flat trying to kick the football!   I’m like the psycho squirrels in my back yard, frantically spinning around, more than a little confused about which way is up!”

Fortunately I catch myself, realizing this might not be an appropriate answer, especially since we’re in the middle of a crowded Starbucks and I’d probably start crying and that would be ugly.

Instead I smile and answer confidently, “Oh everything’s good!  I’m doing a variety of ministry stuff…Thankful for family and friends…” Which is true as far as it goes, but certainly gives a different impression than my first answer!

Have you ever felt like everyone else has their life together with a master plan complete with long and short range goals and is right on track doing meaningful work on the highway to success?

I was thinking about this as I rode through my neighborhood the other day.  I love my neighborhood.  It’s kind of a cross between Mayberry (remember the old Andy Griffith show?) and Stars Hollow (remember Gilmore Girls?).

Every morning very early, I either walk (when the snow is blowing), or ride my bike down Glenhurst, over to Huntington, right on 38th, left on Joppa to 39th to Raleigh to Starbucks where Cory starts my drink before I’m in the door.

I ride past Stanley the dog (named after the Hockey cup), who is always sitting outside keeping watch over his corner of the world,

neighbors sitting on their front porch with coffee, the house with the picket fence , the one with the window boxes that will soon be heaped with pumpkins and gourds as the season changes…

If I ride through my neighborhood in the humid summer evenings I hear dads mowing lawns, kids out playing on a slip and slide, parents on Adirondack chairs chatting over the squeals of their kids.  As dusk falls I love the smell of hamburgers on the grill, and seeing into a lighted house where a young girl practices piano in a bay window.

How much is my neighborhood like me?  Like you?

What’s going on behind the Capra-esque (It’s a Wonderful Life reference 🙂 ) façade? Is it as good as it looks or is there loneliness, and despair lurking?

Are there people just waiting for someone to ask “How are you doing, really?

Recently I had to write a profile describing who I am and what I do for a class I’m involved in.  As I read over it, it was like my neighborhood.

Everything I wrote was true (like the answer I gave my friend in Starbucks), but it gave a picture of a totally together woman with an idyllic life and that is so not true of me!  It didn’t reflect any of the brokenness, or insecurity or pain that I wrestle with.  Now here’s the thing…I was writing this for a small group of 5 who are in ministry.  This was a safe and appropriate place to share a little more deeply and authentically.  If I had, would the others have breathed a deep sigh of relief and jumped into a more meaningful life-giving dialog?

Do you ever feel like everyone else has it all together?                                                 

Are there places you appropriately and honestly share who you are or are you always in “image management” mode?

Do you have a friend that you might call today and ask, “How are you doing? Really?”

Stretching the Muscle of Right-Sizing

October 7, 2011 /

Last week I wrote that I’m going to try suggesting a creative spiritual experiment or resource on Fridays.  If you’re like me it’s easy to read stuff like this and say, “Oh, great idea.” but not do anything about it.  My hope is that a bunch of us in this blogommunity (yes, I made up that word) might say, “YES!  I’m in!” and give these things a shot over the weekend.  I asked Katy and Maggie for an idea of what to call this and Maggie suggested “Spirit Stretch Fridays”.  But if any of you have other ideas share!!  Put ’em in the comments!

Here in Minnesota we have had the most delightfully bizarre week of summer weather right smack dab in October when we’re usually worried about when the first snowfall is going to come.  I’ve written before (rather obnoxiously) about how I’m sure Jesus is just like me in my preference for being outdoors. http://laurac-payingattention.blogspot.com/2011/08/jesus-is-just-like-me.html

But in some ways I really do think getting outside and paying attention can be a spiritual discipline for a bunch of reasons:

– If spiritual exercises are about stretching spiritual muscles, this one stretches our humility, praise, and perspective muscles because we stop doing work and focus on something other than ourselves.

– It right-sizes our problems.  It’s a reminder that regardless of anything else, God is in control – the seasons will change, the leaves will fall, the snow will blow, everything will die, and then, miraculously, (especially in Minnesota it seems!) He’ll do it all over again!  Spring WILL arrive again and the earth will be reborn.

– It right-sizes US.  It’s a reminder of the power and majesty of God.  How big He is and how small I am.  The world will not stop spinning if I take time out to rest.

– It prompts us to do what we were made to do! “Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.” Psalm 150:6

I love this quote:

Every human being is “formed to be a spectator of the created world and given eyes that he might be led to its Author by contemplating so beautiful a representation.” John Calvin

So maybe get outside and walk or ride or play this weekend!  Here’s a little of what I’ve been seeing…

Psalm 73:18 Praise be to the Lord God, the God of Israel, who alone does marvelous deeds.  Praise be to His glorious name forever; may the whole earth be filled with His glory.

If you want to see some REALLY spectacular pictures, check out Anne Voskamp’s :

And don’t forget to post ideas you have!

Running the Wrong Race

October 5, 2011 /

We have many gorgeous autumnal days here in Minnesota. (Autumnal is a word my husband likes to use and once made the mistake of trying to use it in a compliment, as in “Honey you look really autumnal.”  Note to husbands:  Do not try this)  Anyway, awhile ago I was taking a walk around a lake.  I stopped to adjust my ipod and a young woman power-walked past me.  I smiled and fell in walking briskly about 30 yards behind her.

She anxiously looked over her shoulder at me and tried to speed up, swinging her arms more vigorously.  It was apparent that it was very important to her to walk faster than me.

It became comical as we went around a wooded bend.  Thinking she was obscured from my view for a minute, she glanced back, and jogged a few yards to get farther ahead.

Since she had her back to me and couldn’t see me unless she turned around, I mischievously jogged a few yards on the straightaway to close the gap and freak her out.

We went on like this until I came upon a stunningly beautiful maple tree in a hundred shades of turning…green to gold, to orange to red… I stopped in my tracks.  I looked ahead at the girl who was “running her race” in relation to me and thought how often this is a picture of my spiritual journey.

Both of us were more concerned about the progress of the other than of truly being present in the moment, attentive to what God had for us as individuals.  I could keep walking, trying to keep pace with the girl in front of me, or I could choose to turn aside to this tree, as Moses to his burning bush and say, “What do you have for me, Lord?”

It brought to mind Jesus’ conversation with Peter in John 21.  Jesus tells Peter about his future and commands him to follow, but Peter looks at the other disciple, John and says, “Lord, what about him?”  Jesus’ response is basically, “Don’t worry about my plans for him.  That shouldn’t matter to you.  Just YOU follow me.”

Do YOU ever get caught up in comparison and striving to run a race that isn’t yours?  What do you do about it?? 

Communion Meltdown?

September 28, 2011 /

“We’re at church and Maggie is having a meltdown. 

We just got a full page of single-spaced instructions on how to take communion here.  She’s sure she’s gonna make a mistake and wreck everything.” 

I got this text with the accompanying picture from our daughter Katy who was visiting a new church with Maggie in D.C. where they are living together.

Then last week we were visiting them, and arrived right after their second visit to this church.  Communion is served every week and again, they were full of energy recounting their communion experience.

With great animation and hand gestures they said, “Everyone has to walk down to the front of the sanctuary, following the diagram and then it’s like a communion smorgasbord with 89,000 choices you have to make!”

On the fly! 

In front of PEOPLE! 

While thinking about JESUS!

Drink or dip, wine or juice, gluten free wafer or bread…

With all these choices, Katy mistakenly ate her bread before dipping, then drank from cup she thought was wine but was grape juice.  Communion fail.

How can anyone reflect on Jesus’ sacrifice and God’s abundant grace when they’re worrying about DOING the wrong thing to celebrate it?

According to Maggie, “You’ve really gotta work for communion at this place!”  Ironic isn’t it?  Work to receive grace?

A friend of hers suggested she might want to do a couple of practice run-throughs before she came back again.

We were laughing at this experience, but I couldn’t help think of a friend of mine who had been in line to take communion once and watched as the girl in front of her systematically plucked piece after piece of the cut squares of bread off the serving plate and stacked them on top of each other in her hand.

My friend thought, “She can’t do that!  You’re only supposed to take ONE!  That’s not the way it’s done! Where are the communion police when you need them??”

Then it was like the Lord tapped her on the shoulder and said “This is what this meal is all about – lavish grace without limit.  Offered at great cost, but free for the taking.”

We’re all beggars in need of bread, but perhaps this woman had a deeper sense of how desperately she depended on Jesus’ forgiveness.

Anyway, all this has got me thinking about our awareness of our own sinfulness and need for grace, whether we follow the directions for taking communion right or not.

Have you ever stressed over taking communion?  Is communion conducive to paying attention to God’s work in your life?                                                                                      Have you ever made a “mistake” taking communion?

Awake My Soul

September 26, 2011 /

I’m not a hipster.  Not even close.  I’m always consulting with my daughters to make sure what I’m wearing doesn’t look like I’m the stereotypical un-cool homeschooled kid on the first day of public school.

So even though I know Mumford and Sons and love their song,“Awake my Soul”, I honestly didn’t think of it in choosing the domain for this blog until some of my hipster friends pointed it out.  It was what they thought of immediately.

I was thinking of Awake my Soul in an eyes-wide-open-aha-oh-I-almost missed-that-burning-bush way.  But whatever.  I totally missed the cultural reference right off the bat.

Last summer was a more embarassing miss.   One morning I was teaching at church.  It was very early.  (I want you to remember that).  I had to stand up in front of a room full of people.  When we were done and people were leaving, I walked outside and glanced down.  There were two different sandals on my feet.  I know you’re thinking, “What sane person doesn’t pay attention to the shoes they’re putting on?  Or look in a mirror!?”  It was dark, ok?  And to my credit (if there’s any credit to be gotten here), they were both brown sandals.

And then there was the day a couple of years ago I left the car running and locked my keys inside.  For an hour.  While I was at Starbucks.  Again, paying attention?  Maybe not so much.

Last confession.  When I was a junior in college (I KNOW you’re not gonna believe this but it’s absolutely true), I once put a cup of salt instead of a teaspoon into a recipe of lasagna.  Flake?  Mentally challenged cook?  A.D.D.?  You make the call, but clearly I wasn’t paying attention.

Why in the world would I share these humiliating experiences with you?

  • I’m telling my deepest darkest secrets so you will too.  Ok maybe not.  But I really do want to be authentic so you will see this as a safe place where you can be honest.  And I REALLY want you to know (in case there’s any doubt) how much I don’t have it together.
  •  I really love the philosophy we should take God seriously, but ourselves not so much.
  • These “misses” are minor, but how much am I missing the many significant ways that God wants to delight, convict, amaze, whisper to me each day in His desire to make me more like Him?

The refrain of the Mumford and Sons song says                                                                 Awake my soul                                                                                                                                    For you were made to meet your Maker                                                                                     And you were made to meet your Maker.

I think one of the ways we pay attention and meet our Maker is by encouraging each other – sharing our own experiences of seeing AND missing God.                      What about you?  

Have you ever made an embarrassing mistake because you weren’t paying attention?

What helps you pay attention to God’s work in your life? 

What discourages you from paying attention?

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