Author: lauracrosby (Page 44 of 45)

Life and Death on Spirit Stretch Friday

November 5, 2011 /

A few weeks ago I wrote about the Communion Debacle our daughters experienced at church.  It made me think about how hard it can be to truly enter into this sacrament and be present to God in the moment…reflecting on His grace and our sin.  Sometimes we can feel so conspicuous and self-conscious, but not Jesus-conscious.  It made me think about a spiritual practice tied to confession and forgiveness that I find really meaningful, but have let slide recently.  It’s an ancient practice called the Examen you may be familiar with.

It simply means you look back over your day and identify where you sensed being most alive to God’s presence and pleasure most (the “spiritual” word is “consolation”) and where He felt most absent (“desolation”)…Where you experienced death or separation from God.

Life or Death,

Beauty or Ugliness.

It’s helpful for me to practice it with a regular activity like brushing my teeth, but if you’re more spiritual you might actually light a candle, get down on your knees and do it big time.

Last week I did it while I was riding my bike to Starbucks, asking God to help me look back over my yesterday.  The times that came to mind when I felt most alive and experiencing a sense of God’s pleasure were in the midst of a couple of hard conversations I had.  There was a sense of obedience, God’s grace, keeping short accounts… I thanked God for His equipping in those moments and the encouragement I felt at the end of these.  The time when I felt “desolation” was when I neglected to follow through and serve in a way that I could have.  I just pushed it out of my mind in favor of comfort.  As I thought of that I asked forgiveness and committed to follow through at the next opportunity.

Kind of like when you’ve painted a room and the next day go back to see if there are streaks or drips you need to take care of.

Have you tried this?  Want to try this?  

Waiting at the Door

November 1, 2011 /



I think that Halloween is my husband’s favorite day of the year.  Odd, I know for a pastor.  The pc answer should be Easter,right?  But honestly, I think he likes Halloween best because there’s not much that brings him as much joy as handing out candy and oohing and ahhing over every single kid’s costume.  He looks forward all year to parking his chair by the front door and waiting for kids to come.  Even though he’s terrible at figuring out what the costumes are, he greets each kid as if they were THE most amazing, creative, delightful goblin of the night.

Last night he took it to a new level.  He carried his rocking chair outside and our firepit along with a jack-o-lantern and a big basket of candy.  As I was watching him it struck me how much his posture towards the kids is like God’s towards us, only we usually miss it.  How many times do we approach God as if the lights were out and the door locked tight?  Like we have to convince Him to care…to show up…to answer us?  Instead, the Bible says He stands at the door, He’s the father out watching for His son to show up, He’s the party-giver inviting us to a banquet, He delights in us, sings over us.

One day years ago when I was angry and defeated and God seemed like a mean God I told Him I felt like I was a cat and He kept dangling a mouse in front of me in the form of an answer or a way out of the pain, but then snatching it away repeatedly. Dangle, snatch, dangle, snatch.

At the time I was anguishing over this mean God image it was summer and we were staying with some close friends who live in a lovely home on a lake. Very early one morning I got up and was sitting on the dock praying.  The water was still, the sun and the loons barely awake.  In my journal I wrote, “I can’t stand it.” Cat and mouse.  Dangle, snatch, dangle, snatch.

As I wrote this, God brought to mind a passage of scripture…I remembered something about a father and a stone…  It was a clear impression I couldn’t ignore…a passage I hadn’t thought of for years.  I looked in my concordance to discover where it was.  Matthew 7.  It says, “Which of you, if his son asks for bread will give him a stone…If you who are evil know how to give good gifts, how much more will your Father in heaven.”

I thought, “Well, that’s nice.  Thanks for that reminder, but it sure still feels like a cruel game you’re playing.”  Then I looked up the same passage in the Message paraphrase.  Here’s what it said:  “This isn’t a cat and mouse game we’re in.” I’m not kidding.  Exactly those words.  Exactly addressing my feelings.  I was floored.  I looked around, stunned by this personal, loving response from my “mean God”.

The door isn’t locked.  The lights aren’t off. He is an incredibly personal God who delights in His kids who show up.

Fast Fail

October 31, 2011 /

My friend Sue is a master faster.  She once did a 40 day fast.  Honest.  With only fruit juice and a very understanding family.  And she’s a pray-er too.  She truly did the whole thing right!  I kind of  want to hate her but she’s just too nice.

I, on the other hand, am fasting FAILURE.  I am just hopeful that when Jesus said, “WHEN you fast…” He didn’t really mean it.  I’m hoping that Matthew 6 is the “I’m just kidding, you don’t really HAVE to pay attention to this” section of the Bible.  It doesn’t really count.  It was really just for “back then”…“yesteryear”…”days of yore”…

Last week our church challenged people to a kind-of sort-of fast.  Not the real kind where you don’t eat anything and don’t tell anyone and you go into your closet and just focus on prayer and God and pious thoughts.  Instead, this was a rice and beans fast.  For three days we were challenged to eat a cup of oatmeal for breakfast and a cup of beans and rice for the other two meals of the day with only water.  We were doing this for two reasons:  to experience what most of the world lives on, and to contribute the money we saved to World Vision’s program for alleviating hunger in Somalia.

Here’s what I learned:

  • I am a cranky pants baby when it comes to any sacrifice in this area (I’m probably a cranky pants baby when it comes to ANY sacrifice, but I’d rather not think about it).
  • I get sleepy, headaches, and lack attention without my morning coffee
  • Every commercial on T.V. is about food
The positives (and I write this grudgingly) were that I was acutely aware of praying for our sponsored children who may not know where their next meal is coming from.  And it made me so grateful for the amazing cornucopia of deliciousness that is available to us on a daily basis.  I also thought more about where our money goes on a daily basis.
But the bottom line?  I really hated doing this.  I wish Jesus was just down with feasting and not fasting.  But, He’s not, so I’m trying to get on board with this.
What about you?  Do you fast?  What do you wish wasn’t in the Bible?



Is There an App for That?

October 28, 2011 /

I’ve told you before that our family likes to make a game out of anything.  Especially if there are points involved.  Maggie is famous for making up these games and somehow she always ends up being the boss of the game in charge of giving and (more importantly) taking away points.

Anyway, when the girls were growing up we would work on memorizing scripture.  Now don’t get the idea this was any systematized, consistent, we’ve-now-memorized-the-whole-book-of-Leviticus kind of thing, but we would do a game from time to time at dinner where we would go around the table and each person would have to say one word of the verse we were memorizing in order.  Like this (Hebrews 12:11):

Laura: No

Maggie: discipline

Katy: seems

John: ?

Well the girls thought it was hysterical because the person who was the WORST at this game was John, the professional holy man.  He would have them cracking up as he tried to guess the most likely words like “LOVE!, JESUS!, GRACE!….RATS!”

Now, I’m NOT a good memorizer either, but I’ve been hugely impacted by the way God has used my meager attempts at putting His word in my heart, and it is uncanny how He’ll bring a verse to mind (or even part of a verse 🙂 at just the moment I need it encouraging (or convicting!) me.

Since Maggie’s birthday and since John finally gave up his $15 phone, we now all have Iphones.  I’ve discovered a verse memory app that I really like.  Just type in “Bible Memory Verses” in the search box of the App Store.  It’s free and it’s the first one that pops up (Woody Hays).  It has a lot of core verses already in-putted, but you can also add your own and can designate some as target verses you’re working on.  The coolest thing is that you can pull up a verse and touch “blanks” and it will create the verse with mostly blanks you need to fill in.  If you forget a word you can just tap the blank and it supplies the word your missing.

My big idea is to have our family all work on the same verse again.  The girls were all for it, (I think mostly cause they’re looking forward to us going around the table at Thanksgiving and watching John sweat.)  In order to get buy-in I told Katy she could pick the first one (although maybe I should ask John so he’d have a head start).   She chose Isaiah 58:11 for our first group effort.  You’re welcome to join us or pick your own verse and ask someone to join you.

For Spirit Stretch Friday I thought I’d pass this along in case you’d like to add the app.  Obviously you don’t need a special phone to find effective ways to memorize scripture!  Is there other technology that you’ve found helpful in following Jesus?

Slaying Dragons

October 26, 2011 /

How many people are lucky enough to see this on their daily bike rides?  I mean…really!

Here in Minneapolis we’re never sure when this monster is going to appear or where, but for awhile now it’s been camped out in Lake of the Isles perhaps enjoying the changing leaves (maybe a last hurrah before he heads to Disney World for the winter).

Anyway, although he seems friendly, because I pass by him most days, he’s made me think about the “monsters” that lurk around in my life that aren’t so amiable.  One of the big ones that rumbles around and actually sometimes tiptoes up behind me and catches me off-guard  (who knew monsters could tiptoe) is pride.

So the other day when I read Pete Wilson’s thoughts and questions to help root out pride in our lives, I thought, “GREAT!  What inspired thoughts!  Here’s my adaptation of his questions:

1) Am I willing to allow another person to do what I think I must do?  Can I delegate, or do I need control?

2) Am I willing to do what I am doing, even if no one else knows I am doing it? (Or if someone else gets credit for it)

3) Am I willing to let God use me for a season, and then be okay with Him later putting my work into the hands of another?

I really LIKED these questions! HA!

I thought they were wonderfully convicting in the abstract, UNTIL I heard from someone who is using something I created, something I love and am passionate about doing myself, and they are making it their own.

All of a sudden these questions weren’t just nice theoretical ones!  I actually had to apply them in my own life, up close and personal.  And in the moment, my spirit failed on all three questions.  I thought, “No, No, and HECK NO!  I want control!  I want to do it myself, and I want credit for it!”

I feel incredibly small-minded admitting this!  But I’m trying to be authentic, because I doubt I’m the only one who has lacked generosity of spirit in some situation.  It’s easy for us to want God to be glorified, but what if someone else is getting some of the reflected glory of being used by Him? That’s a little harder.  It’s one thing to have the questions to identify pride in our life, but what do we do with it once we’ve identified it?

For me, it came back to that whisper of God once again – “Open your hands.  Let it go.  It’s not yours to hold onto.”

Ugh!  Sometimes I want to say, “That’s all you’ve got, Lord?  Could I hear some other options please?”

After my initial reaction and grudgingly prying my fingers open, I felt prompted to pray sincerely for the person and I’ve honestly experienced great joy in anticipating how God will use them.  This is NOT a Bam!  Done!  Holier-than-thou moment!  I’m sure this monster will pop up again and have to be dealt with.

What about you?  Which of Pete’s questions is hardest for you? When you recognize pride in your life how do you deal with it?

If you want to read more on this by Pete Wilson go to http://withoutwax.tv/2011/10/20/battling-your-greatest-enemy/

What to do When you Don’t Know What to Do

October 24, 2011 /

I ran into a 23-year-old friend the other day and asked how she was doing. “Being in your twenties is…awkward!” she answered.  “All these questions about what you’re going to do with your life…who you’ll be, where you’ll go…what to say ‘yes’ to.”

That same day I had coffee with a fifty-something friend who said her son is wrestling with some of the same unsettledness, and she herself is in a time of transition that has raised questions about God’s direction.  She said, “I thought by this age I’d have it figured out and be cruising along!”

24 hours earlier I had had dinner with a thirty-something friend who said, “My life looks a lot different now than I thought it would.”

Each person’s situation was different, but there was a common theme.  If I were God (a job that’s apparently already taken) I’d give detailed instructions like,

“Susan, I want you to move to 673 Elm St., Provo Utah,  join the Church-of-People-on-the-Right-Track, take the job with State Farm, (not General Mills), and order the tomato soup at Panera for lunch.”

And sometimes in the Bible God does that, like when God gives Ananias specific instructions (Acts 9:11) to go to the house of Judas on the street called Straight, (Love it!), but often it’s a bit fuzzier, like in Acts 15:28 where Paul writes, “It seemed good to us and the Holy Spirit…”

When I’m in seasons of discernment and transition, the three words that I feel like God often whispers to me are “Open your hands”

  • Open your hands…to release your plans in favor of God’s. Acknowledge your dreams, but don’t clutch them.  Release them to God to change, add, refine…
  • Open  your hands…to receive counsel from wise advisors who know you well, but don’t clutch it either.
  • Open your hands…to use what God has put in them, whether that seems like saying “yes” to dramatic invitations, or something that seems very small and quiet.  Respond to what God has put right in front of you.

That’s just me.  What has been helpful to you when making life decisions?  What have you sensed God whispering to you?

If you want some more thoughts on this, take a look at this post by Steven Furtick: http://www.stevenfurtick.com/personal-development/obedience-creates-opportunity/

Birthdays and feeling the Awesomeness

October 21, 2011 /

Here’s an email one of our daughters sent to friends recently, asking them to save October 15th.  Why that day?   Here’s what she wrote:

“Because it’s magical.  Because it’s the day of my birth!  And I demand that you all celebrate with me.  I don’t have an exact plan yet, but you can assume that it will involve you all, celebratory beverages, and you all telling me how glad you are that I was born. “

I love it!  Now of course she was writing that tongue in cheek.  She’s not at all arrogant, but unlike most of us, she does have a pretty healthy self-image. 

I, on the other hand, am more like the rest of the world, and deal with insecurity in varying degrees depending on how many cookies I’ve eaten, a song I heard on the radio, and the barometric pressure that day.

I LOVE Mark Batterson’s thought: “Our focus determines our reality.”

Am I focusing on ME and how I stack up compared to everyone else?  Or am I focusing on GOD and the truth that I am a beloved child of His and He delights in me?

That’s is why this little exercise I read in a Beth Moore study has been really helpful.  Thought I’d share it for Spirit Stretch Friday.

Personalize Romans 8 by filling in the blanks.

“I am convinced that neither _____________nor _________________will be able to separate [me] from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Your first thought might be, “Oh that’s nice”, but really think about it! What would YOU put in the blanks today?   Is it a person who’s been critical, a loss, a failure, ?

Do you struggle with insecurity?  How do you deal with it?  If you’re a man is it different for you?

Seeing and Being Seen

October 19, 2011 /

I was sitting in church on the aisle on a Sunday awhile ago, feeling alone and out of place.  Have you ever felt that way? (I figure if I have, I’m not the only one!).  The sanctuary was darkened for a video when I felt a strong hand squeeze my shoulder from behind.  I turned to see a dear friend who I love and hadn’t seen in a long time.  I jumped up to give him a quick hug.  I whispered, “I’ve missed you so much.” But no words were necessary.  In that small moment, that small gesture, it was like Jesus was reminding me, “I see you.  I care, and I’m glad you’re here.”

Isn’t this part of what it means to be brothers and sisters in the body of Christ?  Showing up and being the visible reminder of God’s invisible presence?  Although there are times when all of us want to be anonymous, what struck me was the power of being noticed.  How many people do I walk by each day who are feeling left out and need to be reminded that they matter?  That God sees them and cares?

A mentor of ours said once that a leader is someone who walks more slowly through a room, noticing God and others rather than hurrying to the next task. 

Have you been in a situation when a hug from someone felt like a hug from Jesus?                                                                                                                                                   

What to do if you’re not sure someone is Homeless

October 17, 2011 /

We were in D.C. a couple weeks ago visiting our daughters, Katy and Maggie.  One morning I was at a Starbucks waiting for Maggie.  I was sitting at a table outside at the busy intersection of 15th and K.  Sitting next to me was an African American man.  Here’s what went through my mind…

He looks like he might be homeless.

We usually keep McDonald’s gift cards to give to people in need who we might meet, but I don’t have any with me right now.  

I do have my CVS Pharmacy Frequent customer card…                                                                                                                                

He has a multiple plastic bags and he’s drinking milk from a half-gallon jug.              

Maybe he’s not homeless!  (maybe I have no responsibility)                                                 

He has a scraggly beard, but his clothes don’t look dirty.                                                  

He’s bought a drink from Starbucks and he’s not asking for money or anything, just eating his breakfast.                                                                                                                        

D.C. has one of the highest crime rate in the nation – lots of angry people.  What if  I say “Hi” and he gets angry, pulls out a gun, and shoots me!? (ok, maybe I have a bit of an imagination)

I figure my choices are:

A.  Pray fervently that he’s an eccentric millionaire and will finish his breakfast and go to go to his fancy office.

B. Move to a different table where I can do my devotions and read about Jesus without having to worry about homeless people.      

C. Leave Starbucks, try to find a McDonald’s, come back, and “accidentally” drop a gift card along with a nice Bible verse on his table as I walk by.                                                    

D. Say, “Hi, my name is Laura, are you homeless (or a psychopath and if so please don’t shoot me)?”

Maggie and a friend arrived and the man left, but I continued to think about him the rest of the day.  As I reflected on what Jesus would have done, what struck me was that it wouldn’t have mattered whether the person was homeless or a housewife, a drug-addict or a demagogue.

I think He would have made a point of acknowledging them – of honoring the person by looking them in the eye with love and respect, and if nothing else, I think He would have greeted them, because who doesn’t want to feel noticed and welcomed?

I think the bottom line is that Jesus would always turn TOWARDS and not away. (I LOVE Mark 10:21 when Jesus is with the rich young ruler – “Jesus looked at him and loved him.”)

So who am I turning away from today?  Or who am I too self-conscious or self-absorbed to speak to?  Where is Jesus in all of this?

Have you ever been in a situation like this where you weren’t sure what Jesus would do? Or you knew what He’d do, but it felt too uncomfortable for you?

Spirit Stretch Friday and a Bathroom Scale

October 14, 2011 /

I hate scales.  They’re so….ungracious.

Like many people, I struggle with my weight.  Ten pounds up, ten pounds down, ten pounds up… (If you don’t struggle with your weight I’m not sure we can be friends). A discipline that’s become really important for me is weighing in.

A few years ago I heard a podcast where the speaker did something fascinating.  He asked 3 brave (foolish?) people to come up on stage and tell the congregation what they thought they weighed.  Then he pulled out a scale.  He asked each of them to get on the scale one at a time, and, you guessed it, each of them had said they weighed significantly less than they actually did.  The scale was the truth-teller.

That gave me an idea.  The discipline of weighing in makes me aware of how I might need to adjust my eating or exercise.  It’s pretty stupid if I make myself face the truth and then don’t do anything about it.  So just recently I decided this physical discipline might be combined with a spiritual discipline.

This may sound really cheesy, but awhile ago I wrote these verses on a card and put them on the scale:

James 2:22-25 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says.  Those who listen to the word but do not do what it says are like people who look at their faces in a mirror and, after looking at themselves, go away and immediately forget what they look like.  But those who look intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continue in it – not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it – they will be blessed in what they do.

So the other day I REALLY didn’t want to get on the scale.  I KNEW I was not going to like what I’d see because the day before I had eaten more than I should.  But I made myself get on the scale anyway and you know what?  I DIDN’T like what the scale said, but in addition, as I thought about the verse on the scale, God brought to mind something else I really didn’t want to face – someone I needed to go to and ask forgiveness.  I needed to DO something.

The great thing was that when I did have the hard conversation I needed to have, the person was extremely gracious and I felt like it honored God and brought our relationship to a healthier place.

That scale and that verse were reminders that part of growing in discipleship is facing some things we don’t want to face and then doing something about it.

Maybe this practice helps stretch the spiritual muscles of examination, obedience, humility… What do you think?  Is there a discipline in your life that helps you face the truth?

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