Author: lauracrosby (Page 39 of 45)

What Dentures and Buses may have to do with Hospitality

March 5, 2012 /

People say I have the gift of hospitality, but I once put a cup of salt, instead of teaspoon of salt, into a batch of boiling noodles for lasagna so clearly it can’t be about gourmet cooking.  I also once totally forgot that we had invited six people for dinner, so hospitality apparently doesn’t hinge on attention to details.  Instead, I would agree with someone I heard recently who said, “Hospitality is inviting heaven into the house”.

Actually I’d expand that to say, “Hospitality is inviting heaven into the house…the bus, the office…the coffee shop…the airplane…the parking lot.”  And I know many people who do that much better than I do.

Awhile back, John told a story in a sermon about a mentor of ours.  For a season, Gordon and Gail MacDonald were pastoring in New York City.  They befriended some city bus drivers who were Christ-followers, but felt they didn’t have an environment for ministry.  Gordon pushed back and suggested:

“Why don’t you start up your buses each morning and, while the engine is warming, walk down the aisle of the bus and shout, ‘In the name of Jesus of Nazareth, I declare this bus to be a sanctuary where passengers will experience something of the love of Christ through me.’ You can be a pastor in your own sanctuary.”

The bus drivers took his suggestion and experienced a transformation of perspective on their everyday life.  Suddenly their buses were a safe place where they were aware God was present and welcoming.

The next morning, Monday, when John and I walked into Starbucks, Libby, our friend and barista smiled big and said “Welcome to my sanctuary!!”  And it IS, because Libby welcomes people with the eyes of Jesus.

A few weeks ago I was on a flight, sitting next to a man with Dementia who lost his upper dentures during the flight and insisted that they were in one of the seat pockets.  I believe the flight attendant who patiently, calmly searched each seat pocket for this confused guy’s dentures had the gift of hospitality.  Jesus would have done that.  She brought a bit of heaven into a long flight.  This elderly gentleman felt welcomed and cared for, teeth or no teeth.

A friend of ours for years has directed traffic at our church.  Rain, snow, sun.  He’s the most welcoming guy I know.  Smiling, gracious, the first face people see when they enter our parking lot.  A slice of heaven in the parking lot.

Then there’s my friend who recently gutted her condo and remodeled.  When the walls were stripped, before new paneling and paint she took colored markers and wrote scripture and prayers all over the walls along with encouraging notes to the workmen.  She was saying, “Welcome to my sanctuary.”

Right now, we are traveling in the Middle East – a place known for both hospitality and violence.  What if Arab and Israeli, Muslim and Jew alike could look each other in the eye and, with open arms, say “Welcome to my sanctuary”?

Welcome, Jesus.  May each place we set our feet today be a sanctuary, a piece of heaven on earth.

Where is your sanctuary today?

One thing Jesus never did?

March 2, 2012 /
Last year we had a fantastic guest speaker at our church.
According to an informal survey he took, most people don’t like journaling.  And they are relieved when they are assured that Jesus never journalled.

We want to be like Jesus, and Jesus didn’t journal so that’s one less thing we need to feel guilty about.

But as someone who likes to journal, I want to say “Hey!  Wait a minute!  How do we KNOW He didn’t journal?  After all, the Bible never says “Jesus sang.”  Or danced.  But maybe He did!

Maybe He was a CLOSET JOURNALLER !!  Maybe He LOVED journaling!

Honestly, does it really matter if He did or He didn’t?                                                               I think what matters is the value beneath it.

Journaling is just a tool like other things that help us lead an examined life…help us pay attention the work of God in our lives…Help us ask “Lord what do you want to show me about Yourself and myself?”

Journaling may not be necessary for an examined life, but what is?                              Space?  Attention?

Maybe Jesus never journalled, but I look at the time He had walking or boating with the disciples from one town to another…

the time for reflection,

conversations,

questions,

the time carved out to be alone and pray…

That makes me think that even IF He didn’t journal, making time to process life with His Father and others was still a priority.

Maybe some days I need to put away my journal in order to be less self- absorbed, and maybe some days I need to force myself to pick up a pen and examine some of the not-so-lovely truths God wants me to see.

Do you like to journal or hate it?  Or are there other practices you use to pay attention to the work of God in your life?

Psalm 26:2,3.  Test me Lord and try me, examine my heart and my mind.  For I have been mindful of your unfailing love and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness.

Three Ideas for Dealing with Mice, Comparison, and Ugly Thoughts

February 29, 2012 /

I see myself as a pretty darn adventurous person.  I love a challenge.  I’ll go anywhere in the world and I’ve eaten fried catipillars.  Daughter Maggie and I were finalists to compete in the Amazing Race last year.  And I want my second career to be as a spy, for which I’ve already prepared by spending hours at the Spy Museum in D.C. and doing a simulation bomb location exercise.  Learning to hot wire a car is on my bucket list.  I’m just sayin’…I think I’ve got some game.

But, there are two things I don’t do.

Snakes and mice.

I’d jump out of an airplane if I had to, but look at, much less empty, a mouse trap?  No way.  Fortunately this has not been an issue as we have not had mice to deal with.  Until we got home from vacation this week and discovered evidence of one in a kitchen drawer.  Nowhere else (and believe me I went over the house with a magnifying glass, inspecting any tiny piece of lint to make sure it wasn’t a mouse dropping).

Anyway, we set out multiple traps in the kitchen around and in said drawer.  The next morning I left John a bazillion notes reminding him to check and deal with any corpse that might have appeared and I carefully skirted around the kitchen with my eyes averted from anything close to the killing field.

It’s not like I wasn’t aware there might be carnage.  I just didn’t want to face it.  To deal with the ugliness.

Recently I referred to a message I had listened to about comparison that Andy Stanley preached and I was forced to face a mouse corpse.  He talked about the land of “er” and “est” where when we compare and don’t measure up we either hate the other person or hate ourselves.  Near the end, he asked a question :

“Is there anyone you would secretly be glad to see fail?”

It totally rocked me because immediately two people from different parts of my life, who I haven’t thought about in awhile came to mind!  No, no one reading this (honest).  And before you get sidetracked and all judgmental, ask yourself that question.

It freaked me out. “Why?” I asked myself.  “Is this born out of comparison?  Competition?  Insecurity?” And “What do I do with this? (Besides confess it and ask God to change my heart).  It was a very ugly mouse corpse I couldn’t avert my eyes from.

The first step for us in catching the mice was facing the evidence.  Acknowledging they were there.  I was ticked at Andy for asking the question that made me even admit the sin in me, but once I realized the truth I couldn’t just leave a drawer full of “mouse poop.”

The second step has been figuring out how it got in.  For my “mouse” I’ve been asking the questions above and have realized they definitely squeezed in through the door of pride and comparison, but it’s also complicated by the pain that comes when someone succeeds at your expense or hurts you personally while getting what they want.  Perhaps this mouse snuck in in the moments when I wasn’t vigilant about living out of the security of God’s lavish love and delight in me…confidence in His win/win power to bring about good no matter what.

The third step has been killing the mice and, most importantly getting rid of the dead corpses.  I’m fine with steps one and two, but this one….?  Could I please just jump out of an airplane?

Instead I picture both of the people who came to mind.  This morning I read, “Have mercy on me, my God, have mercy on me, for in you I take refuge.  I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings.”

I picture the three of us, together, huddled beneath God’s wings.  His beloved children, all three of us dependent…taking refuge in His mercy.  I am truly moved by this image as I sit with it.  It helps me.

“Create in me a pure heart, O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”

Is there anyone you would secretly be glad to see fail?                                            

Are there ways that have been helpful to you in facing and dealing with the mouse corpses in your life?

Three Challenges of Authenticity and Grace

February 27, 2012 /

The other day I made a confession here on the blog and then wrote, “There, now you know what a truly horrible, small-minded person I am.”  I meant it.  It was something I was embarrassed to admit.  And I truly want to change…but not always.

Authenticity.  It’s a high value these days.  It’s one of the core values of this blog.  And that’s a good thing mostly, I think.  For awhile, we as Christians were trained to pretend to “Look like Jesus” no matter how much we weren’t.  But then came a rash of young leaders who called us on it and it became cool to be authentic.  To be honest and specific about the ways we are a broken hot mess.

That in itself is a good thing, right?  But there are also some challenges at the intersection of grace and authenticity I think.

1.  Authenticity.  For some of us it’s hard to get to the starting line.  The challenge is finding relationships…community, if you will, where we can truly be honest about who we are…the good, the bad, the ugly.  It’s the risky challenge of just being willing to say, “Here’s my mess.”

2.  Grace.  For others, we can be brutally honest about our weaknesses, our failures, but the challenge is really knowing God’s grace to the core of our being…Knowing that nothing we do can ever make God love us more or less than He does right now.  The hard thing is owning our sin, but not wallowing in our worminess.

3.  Change.  This is one that I fear I have to be aware of.  It’s wearing our authenticity as a badge of honor and stopping there.  Awhile ago I heard a preacher speak and he was very vulnerable.  You could almost hear the inaudible admiration from the people listening…”Oooh he’s so authentic!“  But here’s the thing…He didn’t go any further.  He expressed mild embarrassment, but is that repentance?  He told us what he had done, but not what he was doing to change.  

It was like what he was doing was what I often do: image management.  “Confess” something safe, but make it so common that it falls in the category of “acceptable sin” that no one would really expect us to change.

Yesterday morning in church we did a spiritual inventory that we take every year, kind of like a physical check up but you don’t have to get into one of those white paper gowns and no one gets to see your weight (or the answers on your inventory).

At the end there were two areas where I was noticeably weaker than the others.   The thing is, I looked at these two areas and it didn’t bother me all that much.  Is it possible to be too comfortable with being honest, and too secure in God’s love of me?

Psalm 52:1 says, “Why do you boast of evil…?  Why do you boast all day long, you who are a disgrace in the eyes of God?”  The other day, I read this verse and I thought “Aha!  Is this what we’re doing sometimes?”

Our righteousness IS as filthy rags, BUT God throws our sins as far as the east is from the west when we come to Him AND calls us to be holy as He is holy.  All of this in the same Bible!  How can we get this straight?  That we are both broken and beloved at the same time.  And God loves us too much to want us to remain the way we are.

I believe we are to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep, but not just over things like our dog dying or our mother-in-law’s car wreck.  I think we’re to be truly honest about the darkness in our lives, but truly sorry too, and truly committed to doing better and finding ways to help each other together.

The good news, as always, is that we’re not in it alone and we can’t do it alone.  “He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.”

Which of the three challenges above do you struggle with the most? Authenticity, grace, change?  Or other thoughts? 

What are you giving up for Lent? Or are you giving up Lent?

February 24, 2012 /

As I mentioned the other day, we’re on vacation in Florida and the other morning we decided to attend an Ash Wednesday service at a lovely little Episcopal Chapel near where we’re staying.

I was on high alert from the moment we entered because I’m not Episcopalian and I was sure I was going to mess up and kneel at the wrong time, or not know the secret handshake that would get me communion, or ask forgiveness for my “debts” instead of my “trespasses”.

I took my cues from a girl across the aisle who clearly knew the liturgical ropes, bowing to the Bible when it went by and making the sign of the cross on her forehead, lips, and heart.  I was fascinated.

Like I said, I’m not Episcopalian and I’m not Catholic either, but by turns throughout my life I have been disdainful towards, curious about, and, in the past five years, enriched by many of  their practices.

When I was growing up all I knew was that the Catholic kids went to St. Petronille for church (named after a guy who must have been on the JV team of saints because I’ve never heard of him since and neither has my husband who did grow up Catholic).  They got to get out of school early on Wednesday to go to Catechism and got to eat fish on Friday.  We never had fish in my family.  So they were special and kind of mysterious to me.

On Wednesday, while I still struggled to own the words of liturgy in a way that was meaningful, I deeply appreciated the silence, the reverence, and the simplicity of a worship gathering full of Scripture.  These guys really do repentance big time!

Anyway, all this has got me thinking about Lent and the question many people ask, “What are you giving up for Lent?”

Confession:  As far as I can remember I’ve never given up anything for Lent.

It’s just not been a part of my spiritual tradition.  And frankly, when I have considered it I’ve always thought “Well I could give up Starbucks if I wanted to, but I don’t have to so I won’t.”  I am so not into sacrifice.  I realize this exposes one of the idols I daily pray to relinquish – the idol of comfort.  Ugh!

I know it’s easy to abuse this practice…make it a badge of honor, a “work of righteousness”, an end instead of a means.  But, I’ve been reading about it and I’m wondering if it might be a good spiritual practice for me, identifying with Jesus in some small way, this voluntary sacrifice stuff.  I’m cringing even as I write this.  I find myself thinking, “Could I pick something I like, but don’t like too much?  Kind of ease into this maybe?”

I know we’re past the kick-off time, but Jesus is all about grace, right?  So even though it wouldn’t be neat and tidy and legal, I could still start something I think.

I want to know… What has your experience been with giving up something for Lent?  Was it a meaningful discipline?

Couple quotes on Lent…

“Lenten disciplines help us to abstain from the daily distractions that prevent us from seeing and naming reality correctly. As we allow some of the external trappings of our lives to be stripped away, we can return to a truer sense of ourselves and a deeper pursuit of God.” Ruth Haley Barton

“Like going with Jesus into the wilderness for forty days, that we might come face to ugly face with our enemy.  Our sacrificing that we might become more like Christ in His sacrifice.”  Ann Voskamp

You’ve got this. Kind of.

February 22, 2012 /

A few weeks ago some gifted young women who live in another part of the country, asked me to sort of mentor them.  I haven’t heard from them recently so I think they may have come to their senses and realized this request was kind of like inviting Zacchaeus onto their basketball team.  But anyway, what went through my mind is exactly what has gone through my mind when others have graciously approached me with an invitation:

Wow.  I LOVE them!

I must be special!

Holy Buckets!  What do I have to give them?

What if they expect, you know, wise words whenever I open my mouth and I’ve got, like…NOTHING!?

What if I say I’ll do this and then they’re disappointed in me?  What if they decide I’m a Loser Mentor?

And then God whispers…

You’ve got this.  

Because really…you don’t.

But I do.

And that’s all that matters.

Listen to them.  Listen to Me.  Listen to them with Me and that will be enough.

Because I’m always more than enough.

This was a nice invitation.  However, there are many times when I question my adequacy because there hasn‘t been an invitation.  I don’t feel called, or challenged, or included in anything “significant”  But in those moments God whispers…

You’ve got this.  You’re chosen.  But not because you’re adequate, or even asked by others, but just available.  And I am with you.

And He brings to mind the story of the widow at Zaraphath in 1st Kings who had only a handful of flour and a little oil, preparing a last meal for herself and her son when the prophet Elijah showed up asking for one meal.  And then another, and another.

God’s word to her through Elijah is His word to me and you.  “…make a small loaf of bread from what you have…” And there was food for every day.

Just use what you have.  And I will make it so much more.  

Just respond to the small things I’ve put in your hands.  In front of you.  In your family.  In your neighborhood.  In your workplace.

You’ve got this when you realize that you don’t, because I do.

Where do you feel inadequate?  Where are you afraid you won’t have what is needed?

EGR People

February 20, 2012 /

We’ve been vacationing in Florida and I’ve come to a conclusion.  You’ve heard the the acronym, EGR?  Well, I’ve concluded that old people are EGR people.

Extra. Grace. Required.

They walk slowly.  And they walk slowly in the bike lane.  And they walk slowly in the bike lane going the wrong direction!  And the other day “they” were walking across a street in front of a line of cars trying to turn, and me on my bike waiting for them in the middle of an intersection and I smiled and said “Go ahead” cheerily as all of us waited and they tottered, oblivious to the traffic jam.

But here’s the thing… Even though I was all “no problem” smiley, I’m sure there must have been the tiniest edge to my voice because how I really felt was impatient and inconvenienced.  And, you know…”Out of the heart the mouth speaks…”  Ugh.  There, now you know what a truly horrible, small-minded person I am.

And then at different points during my day I thought, “Boy, kids require a lot of grace!”

And “Drivers require a lot of grace!”

And “John requires a lot of grace!”

And finally… “I require a lot of grace.”

I’m someone’s EGR person!

I wonder what tone of voice God has with all us EGR people?  What tone of voice does love have?  What tone does grace have?

How do I purify my heart so not only the words and actions are there, but the tone is the tone of Jesus’ voice too?  Lord have mercy.

I was doing a Bible study this week that reminded me “We love because He first loved us.”  And then we were asked to fill in the blank.  “I love __________  because God first loved me.”

I can be gracious only because God was first gracious to me.  When I made a wrong turn.  Or held up traffic.  Or cut someone off.  Or mowed someone down.  Or broke the law in a million ways.  When I turned to Him, He said, “Go ahead now” and the tone of His voice was pure love.

Today I’m trying to be patient and not mow down old people, thanking God for His infinite patience with me.

What’s your experience with the EGR people in your life?

A Blog, a Bomb, and a Book

February 17, 2012 /

As I write this we’re on vacation in my happiest place.  A place of fresh cut grass and warm breezes and colorful flowers and sand-between-my-toes that we’ve been blessed to enjoy for years thanks to some hospitable and gracious friends.

Anyway, vacation is a great time for me to catch up on podcasts and reading along with the fun of activity with great friends.  It’s Spirit Stretch Friday so I thought I’d share a few resources I’ve enjoyed this week.  Actually, maybe “enjoyed” isn’t entirely accurate.  In some cases “convicted” might be more accurate.  As I look at them they’re all kind of about coming up short. Maybe you’ll be able to relate.

The first is a fantastic blog post from Steven Furtick.  If you struggle with insecurity and doubts about yourself (and I think if you’re breathing you probably do), take a look at this and finish the devil’s sermons.

Along those same lines, Andy Stanley preached a great sermon titled, The Comparison Trap.  He talks about the land of “er” and “est” where when we compare and don’t measure up we either hate the other person or hate ourselves.  Toward the end he asked a question that shook me to my core (That was the “bomb” of the post title.  More on that later).  Take a listen.

The last resource is a book I’ve been reading called Flunking Sainthood (A year of Breaking the Sabbath, Forgetting to Pray, and Still Loving my Neighbor).  This is a memoir by Jana Riess who writes about her year-long experiment of trying twelve spiritual practices – one a month.  I’m still in the middle of this and am not sure what I think about it as a whole, but Riess writes with delightful humor and some interesting insights.  While experimenting with Lectio Divina she reads all of the book of Mark all month because she doesn’t want to turn “Eat This Book  [Eugene Peterson’s book on Bible reading] into Eat This, Not That, picking and choosing only the loveliest passages that fit with my existing understanding of faith.”

Hope you find some good reminder from God in one of these and have a delightful weekend!

The one John wanted me to title “The Love Banker”

February 15, 2012 /

Friday morning John and I had a fight. A big fight. Well, not exactly a fight.

In case you didn’t know, John’s very competitive. (I am too. I’m the one telling the story so I don’t have to mention that, but I’m trying to be fair).

We were on the golf course and I thought John acted like a jerk and hurt my feelings and I got teary and after arguing about it we didn’t speak.

Towards the end of our round he said, “Do you have any ideas about how to get on the solution side of this?”

I said “No.” and that was that.

Ok, maybe it wasn’t my finest hour.

We went our separate ways and I talked to two of my best friends, both of whom said they didn’t know what the issue was, but they were on my side.

Totally. They were sure I was completely right and justified in my feelings and John deserved the worst punishment imaginable.

They are good friends.

I told them we were supposed to speak to engaged couples about how to have a happy marriage at a marriage mentor dinner at 6:00. Ugh.

My one friend said “You guys have the best marriage of anyone I know so I’m sure you’ll get it figured out by 6:00.”

I wasn’t sure I wanted to get it figured out. What I really wanted to do was tell John he was on his own and he could go talk about marriage without me. (Again, not my finest hour)

John and I both ended up at home for lunch. I was silent. (my family’s way of dealing with conflict). He tried again. He apologized.

I said it was fine, but I still didn’t like him very much.

Later in the afternoon I was laying down on the couch in our living room staring at the ceiling and I started thinking about John, and our marriage, and a gift he got last Christmas.

 

. 

I thought of this bank that Katy and Maggie gave him. You push a coin through the slot in the top and there’s a digital counter that adds up the amount in the jar. John and the girls spent a chunk of Christmas day putting in coins and seeing the amount grow. Now it sits on a stand at our back door where John can add his change when he comes in. It’s about 3/4 full and registers $83.50

We’ve been married 34 years and John’s done a LOT to make deposits in our relationship.

I thought of all the ways he honors me, affirming me both publicly and privately. And more than that how he honors me by what he doesn’t say.

Example: He has never said “Gee, do you really think you should eat that ginormous 983 calorie dessert with 52 grams of fat?” (for which I’m eternally grateful)

Then I thought of how he serves me in so many little ways, like covering me with a blanket when we’re watching TV., or calling every day when he’s on his way home from work to see if I need anything at the store.

Over the years John has been a jerk once or twice. And I’ve been a jerk more often than that. Each time we’ve made withdrawals from our relational bank.

I’m thankful for the deposits we’ve made and the reserve that’s there. It all adds up…makes sense, and that’s the truth and it’s ok, but what about when it doesn’t?

In many relationships the withdrawals are greater than the deposits and God calls it grace.

Grace doesn’t add up. Doesn’t make sense. Grace doesn’t keep track of wrongs…or withdrawals.

God doesn’t keep track when John is thoughtless or I am selfish. His mercies are new every morning and the bank is always full.  There’s the math that counts and the math that doesn’t and in marriage, although the deposits that build trust are important, we’re dependent on the math that doesn’t count.

For that I am profoundly grateful.

So today, what mercies are you thanking God for?  How are you making deposits of loving service in the lives of those around you?

@$#&;;;!

February 13, 2012 /

I’m really nervous about posting this.  I’m afraid it may sound judgmental and may make people feel really cranky.  Others may be offended.  And it may not even be a relevant post to those of you reading this!  But I read an article in USA Today about a month ago that addresses something I’ve been pondering for awhile.  It talks about the trend in publishing (books, music, plays) to use profanity in the title.  The article says, “What used to be profane is becoming prevalent – and very profitable.”  Turns out that naming something “S— My Dad Says” makes the book sell more.  Go figure.

Not so surprising in secular culture I guess, but what about Christians?  As I’ve been reflecting on this,  it seems like even we as Christians can fall into several categories…

1.  The Hipster Christian.  Profanity is THE badge of cool.  The thing that says, “I can follow Jesus, but I’m just like you on the hip-o-meter.  I’m down with the f-word so don’t exclude me from your conversation.”  It’s more an intentional part of their persona than an occasional slip when they stub their toe.

2.  The Anti-Pharisee.  I am not a legalist.  Only the Pharisees would bother with language as an expression of devotion to Jesus.  It’s all about grace and I’m leaning into it.

3.  The Exceptional Christian.  Occasional crude language, like driving the speed limit, is my exception to the rules.  You have your exceptions, I have mine.

4.  The I’m a Jesus-follower.  I love Jesus, but not uptight Christians.  I care about what He cares about and that’s social justice.  Evangelist Tony Campolo told many audiences in the 1980s, “I have three things I’d like to say today. First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don’t give a damn. Third, and worse is that you’re more upset with the fact that I said a swear word than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night.”

5. The Real World Christian. “This isn’t a big deal.  Let’s major on the majors and let this one go.” We have a good friend who came to Christ and designated himself our “S— F—- Guy”  He said he saw it as his job to loosen us up and keep us in touch with the “real” world.

I think people (like me!) are afraid to even bring this up for fear of being labeled a prude.  I grew up in a sheltered environment where we never heard any language considered even remotely objectionable.  As a result, it’s not what I think to say, except somehow on the golf course or tennis court (where it is always justified 🙂 ) which probably puts me in the “Exceptional Christian” category.  In any other context I’m probably more sensitive to crude language than most.

This issue came to mind in a different way the other day when I read an article about how our more and more casual dress in church is an indication that we don’t revere or have the awe and respect for God that we once did.  Dress.  Language.  Are these related?  Do they say something about our view of God?

I’m really interested in what you think about this!  Chime in in the comments!


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