Author: lauracrosby (Page 21 of 45)

Three Things to Listen For

May 22, 2013 /

John and I “mentor” several young men and women, but I’m not crazy about that word.  Basically we’re all just travelers on a road trip trying to help each other find the exits, and the Culvers, scrape up enough money for tolls, and not crash.

All of us stumble and run and trudge along with each other.  Parent and child, friends of different generations, boss and staff, coaches, teachers, trainers…

Healthy or wounded or recovering, energized at times and weary at others, seeking sometimes, finding at others.  Discouraged or joy-filled we need each other.  

In all relationships I want to be present to God and to the other at the same time.  Kind of like when I’m in the Great Room at church after worship, talking to someone I can always discern John’s voice if he’s also in the room.  It’s distinctive and I know it.  How I long for that same ear attuned God’s voice while I’m in conversation with others!

Awhile ago I heard someone suggest that as we are present to God with others, there is often one of three things He may want us to listen for that may be needed.

1 Thessalonians 2:11,12 says “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting, and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.”

Whether it’s a child or friend or co-worker, does this person need encouragement and affirmation?  A picture of what’s possible?  Celebration of what you’ve seen in them?  Naming their gifts?

Or do they need an empathic listening ear?  Someone to sit by their side and remind them they’re not alone?

Lastly, might they need a kick in the butt?  Maybe that takes the form of correction or facing hard truth, or setting the bar higher?

This being present to God and others doesn’t come naturally for me.  It takes practice and  paying attention.  And sometimes I just ask the person, “What do need most today?”

As I reflect over my conversations from yesterday, I was responsive to God’s nudging with friends who needed comfort and encouragement, but with the boy I tutor, I think urging – more challenge – was called for, and I missed it in the moment.

What about you?

Two Questions When You’re “Off”

May 20, 2013 /

Last week is was sunny and cool with big, fluffy white clouds pushing each other around in the blue sky where we were staying near Windsor in Great Britain.  (The weather was a tad different the day I took this picture).

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I had just gotten back from a run during which I asked for directions about 492 times in tiny boroughs, at pubs, hoping to find a park. I kept getting pointed different directions.  I felt a little like I was on a perpetual rural British roundabout.

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Finally a woman said, “Well, there’s a moor down that way, but I’m afraid you’d get lost on it.”  Good bet.

I turned around and shuffle/jogged back to the hotel where I jumped into the shower and realized I’d been using body lotion instead of conditioner on my hair for the past few days. That could explain a lot.  (Don’t laugh – it could happen to you.)

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All that to say, I’ve been a little …“off”.

Eating too much, sleeping too little, not paying attention, and getting lost.  A little out of my regular rhythm, both physically and spiritually.

When you travel (or when you have anything “extra”going on, or a sick kid, or out-of-town guests, or a project due…) it’s so easy to get knocked off-stride and out of your spiritual rhythm.

In these times I tend to get to the end of the day and think,

“Where am I?  Who am I?  And how did I get to the end of this day totally missing God?”

Two questions can make all the difference as to whether my day is purposeful and life-giving, or a blur of empty activity.

1.  Have I filled my mind with anything of the Spirit?  Have I sought the mind of God to orient myself?  Especially when I’m busy or in a new environment.

Ok, let’s be honest here.  I don’t mean reading and taking notes on a chapter of Ezekiel every day.  I mean anything.  Truly, I’ve found God can use even the tiniest morsel to feed me if I give Him a chance.  If I’m clueless, any part of Psalm 25 is a great “go to” at the beginning of the day.  Anything is something.

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If I listen to God in the morning, there’s a much better chance my ear will be attuned to Him during the ordinary stuff and relationships of my day.  I also have a different grid through which I experience life.

2.  Have I made Space to process with God what He’s been showing me about Himself and myself throughout the day?  Where have I seen God and where have I missed Him?

Space, margin, silence…whatever you want to call it, it’s become rare in our 24/7 world of more news, more activity, more noise (especially for extroverts like me who can easily be sucked into the “more”.

Like Mary, I need to say “no” to the good in order to  choose “what is better”.  Whether it’s journalling or taking a prayer walk, I may need to limit accessibility to the world in order to be accessible to Jesus, prioritizing time to reflect on His activity.

What about you?  What helps you to reorient and pay attention when you’re “off”?

Kingdom Conversations

May 15, 2013 /

One of the amazing blessings of my life is that John serves on the World Vision International Board and I get to tag along as he travels with them.  Seeing new places and learning about new cultures is enriching, but I also get to spend time with remarkable, godly people I admire!  This week we’ve been in London and Windsor with these friends.

One of the things I notice is the power of a mantra my friend Sharon repeats often: “Words matter.”  Too many, too few (a compliment left unshared), life-giving words, words of gratitude or complaint.  Our words can be the thermostat that sets the temperature of a conversation.  If God is noting the temperature I set with my words, I’m wondering how often it would be set at “foot in mouth”, or “insensitive”, “self-centered”, or “gossipy”.

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Sitting at lunch yesterday my friend Helen didn’t just let the conversation drift.  She asked the seven women around the table, (all of us new acquaintances) to share what one of our passions is.

After the first person spoke, another woman at the table suggested that we pray for each person after they shared.  What could have been nice chit-chat became a lovely, richer time of fellowship because these two women took the opportunity to set the temperature of our conversation, creating a God-honoring environment.

Whether it’s our friends on the board here, or mentors elsewhere, some of the things I’ve observed about Jesus followers who know that words matter are:

  • They listen really well.  They are present and will sift through the extraneous and pick up on the important heart issues.
  • They ask good questions.
  • They find things to affirm.  Their speech is “seasoned with grace.”
  • Even when asked for advice, they limit what they say. (This one is a huge one for me to learn from!!)
  • They model what Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.”

What is it that you think makes the difference between conversations that lift our minds and those that lower them?

How to Get a Mentor

May 12, 2013 /

I’ve always felt kind of bummed that I have never had a formal “mentor”.

You know, someone to meet with me regularly in a discipling relationship…to challenge me and encourage me and model all those disciply things.

Even though it’s never been structured like that, John and I have both had mentor-types that have been hugely influential.  We’re really so grateful for amazing Jesus-followers we’ve learned from.  When we were out to dinner the other night I was struck by how often we quote what these older wiser folks have taught us!

About five years ago our daughter, Katy, was interested in finding a mentor and asked me what I thought. It’s certainly not an exact science, and affinity and timing are key, but I reflected a bit and came up with the following suggestions on how to get a mentor…

  1. Put yourself in environments where you’re around people who are living out a life of discipleship you find authentic and winsome (No, not Superwoman or Spiderman, just someone a little more mature in the faith than you are maybe)
  2. Identify several people (or just one) you admire and would like to spend time with.
  3. Invite each of the people out to coffee or lunch.  Tell them you’d like the opportunity to get to know them better and ask them some questions to learn from them.
  4. Before you meet with someone, think of questions you’d like to ask them.  Maybe ask them to share their faith story with you.  Or maybe what books have been most formative in their life?  How do they grow in their faith?  What is one big mistake they’ve learned from?
  5. After you’ve met with the potential mentors, decide if you’d like to ask one of them to enter into a mentoring relationship with more regular contact.
  6. Decide exactly what it is you desire from the relationship.  Some mentoring relationships are short-term, for a season, maybe focused around a particular skill.  Others are open-ended.
  7. When you meet with someone to ask them to be your mentor, be clear what it is you want from them and why.  What are your goals?  How structured do you want to be?  How often would you like to meet?  Even if they have to say  “no” for whatever reason, they will be flattered and you will have benefited from the time together.  If they say “no”, ask them for other suggestions of mentor-types they think it would be good for you to get to know.
  8. Remember there are many different kinds of mentors.  Think outside the box!  Book mentors, Skype, small groups, yearly retreats are all possibilities…

Do you have a mentor?  What have they taught you?

3 Sure-fire Ways to Get the Job

May 10, 2013 /

My wonderful, wise husband graciously agreed to write another guest post, so today is a bit of a departure from Fearless Friday.  The purpose of this blog is to help us pay attention to the relationships, experiences and practices God uses to form us.  Certainly, hunting for a job can be one of those experiences.  So, here are some thoughts from John…

I’m  reading Proverbs these days, so my spiritual growth is more ‘out in the real world’ than usual.  For instance, I’m in the midst of interviewing/finding the right fit for 3 positions.  One thing that’s struck me is, “Boy, I wish I knew this back when I was trying to get a job”. As we talk and pray, drilling beneath the “right character, right skills, right chemistry” mantra that many of us use as a template, it’s so hard for people on either side of the interview table to “get it right”.  Since I’m sure many of you will be looking for different work in the near future (hopefully not sooner than you think!), here are some hard-earned lessons to navigate the seas of vocation.  Just three to start:

NOT THE RESUME, the Passion… we can pretty quickly discern skill-sets and experience, but these days I want to know ‘What makes your heart sing’?  Personal stories offer insight when they get beyond “I supervised 37,000 left-handed redheads.” I lean forward when I hear, “I found myself crying when the team broke up”, or a story of how you were used to touch one old person’s life, and THAT’S why you want this opportunity.  Don’t gush, but show some heart.

NOT THE SUCCESSES, the Learnings:  so tired of people who’s “weakness” is that they work too hard, or are never satisfied.  I want to hire someone who says, “I was embarrassed to find out that they ALL thought I talked too much; boy, did that change me”, or “I felt awful when we had to let this person go, because I never gave them a hint that they were hurting themselves.”  The lessons from our mistakes convey both self- awareness and humility, indispensable to a team.  Sure, you’ll talk about your strengths, but transparency shows you can grow!

NOT THE ANSWERS, the Questions: I want people who care enough about this job that they’ve done some homework, but I want to learn about them from their questions… so you better have some!  “What’s one key emotional attribute you look for on your team, assuming we can all do the job?”  “What’ve been the toughest things for people in this area/department/job to deal with recently?”  Recently, someone asked me, “You seem awfully level-headed; how will I know I’m in trouble if you’re not saying something directly?”  Our questions demonstrate the values we’ll bring through the door.

In a tough job market, it’ SO counterintuitive to say, but you’re far better off finding out what they REALLY want, rather than doing or saying anything to get the job.  We live in a world that cries out for both authenticity and impressiveness, so offer the best ‘you’ rather than a counterfeit.  The other day I hung up twice after a phone interview and said, “I don’t know if we can get this person, but THAT’S what I’m talking about!”  A 51-year old woman, and then a 32 year-old man, I’d be honored to work with either… because I feel I know their heart, and not just their resume.

Or as Proverbs 10:9 explains, “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out”.

What to do With Stress

May 8, 2013 /

I love being busy.  I thrive on more, but these days we’re a little over the top.

We leave today for a board meeting in London for 9 days (two weeks before our daughter gets married).  Yesterday, in addition to 731 wedding issues, most of which ended in disaster, there were 492 emails,

and we got updates on about 17 friends with hard health issues,

and then there were church staffing changes, upcoming moves, and housing issues for our kids,

and news that felt like betrayal and a punch in the gut for one of us,

Oh, and I shattered a pyrex bowl while trying to bake ahead for out of town wedding guests.

Yeah, sometimes it’s the little things that get you.

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I can hear you yelling at the computer about now. “Stress??!!!  That’s nothing!  You should see my life!”

The past few nights I’ve woken up at 3 a.m. for good and have sent emails with the subject line “things I woke up worrying about…” John’s favorite was:

What if our house is in the flight pattern the morning we’re outside doing the bridal brunch and prayer time and no one can hear anything over the roar of the planes?

The other night when I was awake the verse came to mind, “Don’t worry about anything.  Instead pray about everything.  Tell God all your needs and don’t forget to thank Him for His answers.”  But when I started talking to Him about what was worrying me it sounded pretty ridiculous.

What do you do with stress?  Here are a few things I’ve been learning:

  1. Write about it.   I was reading yesterday about Adoniram and Ann Judson who were missionaries to Burma in the early 1800’s.  Talk about stress!  Ann had two children die, went five years without seeing any fruit in their ministry and went 6 months with her husband gone, not knowing if he was dead or alive.  She used the spiritual practice of journaling to pour her heart out and try to keep things in perspective.  But the key was that she didn’t just write about her circumstances, but also what she believed about the character of God. 

So I tried this and it was a helpful reminder.  After writing whining to God about my stuff, I wrote:  I believe in all things You work for good to those who love you.(Romans 8:28).  I believe you will never leave or forsake me.(Hebrews 13:5). I believe many are the plans of the human heart, but it is your purpose that prevails (Proverbs19:21).

  • Exercise.  One of the great things about starting to train for the half-marathon is that every day although I’m sure I’m going to die, I don’t.  And when I finish I feel great.  It’s a terrific (though a tad sadistic) stress-reducer!
  • Say the hard words: “Could you please help?” and “No, I can’t do that.”  Some of our stress is self-imposed because we don’t have adequate boundaries, and some is because we are too proud to ask for help.  I am so grateful for the many gracious people in my community who have said “Sure I can do that!” or just provided a listening ear.
  • Just.  Keep. Breathing.  I wrote about this here.

What’s keeping you up at night?  What helps you when you’re stressed?

Prayer Failure “So that…”

May 6, 2013 /

I understand prayer about as well as I understand car repair.  That is to say I might recognize some of the bigger parts, like the engine, say.  But how the whole thing works?  It’s totally beyond me.

Still, I pray.  The illustration that has been most helpful to me in framing my prayer life is that of a small boat on a lake, tethered by a rope to the shore.  We, in the boat, would be crazy to try to make the shore move to us.  Instead, our job is to pull ourselves to the shore.  In other words, align ourselves with God’s will and pray that way.

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I’ve written before about a question that helps.  In 2 Kings 19 Hezekiah prays:

“Now, Lord our God, deliver us from his hand, so that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that You alone, Lord, are God.”

I was moved by Bill Hybel’s challenge to ask ourselves, “What is the ‘so that’ of our prayers?” 

It would seem like praying things “so that” God would be glorified and His kingdom would be furthered on earth would be a sure thing.  God’s will, right?  Well, apparently God and I aren’t on the same page on this one because He has been totally unpredictable in this department lately.

A few years ago I was moved by the need for clean water in the world.  I started praying about raising money for a well.

We had just bought our first stock.  Ever.

In a passionate moment of prayer I committed every penny we would earn from that stock to go towards a well so that kids in Africa could have clean water and God would be glorified.  Doesn’t that seem like a prayer God would want to answer in the affirmative?

Our stock was BP.  The oil spill happened a couple of weeks later.  We still haven’t recovered our losses.

Still, I prayed and was committed to raising money for water.  Some friends and I did a fund-raiser.

The first time I prayed and we had moderate success, but certainly not the dramatic answer I thought would honor God.  Why didn’t He want to show off?

The second time, I prayed more.  A lot.  I did prayer walks around the place where we were going to hold the event, repeatedly asking for God’s favor so that kids could have clean water.

We had about 12 people show up and we raised $135.

“LORD!” I yelled!  “What’s up with that?”

Still, I prayed.  But with a lot less gusto.

Then last Sunday, after more prayer and preparation, we did a fund-raising brunch at a nearby restaurant.  We raised more than $8000 and then had someone offer to give $15,000 more!  Two wells, not one!  Over and above.  Abundance beyond my prayer.

Why?  What was God’s “so that” in all this?

Isaiah 65:24 says “Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.”

Did He delay so that He could form something in me or others in this drawn out process?

So that He could teach us to trust Him more?

So that He could teach us perseverance?

I don’t know.  Prayer is still about as foreign as car repair to me, but I’m thinking maybe God’s “so that” is more important than mine.

Do you have any experience with prayer like this?

When God Invites You to do a Big Thing and Fear says You Can’t

May 3, 2013 /

I had a lunch meeting a few weeks ago.  The purpose was for me to help a World Vision guy do some brainstorming and networking.  At least that’s what I thought.

I’m pretty creative.  I’m good at ideas.  I’m good at making work for other people.  It’s a gift.  My family likes to say “God loves you and Laura has a wonderful plan for your life.”  So I was feeling good about meeting with Bradley (the guy) and giving him some ideas.  That is until he finished telling his story, turned to me and said, “I want you to run a half-marathon with Team World Vision to raise money for clean water in Zambia.”

What the what?!  Not much surprises me.  Even less than that leaves me speechless. This did.

I don’t run.  Unless I’m running from a bear.

I’ve tried running.  I hate it.  Truly hate it.  Bike, walk, play tennis, golf?  Absolutely!  Run? Ugh, please no!

As I reflected on the possibility, Fear whispered in my ear:

  • What if you really can’t do it?  What if you don’t finish?
  • What if you let people down?
  • What if you don’t raise any money?
  • What if you don’t motivate others to run?
  • What if you hurt yourself and it compromises your ability to enjoy other things?

Honestly, one of the loudest whispers was:  This will be a painful, grueling boatload of work and you don’t want to do it.

But Bradley said three things in that meeting that made me think maybe his idea was so crazy that God might actually be in it and I needed to pay attention.

1. He said this run is for clean water, something I’m passionate about.  Dirty water is the leading killer of kids under 5 in the world.

IMG_1977In Zambia two years ago I danced with women as a well was dug and fresh water gushed out.  They sang “Come and see what God has done.”  The old woman next to me spoke in wonder “He saw us. He answered our prayers.”  Wouldn’t be incredible to part of an answer to someone’s prayers?

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2.  80% of the people who run on Team World Vision are not runners (as in, never done it).  And that’s both scary and inspiring.  When Bradley speaks to churches his theme is fear not.  My one word for this year is Fearless, the word I’m trying to live into.  As he spoke I sensed a little nudge.  Perhaps this is a tailor made (albeit crazy) invitation to step into something scary that God desires to use.

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3.  My first response was unequivocal.  There is no way I can do this.  (Did I mention I. Don’t. Run. Ever.?).  But maybe that’s an additional reason why this might be of God.  Perhaps, besides providing water, there is something He wants to show me of Himself in this hard thing.  His power perfected in my weakness.

There are many days of “small things”, but sometimes God invites us into something big and hard and seemingly impossible.

I think, in this case, God’s answer to Fear is “What if I run with you and do something bigger in and through you for others than you think is possible?”

So, although I have visions of my daughter (who may be running with me), dragging my lifeless body across the finish line, October 26th (Lord willing) I will be running (or shuffling) the Twin Cities Monster Dash half-marathon.  You can join me running here! They have a great training program – starting from zero.

You can donate here.

The One that Jesus Loves (More than Me)

April 29, 2013 /

Confession:  Every once in awhile (read: way too often), I look at ______, or _______, or _______  and I compare myself and come up short and decide I’m going to throw in the towel.

No, nothing drastic, but just I’m just going to quit “showing up”.

Jesus clearly has gifted “them” more, is using “them” more powerfully, loves “them” more.

I decide, yep, I’m going to give up writing or parenting, or setting goals, or mentoring or exercising or speaking or being available, or risking…

This has prompted me to question, “What is it that inhibits and what is it that inspires us to live our unique story?”

What motivates you to become a better version of yourself?  To celebrate the work God wants to do uniquely through you?

And conversely, What is destructive to your true self – the self that finds meaning in being a beloved child of God?

This is not a new struggle and I know I’m not alone. Can I get an “Amen!”?

As I’ve been talking with God about this yelling “Lord help me figure this out! Now!”  He brought to mind this little exchange in John 21 (remember John is writing):

Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them…When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?”  Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”

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You know how John has that irritating way of referring to himself as “the disciple Jesus loved”?  I wonder how that made Peter feel.  Was he tempted to buy into the lie that John was the ONE (the only one) Jesus loved?  More than anyone else?  Was he tempted to compare and be blinded to the ways that Jesus loved him and wanted to use his unique gifts, temperament and experience?

Jesus basically says, “Quit looking at his his life, his “likes”, invitations, followers, hits, gifts, retweets, his family, his successes or failures and look at Me.

Because I have a story I want to write through you that I can’t write through him.”

I believe Jesus says that to us too.

And so we can say: “I’m the one that Jesus loves.  And so is he.  Or she.

God has given me a unique voice and a valuable story.

And God has given them a different voice and different valuable story.”

You have gifts and relationships and experiences and a platform that I don’t have.  That no one else has in the exact same combination.

I pray you’ll move into this Monday celebrating that you’re the one Jesus loves and is using in a way that He can use no one else.

What’s one thing you can celebrate about your unique voice today?

Checking Jesus off my List

April 27, 2013 /

Yesterday morning I tried to check Jesus off my to-do list.

This happens in seasons of stress and busyness (are there any seasons of not-stress-and-busyness??).  I check him off by giving Him a nod (Read: glance at a paragraph of a devotional or toss up a “bless so-and-so”).  Check.  Done.  Moving on to important stuff.

The thing is, when I do that, it’s kind of like being in the “fun” house at the circus.  Deadlines, people, circumstances become distorted like in those crazy mirrors – scarier than they really are.  My perspective is skewed.

I feel the fear of failure.

I feel the pressure of performance, not the presence of Jesus.

I miss the sacred moments.  I miss the small mercies to be thankful for.

But yesterday Jesus didn’t seem to want to remain as just a checkmark.  He graciously kept showing up in my day, reminding me that He goes before me and behind me (Isaiah 52:12b).

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