Author: lauracrosby (Page 20 of 45)

Holding my Breath

It’s summertime, which for me conjures up memories of being at the Lake House with my cousins, perpetually in a wet swim suit, rarely out of the lake.  One of the many games we would play was “who-can-hold-their-breath-longest-without-dying”.

Ok, it wasn’t a real active game, but you know…simple pleasures.  And nobody actually died so our parents considered it a win.

Sometimes without even thinking about it, we play life like this  “who-can-hold-their-breath-longest-without-dying” game.

I don’t write much about Sabbath.  And I’ve never written about Selah.  But as I’ve started running, I’ve become much more aware of the importance of rhythm and rest, and basics. Like breathing.  And not holding our breath til we pass out.

Selah is a term used mostly in the Psalms and a few times in Habbakuk that is a bit of a mystery.  Scholars aren’t positive what it means, but they think it means “rest” or “pause”.

Mark Batterson says, like in music, if Sabbath is a full rest, maybe Selah is a sixteenth rest.  A chance to catch your breath.

Or maybe Selah is the life jacket that helps us pop up above the water of everyday stress.

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If, as Eugene Peterson says, Sabbath is a day of “shutting down and shutting up.” maybe Selah moments are those in your day where you stop to think about breathing.  Reorient, and remember that you’re not in control, but you know the One who is.

Through history, some have been intentional about this by “praying the hours”.

But even if you don’t pray the hours, maybe Selah is a chance to

  • Let go.  Unclench your hands and surrender to the one who is God since we are not.  I have to pray the Welcoming Prayer as a reminder to myself:  “Holy Spirit, I let go of my need for approval.  Welcome.  I let go of my need for power and control.  Welcome.  I let go of my need to change any person, circumstance or emotion.  Welcome.”
  • Look. “Look at the birds of the air…” Pay attention to the miracles all around.   I’m trying to be disciplined in stopping, standing still outside and looking around, praying:  “Creator God, thank you for…”

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  • Listen.  Our speaking comes out of our listening.  What we say comes out of what we hear.  We can pray: “Lord, what do you have to say to me about Yourself and myself today?”  Listen to words about God’s character in Psalm 46 where Selah is written in the margin in most translations after verse 3.

Mark Buchanan put it this way: When we don’t rest we’re in danger of letting ourselves be “consumed by the things that feed the ego but starve the soul.

Stopping to breathe in the goodness and sufficiency of God gives oxygen to our souls.

Selah.

You don’t have to hold your breath all day.  Consider setting an alarm on your phone to remind you to stop and breathe.

What does Selah look like for you?

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The Fear of Saying “No”

About a year ago I received an invitation to do something new and scary that would be an adventure. Teaching pastors in rural Africa.  Stretching.  Hard.  Solo.

I had been asking God for invitations, so my first thought was “I need to say ‘yes’.  Jesus followers always say “yes” to invitations to serve those in need, right?

But several details about this ask caused me to pause and ask for time to pray about  it before answering.

I prayed honestly and intensely about this offer for over six months.  I felt torn.  There were specific reasons God brought to mind that led me to believe I should say “no”, but along the way I kept asking, “If I say ‘no’ is it You, or is it really because I’m afraid of taking this risk?”

And “Isn’t God’s will always the hardest thing?”

It was difficult to send the final email saying “Thank you, but no”.

I was afraid of letting down people who needed help.

I was afraid of letting God down.

I was afraid of making a decision that would close all future doors.

If I turned this down maybe I’d discover how dispensable I really am.

As counter as it was to my initial reaction, and as hard as it was, I felt led to say “no” for now.

And then, last night, as I walked into our quiet house alone, out of “nowhere” as clear as everything real, God whispered, “You don’t need to go to Kitale.  I love you.  Period.”

You don’t need to be afraid.

What scares you most about saying “no”?

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Praying (“real quick”)

Before a sermon.  At the end of a sermon.  At the end of a worship service.  At the beginning of a meeting.  Before a meal.

I hear it all the time.

It happened twice last night at the worship service I attended. The pastor said,  “Before we dive in/close/eat/you-fill-in-the-blank/ let me pray real quick.”

Why do you think that’s gotten to be a thing?

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A Birthday, a Wedding, and Who You Really Are

May 18th my mom turned 80.  May 26th our daughter Maggie got married.

Two milestones for two amazing women within eight days.

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You would never know my mom is 80.  It’s a little demoralizing when we’re out together and people think we’re friends instead of mother and daughter.  She classy and spunky and fun and fashionable.  In short, she is remarkable.  And she has a remarkable relationship with both our daughters.

She just finished making 407 cake pops for Maggie’s wedding, ordering flowers,  overseeing a team creating 60 flower arrangements, and creating centerpieces.

That, and Maggie’s been known to borrow her shoes.  Yeah, she’s got game.

But the two things that are most inspiring about her are that she’s always available and she loves me unconditionally.  I know, I know, she’s my mom, and it’s part of her job, but wow, she does it better than anyone I know.

We were disciplined as kids, but I don’t ever remember her criticizing us. Her trust in us and her belief that we would choose well was powerful.

She always believes the best.  I don’t mean she is blind to our faults.  But if I was convicted of bank robbery I’m sure she’d visit me every day with her famous brownies.

She wouldn’t talk about how wrong I was to rob the bank.  Instead she’d talk about how great I looked in my orange jump suit, and how she was sure I would be the friendliest person in the clink.  She would be confident that I’d be the next Chuck Colson, turning it all around for good.

You would think with all this good lovin’ I’d be super secure in my identity as a beloved child of God – the truest thing about me and you.  The one thing that can never change.  In spite of this, a million people and circumstances every day try to tell me and you differently.

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Fear and Filling

It’s Fearless Friday, so as I was running yesterday I was thinking about what the total opposite of fear would be.

I’m sure there’s more than one answer, but one thing that squeezes fear out is the exuberant filled-up to overflowing joy of the with-God life.  Joy doesn’t leave room for fear.

Kind of like pushing back from the table at Thanksgiving stuffed with deliciousness so you can say “no thanks” to a piece of fear pie.  You’re already full.

We fill up in different seasons in different ways, but Summer just seems made for “tasting and seeing that the Lord is good”

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Who’s Dancing With You?

Our daughter got married 10 days ago.  And leading up to the wedding just about everything went wrong.  They had trouble getting a license.  The seamstress made her dress too short.  We printed the wrong dates on a welcome for out-of-towners.  The guy who was going to do her hair backed out at the last minute.

Just about everything went wrong, but the wedding was perfect.  

Because of the people gathered around us.  Amazing, loving friends and family.  It made me think of this post from last year… 

really admire my husband.

He’s brilliant and wise and athletic and better than me at everything.

Except maybe one thing.

When we were dating, we never danced.                                                                                 And when we got married we didn’t have dancing at our reception.                                    And when we went to our first wedding reception as a married couple he didn’t ask me to dance and I cried and was sure he didn’t really love me.

I wrote recently that some friends and I have wrangled our husbands into taking dance lessons, and I’ve finally discovered why this has not been part of our life together up til now.  I’m not gonna sugar coat it.  I’m no Ginger Rogers, but John is truly bad.   I don’t understand it.  How can someone who’s so coordinated in so many other areas be so…not…in this area?  Sometimes we just have to stop trying because we’re laughing so hard.

It’s one thing to have a humility thrust upon you.  You make a mistake and have to apologize.  Like BP.  Or the captain of the cruise ship in Italy.  Or Lindsay Lohan.  You’re given a job to do and things don’t go well.  You’re humbled.

But to choose to step into a situation where you know you’re weak, vulnerable, open to ridicule?  That takes love.

Doing this together with some of our closest friends has led me to another conclusion.

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Another Take on Prayer

I’ve written before about how baffling prayer is to me.

And how I stink at making itwork.

Still, I love to talk to God, but I can zig zag like a pinball.

I can be Aggressive – confidently naming “promises”, boldly reminding God of what He has said in His word, in case He might forget or choose to see things differently than I do.

or Passive – open-handed,waiting on God with a pious (or resigned, martyrly?) “Thy will be done…like whatEVER Lord…”

or Rote and empty like when I rattle off the Lord’s Prayer at warp speed while thinking about what I need to get at the grocery store on the way home from church.

The other day I listened to our friend, Gary Haugen give an incredible talk on prayer.  His definition has been rolling around in my brain ever since.  He said prayer is:

Talking to God about what we’re doing together.”

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What I’m Learning as I Scuffle Along

It’s Fearless Friday!  A few weeks ago I shared that, in spite of my fears, I had been convinced (tricked?  shamed?  hornswaggled?) into running a half marathon in Minneapolis with Team World Vision to raise money for clean water for Africa.

It’s on October 26th and is called the Monster Dash.  “Dash”??  Really?  How can a half marathon be called a “dash”?  For me it may be a shuffle or a trudge or a slog, but I will definitely not be dashing!

No, I’m not a “runner”.  I do more of a scuffle that’s so slow 80 year old men in wheelchairs could pass me.  Before a few weeks ago, I don’t think I had run more than 3 miles in my whole life.

And, yes, as much as I hate to admit it, I’m 55 years old and have rods and screws in my back.  So, if I can give this a go, anyone can.  Today I want to encourage you to sign up to run with me, and to give you a little update.

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Mind the Gap

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Ephesians 3:20 says, “To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory…”

This past weekend I experienced the joy of Ephesians 3:20 as our daughter, Maggie, married a young man who was more than I could ask for or imagine for her.

As a mom, I’ve prayed all her life for the man she might one day marry.  And it is a sign of my small faith that Austin surprised even me.  He is a godly partner who compliments her beautifully.

Once upon a time, I thought that was how God was  – always predictable in the way I thought He should be.  “Immeasurably more than we ask or imagine” was in my way (Read: fun, exciting, and comfortable) and in my time (Read: NOW).

Immeasurably more seems…well, fantastic!  A delightful combo of Candyland and a beach on Maui.

But what do we do when God doesn’t live up to our expectations?  What do we do when we’re disappointed in God?

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The Choice Today Gives You

A departure from Fearless Friday this week… Day after tomorrow our youngest daughter, Maggie will marry the love of her life.  It’s a week of celebrating God’s faithfulness.  Looking back and praying forward.  Our Maggie is  an adventure waiting to happen.  Someone for whom the world is full of friends she just hasn’t met yet.  Her ability to choose life is seen clearly in this post from two years ago

I never, EVER thought there would be a day in my life when I would accidentally end up in a nudist camp, looking for the Giant Lady’s Leg Sundial in rural Indiana. But that’s exactly what happened.

I just got back from the road trip my daughter Maggie and I took driving a U Haul, moving her to D.C. and stopping at quirky sights along the way.

Our trip included car dancing, U turns, bonding with fellow truckers, and stops like the sundial, a space acorn (we just missed the UFO convention) and a hot dog bun “museum” of sorts.  It was a blast. Three days of adventure filled with laughter.

I kept thinking of Deuteronomy 30:19 that reminds us to choose life!”  The life that God has created includes everything from the inspirational, to the sacrificial, to the…FUN!

So…on this Memorial Day weekend I hope each of you find a giant orange moose, or a space acorn, or something that gives you delight!

How are you choosing life today?  What are the life-giving relationships, experiences and spiritual practices that bring you joy?

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