I wrote Monday about the most impactful message we heard when we went to Willow Creek’s Leadership Summit this summer. I came home from the summit inspired, informed, and motivated to apply all of the things.
However I wasn’t expecting for anyone to apply anythings to, well… ME! Within 24 hours of our return, not one, but two different friends individually decided they needed to have a “crucial conversation” with me. Continue reading
Recently we met for dinner with a young couple we love whose marriage is in crisis.
Another friend’s teenage son entered rehab.
Two friends had to fire employees.
One needs to break up with her boyfriend.
AAAAARRRGGGHHH! For the love of world peace!
In each of these situations a crucial conversation (or series of them) was called for. Conversations where emotions ran high. Sometimes there was a difference of opinion. Perhaps there was hard truth that needed to be clearly, but gently communicated.
John and I often repeat something our friend Nancy Beach once said: “Leadership is a series of hard conversations.” I think that might as well be “LIFE is a series of hard conversations.”
In August we took a large group from our church to the annual Leadership Summit at Willow Creek. The most pertinent talk for many of us was called “Crucial Conversations” by Joseph Grenny.
He said, any time you find yourself stuck, there are crucial conversations you’re not having, or not having well. Continue reading
Monday I wrote about “crazy busy” and questions we might ask ourselves.
I’m fortunate. I happen to be in a season of life where I have plenty of margin and discretionary time because my kids are grown and I don’t have the financial pressures some people have. However, I do see how I need to pay attention to busyness in two areas. Continue reading
“We’ve just been so CRAZY busy!”
I have a friend whose emails contain this phrase along with profuse apologies about her perpetual stress level almost every single time she writes me.
Sometimes I want to shout at the computer “Well STOP DOING so much!”
Brene Brown says exhaustion is the new status symbol. If we don’t feel overwhelmed we must not be doing something important. Are you buying into that?
I want to tell my crazy busy friend about my sister-in-law who realized that they had had so many people visiting their lake cabin over the past few years that none of their family was actually able to enjoy it. They were always hosting someone else, so she called a moratorium for this one summer. A time out. To that I say “Bravo!” It can be done.
But I also realize how hard it must be to think of disappointing friends who don’t have lake homes and who look forward to visiting every year. Boundaries are not without their downside. They take courage and resolve.
As I’ve been thinking about my friend and my sister-in-law, 5 Questions have come to mind that might be helpful to ask ourselves when we’re “CRAZY Busy”:
1. How does this level of busyness affect the state of my soul? Really. Am I at my best at these rpm’s? How much does my busyness feed my false self – the part of me that needs to be validated by my achievements?
2. Is this just a season (temporary), or is it an on-going pattern of over-extending myself?
3. Why have I said “yes” to each of these commitments? Which have I said “yes” to out of fear or a need to prove something? Examine your commitments one by one.
4. Do I have choices where I may have been making excuses? (Ex.: I have to work on the sr. high school party because I did it when our other child was a sr.)
5. Who are the right people to disappoint?
I’d really love to just sit down and have a conversation with you about this over a DQ Blizzard because I’d like to hear your thoughts too.
What do you think? Is there one person you feel like you need to be willing to disappoint in order to have a healthier rhythm of life?
Need a little more encouragement? You are not a victim. You own your choices. Learn from Bob Goff who tries to quit something every Thursday.
Participating in a link up with…
It’s One Word Friday!
Like I wrote recently, part of “Choose Life” means choosing to exercise our gifts.
And you’ve got ’em! You’re talented and capable and you’re gamers.
Hospitality seems to be one of mine, (although it’s easy to see how others are doing it so much better). Some of you may have this gift too. I hope you’ll add your ideas in the comments.
For others the thought of guests ringing your doorbell makes you want to hide under your bed.
Whether hospitality is one of your gifts or not, it’s a reflection of God’s welcoming heart that we’re all called to live out. I hope this post will give you some resources and encouragement!
4 Suggestions if you’re new to opening your home: Continue reading
I’ve been a little “off” lately. A bit of a cranky pants. And as I examined why, the thing that I noticed was that I’ve really been neglecting the soul rhythm of time in God’s Word. So this morning I started on a new Bible reading plan, breathing in Genesis 1.
And two things clicked together – God’s words for me, and words for others
First, when I read… I read, pray, & meditate (RPM). Actually it’s not usually in that order, but RPM is catchy :).
I read the passage and meditate on it. And what I mean by meditate is that I try to pay attention to verses God quickens my spirit to, and specifically I ask “What does this passage teach me about God and about myself?”
Then I pray the passage into my life. Continue reading
As I write this it’s almost Labor day, and I’ve been thinking a lot about you Moms with kids of every age starting back to school – thinking about transitions and All Of The Feelings.
It’s the end of August and I’m “up north”. This is my view.
Don’t hate me, but I can breathe deep and enjoy this lake air (and the mocha John just brought me, thank you very much) without being interrupted by an 8 year old who wants to play UNO. or a 12 year old who wants me to take them on a jet-ski, or a toddler who can’t find his Thomas the Tank pez dispenser (and all the drama that comes with).
I love this season of life and the freedom it gives me, don’t get me wrong. But this – this time of transition from Summer to Fall is also a time of grieving for me. I miss the back-to-school shopping and the exciting beginning of all of the THINGS for the new year. I miss “bouquets of newly-sharpened pencils”, the season of hands-on parenting with all the family traditions and night time prayers and snuggled up in jammies story reading. I miss our first day of school chicken pot pie dinner, and I miss the annual measuring of our girls.
Moms I know you. I’ve been you. Most of you are a little schizophrenic at this point. You tackled summer with gusto, doing the strawberry picking and the zoo visits and fishing pole baiting memory-making, but you’re just so over summer now. You’re ready to take a break from your role as Camp Director of all the Fun Outings in the Universe. Continue reading
It was the beginning of June and the whole summer stretched gloriously before me. Oh the dreams I’d dream, the goals I’d achieve, the books I’d not only read, but remember and apply to EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE! I was especially excited to get my grubby little hands on the new edition of Jen Hatmaker’s book, Interrupted.
I pounced on the opportunity to get an advance copy in order to link up and post on it. After all, my merry little band of spiritual misfits had joyfully jumped into “7” and experienced our own mutiny against excess a couple of summers ago. I figured we were game for something new.
But here’s the thing…I missed some “fine” print.
Ok, it might not have been so “fine”, but I definitely missed two important details.
First? The subtitle: When Jesus Wrecks your Comfortable Christianity. WHY in the name of sweet baby Jesus would I want to read THAT?? If I’m comfortable with my Christian life (and I definitely am!), why would I want to be wrecked?
Note to marketing department: No one who actually reads the subtitle of this book is going to want to buy it. “Wrecking” is not a selling point. Continue reading
I love Ellen Degeneres’ quote: “August is like the Sunday of summer.” I agree! I’m going to be traveling the next couple of weeks and taking a little Sabbath so I’ll be re-posting some favorite thoughts from the past. Let’s just call it “Throw Back End-of-August.” Ok, maybe we won’t call it that because it’s super awkward. Let me know if you can think of a different title. This post was from August of 2012.
Some (most??) people dread praying aloud as much as they dread getting on a scale the day after Thanksgiving.
When it comes time for closing prayer in your small group do you hyper-ventilate? Suddenly decide you need to go to the bathroom? Get a case of laryngitis?
Me? Like it or not, I’ve been doing it for a long time. Occupational hazard.
So I’ve gotten at least fairly ok at the “lifting ups” and the “if it’s your wills” and Bibley words like “grace and mercy”.
My out loud prayers are kind of like business letters all proper and punctuated, politically correct and polite.
But my real prayers? They sound more like David’s prayers of desperation than Mary’s Magnificat. Continue reading
Ok, so I know many of you don’t have teens, but you interact with teens, or you’ll raise teens someday or you’ve already raised teens and can add to this post in the comments section! I’m super excited for you to hear from my wise, authentic, fun, friend, Molly Dykstra sharing on our “5 Questions About…” series. You might recognize her from Wednesday’s post too :).
1. You are a parent I admire so much! Can you tell us a little about your kids and their personalities?
Admire?!! I have three “kids” although they are really all young adults now (need to keep reminding myself of that.)
Mackenzie is 18, just graduated from High school. She is articulate, insightful, outgoing, an organizer and initiator, can be impatient, has learned to love time on her own to recharge her batteries, loves photography and creating beautiful spaces.
Clara is 16, going in to her junior year of HS. She is open, adventuresome, empathetic (intensely), laser focused about things she is excited about, passionate, daring, can be indecisive, loves being at the cabin, and caring for kids on the margins.
Bennett is 12, heading into 7th grade. He is charming, witty (funny!), thoughtful, talkative, prone to forget to pick up after himself, caring, gregarious, smart, loves lacrosse, skiing, and drumming up fun with his friends.
2. People look at your family and see an ideal, but I know parenting hasn’t been without its challenges (just like for anyone). What have been the dynamics that have been most challenging to you as a mom?
Not so sure about people seeing an ideal in our family, maybe a collection of craziness!! Oh the challenging dynamics…. Lots and lots of personality/opinion/need to voice that opinion–not a quiet one among us which makes for many heated dinner table ‘conversations’ (when we are able to corral the troops), slammed doors, raised (?!!) voices clamoring to be heard; having two girls close in age–tons of comparison/feeling they ‘fall short’ vs. the other who ‘has it all’; having a home with tight quarters that can feed the intensity.
3. What are the resources that have been most helpful?
Partnership. Being married to someone (Jeff :)) who ‘gets it’ (the emotional dynamics) and is willing and wants to talk things through, be intentional, roll up his sleeves and do it together.
Friends. Spending time with/sharing in a vulnerable, authentic way with friends who are in the same life stage–getting past our well kept homes and conversation about our jobs and kids’ schedules and into the nitty gritty…gives us the sense (Truth) that we are not alone.
Spiritual Disciplines. Being willing to do the hard work of taking care of myself (therapy, forced rest, time alone, capturing early morning as my Sacred time.)
Most “parenting” books have been the WORST thing for me (Ahhcckk! We aren’t doing allowance/chore chart/family devotions/serving together/fill-in-the-blank well/consistently/at all!!)
Like Dew Your Youth: Growing up with Your Teenager by Eugene Peterson is the only book resource specifically about parenting that I would stand firmly behind. I picked this book up off a shelf at a house where we were staying a few years ago because I didn’t get the title (it’s a reference to a psalm-something about how dew is fleeting, so is adolescence, etc.) and have read it over and over. The premise is that going through the stage of having adolescents is about something WE, as parents, need in order to refine us and humble us and bring us back to a place of dependence on God. Seriously.
4. What have you learned about yourself and God in the process of walking alongside your kids through hard circumstances?
About myself: I am vulnerable to self-condemnation; I am prone to panic and try to do rather then pause and pray for strength and wisdom; I need my support crew–they don’t just need me; I am good at listening to my kids; I do not have answers/solutions/programs that work or stick or last, so it’s best to not put too much stock in those.
About God: He is near-even in the middle of the night when the overwhelm can be most intense-especially in His Words in the Psalms; He is shaping all 5 of us all the time–we are all in process; light does come again after dark, spring after winter– He carries us THROUGH things.
5. What advice would you give parents of teens?
Trust that God is at work and will finish what He has started. And know that, at the end of the day, you are loved and that doing the best you can (which is often not that great) is enough–He fills in the gaps.
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