Monday I posted the first in this series of commitments to strengthen our marriages. About a week ago there was a news story that made me think about the second commitment in marriage that’s crucial. The story was about a woman who went at high speed around a sharp curve in California and went through the guardrail, crashing into the ocean. It made me think of how many accidents have been prevented by that guardrail over the years.
It turns out that the woman who crashed through the guardrail in California wanted to, and we will find a way around our guardrails too if we’re determined to crash. But, if we want to set ourselves up for success in our marriage, we’ll install some form of guardrail before we’re on a slick, winding road. The Bible reiterates this.
The wisdom of the wise keeps life on track; the foolishness of fools lands them in the ditch.
The wise watch their steps and avoid evil; fools are headstrong and reckless. Proverbs 14:8, 16
So here’s the second commitment:
2. Commit to Protect
Ask yourself: When are the times and circumstances when you’re most vulnerable?
- When you’re tired?
- Working late/overcommitted?
- Traveling?
- Lonely?
- Criticized?
What guard rails are you putting in place to protect yourself from going into a ditch?
One guardrail is actually “nurture” – the commitment I wrote about Monday. The longer we’ve been married, the longer we can go on auto-pilot with this one. What’s one thing out of the ordinary you can do today to surprise your spouse with encouragement or affirmation? What if you wrote a fan letter and mailed it to your spouse’s work address?
But what about other guardrails?
Early on in ministry at our church, a man on our staff had a series of affairs. Afterwards, John had windows cut in every office door to insure protection and transparency for staff. We often don’t think to be pro-active, but that’s just foolish pride on our part. It was a guardrail that could have helped if we had put it in place sooner.
Years ago John recognized that a beautiful woman in our congregation was attracted to him, and he might be vulnerable. He went to a trusted friend and said, “If you ever see her with me I want you to come and insinuate yourself into the conversation.” For a year this friend checked in with John every once in awhile to hold him accountable.
We have a friend who traveled a lot for work and made a habit when he checked into a hotel to ask the front desk to disable adult channels on his room’s TV. Others put regulators on their computer.
We talk a lot about the responsibility the guy has in marriage, but what about women? What are we doing to set our marriages up for success and avoid even “emotional affairs”?
- Do you brag on your husband to male coworkers so they know you’re off-limits?
- Are you careful not to give even the hint of flirting?
- Have you dealt with your own insecurities so you don’t need the attention of men other than your husband?
“My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words.
Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23
People joke about the “Billy Graham rule” of never spending time alone with someone who’s not your spouse, saying it’s overkill and unrealistic, but actually there were 4 rules that Graham abided by, and they were all about honesty and accountability. What are some good “Billy Graham rules” you might personalize for your marriage?
Wonderful principles and advice for a strong marriage. Thank you for the reminder to be intentional and to respect and affirm my spouse!
Ohmygosh we all need each other, right? So thankful for a faith community that can encourage us!